


What Lies Ahead and What Lay Behind

by TheNeatFreak22



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Canonical Character Death, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Past Relationship(s), Romance, Rough Sex, Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:48:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 74
Words: 123,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24089920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheNeatFreak22/pseuds/TheNeatFreak22
Summary: After Kaidan's brutal rejection on Horizon, Anya Shepard must find a way to move forward. Garrus Vakarian is her best friend, and the first person she leans on. This is my version how their relationship changes from mid-ME2 on. Anya Shepard is an earthborn, war hero, paragade vanguard.Comments and constructive criticism welcome! #BFCB
Relationships: Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian
Comments: 180
Kudos: 224





	1. How to Regroup

Chapter 1

Anya Shepard threw her helmet the moment she made it through the door to her cabin on the Normandy SR-2. The mission on Horizon had had her stomach in knots until she finally saw with her own eyes that Kaidan was alive. Once she saw him, though…

"That fuck," she growled to herself, not for the first time. The shuttle ride back with Garrus and Jack had been painful, with Shepard trying desperately to turn her emotions from sorrow to anger. Garrus had said that he knew Kaidan was wrong, quietly, and Jack had loudly called her former lover a bitch. While their efforts had briefly drawn a smile from her, it hadn't helped long term.

She stripped her armor off in angry, jerky motions. She knew she should have probably stopped by the armory instead of essentially bee-lining for her sanctuary, but justified it by telling herself that it would be better to take it down after it had been cleaned and she was in a better mood. Jacob spent most of his waking hours there, and she didn't want the hassle of apologizing later if she snapped at him.

Once her armor was piled in the same general corner of the room, she headed straight for her shower, intent on washing away the grime of battle. A nice, long shower after what she had been through seemed like it could be cathartic. She barely waited for the water to warm before plunging in, and in no time the water was almost painfully hot.

_"_ _How could you put me through that?!"_

The words had come back to her, unbidden, and she found herself with gritted teeth and clenched fists.

_"_ _I loved you!"_

There was the phrase that had made her heart fall. There was the phrase where she realized that this was destined to go as badly as she had feared. That wasn't even taking into consideration the way he had retreated from her, disgust on his face, the moment she had told him of her involvement with Cerberus. That look was the thing that gnawed on her insides. She started washing herself vigorously in an attempt to distract herself from that moment, frozen in her mind like a photograph.

_"_ _You betrayed the Alliance…betrayed me."_

That was the moment when Shepard had decided that Kaidan Alenko could go deep throat a cactus.

She had shifted tactics at that point. She had decided that she would handle her feelings later, and tried to appeal to his logical mind, though she knew it was unlikely that he would come around. He was a lost cause on both fronts. When he mentioned needing to make his report back on the Citadel, she just let him go. She had too much on her plate to try to drag an ex through the galaxy, traipsing from one conflict to another.

_(It wasn't worth it. He wasn't worth it. I wish he would have been.)_

That was the real problem, wasn't it? She had hoped that when she finally found him, it would be easy. She had hoped that they could have fallen back into what there had been between them. Garrus had chosen to follow her again, hardly skipping a beat. Tali, Liara, and Wrex made it clear that they wanted to do the same, though their responsibilities made that impossible for the time being. Those refusals didn't cut her the way Kaidan's had.

"I don't need Alenko," she muttered, still angry. Why wasn't sorrow even trying to rear its head? She stopped herself from questioning it further, knowing that it would just lead to her wondering for what seemed like the thousandth time if Cerberus had tampered with her brain after all. She started actively focusing on her breathing, almost as if she were practicing channeling her biotics, until even the anger bled out of her.

She finished her shower, a more calm than when she had entered. As she toweled herself off, she heard her omni-tool go off. She held out her arm to check, and felt a pang of embarrassment. Garrus had sent her a message. She opened it with a touch of trepidation.

_You okay?_

The message was short and to the point. She weighed her options before typing out a message.

_More embarrassed and angry than anything. I'll live._

His response was almost instantaneous.

_Meet me at the bar._

She smiled. She was sure that if she went to the ship's lounge to meet him, she'd have a decent time, talking shit about Kaidan, and talking about everything and nothing when that got dull. Her face fell, though. She was sure that her other squad mates, well-meaning as they might be, would come to the bar to check on her, and their attempts to make her feel better would almost invariably make her feel worse.

_Bar might be a bad idea. Not sure if I'm up to dealing with everyone right now._

She had started to get dressed when he replied again.

_Want me to bring the bar to you, then? We can drink, get your armor clean, and get into minute detail about why Alenko is pathetic._

Anya snorted.

_What makes you think my armor isn't clean already?_

His next response was so fast she was sure he was just waiting for her message to send it.

_I know you. You never clean your armor first._

She smiled.

_Shut up. Bring alcohol._

She knew he likely wouldn't reply again until he reached her door, so she rushed to get dressed in her crewman's outfit and pull out her supplies for cleaning her armor. She then arranged her armor in a neat pile on the table by the couch. She was still adjusting the pile to make it look like it wasn't staged when she heard her omni-tool ping again. It was Garrus again.

_Open up._

She rolled her eyes at the brevity of the message, but hurried to the door. He had three bottles in the crook of his arm, and he smiled, or did the turian approximation of a smile, as soon as she let him in.

"How much do you think I'm going to be drinking?" she teased.

"One's for me. I wasn't sure if we were going for tipsy or drunk, though, so the wine and the whiskey are all yours," was his reply, taking his free hand to offer them both.

"We'll play it by ear," she said, noncommittally.

"Nothing wrong with that. Now, where'd you hide the armor?"

She snorted and directed him to her little seating area.

"Let's get to it, then." Her voice was a little quieter than she'd meant. She suddenly wasn't sure if she could handle talking about what had happened on Horizon. She was surprised when she didn't feel tears pricking her eyelids, or her stomach turn to lead. Not for the first time, she wondered what was wrong with her to make her feel so distant about what had happened with Kaidan. She took a seat on the couch and snagged her chest plate.

Garrus sat down next to her and watched her for a moment.

"You sure you're okay, Shep?" His voice was even and soothing. He grabbed her helmet and a cloth, but made no more movements while he waited.

"I don't…I don't know." Anya was reluctant to admit it, but it was true. Garrus just kept waiting while she gathered her thoughts. "I just…I'm hurting some, but it's not like I expected. I thought it would be worse, I guess. I'm angry, and I know my pride it hurting, but I don't feel sad about what happened on Horizon for shit. I don't understand that."

Garrus finally stopped watching her while he set about cleaning the helmet. "How did you feel when you found out that it had been two years since you saw everybody?"

"I don't know. What does that have to do with Alenko?"

"Maybe a lot. Maybe not much." He shrugged. "Just think about it."

"I was angry and confused. I spent a lot of time afraid, worrying that some of you guys were dead," she finally answered.

"How did you feel about Alenko after you realized it?"

"I guess I felt lost. I felt like there was no way he and I would…I don't know. Like there was no chance in hell we were going to be on the same page anymore." She started aggressively cleaning the small dips in between the plates of her aegis vest. "I was pretty upset. I loved Kaidan before."

"Ever think that you might have started grieving the relationship then? It's been a while since you woke up, it's not a crazy thought. Horizon might just be your closure."

"That actually makes me feel a little better. I keep worrying."

"What? Why?" Garrus looked back up at her, puzzled.

"I…because I…" she couldn't help her hesitation, "…because I was brought back by Cerberus. I don't know if they…did…something…to me." She knew the words probably sounded lame.

Garrus snorted. "They could create something that looks like you, but there's no way you could be perfectly replicated."

"What if they messed me up, though? Still brought me back, but not quite right? I know Miranda tried to talk the Illusive Man into putting a chip in my brain," she groused. Garrus gaped at her for a moment.

"What a bitch," he finally muttered, mostly to himself, turning back to the helmet in his talons. Anya laughed. "What? You know I'm not wrong."

"She's not that bad."

"The fact that you have to say it like that means it's still pretty bad." His expression perked up a little when she laughed again. "Anyway, if Cerberus, the human rights promotion group, had really played with your brain, I don't think you'd still treat me the same. You still treat me like a comrade in battle, and a friend outside of combat. I think I'd notice."

"Awww, going soft on me?" she teased, just before she bumped his shoulder with hers, pleased with his response.

"Absolutely," he laughed. "If I got much softer, I'd be nearly as squishy as you."

She snorted. "You're ridiculous."

Garrus delayed responding by placing the helmet down and picking up the bottle of wine. He opened it with quick motions as he said, "If you say so. Though, since we're on the topic of things that are ridiculous, what the hell was up with Alenko's hair? Spirits…"


	2. The Little Things

Chapter 2

"But thank you, Commander. My sister is safe again, in large part thanks to you. I won't forget that." Miranda's voice had softened slightly. Anya smiled and the other woman began to retreat to her desk. The mission had been a bit of a mess, but the Commander was fairly certain that Miranda wouldn't attempt that kind of deceit again. The end result of Oriana being safe was the important part.

Or that's what Anya told herself. She was still a little angry at the deliberate miscommunications, but it would be better to let it go and move forward than nail Miranda's (allegedly) genetically perfect ass to the wall.

Instead of acting on the last vestiges of her frustration, Anya nodded her farewell and left without a word. She ducked into the mess area to grab herself some food. The mission had kept her adrenaline pumping, and she knew she was in danger of crashing soon, but if she didn't eat, she knew she'd wake up feeling like hell.

_(Ramen will do.)_

It was likely a little bland, but it could be prepared quickly, and that was good enough. She started to wolf down the noodles with relish. Even a mediocre meal was something she could appreciate, because anything beat being hungry.

_(I'm not going to starve.)_ The chiding she gave herself was mild. Growing up on the street had definitely skewed her attitude towards food, and she doubted that one bowl of ramen would change it any time soon. The best she could do was slow down so that she could breathe in between bites.

About two thirds of the way through the bowl, Jacob arrived, looking concerned.

"Jacob!" She greeted him with a neutral smile. "Did you need something?"

"Commander, I was wondering if you've been informed that Officer Vakarian is poking around your armor and weapons." The words came out in a rush, uncertainty on the man's face.

"That's...odd."

"That's what I thought." The man hesitated before continuing. "I don't want to report it to Miranda, or the Illusive Man, but I felt like I should say something to you. He's not doing anything wrong, per se, but it's strange."

"I'll talk to him. I'm sure it's nothing to worry about." There was no doubt in her mind that he wasn't doing any harm. "Honestly, we maintain our gear together on a pretty regular basis. He's probably just double checking to make sure there's no rust, or any grime buildup in the crevices. He can be a little anal about stuff like that."

"I sincerely hope that you're right. Vakarian seems like good people." There was sincerity in Jacob's voice, and it made Anya smile. It was a nice reminder that not everyone she knew were assholes.

"He is. I'll go ahead and talk to him." She placed her food down and headed towards the armory. The moment she walked in, she saw him, and he immediately stood bolt upright when he noticed.

"Shepard!" She couldn't hear his subharmonics, but after all their time together, she could read his expression. He was surprised, and a little embarrassed.

"Hey, Garrus, what's up?" She could clearly see that it was her armor he was bent over before her entrance.

"I can explain." His words were rushed.

"Well, I already guessed that it wasn't sabotage or the turian equivalent of a panty raid, so that already narrowed it down some," she teased. The joke didn't make him relax, even a little.

"How would you know what a turian panty raid looked like?" he queried.

"So that's what it is." She feigned surprise. He immediately seemed defensive.

"No! It's definitely not." He tried to collect himself.

"What are you doing, then?" Her voice gentled. He obviously didn't appreciate the teasing, and she had meant to make the situation less stressful.

"It's just... I.." he faltered for a moment. "I read the report, when you died. Joker smuggled me a copy of it, because I wouldn't stop hounding him. It was...bad."

"And what does that have to do with this, exactly?" She could practically hear the blood rushing through her ears. Almost no one had spoken about the fact that she had died, and no one had mentioned it to her face since she boarded the Normandy. It made Garrus saying it seem surreal.

"It read like a worst case scenario for faulty equipment. Seemed like a faulty hose or gasket, so sometimes I just...feel like I need to make sure your gear is good. It makes me feel more settled to know that everything is combat ready. I...I don't have many friends, Shep. Spirits, losing you was hard. I just don't think I can lose my best friend again, especially if it's because of something so easily prevented."

She swallowed, but it hurt. Another word from him probably would have broken her. "This is why we're going through so many parts, isn't it? You've been swapping out little things as soon as they start showing wear." It wasn't a question.

"Yeah." His eyes were directed at the floor.

"You're an idiot. You know that, right?" She tried to keep her tone light, but she could hear how strained and thick her voice sounded.

He looked up. "I just...felt like this was another way I could have your six."

The lump was bigger now, and her eyes were burning. "You always do. Thank you, Garrus."

"Are you okay?" He came around the table and stood next to her, so that they were almost shoulder to shoulder. "I wasn't trying to overstep."

"I'm really not okay, but it's not your fault. I just...I'm glad you're here with me." She rested her head on his shoulder when a few tears leaked out.

"I really wasn't trying to upset you." His arm came up and around her smaller frame. He squeezed once, carefully. He always worried that he could hurt her with his talons.

"It's a good thing. Sometimes my emotions just build up and I either have to let them out or I'll start going nuts. Believe it or not, I really appreciate you taking the time you have. It's just nice that someone cares." She sniffed once. "I mean, intellectually, I know people care, but knowing it and feeling it aren't the same. It's just... it's been so hard, being back after so long. I miss our friends, and I watched you almost die, and I spend so much time just trying to take care of everyone else…"

"Hey, you're not alone." The passing mention of the rocket made his voice shift. She knew it had been too close a brush with death for either of their liking.

"I know. I just don't want to be a burden for you. You already have so much going on-"

"Hey, stop." He turned, and tugged her to face him. "You are never a burden for me, especially after all the times you've let me lean on you."

The tears were coming faster now. She found herself literally leaning on the turian, and he simply enveloped her in an embrace while she cried. It was only a few minutes, but she felt lighter afterward.

"Sorry about that," she muttered. "I don't normally get weepy like that." He loosened his hold on her and made eye contact with her.

"It's fine, Shepard. I'm happy to be here for you. Besides," he shifted so that his fist was offered, "there's no Vakarian without Shepard."

She smiled through residual tears, touching her knuckles to his briefly, almost whispering, "And there's no Shepard without Vakarian."

"Attagirl." His mandibles shifted, he seemed pleased.

"You're a good friend, Garrus."

"What is it your people say? Takes one to know one?"

She snorted. "Yeah, but it's normally meant as an insult."

"Only your people could turn something like that into a rude sentiment."

"Coming from mister 'oh, no, not soft!' himself? That's rich." He laughed at her words.

"Go get some rest, Shep. It's been a hell of a day. I'll finish up the armor and probably crash myself. That last firefight was brutal." He made a noise, indicating his distaste.

"Ugh, I know. And having essentially zero accurate intel from Miranda made it so much worse." She yawned then.

Garrus chuckled. "We'll bitch about it tomorrow. You're going to end up sleep talking if you don't go to bed soon."

"Yeah, yeah. I'm going. Don't keep yourself up too late. I'm not the only one who can act foolish when they're tired."

"Yes, Commander." He mock saluted as she walked away, and she smiled.

"Sleep tight, Garrus."

"Sleep tight, Anya."

It wasn't until she made her way up to her cabin and made herself comfortable in bed that she wondered why he had called her by her first name.


	3. A Little Hope

Chapter 3

"Shepard, thanks for the help." She took Jacob's hand when he offered it, slightly surprised at the strength of his grip. It seemed like he was trying to convey sincerity in the solemn moment.

"Anytime, Jacob." She schooled her expression, not wanting him to mistake any kindness for pity. He may have been with Cerberus, but he was still a decent person.

She left the Communications Room and headed straight to the bar, knowing Garrus was likely already there. When she arrived, he had already poured himself a drink, and already had an empty glass out of her. She waited to speak until the door had closed behind her.

"So, what is it about people with unhealthy relationships with their parents flocking to me?" Anya asked, snagging a bottle of wine and moving to stand next to the turian.

"You're a kindred spirit. You practically reek of abandonment issues," he said evenly, trying to keep a straight face.

"Have I ever told you how inspiring our little talks are?" She poured the glass as she spoke, watching the clear, pink-tinted liquid as its level rose.

"You know, I can't say that I recall you saying that."

"Ever wonder why?" She shot him a sideways look and cocked an eyebrow, mock glaring at the turian.

"You look up to me too much, I already know." He didn't hesitate with his quip, though his solemn expression had slipped.

She snorted. "I'm sure that's what it is."

The silence stretched between them for a few minutes.

"Shep?"

"Yeah?"

"You do know that if you ever want to talk about your stuff, you can with me, right?" His voice softened as he spoke.

"Yeah, I know. I just...I'm kinda over it, you know?" Her hand tightened around her glass a little. "It was upsetting when I was a kid, to know they didn't want me. Up until I ran away, I used to hope they'd miss me, and take me home."

"How old were you when you ran? I remember you saying that you were young."

"I was nine the first time. I was eleven the last time."

"Got caught?"

"Unfortunately. My second attempt was better; I learned." She took a long drink from her glass. This had not been how she'd expected her downtime to be spent.

"So, why run?"

"I...well, it was a lot of things. My parents left me in a shit hole with almost exclusively oatmeal, unsalted rice, and beans for food, which meant I didn't eat much, which meant I was in a foul mood and looked sickly. Now, that meant the nuns felt like I was in need of a good caning on a regular basis, since tired, hungry children are god awful assholes. It also meant that parents stayed aggressively clear of me, because who wants a kid that looks like hell and has an attitude problem?" She shrugged half-heartedly. "I get it."

"I'm sure that was rough for you."

"Life is suffering." She cringed a little when she said it.

"Now you're just being purposefully dark."

"Not exactly. So, imagine expecting life to suck. Now think about how amazing good times are when you have low expectations." She took another sip.

"Does that make you an optimist or a pessimist?" He was watching her, curiosity etched on his features.

"I think it makes me a Buddhist," she joked. "Now all I need is to give up unprompted violence and cut off all my hair."

"Spirits, you people are crazy. And why would you cut it off? It looks nice." He shook his head and took a swallow of his own drink.

She laughed. "I guess I'll have to hold off on the whole enlightenment thing, then, since I have you over here stroking my ego."

"How you suffer," he said dryly.

"Anything for you, big guy." She smiled a little. Her voice got a little quieter when she continued, "What about you? Got anything you want to get off your chest?"

He made a derisive noise and took a drink. "You already know pretty much all of my stuff."

"Then is any of the old stuff bothering you?"

"Not really. Just stressed out for all the regular reasons."

"How's your mom?"

"A little worse," he admitted. "I...I don't think I'm ready for her to go."

"No one's really ready for something like that." She reached up and squeezed his shoulder. His hand came up and squeezed hers. "Have you written her and Sol?"

"I have. It's never enough in a situation like this, though."

"I know." Her voice was sympathetic. "How is your dad?"

"He's...himself. It's all distance and disappointment." The turian's voice took on an edge as he spoke, expression dark.

"I'm sorry, Garrus. I'm sure he cares. Just try to be patient." She could already tell the platitudes fell flat.

"I get tired of being patient, Shep. I just...I wanted him to want me. I have spent my whole life trying and failing to live up to the examples of other people." He took another drink, draining his glass. "First it was his example, then yours, and I'm tired of feeling inadequate."

"Garrus, do you know why you're here?" she asked, after a moment.

"Because you don't want me to bleed to death the next time I'm in trouble." His voice was grim and quiet.

"It's because you are arguably one of the best shots in the Milky Way, on top of being nearly as strong as a krogan, and being a brilliant tactician. You are brave and awesome, and you don't have to live up to anyone else, because you are a badass. It's an honor to have you here, Garrus, and I'm not going to let you talk shit about yourself like that." She finished her glass quickly.

"I...hmmm."

"Speechless? That's new," she teased, bumping her shoulder into his lightly.

"I'm glad I have you as a friend." The statement was simple, but it made her smile.

"Good. I'm glad I can be the friend you deserve."

"You hit all your marks on that front. Emotionally supportive, doesn't take me for granted, never lets me do anything stupid by myself…" He looked at her with a small smile. "I do have a question, though: one of the best shots in the Galaxy?"

"Well, I couldn't very well say _the_ best shot in the galaxy." She tossed her hair a little and shot him a sly grin.

"Oh?"

"I mean, you are competing against me," she said, feeling her grin turn cocky.

"Oh, right for the heart!" He joking grabbed his chest as if wounded. She laughed, and he smiled. "I'm going to have to remember that."

"Promises, promises," she murmured, pouring herself another glass. She stopped short, leaving the glass half full.

_(Am I flirting with Garrus?)_

He didn't seem to notice, pouring himself another as well. She very suddenly felt uncomfortable and out of place. She took a long swallow as she tried not to look relieved.

"So, what's next up on the itinerary?"

"Honestly, I have to figure it out. I'm going to be reading up on like four different mission proposals before end of day tomorrow. It's a nightmare," she grumbled, trying to get back in the conversation in a normal headspace as she took a smaller sip.

"If you need help getting through them, let me know. I'm always willing to subject myself to the dangers of paperwork for you."

"Ugh, don't tempt me. If I start seeing double when I read I'll call you." She knew he meant the offer, but didn't want to pass it on unless she had to.

"I'll hold you to it." He took another long drink.

"I think I'm going to call it for tonight. Gotta be up bright and early. I'll see you at breakfast."

"Oh seven hundred?"

"Like you even need to ask." She smiled and drained the last of her wine. "I'll see you then. Good night, big guy."

"Good night."

She walked away, but glanced back just before the door closed. He was watching her leave, and the realization made her heart beat a little faster.

_(Fuck…)_

That wasn't what she expected. She wondered if she was becoming attracted to her friend, and quickly pushed the thought away. She didn't have time for romance. Hell, she barely had time to sleep most days. She started towards Mordin's lab.

_(Who in their right mind would be attracted to me, anyway?)_

She scowled at that thought.

_(I need to shut the fuck up.)_

She entered the lab to find the salarian bustling around, moving what appeared to be a collection of samples over to a piece of equipment.

"Hey, Mordin."

"Shepard," he nodded as he began tweaking the settings on the machine.

"I have a favor to ask of you."

"Ask away. If I can help, I certainly will."

"And I also must ask for discretion."

"I wouldn't stand for the alternative." He looked at her expectantly.

"I was wondering if you knew of any experimental trials for a particular degenerative condition that afflicts turians."

"Garrus?"

"His mother."

"I see. Forward me any relevant information, and I will make contact with the appropriate people. If there's anything to be found, I will pass the information on to Officer Vakarian. Anonymously, of course. No sense in calling undue attention." He turned back to his equipment. "If there's anything we can do to improve her quality of life, it will be done. Rest assured of that."

"Thank you, Mordin."

"It's nothing." The salarian seemed distracted.

"If you say so." Anya smiled as she departed. Hopefully he could find a little hope for her friend, or at least a little less pain.

Garrus deserved that much.


	4. Tossing and Turning

Chapter 4 (Warning-Some Smut May Appear)

"I'm glad to hear that, Shepard. Just let me know how I can help. For now, I should get back to work. Thanks for coming by." Anya watched her quarian friend walk away. Tali seemed subdued, and tired.

She followed her back to her console. "Hey, Tali?"

"Yes, Shepard? Was there something else you needed?"

"Do you want to hang out in a bit? Just us and some drinks? I don't know about you but I am direly in need of some quality girl time." Anya smiled at the other woman.

"I don't see why not. I have missed spending time with you," Tali admitted. "Besides, I'm sure I've barely heard about everything that's gone on with you."

"We can talk about whatever you like. I'll snag some turian booze, we'll have a good time."

"Alright, alright, you talked me into it." Tali laughed a little as she spoke. "I'll be there. Just give me an hour or so."

"Awesome." Shepard walked away with a smile.

She went up the elevator and beelined to the battery. Garrus was intently staring at the main console as he typed. He didn't turn until she said his name.

"Shepard," he acknowledged, still obviously distracted.

"I need a favor."

"Whatever you need." There was no hesitation in his voice. That observation made her chest feel tight, but she tried to ignore it.

"May I have some of your alcohol?"

That got his attention. He turned to face her with a concerned look on his face.

"Spirits, no! Don't you know how sick that will make you? Shepard, I really don't think-"

"It's for Tali!" she interrupted, trying not to laugh. His expression almost immediately relaxed. "We were hoping to have a little female bonding time. I'm happy to buy you more when we resupply in a few days."

"That's fine. Just remember not to skimp and get the cheapest stuff. You should be aware that I'm a connoisseur of the second cheapest alcoholic beverages." He raised his chin and puffed his chest out in a display of mock pride. He smiled and relaxed his posture again when she laughed.

"I will remember to bring an offering of appropriate quality for your refined tastes." She daintily curtsied, failing to keep a straight face.

"That's more like it. I'm glad you finally recognize how incredibly sophisticated I am." His expression became more serious. "Really, though, you're not going to drink it, right?"

"Hell no!"

"That's a relief. I was legitimately worried for a minute there."

"I promise not to touch a drop."

"Thank you for humoring me, Shep. You guys have a good time. I'm probably going to be up working late, so I'm really not going to need it."

"What are you working on?"

The turian's face fell. "It's probably nothing. There's a small chance I may have tracked down a lead on something. It's not a great one, though."

"Do you need anything?"

"Just time. I'll let you know if it turns out to be worth anything." His expression had shifted a little. He suddenly seemed distant, guarded.

"Alright. I'll come check up on you in the morning, before breakfast, okay?" She wondered if it had to do with Sidonis. Outside of their first conversation since their reunion, he hadn't brought it up, and she was starting to worry that he wasn't dealing with his grief well.

"That's fine. I'll see you then." He abruptly turned back to the console. Anya was taken aback, but she left. Anguish was a complicated thing, and now didn't seem like a good time to push back.

She could wait.

Tali settled onto the couch in an easy motion. She turned to Anya and said, "Those Cerberus flunkies definitely know comfortable."

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure they thought if they had enough nice stuff to throw at me, I wouldn't notice the underlying racism." Anya poured her drink with a dry smile.

"I wonder where those bosh'tets got that idea from?" The quarian began to pour herself a drink as she talked.

"Had to have worked at some point. That's where most bad ideas come from."

Tali made a derisive noise. "You're probably right." Tali pulled out a straw and casually slid it into her drink. Anya cocked an eyebrow but said nothing for the time being.

"So, Kal'Reegar." Anya watched the other woman. "He seemed nice."

"He is. I'm glad he's okay." Tali seemed to hesitate.

"Yeah, me, too." Anya took a sip of her drink. "Anything you wanted to...discuss regarding him?"

"Sorry, Shepard. No juicy details from Haestrom, unfortunately," Tali sighed wistfully. "Although in different conditions…"

Anya made a sympathetic noise. "In my experience, the Galaxy never makes it easy."

"So I hear. What happened with Kaiden?"

"Well, on Horizon he accused me of being a traitor and things kinda spiralled from there, so…" The commander shrugged. "It's better this way. His half-apology, half 'I am not the bad guy' letter drove the point home."

"How bad is it?"

"Here, look at this shit." Anya quickly tapped her omni-tool and pulled up Kaiden's email. "Don't get me wrong, I know that, 'Hey, honey, I'm back from the dead!' is a big pill to swallow, but the first time he admitted that he loved me was also the same conversation where he told me I had betrayed the Alliance and him, so it's a little hard to be kind about the whole thing."

Tali read silently for a moment. "Keelah, that's a punch to the gut."

"Delightful, isn't it? I know that he had to go through some shit, but trying to turn around what he said on Horizon is a tall order, even for him. I don't have the emotional fortitude to begin with his…" Anya gestured vaguely.

"I don't blame you. I'm sure it was painful." Tali awkwardly slid the straw into the mouth part of her helmet.

"I mean, kinda. Garrus thinks I might have been emotionally checking out because of the time," the woman admitted, looking down at her drink. "He might be onto something."

"Garrus can be pretty observant." Now Tali was watching the other woman. "He also says you guys have been spending a lot of time together since he came on."

"Well, yeah, it's Garrus. We've been close since that mess with Dr. Hart."

"Yeah, but at this point, you're doing most meals together, you're taking him on almost every mission, and you're destressing together after every mission, plus your normal rounds…"

Anya felt her cheeks heat up. "No juicy details from the SR-2, unfortunately."

"So are you saying you wish there were juicy details with Garrus?" Tali queried, interested.

"Are you saying you wish there were juicy details with Kal?" Anya's retort was quick, but she could feel her face getting redder.

"Shepard, come on. It's not a big deal either way. Garrus is oblivious, if it makes you feel any better."

Anya sighed and ran her hand through her hair. "It's probably for the best. I'm a train wreck, and it probably wouldn't work anyway, even if I did want more."

"Do you want more?"

"I don't know." Anya took a long drink.

"I think you might, and I think you would be good for him."

"I would be great for his emotional well-being, but I would be the death of him long term. I don't know why any of you want to follow me." Anya just looked at her glass, weariness clear in her expression. "Hell, I don't think I would even know where to start, even if he somehow became less oblivious and was into me."

"Well, why don't we find out?" Tali started tapping on her omni-tool.

"Please tell me that you are not emailing Garrus."

"I am not emailing Garrus." Tali's finger hovered for a moment. "I'm looking up naked turians."

"I was talking about Garrus and his people's customs, not cocks." Anya's ears had joined in heating up.

"But would it really be so bad to know what you're trying to get into?" Tali waited.

"If I look, I will never stop trying to picture him naked."

"After this conversation, I think that was an inevitability." Still, Tali's finger hovered.

"Goddamnit." Anya took a large drink. "Fine."

Tali pressed one more button and up popped an image of a turian, hard cock in hand. "There we are!"

"Jesus, I thought you were going to pull up an anatomical diagram, not porn." Anya looked away.

"It's just a still, not the whole vid. I don't know why you're acting more sheltered than I am," Tali teased her friend as she took another drink, more smoothly than the first.

Anya glanced back again. The plates along the turian's body were basically where she expected them, although she hadn't realized there was an area unprotected by plates on either side of the waist. It looked like his cock had slid from between a seam in the lower plates.

"I have officially taken the time to look thoroughly at a turian penis, are you happy?"

"Well, happier. I would be ecstatic if you just told Garrus you were interested."

"I might. I don't know. What if he is completely not interested and I end up losing one of the only friends I have left?"

"Shepard…" Tali's voice softened. "You dying didn't drive him away. You honestly think a little crush is going to manage that?"

"I don't know." Anya took another sip of her wine.

"Well, I do, and I would bet my last credit that the only reason he hasn't made a move is because it hasn't even occurred to him that you might be interested. He's always been like that."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, back on the SR-1, he had a little hero worship crush on you. There was talk about it, up until you started spending time with Kaiden."

"What? How the hell did I not notice?" Anya was incredulous.

"You are about as observant as a turian doing calibrations when it comes to love." Tali took another drink.

"I'm not that dense."

"Says the woman who doesn't notice a spiky six and a half foot alien that's borderline pining for her attention."

"There is no way that you aren't exaggerating."

"Barely. I am barely exaggerating. He took over maintenance for the Mako because you came to see him more often." Tali took a sip. "He was always half-glad when you did stupid stuff like jumping a mountain. After he finished having a heart attack, anyway."

"There is no way that our friendship is based on my bad driving."

"It was the basis for everything on the SR-1," Tali said darkly. Anya snorted.

"I still think you guys could have buckled up and it would have been better than just complaining."

"Not when we dismount on foot five to four hundred times a planet."

"You didn't always have to get shot at with me."

"Please, Wrex never would have let any of us live it down. Besides, friends don't let friends get shot."

"Yeah. I guess that's true." Anya smiled and looked down. Both women finished their drinks around the same time.

"I'm glad we got to do this," Tali said after a pause. "I may call it for tonight. Being away has lowered my tolerance."

Anya scoffed. "Lightweight."

"Some things never change." Tali stood, but hesitated. "I really do think that you should talk to Garrus, though. Some things do change."

"I might. I just...have to figure out how to begin the conversation."

"I guess, 'Garrus, wanna do it?' isn't a great opener."

Anya laughed. "No, not really."

"Well, I hope you come up with a plan."

"A plan going in would be a nice change of pace."

Tali laughed and started to walk away. "Like that's ever going to happen."

Anya smirked. Talking to the younger woman had always been good. "Good night, Tali."

"Good night, Shepard."

Anya kicked off her shoes, turned off the main light, and stripped within a few minutes of her friend leaving. Getting some shut-eye honestly wasn't a bad idea.

_(Like I'm going to get any sleep.)_

She ignored the pessimistic voice and crawled into bed. If she could manage a few hours of sleep it would make tossing and turning worth it.

Thirty minutes later, she was starting to get irritated. Sleep had never been so difficult to obtain before Elysium.

_(Fuck.)_

She spent some minutes arguing with herself before she roused herself and hesitantly grabbed the small rabbit vibrator stashed away in one of her drawers. Trying to get off solo was often a pain in the ass, but it could help her sleep.

She teased her clit for a few moments before adjusting so that she could slowly slide a fingertip into her entrance. She withdrew her digit before pushing back in again, slowly working her way deeper. She added another finger once the first was delving as deeply as it could. She stroked her inner walls carefully.

After a few minutes she withdrew both fingers and rubbed her clit some more, her own wetness doing wonders to keep the friction at a pleasurable level. She quickly slid in the vibrator, placing the small arm over the sensitive nub and turning on the toy. She bit back a moan and began adjusting until she was panting.

_(Don't think about Garrus, don't think about Garrus…)_

The image of him, cock in hand and wearing a lustful look like the turian from the picture, kept forcing its way to the forefront of her mind. It was maddening. She finally gave up and let herself wonder how his big hands would feel, roaming her body with abandon. She let the fantasy build to include his rumbling voice, breathlessly murmuring words of need in her ear, and she let herself imagine his cock as the thing stretching her aching sex.

She came with a whimper. Her orgasm had left her shaken and sensitive, and she quickly removed the toy.

 _(I came to Garrus.)_ The realization make her anxious. "Oh, fuck…"

The next morning, she awoke and dressed in a hurry. She kept fussing with her hair, nervous at the prospect of actively trying to flirt with her dear friend. The prospect made her heart beat nearly as hard as when she was getting shot at.

She made her way quickly down to the forward battery, and seeing Garrus there made her anxious. He turned when he heard her enter.

"Shepard. I'm glad you came by. I've got something. I may need your help." The turian seemed restless. With his next words, her heart sank. "You remember Sidonis?"

_(Fuck.)_


	5. Right and Wrong

Chapter 5

Anya took another shot of whiskey and told herself it burned less than the one before. The mission had ended with no casualties, and Harkin hadn't been shot, but she didn't feel like it had been a success.

Garrus was angry, and hurting. Without Sidonis to unleash his pain on, Garrus was coping by isolating himself. He hadn't responded to either of the messages she'd sent, and she couldn't help but feel anxious. She didn't think he was a danger to himself or anyone else, but the thought that she'd just managed to ruin one of her dearest friendships kept looping through her mind. He hadn't wanted to talk to her after the mission, what if he never wanted to again?

Her steadily growing attraction to the turian notwithstanding, what was she supposed to do without her best friend?

She poured herself another shot and tried to summon the motivation to drink it. Instead, she pulled up her omni-tool and hesitated, wondering if he would respond to a third message.

_Meet me at the bar._

She took the shot right after she sent the message. She waited for a few long minutes before she received a reply.

_Really not up for it, Shepard. I just want to be left alone right now._

She ran a hand through her hair.

_Okay. For what it's worth...I'm sorry._

She put away the bottle and the glass, and headed towards the door. It opened just before she arrived, revealing Garrus.

"Hey, sorry. I was just leaving." She looked down and made as if to go around him.

"Look, Shepard, about earlier, I was...I'm not trying to shut you out, I just need a little time. You get that, right?" The turian seemed distant, but his tone held a touch of pleading.

"Garrus, you don't need my permission to deal with your feelings, and you don't need my blessing to take however much time you need for it. Besides, I have done more than enough in terms of making this harder for you."

"You were trying to help."

"I was being a busybody and I forced your hand."

"You weren't wrong." Anya finally looked up at him. His gaze was intense. "Just because I'm not ready to talk about how you were right doesn't make you wrong."

"That's kind of you to say." Her voice cracked a little, and she cleared her throat. "I should go. It's getting late."

"Anya…" Why did he have to say her name that way, now of all times? His voice was worried, and there was an underlying tenderness that made her heart pound.

"Garrus…"

"I can already see you beating yourself up over this. This isn't a you thing. It's a me thing. Making yourself feel bad isn't going to make me feel any better. Will you try to remember that?"

"I just hate you being unhappy. Is that so strange?" Her voice softened and she looked down again.

"No, but it's still not a good reason to torment yourself." He stepped in close and placed both hands on her shoulders. "Everything is going to be okay. I just need a couple of days. Can you give me that without kicking yourself non-stop?"

"Whatever you need," she murmured, nodding. He pulled her into an embrace and she hugged back, hard. "I mean it, Garrus. Just let me know, okay?"

"Yeah, you got it." He tightened his hold on her for a brief moment before letting go. She did the same and stepped back.

"Good night, Garrus."

"Good night, Shep."

The two parted and Anya beelined for her cabin. It was hard to walk away from him, but she knew that he needed her to respect his wishes, and for once, she was going to come through for him.

"Fuck," she muttered as she stepped off the elevator. Tears were pricking her eyes. He still cared, and he cared enough to check on her, even though he was in pain. She hurried inside before she started crying.

_(You don't deserve him.)_ The nasty, pessimistic voice was back.

She bit back a sob.

_(Deserve has nothing to do with it. He's my friend, and I'm his.)_

_(Would he want to be friends if he knew?)_

Shame colored her cheeks. Her desire for him definitely hadn't abated. Even with him in distress, she had felt herself react to the way he said her name.

_(I can't help how I feel, but I am in control of how I act about it. He's my friend because my actions tell him everything he needs to know.)_

_(Yeah, but you're still going to be hiding away, touching yourself to him in your spare time.)_

Her inner pessimist was a real bitch. Shepard wiped her eyes.

_(So, what? It doesn't make me a shitty friend to have needs. I'm not imposing what I want on him, and it literally hurts nothing for me to find him attractive.)_

The voice fell silent, and Anya breathed a sigh of relief. She needed a break. They weren't leaving the Citadel for at least two days, so she made a mental note to let message everyone in the morning to declare the next few days shore leave. A long weekend would do everyone good.

She looked over at her bed, dreading sleep. She knew that she either toss and turn half the night away, or relent and let her hands and mind wander to Garrus.

She took a breath and headed to bed. There were worse things than sleepless nights.

_(Fuck it.)_


	6. Running on Fumes

Chapter 6

The drell's voice seemed pensive as he ended their conversation with, "You have given me much to meditate on."

Anya nodded and rose, understanding that he had things to process. The assassination had been thwarted, and she was glad that Bailey had been willing to consider community service for Kolyat. More than anything, she was glad that Thane was taking steps to begin repairing their relationship.

She was drained enough that she didn't really question the summons to speak to the Illusive Man. She felt skeptical of his motives, and of the information he gave her, but she didn't have anything concrete to call him on. She accepted the mission as gracefully as she could.

She made her way down to the engine room to find Tali. She found the quarian and immediately began with, "Hey, I think I need you with me."

"Oh, you know, doing pretty good. I'm glad I have friends like you that greet me warmly every time they see me." The other woman was teasing.

"Point taken, but I'm serious. We're already en route for a mission and something about this is off. This kind of serendipity is rare, and normally bullshit. Can you be ready soon?"

"Keelah, yes. What do you think they're trying to pull?"

"I don't know, but it seems...wrong. They're trying to tell me that a turian patrol disabled a Collector ship, but did no real damage so it's stable enough to poke around in, and they just so happen to be nearby enough that we'll be the first ones there? It's too many coincidences. I think Cerberus is about to fuck us, hard, I just don't know how yet."

"Well, I've got your back, Shepard. Have you told Garrus to suit up yet?"

"I-no." Anya felt her face getting hot. "He said he needed space and time the last time we talked. I wasn't planning on bringing him."

"Who else are you going to bring?"

"I don't know yet. Jack is a good call because she won't get suckered in by the Illusive Man's bullshit, but Thane could provide valuable for back up. He's more than capable on the battlefield."

"And Garrus isn't?"

"I told him I would leave him alone until he was ready. Look, Tali, now isn't the time to force some matchmaking."

"I just think you're going to regret not bringing him."

"I will regret not respecting my friend more."

The quarian made a noise. "Fine, but you're both being bosh'tets."

"Probably not for the last time. I'll see you in a few. I have to go bug Jack."

"Decided against Thane?"

"He only just got back with me a little while ago. Just because I'm running on fumes doesn't mean my team has to be, too. It's not like she isn't a badass."

"Are you sure we can't wait until you rest a little?"

"No, we have a nice, time-sensitive cherry on top of it all."

"This is absurd."

"Yeah, but so is everything else in my life, so…" Anya shrugged and started to turn. "I'll see you in a bit."

She hurried to the area beneath the engineering deck where Jack had set up makeshift bunk. The biotic was dangerous, and Anya felt like she might need the fire that the Psychotic Biotic kept simmering just beneath the surface.

"Hey, Jack."

"Shepard."

"Any chance you're up for doing some damage? We may even end up getting to yell at the Illusive Man for it."

"Maybe. What's the catch?"

"I'm almost sure they're giving me garbage information about the mission, so I have no idea what we're up against. I was hoping to have one of the baddest biotics in the galaxy come with."

"If it's a trash mission, why the hell are we going?"

"I get off on saying, 'Told ya!' and getting to call the Illusive Man out makes me feel less bad about blatantly ignoring his advice when I see fit. Plus I'm kinda working through some shit, so…" Anya shrugged.

Jack snorted. "Sounds like a fucking party. Anything it takes to make Cerberus look like the assholes they are."

"You have a real way with words, Jack. See you in the armory in a few."

"Looking forward to it."


	7. Safe as You Can Stand

Chapter 7

"Called it," Anya muttered, walking into the bar. Tali and Jack were already drinking.

"Seriously, Shepard, what the hell?" The other biotic sounded irritated.

"Hey, all three of us were pretty sure we were walking into a ridiculous situation, and that it was going to be Cerberus at fault. I'm blaming the Illusive Jackass for this one." Anya deftly grabbed a glass and the nearest bottle of whiskey. She poured herself a generous amount and quickly drained the glass, grimacing before pouring another.

The other women looked at her, and she noticed surprise on Jack's features. "Damn, Shep."

"Whiskey is a 'currently rethinking my life choices' drink for me." She began drinking this glass, albeit more slowly. "Normally it's just a glass or two of wine."

"Fair enough."

It was then that the door opened again. Garrus came in, looking agitated, and Anya felt her heart skip a beat.

"Anya." She felt that little thrill again when he said her name.

"Hey, Garrus." She was proud of how even her voice sounded.

"Can I talk to you?"

"Absolutely." She offered the glass to Jack, and the other woman snagged the glass with a grin. Anya turned to follow the turian, wondering what he was going to say. He led her back to the main battery, and he turned to face her.

"Are you okay? And, just to clarify, I mean actual okay, not 'I'm going to have nightmares about this later, but I'm not willing to talk about it' okay."

"I am not, but I will be. It was...I don't know where to start. My nerves are shot, and I am just...drained."

"How can I help you?"

"No, it's fine, you have your own stuff-"

"My stuff is handled, your stuff is not."

"My stuff is literally just sleeping it off and getting together with Dr. Chakwas about something for the dreams. It'll be fine."

"If she recommends pills, you aren't going to take them. You have to start taking better care of yourself."

"I will when you do."

The turian swore softly. "I'm serious, Anya. There are a lot of people who aren't up for losing you again, and I'm one of them. Please just...be more careful? For your best friend's sake?"

She felt a lump forming in her throat, so she just nodded, looking down. She wasn't expecting it when he pulled her in and embraced her tightly.

"Garrus?"

"'Pre-cry face' is almost always immediately followed by you needing a hug. Try and tell me I'm wrong."

She hugged back with a half-sob, half-laugh, and he squeezed a little. "Thank you, Garrus. I mean that."

"It's not a big deal. I just...I want you to stay as safe as you can stand being."

"Hey, don't make it sound like I go looking for danger. It just kind of...follows me."

"So you didn't just go through with a mission that almost got you killed? And you had no idea that the information was bad?"

"I...I didn't say that…" She felt lost as he pulled back, and she had to remind herself not to pout.

"Then you kind of made my point for me, Shep." His voice now held a trace of amusement.

She rolled her eyes and smiled. "I'm fine with handling the danger aspect, it's just...I don't know. Maybe we need some shore leave."

"Shore leave is a very inefficient way to try to deal with stress. What happens when we're far from port and you're keyed up?"

"I don't know. I'll think on it."

"Alright. Well, I'm going to turn in, now that I can see for myself that you're mostly okay. You going to try to get some sleep?"

"In a bit. I may go make sure Jack and Tali are okay."

"Fair enough. Good night, Anya."

"Good night, Garrus."

She left the battery feeling better than when she entered, and she bee-lined for the bar. Jack and Tali were still there, and she took a breath to steady herself.

"Why do you look like we're about to get back on the fucking Collector ship?" Jack was quick to quip.

"I need advice."

"What?"

"Is it about Garrus?" Tali asked.

"Yeah, how do I make it clear that I'm interested? He is painfully oblivious and I am so exhausted and frustrated and…" She gestured vaguely.

"Wait, you want to hop on a turian? Ballsy!"

"Not the important part!" Anya waved away the comment, agitated.

"So now that you two are talking again you're going to tell him?" Tali queried.

"I...maybe. I want to, I just don't know how, or when."

"You're going about this all wrong, Shepard. Being patient and subtle with Garrus is going to get you nowhere. Next time you see him, be obvious."

"Well, I don't-"

"No, no bullshit excuses. It doesn't matter what line you drop, or how god awful it is, but as long as his ears are functional, he needs to understand. If he even remotely wants to take you to pound town, he will take you up on it."

"And if he doesn't?"

Jack grinned. "Then the worse the line, the better. You can pretend it was a joke, because who would actually use a line that bad? Think about it!"


	8. Tolerance

Chapter 8

Anya could feel her heartbeat in her ears when she left the main battery. She had felt mortified when she spoke to Garrus, and she was sure that her smile when delivering the line about reach and flexibility had looked painfully forced, but he hadn't seemed fazed.

_He seemed interested._

The thought made the pounding in her ears speed up. She felt lighter than she had in a while, and she had to remind herself to walk away normally.

Commander Shepard would look ridiculous skipping.

She passed by the mess area and was almost immediately waylaid by Jack and Tali.

"Shepard!" Tali whisper yelled. Anya stopped in her tracks, breaking out of her reverie and looking around.

"Why are you being quiet? Nobody is around."

"Just get your ass over here and spill." Jack's tone was vaguely annoyed.

"Spill? Whatever do you mean?" she teased, grinning brilliantly.

"Oooh, see, now that may be the smile of a woman who fuckin' got some!"

"No-we didn't-we just agreed to give it a shot. Nothing has happened yet." Anya was flustered now. She tried to ignore the heat creeping up her neck.

"Aww, that's sweet," crooned the quarian.

"That's lame. How is that a success if nobody got off?"

"It's not about getting off-"

"I call bullshit."

"Look, it's about minding the line where sex with friends can ruin things. I'm not saying that getting off isn't a factor at all, it's just...it's not the main attraction."

"So, you're fucking boring." Jack's tone was flat.

"No, Shepard's just more interested in the man than the penis. It's not crazy…"

"We also have to take it slow until we find out how allergic we are to each other's bodily fluids, so…" Anya shrugged.

"Oh, shit, I didn't even think about that. So you want this dude to plow you so badly that you want him to even though it could kill you?"

"It's not...quite that drastic. I don't-"

"The point is that they're trying." Tali butted in, and Anya shot her a grateful smile. "Shepard, I'm sure you'll be fine. Are you happy?"

"Ah, more nervous than anything. Hitting on him tore my nerves up. I took your advice about the bad pick up line."

"How was it?" Jack was grinning now.

"There is zero doubt in my mind that I have never dropped a line that tacky and obvious in my life. I could feel my future self cringe in the present. That's how bad it was."

"C'mon, hit me. I gotta know, Shep."

"Nope, not even if you threatened me with being spaced directly into Harbinger's main gun."

"Shepard!" Tali sounded scandalized.

"It's not insensitive if I was the one who actually got spaced." Shepard glanced at Jack, and saw the shock on the other woman's face before she laughed.

"That-that was fuckin' dark. I needed that." The other woman walked away, chuckling. After she rounded the corner, Tali turned to Anya.

"Are you okay, Shepard?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. Still working my way out of the weird headspace I ended up in on the Collector ship clusterfuck. I'll be okay."

"Are you sure, because that was…"

"I was trying to make a point, I wasn't trying to freak you out. Sorry, Tali."

"I just… You know that you can talk to me, right? I'm not just some weird quarian kid anymore, I've grown up."

"I know, it's just…" Anya ran a hand through her hair. "It's hard. Opening up, I mean, not treating you like an adult. I hate burdening people with my baggage."

"But with how much you shoulder ours, don't you think it's fair for us to help you?"

"If it's ever too much for me to carry alone, I will talk to you about it."

"Do you mean that?"

"Yes."

"Okay. I'm pretty sure you can talk to Garrus, too."

"I know. He has made that very clear to me. I'm never alone as long as I have one of you guys on my six." With that, Anya wrapped an arm around the younger woman's shoulders and squeezed briefly. The half-hug seemed to drive the point home.

"As long as you know." Tali spoke as Anya pulled away.

"Please, with friends like you guys, how could I ever forget?"

"Flatterer!"

"Please, I am literally the most charming bosh'tet you know."

"You _are_ definitely a bosh'tet…" Tali feigned a pensive moment.

Anya snorted. "Alright, well, this bosh'tet is going to bed. I'll see you tomorrow, Tali."

"Good night, Shepard."

Anya waved as she walked away, small smile still playing across her lips. Tali's heart was almost always in the right place, and knowing that made her friendship with the other woman easy.

The smile faded as she entered the elevator. A thought had crossed her mind that made her anxious, and she knew that she would be obligated to indulge her curiosity.

The moment she was in her room, she bee-line for her desk. "Hey, EDI?"

"Yes, Commander?"

"I need a favor."

"How may I be of assistance?"

"I need you to send me every scrap of data about the Lazarus Project you have access to. I need to know what every implant, every graft, and every nanite in my body is for."

"Is there something in particular you are hoping to find?"

"Right now, I...I need to know how my body is likely to respond to allergens and toxins."

"As long as the nanites in your bloodstream are active, you should have a tolerance to most substances. The nanites are capable of filtering out even botulinum and arsenic, to a degree, with the nanites reacting more aggressively the more potent a potential toxin is."

"So with a milder toxin like alcohol…"

"You may become intoxicated, but you will metabolize it quickly, and it would be almost physically impossible to drink yourself to death."

"And allergens?"

"Your body should have little to no reaction to allergens. The few things that would cause a reaction will be mild, with subsequent exposure fine-tuning the efforts of the nanites."

"I see. That's... that's good to hear."

"Do you still require the available data on the Lazarus Project?"

"Yes. All of it. And get ready to be talking for a while, we are going to go over it, line by line until I completely understand my body and how it's limitations have been adjusted."

"Yes, Commander."


	9. Never Forget You

Chapter 9

"I truly am at peace, due in no small part to you."

The justicar's words made Anya's chest ache. Killing Morinth had been hard. She had felt an echo of camaraderie with the asari, likely in part because she knew what it was like to deal with the emotions that came with being a burdensome daughter.

_(It's not the same. She hurt people for the rush.)_

She swallowed hard as she left, heading towards the elevator. Her omni-tool beeped as the door closed, and she took a moment to collect herself before she checked the message. It was Garrus.

_How are you holding up?_

She crossed the distance between the elevator and her room, trying to figure out how to respond.

_I'm...okay. May have dredged up some shit. I'll be fine._

She sent the message reluctantly. Lying to him was out of the question, as was ignoring him. The honest answer would probably have him hurrying to her room, though, and she wasn't sure she was up for that.

_Do you want to talk about it? I'm happy to come up._

She smiled a little at his response. He was playing it carefully. She dropped into the chair in front of her desk unceremoniously and sighed before she started typing.

_I don't know. I don't think talking about it will help._

She needed to get her head straight before she was in a room with him. If he said her name she'd probably come undone.

_Do you want me to come anyway?_

She faintly heard the hum of the elevator and smiled. She'd be willing to bet her last credit that that was him. She stood and opened the door to see him, arms laden with bottles and glasses, looking startled as he stepped out.

"What would you have done if I said I didn't want company?" she asked, leaning on the doorframe. She could feel the corner of her mouth, still tugged upward.

"I would have gone back. I just...felt like you weren't going to send me away." His voice sounded uncertain.

"You aren't wrong. C'mon." She jerked her head and stepped back, into her room. He followed her through the door, down to the couch. She sat down in her spot, and he sat down in his. She didn't say anything as he placed the glasses down and poured both of them drinks. When he offered her the wine, she murmured, "Thank you."

She took the glass and looked down at it.

"You're welcome. So, what are we thinking about after that one?"

"I guess I just...feel bad that it had to come to that. I know Morinth was bad, but seeing her as daughter that her mother couldn't deal with… I don't know. Afterwards, Samara was talking about being broken but free, and I guess...there's a part of me that wonders if that's how my parents felt."

"Anya…"

She felt a lump start forming in her throat. "It's fine. I know that asking myself that doesn't do any good, and that I need to stop being so…"

She stopped, placing the glass down and squeezing her eyes shut. She made herself take a breath. Her eyes flew open when she felt him wrap an arm around her shoulders, and she leaned into the contact after a beat. She felt rather than heard the reverberations in his torso, and she wondered at the feeling the subharmonic was meant to convey.

"If your parents had any idea of what an amazing woman you would become, they never would have let you out of their sight."

"You don't know that," she whispered, feeling her eyes sting.

"I know that Samara took a long time to give up on her daughter. If Morinth hadn't started killing people, things would have been different. Just because she ruined her life doesn't mean you managed to do the same thing to your parents when you were young. How old were you?"

"Four, I think. It's one of those memories that are far back enough that I'm not entirely sure if I remember it or if I remember being told a lot of times," she admitted.

"Who would tell you that so often that it would be etched into your memory?" Garrus seemed bewildered.

"The nuns. Telling me how much I cried on the first night was supposed to make me grateful that someone was willing to take me in, I think."

"Spirits, Shep…" He pulled back to look at her, concern in his features.

She shook her head. "I'm not worried about that right now. They had no business raising children, that's on them."

She settled back under his arm comfortably. He didn't speak for a moment, but she knew he was about to when his hand tightened on her shoulder.

"Kind of reminds me of what you said when we caught Dr. Saleon. About how you can't control other people, but you can control how you react."

She snorted. "You actually were listening."

He chuckled. "Believe it or not, I was. My point, though, is that...the same thing applies to your parents. You can't control their actions. You responded to something awful by becoming one of the biggest heroes in the galaxy. They would be proud if they knew. You wouldn't have been some awful baggage for them to haul around, you would have been-"

"Point taken," she interrupted gently, placing a hand on his chest. He gently placed a talon on her hand and fell quiet. She glanced up, and found herself wondering at his pensive look. "What are we thinking about now?"

"Nothing that won't keep."

"Uh-uh, not cutting it, big guy. I don't get to hide, and neither do you."

"It's not really relevant."

"I'm not worried about it."

"I just...is it weird that we've been this comfortable with each other for so long? I mean...I don't know. It's not that important."

"It's fine. Look, I don't know if this is weird, but it's nice, right?"

"Yeah. Yeah, it is."

"Then let's not second guess it. You're my best friend, and I find you attractive. We're on the same page on that front, so where's the problem?"

He made a small noise. "Point taken. What changed, though?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I know how long I've found you attractive. When did you start seeing me that way?"

"It was... I don't know. It happened kind of gradually. I noticed something was up when I saw you checking on my armor. It took me a while after that to put it together, but…" She shrugged. "When did you start looking at me that way?"

"I... it's been a while."

"How much of a while?"

"The first Normandy," he admitted. "I even tried to flirt with you."

"Really? When did that happen?"

"After Dr. Saleon was killed, the next day, after I started to recover from the hangover, you came by to check on me. If you could have heard my subharmonics when I was telling you to let me know if you ever needed anything, it would have made you blush."

"I can't hear them, though," she laughed.

"I realized that after the fact. By the time I'd connected the dots, it was the night before Ilos,and you were...otherwise preoccupied."

"Oh, Garrus…" She pulled back, apology ready to fall from her lips, but she hesitated when she saw him smiling a little.

"It's fine, Shepard. You didn't do anything wrong, and my feelings aren't hurt over your past."

"I-are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm very sure. You didn't wrong me, you just aren't a mind reader. I'm not upset."

"Okay." She settled back into her spot, head resting on his shoulder. A small smile played across her lips when he carefully laid his head on hers. They sat like that for a few minutes before they finally parted.

"How are you feeling now?" he asked.

"Better," she admitted. "I'm glad you came by."

He seemed pleased. "I'm glad I was able to help."

"Me, too." She leaned over and lightly brushed her lips against his cheek, just above his mandible. He seemed surprised. "What?"

"I wasn't really expecting...I've never been kissed before. It's not bad," he was quick to reassure her.

"Right, the lips thing. What do you do instead?"

"Ah, hmm. The closest we have is…" His voice trailed off as he leaned in, lightly touching his forehead to hers. He tentatively brought a hand up and she felt her eyes close when he gently brushed his talon along her jaw before trailing down the side of her neck, causing her to shiver. He cleared his throat and pulled back. "Sorry, I may have gotten a bit...carried away."

"You're welcome to get carried away again," she retorted, feeling her cheeks heat.

"Another time, maybe. I don't...tonight may not be the best idea."

"And why is that?"

"I'm just worried that you might be a little vulnerable right now. I want this, spirits, I do, but... I would feel like I was taking advantage. Do I sound crazy?"

"No," she sighed. "Soon, though, maybe?"

"We'll get there when we get there," he teased gently, resting a hand on hers.

She took a breath, then smiled. "You're right. Just don't forget about me while you're off doing calibrations."

"I should go. If it's any consolation, the last two years have taught me that I could never forget you." With that, he gave her hand a squeeze and rose to leave. Anya speechlessly watched him go, her heart hammering in her ears.


	10. Trust

Chapter 10

"How long is this going to take?" Anya asked, trying not to sound like she was whining.

Garrus jumped in before Dr. Chakwas could. "As long as it takes to make sure you don't have any cracked ribs."

"I'm fine."

"You got in a three separate fist fights with a yahg in the middle of a firefight, then proceeded to tell me that your everything hurt."

"I'm just sore," she groused.

"Which is why you should be making this exam as easy for me as possible, Commander. Unless you want it to take all night for me to poke and prod you?" Dr. Chakwas asked, eyebrow cocked and amusement in her voice.

"Fine." Anya took a breath and tried not to pout. "Garrus got hit by the yahg, too. When's it his turn?"

"Right after you," he offered, crossing his arms. "I'm pretty sure I don't have a concussion, but it would honestly make going down that fast less embarrassing."

"Arms up while I'm scanning, Commander." Dr. Chakwas had her omni-tool ready. Anya obeyed, linking her hands behind her head.

"You got hit in the face. It was mostly body shots with me, plus that shield probably dispersed the force a little. I wouldn't worry. I wasn't planning on telling people you got hurt early on."

"Yeah, but I know, Shep."

Anya snorted. "You're still very manly, don't worry."

"Well, that's a relief," he said drily, shaking his head with a half-smile. "Now if you can convince my ego, we can call it a day."

"I do still…" Anya stopped, remembering where she was. Garrus looked at her questioningly, and she made sure to look him up and down slowly, biting her lip when her gaze met his. He seemed to understand her meaning, and immediately seemed flustered. She teased him, saying, "You okay, big guy?"

He had to clear his throat. "I, uh...ego's good now."

"Good." She finally looked away, blushing a little. She wasn't used to putting herself on the spot, but it had worked well in terms of reassuring him, and she had to admit, it was nice to see him thrown for a loop.

"So, does this mean.. spirits, I…" He fumbled over his words, glancing at Dr. Chakwas.

Anya sighed. "Just say it, Garrus. I don't care if you don't."

He still hesitated. "I just don't want you to regret-"

"I won't."

"If the two of you are wondering, I am already aware. Ms. Goto is quite the romantic, and apparently she and Tali talk."

"Oh. Well, I didn't realize that Tali would say anything," Garrus muttered, looking guilty.

"Wait, you told Tali?"

"Yes. I mean, she knew I had a thing for you two years ago. She was easy to talk to when she came on this time, and I guess...it sort of slipped."

Anya laughed. "No wonder she was egging me on about telling you."

"Wait, Tali knew you had a thing for me before I did?"

"Yeah, it was a girl talk thing. I was trying to get the details on her and Kal and it sort of slipped?" She sounded apologetic.

"When did this happen?"

"The night I asked for booze for her."

"Right! That was…"

"...just before Sidonis." Anya finished the statement.

"And you still liked me after all that?"

"I did, and still do."

"Even after our talk earlier?" He seemed worried.

"Why wouldn't I?"

"I just... I was worried that I had left you under the impression that I didn't want to try."

"You made it clear that it was just nerves. I'm fine. We're fine," she reassured him. He seemed to perk up a little at that.

"Good, I...good. I keep worrying about messing this up."

"Just don't pop my heat sink, we'll be fine."

He chuckled. "I knew that was going to come back on me eventually."

"Don't feel bad."

"Not when I'm talking to the queen of reach and flexibility, of course not," he joked.

"Oof," she groaned, clapping her hand to her chest as if wounded.

"Commander," Dr. Chakwas chastised.

"Sorry," Anya muttered, resuming her previous position.

"So, did Tali throw you the idea for that line?"

"No. The painfully obvious pick up line idea came from Jack, actually."

"Jack? Our Jack?"

"Yeah."

"Spirits, I feel oblivious now."

"That's how I felt!"

Garrus chuckled. "What is it that your people say? Better late than never?"

"Yeah. What about your people?"

"Eh, closest I can think of right now would have to be, 'The last recruit in formation ought to be perfect or absent.' It's not great."

"You know, I've heard worse."

Garrus snorted and Anya smiled. Silence fell between them for a moment and a dark thought crossed her mind again. He noticed her change in mood. "What is it? Turian idioms that bad after all?"

"No, I'm just worried. This whole Shadow Broker thing, I just… Do you think Liara is going to be okay?"

"I do. I think it might take a little time, but... I really do think she's going to be fine. She's smart, and she learned a lot about taking care of herself from you. She was doing a decent job taking care of herself on Illium."

"But what if something like Nyxeris happens again?"

"Liara could have handled it on her own. Us being there was just convenient, and I'm sure she was glad to have an excuse to have you around. We all missed you, Shep." Garrus watched her as his voice gentled.

"He's not wrong," Dr. Chakwas murmured.

Anya felt a lump in her throat. "I know, I just…"

"You can't help worrying, because you care," he said, sounding sure.

"Yeah," she said quietly.

"Why don't you invite her onto the Normandy? It might put your mind at ease, and give the two of you a chance to talk a bit."

"That's not going to be a problem?"

"Why would Liara being here be a problem?"

"She was pretty obvious about having a crush on me back on the first Normandy, I just…"

"Anya, it's fine. I have no reason not to trust you."

"You're right."

"If you know that I'm right, why are you so anxious about me?"

"It's not...you. I just...I've been worrying about messing this up, too."

"There is very little you can do to mess this up. Blow up Palaven, maybe. Colluding with the Reapers would do it."

She laughed. "You've made your point. Please no more examples."

"Damn, I had some good ones."

"Later, maybe."

"Alright, Commander, looks like no broken bones, just bruised ones. I wouldn't recommend getting swatted by any more yahg, though."

"You know, in retrospect, I don't think I should have tried it the first time."


	11. No Excuses

Chapter 11

"You have to admit, this one was fun." Anya was beaming as she started pulling out a small pot and pasta, still riding the tail end of the adrenaline rush that had started when she first hit the keystone for Grunt's Rite.

"Only you would count taking a thresher maw down _on foot_ as fun."

"Grunt enjoyed himself."

"Yeah, but he's krogan. He has back-up everything built into his body. You do not." Garrus crossed his arms. She pretended not to notice the look he was shooting her as she filled the pot with water.

"So are you saying that you didn't have any fun? Because I distinctly remember you sounding like you were having a blast until the maw."

He sighed. "Fine, it was fun before then."

"Knew it!" She place the pot on the stove and turned on the heat. In less than a minute it would be boiling.

"I was just so lost in the moment until I started having flashbacks to when you would almost kill us all in the Mako, then dismount on foot to finish off a maw. I just kept seeing so many flashes from so many repair manuals…"

She felt her expression shift from jubilation, to concern, to indignation as he spoke. She glared, and his solemn expression cracked. "Ass."

He laughed, then reassured her, "I wouldn't change a thing."

She could feel the irritation bleeding out of her features. With less annoyance in her voice, she muttered, "Me, either. You're still an ass."

"Yeah, but at least I'm an ass that always has your six," he teased.

"As long as I'm not driving the Mako." She started to add seasonings to the water.

"I would gladly ride 'shotgun' in the Mako with you if it would make you happy."

She narrowed her eyes at him, but she could feel herself smiling. "You're only saying that to get me to drop it."

"No. I mean, yes, but it's also true. Does that help?" She turned back towards her soon to be dinner.

"A little." She dropped a large handful of the tortellini into the now boiling water. She didn't jump when she felt him come up behind her and tentatively place a hand on either side of her waist.

Her lack of negative reaction seemed to embolden him a little. He shifted so that he was closer to her, and she leaned into him after stirring.

"Tali give you hell about the Mako, too?"

"Yes," she groaned.

"I'm sorry, Shep, your driving is just an easy target."

"I'm just saying it's on the Alliance for building a vehicle that's that light with that kind of suspension."

"You have a point," he soothed, adjusting so he was almost hugging her from behind.

"Don't patronize me." She let her head fall back on his shoulder. She could feel the subharmonics in his chuckle.

"And risk you unleashing a Nova on me? Wouldn't dream of it."

"Smart man." She stilled when she felt him nuzzle the side of her throat from behind. He was being careful, and she shivered when she felt him gently nip the sensitive skin.

"Was that...good?" He seemed hesitant to ask.

"Yeah. I...yeah. I liked that." She fumbled with the words a little.

"Good. I...I just wanted to make sure."

"I'll speak up if I don't like something."

"You sure? Because you barely seem to be able to speak up when you do like something." He went back to her throat and she felt her cheeks heat.

"Because you're going out of way to distract me and turn me on."

"You aren't wrong," he admitted. He nibbled at her neck again and she felt herself press against him harder.

"Garrus…" She knew she probably sounded breathy, but she couldn't help it.

"Do I need to stop?"

"I don't mind if you don't want to stop."

"I'm not sure I'm ready for the main event yet."

"I also don't want you to do anything you don't want to do."

"I do want to, that's the issue. My only concern is not wanting to hurt you."

"I'm sturdier than I look."

"Noted," he murmured, tongue darting out to taste her skin briefly. She made a small noise and he chuckled again. "Spirits, you're responsive."

"Is that a complaint?"

"Not even close." The way his voice lowered in pitch almost made her tremble again. "It's honestly pretty sexy."

She turned in his arms and slid her arms around his neck. She was quick to rise up to press her mouth to his, and she made an appreciative noise when he moved his mouth against hers. After a few moments, she tried letting her tongue dart out to explore. He hesitated for a beat, but still allowed it. She gently touched her tongue to his, coaxing him into returning the gesture.

When he did, she let a small, pleased sound escape. He responded by pulling her tighter to him and doing it again. In what seemed like no time, their kiss devolved into a searing tangle of hands and mouths. Anya wasn't entirely sure when she had ended up nearly grinding her hips against the turian's, but she knew she didn't want to stop.

She was the first to pull away, and she regretted it almost immediately, even though she knew it was the right call. She could tell he was confused when she did it, and she was quick to pant, "Damn, Garrus, are you sure you've never tried kissing before me? That was…"

She shook her head, sure that no words she could come up with would describe their kiss.

One mandible twitched upward, and she was relieved to see his wry smile. "Trust me, I would have remembered something like that."

"It got steamy pretty quickly," she admitted, smiling a little. "I promise I wasn't initially going for...all of that. I just wanted to steal the one kiss."

"Well, it was your turn to get carried away," he teased. "Also, I am more than willing to donate more kisses."

"Another one of those and I'm going to be asking you to fuck me outright," she admitted, turning back to her neglected pasta. She was quick to work on getting a few of the noodles unstuck from the bottom, and she felt relieved that it wasn't worse.

"Kissing gets you that wound up?"

"No, good kissing gets me that wound up. Plus it's you. Even if I pretend I'm not into tall badasses, especially the ones with wicked senses of humor and problems with authority, that was a hell of a kiss."

"Spirits, you know how to build a guy up. Is that really how you think of me?"

"Well, yeah." She glanced back at him. He seemed preoccupied, as if something had occurred to him that he didn't care for, and didn't want to ask about. "Alright, spit it out. What's on your mind, big guy?"

"Ah, it's not-"

"Nope, no excuses. Just talk to me."

"I just...I took a rocket to the face, Anya. Even if you don't mind being with a turian, nearly a third of my face looks like hell. How does that not bother you?"

"It's not as bad as you seem to think. Most of that damage should heal with just a little superficial scarring anyway. But, even with that right now, it just...doesn't matter. I like you as is. I also... I think you have really pretty eyes." Her last words came out rushed.

"You...like my eyes?"

"Yeah. I do. They're such a nice shade of blue and I just...I really like them."

"I...I guess I'm glad the rocket didn't go any higher, then. So you really are okay with...this." It was more of a statement than a question.

She answered anyway. "Yes."

"Good." She felt him come up behind her again, this time more confidently. He wrapped his arms around her waist and squeezed gently for a beat. "What are you making?"

"Tortellini. Nearly done. Just gotta drain the water and add some stuff."

"Mmm. Glad to see you eat real food for once."

"I eat."

"Ramen and granola bars and those weird little pre-packaged meals the Alliance used to throw at you on the SR-1. That's not real food. Besides, what's the point in splurging on edible rations if you aren't going to enjoy them?"

"Hey, I'm getting better!"

"I see that. I like it when you take care of yourself."

"So you've mentioned." Anya felt a smile tugging at her lips. She heard the door to the medbay slide open and she paused. "Dr. Chakwas going somewhere?"

Garrus pulled back and turned. "Ah, actually looks like Mordin going in. I wonder if he saw us?"

She sighed and shifted so she could look as well. "Probably. I swear, we are the absolute worst kept secret on the ship."

He faced her again and his mandible twitched. "I swear I can be stealthy."

She snorted and smiled. "I know. Maybe we need to stop trying to sneak around like teenagers. Apparently we suck at it."

He chuckled. "It's fun, though, you have to admit."

"Not as fun as killing a maw on foot, but I take your point."

"Crazy woman."


	12. Creature of Habit

Chapter 12

Anya felt a little disconcerted as she left Mordin's lab. She had wanted to check on the salarian again after they had made it back to the Normandy. Rather than speaking of his feelings, or Maelon's newly acquired data, she had been ambushed with a conversation urging caution in regard to letting Garrus into her bed.

She wandered towards the battery, dreading the possibility that Mordin had spoken to her friend before she could warn him. She could hear her heartbeat in her ears as she approached, knowing that the conversation would be uncomfortable as hell either way.

When she arrived, Garrus wasn't at his terminal, instead he was standing down one of the side catwalks, apparently lost in thought, gazing absently towards the inner machinations of the gun. She made her way to him and he jumped when she took the spot next to him.

"Shepard!"

"Hey. Didn't mean to startle you. You okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm just a little...distracted, I guess." He went back to his previous position, leaning on the railing and looking away. He seemed tense and closed off, and Anya felt her stomach sink.

"Me, too. Had an...interesting chat with Mordin."

"Yeah?" The turian winced.

"Yeah. He have one with you, too?"

"I can honestly say that I am intimately aware of what happens to humans going through anaphylactic shock."

"It's not pretty, but you don't really have to worry about that with me," she reassured him gently.

"Oh, yeah? And why is that?"

"Cerberus added some nanites that neutralize most things my body would register as toxic otherwise, even your...genetic material."

He scoffed at that and shook his head. "I just...spirits, Anya. What if we do everything right and you still end up getting hurt? What if those nanites don't work?"

"They worked fine when we kissed," she tried to reassure him.

"I...damn, that could have done it?"

"Well, yeah. There are small amounts of DNA in saliva, and it was fine. I didn't really think about it in the moment, but I'm not going to pretend to be upset about it after the fact."

"Well, yeah, but what happens when it's a lot of...genetic material?" He winced as he asked.

"The nanites react more strongly the more there is. Short of me getting hit with an EMP right before you get off, we're good."

"Why would you give me that weird, highly specific, mental image?"

She laughed. "Because based on their specs and programming, that's what it would take. I had EDI go over all of it with me. We're good. Really."

"Okay. Well, that's a bit of a relief, then."

"Only a bit?"

"Let's just say I have a newfound distaste for the words, 'perforated' and 'chafing.'"

"Christ, what did Mordin even say that had anything to do with perforating?"

"My talons could...perforate your...insides if we...tried certain things."

Anya blushed at the mental image of him behind her, arm around her, holding her snugly to him while his free hand started exploring between her legs…

"Why not just cut a talon? You could keep most of them sharp, in case of an emergency. If you wanted to try those things, anyway."

"Which one would I even cut?"

"It depends on what you wanted to try?" she hedged nervously.

"Well, with...with turian females...there's an...expectation for internal and external stimulation." He spoke carefully and slowly. "I just... I'm assuming that your people also...enjoy that?"

"We do. I mean, I do." She knew her cheeks were red.

"So, if I wanted to touch you the way you like to be touched, which one would you recommend?" His voice was lower now, and it occurred to her how close she was to him.

"Right hand dominant or left hand dominant?" She half-turned to face him, and she felt a surge of satisfaction when he copied the gesture.

"Right." He didn't pull away when she took that hand in both of hers and gently turned it so his palm was upward, then ran her fingertips lightly across it. Her caress ended when she stroked his right foretalon.

"This one," she said softly, trying to keep her voice from wavering.

"And what do you want me to do with it?" His voice had roughened, and her gaze immediately snapped to meet his. She smiled at him a little, and leaned in.

"Garrus, don't tell me you're into dirty talk," she teased, fingertips ghosting back down his palm.

"And if I were?" He closed his hand around one of hers and drew himself closer, until they were almost touching. Anya felt her pulse quicken.

"I suppose I'd have to say that I prefer showing to telling, but if you really want me to, I'm happy to explain at great length what I want you to do to me."

"Spirits, Anya…" The turian looked at her in a way that she could only describe as predatory, and her smile widened as she pressed herself against him and shifted so that she could murmur in his ear.

"What? You don't want to hear how much I liked having your mouth at my throat? Or do you not want me to tell you how much I'm looking forward to you, touching me everywhere, with nothing in the way? Mmm, I'll bet you wanted more buildup before I tell you that I can't wait to make you cum with my legs wrapped around your waist. That's it, isn't it?"

When she finally pulled back, Garrus seemed lost for words for a moment before he finally cleared his throat and found his voice. "Damn, that was…"

"Way better than reach and flexibility, right?"

The tension between them eased a little when he laughed. "Yeah, but, the be fair, that's a low bar, Shep."

"It really is," she said, smiling again before continuing, "I can definitely handle a little dirty talk, though."

"I'm not so sure about that. Your performance so far hasn't exactly been consistent," he teased.

"My performance has gotten exponentially better. Just imagine what'll happen when we finally get to the main event."

"And you're absolutely sure that you still want this?"

"Damn it, Garrus, I am sure. What is it going to take for you to realize that I genuinely want you?"

He shook his head. "I'm probably going to be skeptical until we get started."

"Why? You are smart and brave and funny and sexy. What about that doesn't sound appealing?"

"We just...see different things, I guess," he said quietly.

"Tell me what you see, then."

"When I look at me, I see a man who is angry and scarred and short-sighted. I swear, when you talk about me, it almost seems like you're talking about a different person. What you're saying make me feel nice, but that doesn't mean that I feel like I deserve it."

"So you see that you have feelings and make mistakes, and turning those totally normal things into dealbreakers in your head?"

"See, when you put it that way-"

"Also, I told you, I don't mind the scars. It's not just a krogan thing."

"I just…" He shook his head, and she sighed before slipping back in close to embrace her friend. He was quick to hold her in return, and after a few moments, she spoke.

"I like you, and I want you. Even if you don't see what I see, try to trust me, because I don't intend to start lying to you."

"Okay." His arms tightened around her. "I will try."

They stayed entwined like that for what seemed like an eternity before Anya pulled away reluctantly.

"I should go. I have reports to finish."

"That's fine, I have another round of diagnostics to run, anyway."

"Then more calibrations?"

He laughed. "I would like to point out that you are just as much a creature of habit as I am."

"You're not wrong," she admitted as she slid from his arms entirely, turning to face him as she backed towards the door, playful grin dancing across her lips. "Don't let your habits keep you from remembering to trim that talon, though."

One mandible twitched upward and she turned back towards the door, beaming when she heard him mutter under his breath, "Spirits…"


	13. Mistaken

Chapter 13

Anya grimaced at the way the whiskey burned going down. The sensation was never pleasant, but that wasn't the point. The tribunal had torn her nerves to shreds, and she knew that she'd been a hairsbreadth from having no choice but to expose Tali's father. Using her service history had been a Hail Mary at best, and she wasn't sure what she would have done if her words hadn't managed to land just right.

The door opened, and Anya wasn't surprised to see Garrus walk in.

"Everything okay, Shepard?" he asked gently.

"I'm...I'm okay."

"If you were okay, that would be wine. Whiskey is not your 'okay' drink." He was next to her at the bar now, leaning back against it, his shoulder almost touching hers.

She snorted. "I will be okay. Better?"

"We're getting closer. Why don't you talk to me about it? See if we can get there."

"I just...at the tribunal. Holding Tali's life in my hands like that, it...I'm not cut out for it."

"We're responsible for each other's lives every time we go out on a mission, Anya."

"That's different, though. Tali's life could have been ruined in so many different ways if I hadn't been lucky."

"That wasn't luck. You're more persuasive than you think."

"I swear to God, sometimes all I'm doing is talking until something sticks."

"Well, you make it look very natural, if it helps. I know that you sounded very passionate when you defended Tali, and I'm sure your sincerity struck a chord."

"I was desperate, Garrus. My only other options were letting her get exiled or ruining our friendship by outing her dad. If that hadn't worked…"

"You would have found a way."

"I have already died once, that is already ample evidence that I can't talk or shoot my way out of everything."

She saw a brief flash of something pained cross his expression, and she wished for a moment that she hadn't spoken. The silence stretched between them for a few moments when he finally, quietly, said, "You're right, but how many times should we have all died, but didn't because of you?"

"How many times did you end up in those situations because of me?"

"We choose to be with you. We know what we're risking. We aren't all calling this a suicide mission because it's catchy."

She snorted. "That's not the point."

"Then what is?"

She opened her mouth, then quickly closed it again. After a beat, she finally answered, "I don't know."

"Then why don't we celebrate?" He rested a hand on one of hers, and she glanced down. He gently brushed a thumb along the back of her hand and she noticed that the exposed part of one of his talons had been filed down. She caught herself smiling outright at the realization, and she turned to him.

"Okay. You win this time. I will try to be less of a sad sack."

"Good. Anyway, you can't just steal my whole thing. Everyone already knows that I'm the broody one."

She laughed and his mandible twitched. "You are absolutely impossible, Vakarian."

"But that's why we work so well together. There's a reason, a very good reason, there's no Vakarian without Shepard." He squeezed her hand gently.

"And there's no Shepard without Vakarian."

He enveloped her in a careful embrace, murmuring into her hair, "Attagirl."

She wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned into him a little. She closed her eyes when his arms tightened around her, and a small, content noise escaped her.

"This is nice," she finally said quietly.

"It really is." She could feel the reverberations in his chest when he spoke.

"I like your subharmonics, by the way."

He chuckled. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. They're kind of...soothing. I mean, obviously I don't hear them, but I can feel them."

"Well, I'm glad you're a fan." He gently ran a talon through her hair, and she made another pleased noise. "You're welcome to come feel them anytime."

"Mmm, don't tempt me. I'm liable to ask you to go ahead and come to bed with me, and we'll just figure the sex out eventually."

He laughed again. "That good, huh?"

"Definitely." She pulled back enough to look up at him and smile, her hands wandering idly towards the back of his neck. He leaned down and gently pressed his forehead to hers. Her fingertips lightly grazed his fringe, and she felt her breath hitch when his hands tightened at her waist. Her hips were suddenly pinned to his, and the rumble in his chest shifted to something deeper.

"Ah, sorry, I didn't mean-I wasn't expecting-" He released her quickly, realization and worry written in his features. She interrupted by pressing her mouth to his.

"Don't be sorry. I liked it." She touched his fringe again experimentally, and he was quick to spin them both so that her lower back was against the bar. Anya gasped when he ground his hips against hers, and her fingers tightened. He let out a rough noise, and a thrill ran through her when he thrust again.

The friction was delicious, and she felt her leg shift to the side and wrap around the outside of his slowly. The rumble in his chest made her heart slam in her ribs, and she wondered for a moment if he noticed.

"Spirits, Anya," he practically growled.

"What? Don't you like it?" she teased gently, ghosting kisses along his mandible.

"Not even close to my current problem."

"Oh? And what is the current problem?"

"How am I supposed to wait if you keep going out of your way to make me so wound up that all I can think about is bending you over the bar?"

"If you're hoping I can give you a reason not to do it right now, you may want to brace yourself to be sorely mistaken."

He groaned and buried his face in her neck before the door opened and in strode Jack and Tali. Jack's eyes were wide when she saw them, but Tali was oblivious for a few seconds longer. They awkwardly disentangled themselves as quickly as they could.

Anya grimaced and muttered. "Told you we're bad at it."

"Seriously, Shepard?" Jack snapped as Tali failed to stifle a laugh.

"What?" She could feel her face heat.

"You chose the bar after a goddamn mission as an opportune time to get hot and heavy? That is just sad. You'd totally be getting railed right now if you'd just picked a different fucking spot to...canoodle? Do you old people still use canoodle?" Jack mocked.

"I'm not even twenty-nine, for fuck's sake. How old did you think I am?" Anya said incredulously.

"Ah, technically…" Garrus started hesitantly.

"Don't even start. I am not debating birthdays when I was dead. I refuse. Matter of principle at this point. Excuse me." Anya stepped away from the bar, eyes fixed on the door as her face continued to pinken.

"Okay, so, now that Shepard is leaving, Garrus, what was the line she dropped that convinced you to bone her?" Jack smirked as Anya passed, and the older woman rolled her eyes.

"Don't do it Garrus."

"I have a sneaking suspicion that I will not be telling you," the turian said.

"Smart man!" Anya called over her shoulder, and she saw his mandible twitch upward.


	14. Silver Tongue

Chapter 14 (Warning-Basically Pure Smut)

Anya had to remind herself to breathe when Garrus's hand came up to gently stroke the side of her face. The last few days had passed in an awful, stressful blur, but in this moment, she was almost agonisingly aware of every second as it ticked by. Her heart ached for her friend as they moved in closer to each other, his forehead touching hers lightly.

"You're absolutely sure about this, Anya?" he asked softly, after a moment. His earlier words echoed in her mind for a beat before she tilted her face up to press her mouth to his.

"Ah, ah. You aren't getting out of this that easily, Vakarian," she teased gently as her arms slid around his neck. She kissed him again before murmuring, "I haven't changed my mind, so unless you've changed yours, you're stuck with me for the next few hours."

He snorted and one of his mandibles twitched upward before he spoke, his eyes finally meeting hers. "I can live with that. I just…"

"What is it? You know you can tell me anything, right?"

"It's...will you promise me something?"

"What?"

"Well, two things. I...if I do anything you don't like, can you please tell me right away? I don't want you enduring something that you actively don't want, or doing anything just to humor me."

"That's easy enough. I promise. What's the other thing?"

"I...if this doesn't...go well, can you just...promise me that we'll still be close once the awkwardness goes away?"

"Garrus…"

"I know, I know it's...that one is harder, but…"

"You have my word," she said softly, "as long as you can promise that you aren't going into this looking for it to fail."

After a moment, he nodded, his free hand going to her waist. He pulled her hips against his carefully, and she felt a brief wave of surprise when he initiated the next kiss. Her hands shifted until she brushed his fringe with her fingertips. He made an appreciative noise and she let her tongue dart out. His own tangled with hers quickly, and she took a moment to savor it.

"Spirits, Anya," he panted when she pulled back a little.

"Right there with you, big guy," she said softly. "Maybe we should get a little closer to the bed?"

"I mean, hopefully we're going to end up in it, so heading that way can't hurt anything."

She snorted. "Just c'mon already. Ditch the wine on the desk for now. You might want to leave the scouter, too."

She took one of his hands in hers and lead him down the stairs, her heart speeding up as they approached her bed. She half-turned to look back at him, and he seemed to take it as an invitation to pull her back into his arms. The moment he lowered his mouth to her throat, she forgot what she had originally planned on saying, instead uttering only a small moan when he started licking and nipping at the sensitive skin.

Her hands found his fringe again, and she ended up massaging and tugging at it. He groaned, a low rumble in his chest accompanying the sound, and she took his moment of distraction as an opportunity to press kisses to the side of his neck.

"Anya…" he panted, hands tightening there on her waist again, and she bit him once, lightly. She felt his talons dig in just a little, and it encouraged her to do it again. "You're driving me crazy on purpose, aren't you?"

"In my mind, I've been trying to turn you on as much as you've been turning me on. Am I getting close?" she teased.

"What do you think?" he asked, shifting so that he could kiss her again. One of his hands ended up cupping her cheek as his tongue touched hers, and she nearly shivered at the feeling. When their mouths finally parted, she was breathing harder, and she leaned into the contact when he rested his forehead against hers.

"I think we're both overdressed for this," she finally answered.

"What is it your people say? Ladies first?" he said with a chuckle.

He seemed surprised when she pulled away, the expression intensifying when she peeled her shirt up and off, her heart hammering in her ears as she tossed it to the side. "Your turn."

"I...damn." He seemed entranced by the skin she exposed. "I'm pretty sure I don't look as good under my clothes."

"Garrus, if you're worried about the scars, you know I don't care. If you're worried that I don't have an idea of what you look like under your clothes, you're worrying about nothing."

"If...if you're sure…" He started to pull off his own shirt, and Anya quickly stripped off the rest of her clothing. When they were bare in front of each other, she immediately moved forward to kiss him again, not wanting to give him time to worry.

His hands wandered this time, every touch a careful caress. After a few moments he pulled back long enough to murmur, "Spirits, you're soft."

"I swear to God, if you start calling me squishy, too, we're going to have a problem," she pretended to threaten, smile curving her lips. He laughed and pressed his forehead to hers gently.

"I'll just keep that one to myself, then."

"Ass."

"Maybe, but jokes aside, I do have a small problem," he admitted.

"And what's that?"

"I have no idea what I'm supposed to do next."

She managed to stifle a giggle, simply saying, "Just lay down on the bed, on your back, and get comfortable."

"Bossy even when you're naked, I see," he teased, manibles flared in a smile.

"I'm just saying if you want me to ride your cock, you might want to try it. I watched _all_ of the videos."

"I think I'm going to get on the bed now," he responded after a beat.

"Smart man," she teased, pulling away, and he was quick to get situated on the bed. She wasn't surprised to see the tip of his cock emerging from his slit, and she hurried to get on the bed with him. She threw a leg over his hips so she straddled him. His tip was pressed against her center and she ground herself against him for a moment before leaning down to nibble at his neck.

"Spirits, Anya," he muttered, placing a hand on either thigh, his talons lightly brushing the skin. She moved her hips again, and this time he matched it with a small thrust of his own. She made a soft, appreciative noise, and she felt his hands tighten a little.

"God, I can't wait to have you inside me," she breathed into his ear before pressing a few kisses to his mandible. She felt his length surge beneath her, and she nearly smiled. Her hand snaked between them and she carefully took him in her palm, stroking his cock in slow, even pumps, and he groaned.

"Damn, even just your hand feels good," he panted, arching his hips with her movements. She bit her lip when glanced down. His shaft seemed to have fully extended itself, and she wondered for a moment if he would fit. The little toy in her nightstand had nothing on him.

 _(He's six-and-a-half feet tall. Him being proportional isn't crazy.)_ The reminder didn't make the prospect any less intimidating.

She lined him up with her entrance and started to lower herself slowly, taking him in one tantalizing inch at a time. She ignored the little pinprick stings of his talons just digging into her thighs, focusing instead on the delicious ache of his cock stretching her until she felt bold enough to sit up.

She watched him as she moved her hips, slowly working on taking all of him and enjoying the look on his face nearly as much as she was beginning to enjoy riding him. His eyes were closed, and his mouth was barely open, with him clearly enjoying every movement of her hips. She was glad that she'd suggested being on top, and that he was being patient. It was making it easier for her to adjust to having him inside her, and it wasn't long before he was hilted between her thighs.

"You gonna make it, big guy?" she teased, rolling her hips more aggressively, and he made a noise.

"Oh, I'm definitely going to make it. Whether I'll last long enough for you to make it in the first round is still up in the air," he joked when he was able to get the words out. She snorted.

"What is it my people say? Ladies first?" she asked with a grin.

"Oh, no, Shep. You didn't!" he groaned.

"Oh, yes, I did."

He snorted. "Well, if we're trying to abide by 'ladies first,' you're going to have to show me what you like so I can...help you along. What do you want me to do to you?"

The rumble that accompanied his last few words made heat pool in her lower belly and her heart skip a beat. "Well, for starters, remember me telling you that I like your subharmonics?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, let's just say that they're even better when you use them in bed."

He chuckled at that, and she nearly shivered at the way his voice almost seemed to reverberate through her when he spoke again. "I can do vocal. What else?"

"Well, you already know that I enjoy the things you do to my throat, but I also really like…" She placed her hands on his and guided them up her thighs until he had his palms on her hips, his thumbs resting in the slight dips next to the bone. "The skin right here is really sensitive for me."

"Yeah? How sensitive are we talking?" He lightly dragged his talons back and forth over the tender skin and she bit back a moan. He suddenly squeezed and her hips bucked before she realized that it happened. He started speaking again before she could answer, and she could tell he was mostly murmuring to himself at first. "That's...that is very good to know. So gentle and rough both work there. Where else do you want me to touch you?"

"Well, there's also…" This time she guided one of his hands up to her breast, and she demonstrated for him on the other. He copied her motions carefully, squeezing the pale mound, then going through and teasing her nipple by pinching and rolling.

"Spirits, I wish you could see how sexy you look right now," he rumbled beneath her, and she felt her cheeks heat.

"I'm glad you're enjoying the view," she retorted, and he just smiled up at her as he pushed himself up, both hands returning to her hips once he was upright and pressed against her. He nuzzled her throat as he squeezed, guiding her hips up and down slowly as he rocked to meet her.

"The view isn't all I'm enjoying," he finally said, his subharmonics making her melt. "If I had any idea of how good it would feel to be inside you, I never would have wanted to wait."

"Oh, God," she breathed, her hands finding his fringe.

"You going to make it, Anya?" he teased between thrusts.

"Shut up and fuck me," she panted, pressing her mouth to his hard as the pressure kept building. She felt like she was burning up, hovering on the brink, and all she needed was a little more of him, his kiss, his cock, his touch all combining to drive her crazy.

When their mouths finally parted, he practically growled the words that sent her over the edge. "Spirits, Anya…"

She squeezed her eyes shut and clung to him desperately as she came, and she wasn't sure if the throbbing between her legs was his shaft or her own heartbeat, but it didn't matter. He didn't let go of her, and it didn't really register with her when he stiffened against her, his hands holding her even more tightly against him.

When she came back to herself, they were both panting, neither willing to initiate breaking their intimate contact. She found herself gently touching her forehead to his.

"God, Garrus, that was…" her voice trailed off, uncertain how to put it into words.

"That was...intense, right? And what was that thing you did there at the end?" he asked softly.

"What thing? Me cumming?"

"Spirits, that's what it feels like when you finish?"

"Is that a problem?" She raised an eyebrow at him and he chuckled.

"Only if I can't convince you to let me do that again. I can be ready for round two in less than five minutes, if you're up for it," he said earnestly, his mouth dangerously close to her throat. "I should last a bit longer, too."

"You were serious about this only being round one?" she asked, not quite keeping the surprise out of her voice.

"I'm as serious as you want me to be." She wasn't sure if the words were a threat or an offer. She pressed her mouth to his while she considered it.

"I think I can be persuaded," she murmured when she pulled back, mischievous smile dancing across her lips.

He grinned, and flipped them in one smooth motion, leaving her on her back and him pressing her into her mattress. "Well, I may not have the silver tongue of the illustrious Commander Shepard, but I think I can come up with something…"


	15. Like a Krogan

Chapter 15 (Warning - Basically Pure Smut)

"Fuck," Anya panted as Garrus's mouth nipped at her throat again. He soothed the ache with his tongue, and it made her arch her hips against him. He made an appreciative noise as his hand tugged on the crook of her knee, and she was quick to wrap her legs around his waist.

"So, if I need to persuade you to let me fuck you again, where should I start?" he asked from his vantage point, propped up on one elbow above her. She could feel his subharmonics warm her to her core, and she felt herself clench at the words. He let out a small groan, and she rocked against him.

"Oh, fuck," she panted.

"You said that already," he murmured, pulling back from her throat enough to look at her, amusement in his eyes.

"I will swear how I want when your dick is in me," she said with a mock glare.

"Yes, Commander," he teased, and she groaned.

"No. No 'Commander.' No 'Shepard.' For just a few hours I want to just be 'Anya.' I get tired of...ugh, never mind. I'm being weird." She closed her eyes and took a breath.

"Anya, look at me," Garrus said gently, resting his forehead against hers, and she felt the hand on her knee come up to cradle her jaw. She opened them reluctantly, and her breath caught in her throat at the understanding in his gaze. "I care about you. I don't just care because of your rank, and I don't just care because you're Shepard. You know that, right?"

"Yeah," she said softly, lump starting in her throat. "I know."

"If I'd realized it would upset you, I wouldn't have made the joke. I hope you aren't too upset with me. I never meant to hurt your feelings. I'm sorry."

"No, it's fine, I just...it's stupid past shit."

"Want to talk about it? I don't mind stopping."

"I would mind. I promise we can talk about it later. That shit...it doesn't matter right now. All that matters right now is you," she kissed him once, lightly, "and me."

"Okay. But I'm holding you to it, on talking later," he said, pressing his mouth to hers for a long moment.

When he finally pulled away, she whispered, "Fuck me."

"Spirits, Anya," he muttered, burying his face in her throat again. He nuzzled and nipped until she was panting, and she nearly wept in relief when he finally started moving his hips. He trailed a hand down her side in a gentle caress, ending at her hip.

"Oh, God," she managed, tilting her head to expose more skin. His hand tightened on her, a talon digging in a little. She whimpered at the pain, but didn't tell him to stop, her mind more focused on the friction between them at the peak of every thrust.

"What do you need?" His voice was hot in her ear, and every syllable warmed her to her core.

"You," she whispered, tugging at his fringe, and he let out a sharp breath, thrusting into her faster. She leaned up to kiss and nibble at his neck, and he let out a low noise. When she made it up to his ear, she murmured, "God, I love how you fuck me."

"Damn it," he panted against her throat. "You're making it hard to hold back."

"Then stop holding back, and fuck me like you mean it," Anya replied, and he groaned. He started slamming his length into her. She nearly yelped when he tried to pull his hand from her hip, and she realized he must have managed to dig in too much with his talon. She was quick to slide a hand down to guide it out, and Garrus's pace faltered as he pulled back to look down to figure out what had happened.

"Anya, you're bleeding," he said, sounding alarmed.

"It's fine, you barely scratched me," she soothed, pulling him back down and pressing her mouth to his.

"I left a puncture wound, should we stop?" He still seemed a little anxious, and she shook her head.

"It's not big enough to even warrant medi-gel. It's really not a problem."

"I just-I wasn't trying to hurt you."

"Garrus, it wouldn't matter, even if you were. I like a little pain in the mix. Now stop worrying. Round two isn't over yet, big guy," she murmured playfully, kissing him again, lingering long enough to tease his tongue with hers. After a few moments, he finally started to relax again.

"You're sure you're okay?"

"If I stopped what I was doing every time I got something little like that, I'd never get anything done. Trust me. I told you that I'd say something if I wasn't good."

"Okay," he said hesitantly. He started moving against her again, and she made an approving noise. He seemed emboldened by her encouragement, and began to work his way back up to pounding her relentlessly. Within a few minutes, Anya was clinging to him as he pistoned away.

"I'm getting close," she finally managed, and she wasn't sure if the words were a plea or a warning. Garrus pressed his mouth to hers hard, and she whimpered when he pulled away.

"Good," he said, his voice low and rough again, and Anya's heart slammed even harder in her chest than it had before. She could feel herself on the brink, and she shut her eyes when she finally felt the throbbing pleasure wash over her. Garrus's hips stuttered, and she heard him swear in her ear just before he arched hard against her, rocking his hips while buried to the hilt between her thighs.

They stayed like that for a few long moments after he stilled, and she started trying to slow her breathing. "You alright?"

"'M fine. You finishing keeps doing me in," he admitted with a chuckle. She snorted and he pulled back a little, looking down at her with a small smile.

"I can live with that." He didn't respond out loud, instead just touching his forehead to hers lightly for a few long moments. Anya's breath caught in her throat, and she nearly swore. _(Oh, fuck. I don't want to bang my friend. These are_ feelings _feelings. What the fuck am I supposed to do about that?)_

"So, you want to tell me why calling you Commander was so upsetting? I mean, I understand why you wouldn't like it, but it seemed a little...strong for just a preference."

"Oh, that? It's really stupid, honestly."

"Just because you think that doesn't mean I'll think that. C'mon, Anya. You know I don't mind listening."

"I...it's...so, I'm pretty sure Kaidan was physically incapable of calling me anything but 'Commander' or 'Shepard' even when we were in bed, and it just...it drove me up the wall. I can count on one hand the number of times he called me by my first name, and even then, it was...it either sounded like a question or like he was trying to sound it out for the first time. I just...I feel like if your dick's currently in me, you should be able to use my name without worrying about being professional, you know?"

"I'm...I'm sorry, you're really telling me that Alenko called you by your rank on a regular basis when you two would...?"

"Yes, and I hated it. We got in legitimate arguments about it."

"How did he defend that?" The turian seemed torn between disbelief and amusement.

"By saying that I shouldn't be so uptight about it, and it shouldn't matter what he called me in the heat of the moment."

"And you would say…?"

"My response was pretty bad."

"Well, now you've gotta tell me."

"I told him I'd rather be called a dirty slut right before I came than him call me 'Commander' in the middle of me blowing him."

Garrus tried and failed to stifle a laugh. "You're messing with me. You have to be."

"Nope. Real fight, real retort. It sounds ridiculous, I know, but it really happened. He got annoyed with me for being needlessly vulgar, and he just called me 'Shepard' little more often for like two weeks, then it was right back to 'Commander.'"

"Spirits, no wonder you weren't pleased. Should I not call you by either?"

"If our clothes are on, I'm fine with professional. 'Shepard' and 'Commander' me up and down the ship. If you're about to fuck me, or already fucking me, please don't. Kaidan turned that into a weird pet peeve."

"I can do that. Although...I don't know how often I'll be making use of that after tonight."

"What do you mean?" Dread sunk deep in her belly.

"One or both of us might not make it back."

She scowled at that. "Wrong attitude, big guy. Every single one of us are getting out of there. I decided that the Collectors aren't taking shit else from me when they decided to come fuck up my ship."

"You just unilaterally decided that no one else is allowed to die?"

"Yep. Once we leave this bed, you staying alive is a full blown order."

"If I say, "Yes, Commander," how hard are you going to hit me?"

"Like a krogan with a migraine." He laughed again at that, and she grinned.

"I'll stay alive if you do, Anya," he finally said, touching his forehead to hers again, and her smile softened.

"Well, since it's you asking, I guess I'll make something happen."

"Mmm, I'm honored. Any chance I could ask for something else?"

"Maybe."

"How would you feel about a round three? We've still got a little time, and I think I've got one more in me if you're up for it."

"Not in this position. The skin on the inside of my thighs is going to start chafing soon."

"Spirits, I'm sorry, I didn't realize-" he seemed alarmed.

"I'm fine, Garrus. It's not like you've rubbed me raw, the skin's just getting a little sensitive. I will tell you if you're legitimately hurting me."

"Okay. So, what did you have in mind?" He pulled out carefully and she let out a noise. He shifted so he was sitting next to her on the bed, and she slowly propped herself up.

"How do you feel about me on all fours and you behind me?"

"I feel like we're going to have to do this again after the mission."


	16. Change

Chapter 16 (Warning - Basically Pure Smut)

Anya bit back a giggle at how eager Garrus was to scramble up behind her once she was on her hands and knees. She felt one big hand settle on her hip and she glanced back at him. "Need any help?"

"I think I can figure it out," he said with a laugh, and she felt her breath catch when the tip of his cock nudged her. "Right here?"

"Yeah," she said breathlessly, and he slid in quickly enough that she almost yelped. "Ah, start off a little on the easy side, though. Different angles can require a little bit of an adjustment."

"Oh. Did I hurt you?" He sounded concerned, and he froze.

"Not quite. I figured I'd warn you before you did. Just keep it slow for a minute, I'll be fine."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure." She started moving for him, and she felt his other hand hesitantly end up on her other hip. She started taking his length a little deeper, and he finally moved with her, working together until he was eventually hilting himself in her with every thrust.

"Spirits, Anya," he groaned as he started pumping harder, and she felt herself grab a fistful of the blanket in either hand. His talons were digging into her hips, the sting making her screw her eyes shut, and she quickly found herself panting.

"Don't stop," she pleaded softly, and he let out a low noise that made her stomach flip. He pistoned her relentlessly until it was all she could do to meet his hips with hers, every thrust driving her closer to the end.

She stayed there, on the edge for several long moments before she raised herself to press her back to his front. One arm reached back to twine itself around the back of his neck, and her other hand was quick to grab Garrus's right. She drew his finger, the one with the blunted talon, into her mouth, sucking and licking the digit to get it wet. He pulled in a shuddering breath and she nearly smiled when he asked, "What are you doing?"

"I want you to make me finish," she said when his fingertip slid free of her lips. She guided his hand down between her legs, her heart pounding wildly. "There's a sensitive spot right here. When we were fucking earlier, we could stimulate it just by moving against each other, but this position needs...a more hands on approach."

"Teach me," he said simply, his voice low in her ear, and she nearly shuddered. She directed his finger with hers, and in almost no time he was stroking her clit in gentle circles. Her head fell back against his shoulder and she trembled against him, every nerve in her body singing as she approached her peak again.

He started nuzzling and nipping at her neck, and she whimpered, "Oh, God, just like that."

His teeth were still at the base of her throat when her orgasm washed over her, and she stopped breathing at the sudden pain that blossomed in the spot where her neck met her shoulder. The sharp stinging contrasted with the waves of pleasure radiating from her core, and she forgot to breathe for a moment with the intensity of the sensations washing over her.

She realized that Garrus must have bitten her as the ecstasy started to ebb, and he stiffened against her as he finished deep inside her. After a few moments he went rigid, then promptly started trying to disentangle himself from her wordlessly.

"Relax, I'm not going to bleed out after one bite," she said, getting off of him and letting him up, sitting unceremoniously near the edge of the bed.

"Spirits," he muttered, his eyes locked on the wound he'd made. She glanced down at it awkwardly, wondering why he was so unsettled by it.

Anya nearly yelped when Garrus rose from the bed and scooped her up, beelining for her bathroom. He deposited her on her toilet, and she grimaced at the cold of the cover on her bare ass. He rushed to her mirror, digging in the medicine cabinet behind it like a man possessed.

"I'm fine, Garrus. You can calm down." She couldn't decide whether to be annoyed or amused.

"It is not fine, I just surprise marked you and you're bleeding everywhere and it's going to scar and I cannot find the damn..." He let out an aggravated noise.

"Behind the ibuprofen in the big white bottle."

In moments he was back, medi-gel in hand, and he started liberally applying it to the deep bite wound on her shoulder. "I am so sorry, Anya. I was just so...into things in the moment, and when I bit you, my teeth went in so easily and then I was-I wasn't thinking. I didn't mean to do it."

"It's fine." She reached for her towel from her shower and snagged it, using it to wipe away the blood.

"It's not fine, I marked you. The only thing that could have been worse is if I'd bond marked you."

"What?"

"I...it's...if you're marked, you're committed to someone. If you're bond marked, you're committed to someone for life. I...I accidentally marked you. Marking and bond marking aren't meant to be done on a whim, without prior consent. It was...appallingly careless. Do you think that thing in the med-bay would get rid of the scar?"

"Oh. Probably."

"Spirits, I hope so. Of all the dumb, irresponsible shit for me to pull…" His hands were gentle as he massaged the gel in.

"That's enough, Garrus." He froze. "What?"

"I...I see. I probably shouldn't...I don't blame you if you don't want me to touch you after...after I…" He withdrew his hands and she sighed.

"Goddamnit, all I meant was that you need to stop beating yourself up over it. I like you touching me. I'm legitimately not even upset about the mark. If you want me to get rid of it, I can."

"Well, of course you...wait, what do you mean if _I_ want...do...do you want to keep my mark?" Garrus was fumbling over his words, and she had to look away.

"I mean...I don't know."

"Anya, this is important. Don't shut me out now."

"I...maybe? Fuck, it's...this might be a better conversation for after the mission."

"It's just...I thought we were...this was supposed to be a way to work off stress, wasn't it?"

"Originally, yeah, I...it...it was. It...it occurred to me that I also...have feelings for you, but I...I didn't realize it until we were already having sex, and I was going to talk to you about it after we got back." The words came out in a rush, and Anya could feel her face heating.

Silence stretched between them for moments that felt more like a lifetime. Finally, Garrus spoke, quietly saying, "I need you to get up."

"What?"

"If you're keeping my mark, you have to mark me in return. If that's what you want, I need you to get up. It's not meant to be a one way thing."

"Garrus, you don't have to do this to humor me, really…"

"I never said I wanted this for you. I want your mark for me."

"So you…?"

"I want to be with you. I don't know how to be anymore plain. Even after the mission, I want this. I want you, you crazy woman. You know there's no Vakarian without Shepard."

"And there's no Shepard without Vakarian." She let out a shaky breath as she rose. In moments, he was the one seated, and he pulled her into his lap so that she straddled him.

"Make sure you bite down hard the first time. Your goal is to break the skin enough to leave a lasting scar. Don't worry about hurting me."

"Okay. You're...you're sure that this is what you want?"

"I'm sure. Do it." He tilted his head away.

"Where?"

"Between here," he pointed to the spot where his neck and shoulder met before indicating the spot next to his carapace, "and here. It doesn't have to be centered."

"Okay." He withdrew his hand, and it settled on her hip. She leaned in and he stilled, waiting. She pressed a single kiss to his shoulder by way of warning before she bit down as hard as she could. The metallic tang of blood hit her mouth when his skin split, and she kept up the pressure for a few moments until she was sure the wound she left was deep enough to scar.

She hurried to clean the mark with the towel, then it was her turn to carefully administer medi-gel. She studied the spot for a moment, and he asked, "Everything alright?"

"Just making sure I got it all. It should be done healing up soon. Was that okay? I had to bite down pretty hard, your skin is pretty thick." She started cleaning his blood from around her mouth, and he finally shifted to look at her.

"It was. Honestly, I knew it was going to hurt. It's normally a lot more pleasant if it's done during sex, but I just don't have a round four in me. When I was younger, maybe, but it's just not going to happen anymore," he said, feigning seriousness, and she smiled.

"I'm fine with that. Honestly, I'm already going to be walking funny tomorrow. Anymore and you were going to be press ganged into carrying me everywhere." He snorted at that, and her grin grew. "C'mon. We need to rinse off."

"Mmm, you're right, we probably should. You look good in blue, though, if you're ever wondering," he joked, carefully brushing a thumb across her jaw in an attempt to remove an azure smudge, but she felt it smear instead.

"Leave it. That's what the shower's for." She rose and headed towards it, quickly turning the water on. She glanced back at him and wondered why he was watching her so intently. "You joining me or just watching?"

"I'm leaning towards joining, but I...we should talk about this a little, shouldn't we? How things are changing, and how they're staying the same?"

"We can. Honestly, I was kind of hoping things weren't going to change too much, outside of being more free with physical affection and hopefully lots of you sleeping here, figuratively and literally. I'm very comfortable with monogamous, so that's not even remotely a problem. What were you hoping for?" He rose and approached her, stopping just inside arms length.

"Wait, why just me sleeping here? What's wrong with you sleeping in my bed?"

"It's a single person cot. I'm still not fully convinced it's big enough for you."

"I mean, barely. I could get a bigger cot."

"If you get a bigger cot, we can revisit the topic. Answer the question."

"Fair enough. I guess I just want...I don't know. I think I was mostly bracing for you to want more to change between us."

"Why would you think I'd want more to change? I like how things are, as a whole. I'm not going to ask you to act differently, or change how you treat me. It would be nice to come before your calibrations now and then," she teased with a grin, "but I know that's asking a lot. That might be more of a bondmate kind of request."

He laughed. "I can accommodate that. Anything else?"

"Not that I can think of. Are you sure there's nothing that you can think of that you want to change?"

He thought for a long moment. "How do you feel about going out?"

"Like on dates?"

"Yeah. I like the idea of taking you out now and then. Maybe not dancing, but to dinner, or a movie, or just...I don't know...just enjoying being out together."

"My dancing is not that bad."

"If you say so."

"It isn't!"

"Notice how I'm not disputing your opinion."

"Ass."

"Still an ass that always has your six," he said pointedly, and she rolled her eyes.

"I'll go on dates with you, now just get in the goddamn shower."


	17. Final Warning

Chapter 17

Anya was trembling when her door closed behind her. Exhaustion and adrenaline were battling in her, and she wasn't sure if she was about to keel over or start pacing. She made herself sit in the chair in front of her desk, determined to at least get her heart rate under control, and her omni-tool made a noise. She glanced down and opened the message when she saw it was from Garrus.

_I'm coming up._

She faintly heard the whirring of the elevator, and she didn't think before she said, "EDI, can you please open the door for Garrus when he gets here?"

"Understood, Commander."

A few beats later, the door opened, and the turian strode in, eyes still a little wild. His gaze quickly fell on her and she roused herself to stand in order to meet him halfway. He folded her into his arms quickly, and she could feel tears prick her eyes.

"Don't ever leave me behind like that again," he mumbled into her hair.

"I didn't want to this time. I just...I trusted you to hold a fall back point for us."

"You fought that thing without me."

"Jacob and Miranda are good leaders, but I only have slightly more faith in them than the Council. Zaeed can't be trusted to get anyone but himself out. Who else could hold the line? We were dead if we hadn't...God, I didn't want to go on without you, but what choice did I have?"

"I cannot have your six from that far away, Anya. Spirits, if something had happened to you again…" His hold on her tightened and she swallowed.

"You said you would stay alive if I did. I told you I would. It was easier to walk away when I knew I was coming straight back to you," she whispered. "I wouldn't lie to you."

"Just please don't do that again."

"Not if I can help it."

"I'm serious, Anya."

"So am I. Garrus, look at me." She pulled back and met his gaze with hers. "I promise you, if there is ever a way that I can do something in a way that keeps you by my side, that is the way I will do it. Okay?"

After a beat, he nodded, and she smiled when he leaned in to touch his forehead to hers. She leaned into the gesture, letting out a contented noise, and he squeezed her tighter for a moment. "C'mon, let's get you of this armor. We can clean both after we get some sleep."

"How do you know I wasn't about to clean it now?"

"Are you really trying to tell me that you're cleaning your armor first for the first time in over two years right after we took down a reaper and most of the Collectors? That's really the story you're going with right now?"

She snorted. "No. I'm just saying, you never know."

"Maybe one day, but not today," he conceded with a chuckle.

"C'mon. Let's ruin these sheets and get some sleep." She slid from his embrace and took his hand in hers, leading him down the stairs towards the bed.

"This feels vaguely familiar," he said softly from behind her, and she laughed.

"We can refresh your memory after I get a shower. Or while I get a shower. I'm willing to play it by ear."

"Well, I've proven somewhat persuasive recently, I'd like to think my odds are decent," came the retort, and she shook her head, "and I've actually gotten a pretty decent idea of what I need to do now."

She laughed at that. "If you call earlier decent, I'm intrigued by and simultaneously terrified of whatever you consider really good."

He chuckled, too, the noise low, and she briefly considered trying to talk him into staying up with her, but decided against it almost immediately. She could feel herself on the brink of crashing, and nothing was going to be more important than curling up to sleep at some point in the next three to seven minutes.

When they reached the bed, Anya turned to face him, and he smiled, reaching for the clasps that kept her armor in place. She did the same for him, helping him with his, until the armor was scattered in a semi-circle around them. Then Anya began to peel off her clothes and underclothes, determined to be bare, and Garrus shook his head.

"I hope you aren't hoping for much. My aches have aches," he warned with a rueful laugh.

"Oh, God, no. I just can't sleep for shit in dirty clothes. It's a weird holdover from my street urchin days. I'd rather be naked than filthy any day of the week."

"Huh." After a beat, the turian followed suit, and she giggled while he stripped. "What? I don't have any clean clothes up here, and you aren't wrong."

"It just took so little convincing. I'm sorry, it's not that funny."

"You're exhausted," he half-joked as he peeled off the last of his clothes.

"Ugh, I really am." She smiled when he pulled her back into his arms, and she took a moment to savor the heat coming off of him. "I'm glad you're okay."

"Me, too. I'm not sure I could have gotten away with a whole lot more scar tissue just yet, so I figured it was better to play it safe."

"Oh, hush."

"I'm just saying, I don't know how much krogan somehow snuck in that head of yours." He ran his talons through her hair gently, and she closed her eyes as she leaned into the touch. It took a long moment for her to force them open again, and she smiled up at him as she pulled away.

"C'mon, let's get some rest. I'm about ready to fall asleep standing up." He snorted at that.

She hurried into her bed and under the covers, glad when he followed. It took a moment for him to arrange the pillows comfortably, but once they were settled, he moved in close behind her. He reached for her tentatively, and she was quick to scoot back against him, tugging his arm until it was loosely wrapped around her waist. He made a small, contented noise. "Getting comfortable?"

"Mmm, very. Is this going to be okay for you?"

"I'm fine. Are you going to be alright? I know I'm not very soft, and I know my skin gets pretty warm."

"I've noticed. I fully intend to steal the majority of your body heat over the next...eight to fourteen hours. Final warning."

"I can handle that."

"Good. Thank you, Garrus."

"For what?"

"I don't know. I...just...just for being here."

"Spirits, where else would I be?" He nipped at the edge of her scar once, lightly, as if to remind her of its presence, and she smiled. She craned her neck to turn enough to press a single kiss to his mouth before returning to her previous position.

"Good night, Garrus."

"Sleep well, Anya."


	18. Hot Water

Chapter 18

Anya groaned when she finally roused herself. She realized that they both must have moved in their sleep, because Garrus was now laying flat on his back, and she had somehow ended up on her other side, his arm trapped under her head.

"Are you awake this time?" the turian asked quietly, and she snorted.

"I think so. Have I had some false starts or something?"

"Two of them, actually. I was contemplating leaving the hand at this point."

She snorted and raised herself up, barely suppressing a groan. Her back and shoulders were clinging to residual stiffness, and she wondered how she hadn't been woken by her aches. "I think I'm getting too old for this shit, Garrus."

He laughed at that, and she grinned as he flexed his hand experimentally a few times. "Somehow I'm skeptical that your age is going to change a damn thing."

"Mmm, you know me too well. Want to hop in the shower with me? We could get the last of the grime off, and if the heat is kind to our muscles, maybe a round four?" She turned towards the edge of the bed, her smile turning hopeful as she glanced back at him.

"How could I refuse?" he asked as he swung his legs to the side and rose, stretching as he stood. She watched the way his muscles moved between plates, and she blushed when he turned, catching her in the middle of staring at him. "What?"

"Nothing major. I think I'm just partial to you naked," she admitted. He laughed at that before he made his way around the bed. When he reached her, he leaned down and touched his forehead to hers, a hand coming up to gently cup her jaw. His thumb caressed her cheek, and she almost shivered at the sensation of his talons barely touching her.

"I'm pretty partial to you, too, you know," he said softly, and she felt her heart speed up at the way his subharmonics deepened his voice.

"Garrus…" She swallowed, unsure of what to say next, but he pressed his mouth to hers before she could figure it out. She let out a small, approving noise, and when he pulled back, he seemed pleased with her reaction.

"C'mon. Let's get this shower going before I render you speechless again," he teased gently.

"I'd be happy with either," she joked, and he chuckled as he tugged her to her feet.

"I'm sure we'll get around to both." He smiled at her, and she found herself pressing a kiss to his cheek.

"You're probably right," she murmured with her own smile.

"I'm sorry, are we starting this relationship off with you admitting that sometimes I can be right?" He asked, feigning surprise.

"It's a dangerous precedent, I know, but I think it'll pay off," she said, keeping her expression serious. He broke into a grin a moment before she did, and he was quick to slide his arms around her when she stepped in close. She pulled him down just enough to touch his forehead to hers while she raised herself up to the balls of her feet to meet him in the middle.

"I could definitely get used to this," he said softly, gentle reverberations emanating from him, and she snorted.

"What? Being right?"

"That, too." Her heart sped up as one big hand came up to cup her cheek, and he barely increased how firmly his forehead touched hers. He slid his talons lightly through her hair, and she made a contented noise at the sensation.

She stayed that way for several long moments before the protesting of her already aching calves pushed its way to the forefront. She sank back down finally, slipping out of his arms, but threading her fingers through his so that she had her hand in his. "C'mon, honey. Let's go get clean."

"Honey?" he asked with a chuckle as he followed her gentle tugging.

"You already taking issue with pet names?" She flashed him a playful smile.

"I'm just wondering if calling me bee vomit is a warning," he retorted as they climbed the stairs together.

She laughed at that. "All I'm trying to imply is that I think you're sweet and I like you. Promise."

"Alright, I trust you. There are worse things to be called."

"That's true. I could have gone with pookie, or snookums, or baby cakes," she said, mischief in her eyes when she glanced back at him as they entered the bathroom.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"I have heard real people use those."

"I promise I will never complain about 'honey' ever again."

She snorted, finally releasing his hand to brace herself against the side of the shower and turn on the water. "Don't worry, I won't get much more daring with it than that."

"The last time I felt this relieved, we'd just shut Sovereign down."

"Mmm, who do you think would win in a fight, a reaper named Snookums or Sovereign?"

"Snookums. My money's on it having something to prove," he answered without hesitation, and she laughed, causing him to shoot her a toothy grin.

"I'd watch that fight. Water's ready." She stepped into the spray, suppressing a hiss at the sudden heat. Garrus was already following her a beat later as she started to adjust to the almost excessive warmth, though the noise he let out was more akin to appreciation than discomfort. Anya stepped directly into the water for a few beats, running her fingers through her hair to help the water get to her scalp.

"I still can't get over your shower not being subject to hot water rationing like the crew showers," Garrus said as he reached for the soap.

"Mmm, it's a pretty sweet setup from my perspective. Not that it matters much, I'm in and out in under ten minutes unless we just returned from a mission. Even then, it's normally less than fifteen." Anya snagged her shampoo and quickly began to wash her hair.

"Why would you basically impose the ration on yourself?" he asked as he started to scrub. A few moments passed while she pondered how to respond.

"Because I shouldn't be above the rules you guys are supposed to follow."

"No one is down below, wringing their hands and bemoaning you having a little more hot water," he teased, and she laughed at the thought.

"I don't normally need much, and taking more than my fair share just because I can seems…" She rinsed her hair quickly. "It seems a little…I dunno. "

"I'm just saying that a nice, long, luxurious shower every once in a while isn't going to hurt anything." Anya scoffed at that, reaching for soap.

"You're funny, insinuating that I typically have that kind of time." She started washing herself, and he chuckled.

"I don't know, it seems like you have enough time to come by the battery two or three times a day," he said, feigning seriousness, and she snorted.

"I suppose if it's a choice between you and lingering showers, I pick bothering you."

"Well, don't you know how to make a guy feel special?"

"I'm just a romantic, I guess," she said with a laugh.

"Mmm, right there with you. Why do you think I'm here instead of off doing calibrations?" he deadpanned.

"You just want to abuse my hot water privileges," she teased, and he chuckled.

"I'm shocked and hurt. I would never stoop so low," he replied, not even feigning seriousness.

"When you put it like that, it makes me think I'm onto something." She stepped into the water, rinsing as she gave him a hard time.

"I just don't want you overly worried about the water halfway through."

"Halfway through what?" Anya was surprised when an arm snaked around her waist and pulled her in tight against the turian. He nipped at her lower lip once, and when her lips parted, he was quick to seek access with his tongue. She found herself arching into him, and her arms slid around his neck.

"What do you think we could do that takes more than fifteen minutes?" His voice was low when he finally pulled back enough to speak, his subharmonics sending more heat to pool in her belly.


	19. Be Happy

Chapter 19 (Warning - Basically Pure Smut)

"Somehow, I get the impression you have something in mind," she murmured with a playful grin as she tugged his fringe once. He let out a noise not too far from a growl, and she nearly giggled when he walked her backwards, out of the spray, until the wall of the shower was pressing against her back, the cool tile making her shiver.

"I do have a few ideas," he said, his hands wandering down to her ass. He lifted her easily and she wrapped her legs around his waist, causing him to let out a chuckle.

"Well, Mr. Vakarian, are you going to share with the rest of the class?" she asked primly, a sly smile turning the corners of her lips upward.

"Oh, Anya, don't tell me you're into dirty talk?" He sounded positively smug.

"I do if you're doing it. You may be rubbing off on me," she teased.

"I can do that, too."

"Oh, hush. You know what I mean," she said, feigning exasperation as her cheeks heated.

"I do, but I'm honestly more interested in what you want," he murmured in her ear. "I want to know how you want me to fuck you."

He ground his hips against hers once, and she had to suppress a soft moan. She finally managed to say, her voice wavering, "God, I need you inside me."

He buried his face in her throat for a long moment before he asked, "How easy do I need to start out?"

She started massaging and tugging at his fringe again, just before she breathed in his ear, "Don't, just fuck me."

She was surprised when he pulled back. "Wait, what? I thought you said I could hurt you before?"

"I-yes, but it's just that angle. If you're behind me and I'm bent over you...you hit my cervix head on. That's what hurts me."

"So, face to face like this can't hurt you?"

"It's not quite that...there's a bit of...nuance to it."

"What nuance? Am I going to hurt you?"

"It'll probably ache a little bit, but it's fine, I like a little pain now and then. Look, just...trust me? We're getting sidetracked."

"I just don't want to screw this up, Anya. I like you, I don't want to accidentally send you down to the med-bay over this."

She pushed away her discontent, then took a breath and rested her forehead against his. "I'm going to be fine. It's sweet of you to worry about me."

"Yeah, Garrus Vakarian, deadly sniper, brilliant tactician, and sweet guy. Just throw it on my tombstone."

"Stop it. I would never let them put anything short of 'second best sniper in the galaxy' on that bad boy." He laughed at that, and she smiled at him.

"We're going to have it out over that one day."

"Promises, promises." She pressed her mouth to his, and he let out a noise. She deepened their kiss for a few moments, relieved when his tongue moved against hers. She rolled her hips against him, eliciting a groan. She drew back and whispered, "Please, Garrus? I want you so goddamn much."

He lowered his head to nuzzle her neck, and she heard him mutter, "Help guide me in?"

She felt him lift her a little higher, and she was quick to arch her hips so that his tip was pressed against her entrance. "Right there."

He lowered her onto the tip of his cock, moving his hips in steady motions as she felt herself sink lower with each pump, and he exhaled when he finally worked his length inside her fully. Anya felt herself rocking against him, and she bit her lip hard at the sensation of being stretched. The night before had left her somewhat tender, and the way he filled her only made her more sensitive to the ache that accompanied his leisurely thrusts. He managed to ask, "Are we good?"

"Yes." He started rolling his hips against hers slowly, and she barely managed to suppress a needy whimper. She tugged at his fringe again, trying to spur him on, but he responded by shifting his grip so that he was only using one arm to support her and using his now free hand to capture one of her wrists. She felt her breath catch at the way he suddenly had her arm in his grasp, and him continuing on to pin her wrist certainly didn't lessen her reaction. He practically growled, "If you don't start behaving, I'll take the other one, too."

Her belly twisted at his tone, and she murmured, "Where did _that_ come from?"

"Too much?"

"No, I'm...I'm definitely on board. Just took me by surprise, I think." She kissed him once. "It was pretty sexy."

That made him chuckle, and he nibbled carefully at her throat. She tilted her head away to give him better access, and she shivered when his tongue darted out for a beat. All the while, his hips kept moving, thrusting steadily while he teased her with his mouth. One particularly sharp nip pulled a needy whimper from her, and she felt his grip on her tighten as he sped up.

"Spirits, Anya," he said softly, and she clenched at the low rumble that accompanied his words.

"Please, I'm so close, please, Garrus…" she begged quietly, and she nearly cried out when he started fucking her in earnest, grinding at the peak of each thrust while the heat built in her belly. She clung to him when she finally went over, her trapped hand grasping at air as her sex throbbed. Once her orgasm began to ebb, she practically whispered, "Oh, God, I want you to cum for me."

A few scant moments later, the turian groaned into her shoulder, and Anya's breath caught at the way he went rigid against her, his cock impaling her fully. His hand tightened on her wrist for a few long seconds, and she bit her lip against the pressure.

He finally relaxed, panting into the hollow of her throat, and released her hand as he took a half-step back from the wall. Her arms encircled him of their own accord, and he carefully lifted her until his length was free of her sex. She stood carefully, trying not to throw either of them off balance. His hold on her loosened further once she was safely on the ground, but he didn't let go entirely, and she stayed pressed mostly against him. He leaned down enough to gently touch his forehead to hers, and she smiled as her eyes closed.

"See? Didn't even think about the water once, did you?" he asked after a few beats of silence.

"I did not," she agreed with a small laugh.

"Good." He squeezed her once, careful of his talons, and she let out a contented noise.

"I'm glad we did this," she said softly, a smile still tugging at the corner of her lips.

"Me, too. This is good. Us, I mean. We're good together, right?"

"We are." She closed her eyes as she pressed her mouth to his once.

"And you're still sure you don't want something closer to home?" Anya pulled back at that a little, irritation sparking.

"I'm sure. Christ, Garrus, do I have to let you bondmark me before you take me seriously about this? I care about you, I feel safe with you, and I'm attracted to you. Did you know I genuinely can't say all three of those things about any human man I know? Why are you so worried about this?"

"Honestly? I'm worried that the lack of imminent doom may have altered your perspective on...us."

"Do you have any doubts about being with me now that we're probably not going to die in the next twelve hours?"

"No."

"Then why should I?"

"I...I don't know," he admitted quietly.

"Then stop it. Let yourself be happy. Don't you think we've earned it, at least a little bit?"

"You're right," he agreed after a beat, resting his forehead against hers. He tugged her back in close, and she felt a surge of satisfaction at the way his arms felt around her. After a few moments, he murmured, "I'm sorry, Anya. I don't mean to be so...I'm going to work on it, okay?"

"I'm not mad, and you don't need to apologize. Us, we're good, alright?"

"Good." They stayed that way for a long moment, just holding each other, before he said, "After this, we should get some food."

"Mmm, I can get behind that," she said agreeably. "If I can talk you into stripping the old sheets off the bed, I can run and grab you some clean clothes a few minutes sooner. I know I wouldn't want to put the old ones on right now."

"I can agree with that. Honestly, if you just grab my bag, I can pick out some clothes and just run it back to the battery later."

"That's fine. No rush on running it back though. If you're going to be here a lot there's no reason for you not to keep a few things here, if you want."

"Are you offering me a drawer?" he teased gently, and she pulled back again, eyebrow raised.

"Maybe. Are you interested in a drawer?" she fired back.

"I could be persuaded."


	20. Absolute Heathen

Chapter 20

"That's what you're wearing to get food?" Garrus's voice was low as he slid up behind her after getting dressed. His hands found either side of her hips, and she tried to focus on his words instead of his touch or tone.

"What's wrong with my outfit?" she challenged, eyebrow raised. "I already wore this out to get your bag."

"Mmm, I know, but you were only out for a few minutes, and it was by yourself."

"And?" She hadn't figured out what he was getting at. Her pants were long and dark, and her gray tank top wasn't particularly low cut.

"I mean, if we're going out together, it's not going to take much for someone to see me and see my mark on you, then put it together. Are you sure that you want us to go public?"

"Oh, that. I really don't care if people know that we're a thing. I'm not going to pretend to be ashamed of who I care about. Why? Would you prefer it if I hid the mark?"

"No," he answered immediately, and she felt a surge of satisfaction.

"Good, because that's pretty much the only way I'd even consider covering it up."

"Just be ready. People are going to whisper."

"Let them. I'm willing to talk over assholes." He chuckled at that, and she felt a smile tug at her lips when he wrapped his arms around her more fully.

"Mmm, I almost feel sorry for anybody who crosses you on this."

"Operative word being 'almost.'" He made a small, agreeable noise, and she leaned back into his embrace for a beat before he nuzzled at the base of her neck from behind. "Ah, ah. You need to behave long enough for me to get some food in me."

"I'm not even doing anything yet," he teased.

"You were going to."

"It's not my fault you're soft everywhere."

She snorted. "You've been giving me hell about being soft and squishy basically the entire time I've known you. Don't act like it's a surprise now."

"Just remember, I'm not the one who called you 'squishy' this time," he said with a laugh.

"Exactly. This time."

"No comment."

"Smart man."

"We should probably get that food before I get us sidetracked again."

"Mmm, very smart man," she murmured just before he pulled away, and she had a moment where she wanted to take it back. Being in his arms felt like heaven, and the loss of his warmth seemed to add insult to injury.

"I wonder if anybody's managed to gather enough energy to cook yet," Garrus mused as they walked toward the door together, side by side.

"There was some out when I went by, but worst comes to worst, we know how to cook." The door opened for them quietly.

"As long as you're cooking real food for yourself," he said pointedly as they entered the elevator.

"I will, if I need to. I swear, it's like you think I don't know how to take care of myself," she said playfully as it closed behind them.

"You know how to get by in almost any situation. That doesn't mean I'll ever stop worrying about you, Shep." Garrus hit the button.

She shook her head with a small smile. "Fine, but worrying isn't doing you a whole lot of good, honey. All it does is needlessly stress you out, which is also bad for you."

"So you worry about my worrying?"

"Mhmm."

"Now I'm wondering if I need to worry about you worrying about me worrying about you."

She laughed outright at that as the door opened and they walked out together. "Are we both going to end up with some kind of weird Russian nesting doll of anxiety?"

He chuckled and shook his head. "Spirits, I hope not. I barely have time for my regular amount of worrying."

"We might want to put a pin in that, then," she said as they rounded the corner towards the mess area.

"Fair enough." They saw Jack and Miranda sitting, the former with a half-eaten breakfast, the latter with a cup of coffee.

"Hey, Shepard," Jack said, weariness clear in her voice. "Don't eat the eggs. Everything else is edible, as long as you don't mind it lukewarm."

"I can handle it. You not eating, Miranda?"

"I'm too tired to eat," the other woman admitted, finally looking up from her cup and turning to look at Anya.

"Well, hopefully the coffee will help with that."

"It never does, but thank you. Garrus, I was looking for you earlier. I was wondering if you could manage an analysis on how our weapons performed after the upgrade. It seemed fairly impressive from my perspective, but I'm not familiar enough with the parameters you have set up to do the analysis myself." Anya moved to start preparing herself a plate as Miranda spoke, her stomach twisting painfully at the promise of food.

"Absolutely, and I understand how some of the scripting can be hard to follow."

"Mmm, your technique seems to be a derivative of Palixus's methods, but I can't figure out how you diverged."

"Palixus merged with Sitoin with a little Acario to bridge the gaps. I didn't know you were familiar with Palixus." Anya cocked an eyebrow at that, wondering who Garrus was talking about.

"I'm not as familiar as I should be, evidently. We considered some of his work when we integrated some of our equipment. I didn't have a lot of time to devote to the Normandy before...well. I didn't have a lot of time." Miranda seemed to fidget for a moment. Anya sat down next to Jack, leaving room for Garrus to either squeeze in next to her or sit across from her, next to Miranda.

Garrus was quick to take Anya's former place at the counter, and she watched as he opened the oven to pull out a pan. The lid had the words 'DEXTRO FOOD ONLY' etched on it in big block letters, and she felt herself smile a little. It was nice that the crew was so accommodating of Garrus and Tali's needs. She started eating her toast as Garrus got his plate situated.

"I think we need another day or two to recover before we do much else," Anya said conversationally after she finished the first piece.

"Seconded," Garrus said immediately, taking the spot across from her and shooting her a grin.

"Thirded," Jack groaned. Anya shot a look at Miranda, eyebrow raised, and the other woman snorted.

"I suppose the motion carries," she agreed with a shrug. "I can't imagine trying to make you lot do anything, anyway."

"We're a stubborn bunch," Anya joked.

"A badass bunch," Jack countered.

"I can't argue with either assessment," Miranda conceded. "I'm fairly certain it would be easier for me to train a feral varren to walk a tightrope than...Commander, what is that?"

"What's what?" Anya looked up to see the smile melting from Miranda's face as the other woman studied her.

"On your shoulder, by your neck. You shouldn't have a...oh. Oh!" Miranda's eyes darted from Anya's scar to the turian next to her for a beat, before she turned them downward towards her coffee again. "Never mind."

Anya snorted. "It's fine, really."

"What's the cheerleader going on about?" Jack sniped, studying Anya until she noticed the mark. "Holy shit. With a mouth like his, who's idea was it for him to start biting?" Garrus put his fork down at that.

"None of your business, Jack," Anya chided, irritation sparking.

"Okay, fine, but you don't honestly expect me to believe that you haven't fucked at this point, right?"

"Garrus and I are both very happy with where our relationship is at this point," Anya said vaguely, her cheeks heating.

"If you're both getting off, of course you fucking are! I know a post 'o' glow when I see it."

Garrus choked on a laugh at that. "I'm sorry, is that a real thing?"

"Mhmm, just look at Shep. Mild natural flush, even when I'm not teasing her ass, lips still holding onto a little extra fullness, bright-eyed as fuck, even though we're all tired, and she keeps smiling a little when I'm not actively pissing her off. This girl's been dicked down good." Jack bumped Anya's shoulder with hers.

"Jesus, Jack," Anya groaned, face in her hands.

"Tell me I'm bullshitting, then."

"You're not, but you need to shut the fuck up long enough for me to eat."

"Ugh, fine. Be a downer. I'm going to go see Tali, anyway. She fucking appreciates me," Jack said primly as she cleaned up her plate and stood.

"Don't have too much fun," Garrus said with a snort as Jack began to walk away.

"Like you'd know it if fun bit you in the ass. Or hers," Jack retorted without so much as a backward glance, and Anya had to suppress a laugh. After a few moments, Miranda spoke.

"Well, that was...very Jack."

"That it was," Anya agreed with a grin.

"You know, it's...I don't think this information is...pertinent to the mission we recently completed, do you?"

"What?" Garrus asked.

"Your...level of comfort with each other did nothing to hinder our performance as a team while we were completing our mission. That would make that information something I have no reason to report back to the Illusive Man. I think it's best for me to just omit it altogether. Don't you think that's best as well, Commander?" After a beat, Anya responded.

"I wouldn't ask you to do or not do anything you're uncomfortable with, Miranda."

"I'm aware. I just think...there's no point in bogging down my report with unnecessary details."

"However you want to handle it. I trust your judgement."

"Well, I'm glad that's settled, then. I know that...a real connection can be hard to find, and even harder to hold onto. You've both done enough for me that I don't want to make it any more difficult than it needs to be. Anyway, I think I should go ahead and get that report started. You two enjoy your breakfast." She smiled briefly at the pair before she rose.

"Don't work too hard, Miranda," Anya said quietly, and the other woman nodded before she walked away.

"Huh. Never realized Miranda was a romantic," Garrus said after she was gone.

"Me, either. It's nice of her to keep you and me under the radar a little bit. I didn't even think about the Illusive Man's reaction to the savior of humanity fucking a turian."

"Is...is it going to be a problem?" Garrus asked hesitantly.

"No. It's just...he seems oddly fixated on convincing me to handle things a certain way. I would worry about him hurting you to try to get me to listen to him more. I'd...if you got hurt for such a stupid reason, I…" She swallowed, unsure of how to continue. When her gaze met his, she was relieved to see understanding in his eyes.

"I get it, Anya," he said softly, reaching out and taking her hand in his for a beat. He squeezed once before he let go, and she felt herself smile.

"Good. Just...I hope you realize that you mean a lot to me."

"I do."

"Sometimes I struggle a little with putting it into words."

"Me, too. I think we can afford to both be understanding with each other when it comes to that, right?"

"Right." Her smile grew, and she felt her heart beat faster at his grin. He seemed fairly pleased when he responded.

"Good. Now, we should probably go ahead and eat before our food gets any colder, don't you think?"

"Absolutely, though I think I'd be willing to try taking a chunk out of it even if it was frozen."

"That's because you are an absolute heathen," he teased.

"Mmm, I'm pretty sure it's on you for choosing to get involved with a savage."

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

"Good. Who were those people you were talking about earlier? Sitoin and those other ones?"

"Hmm? Oh, right. Well, they're well known programmers, basically. Their methods on syntax and how to document code as it's being changed are regarded as among the best in the business."

"Is their stuff complicated?"

"It...can be. Palixus can be a bit on the intricate side."

"So, how smart do you have to be to handle all that stuff?"

He snorted. "I just understand the methodology, I didn't create a new programming language."

"I'm just saying that smart is sexy. Hell, my only experiences with programming had me frantically searching for duplicate shit like a sugar fueled child."

"I noticed. You got the job done, though." He took another bite and she shook her head.

"Half the time with omni-gel."

"Like a quarter of the time. I wouldn't worry about it too much. You can do insane things with your biotics that I definitely can't do. People have different strengths, sweetie."

"That doesn't mean I'm not allowed to appreciate yours, so hush," she said with a smile.

"Yes, Commander," he deadpanned, and she laughed.

"I think I preferred 'sweetie,'" she pretended to complain, and he chuckled.

"I'll remember that."

"You better."


	21. Haggle

Chapter 21

"Why are we going to the Viper system?" Garrus asked as he helped arrange Anya's armor on the table. Now that they'd had a chance to rest and eat, they'd decided to see to their equipment.

"Mmm, Hacket asked for a favor."

"Spirits, what does the Alliance want now?" he muttered, sounding mildly annoyed.

"Not an Alliance favor, this is strictly a favor to him. He said outright that it wasn't a military op."

"That...sounds shady. What does he want you to do?"

"I'm liberating a scientist from a barbarian prison."

"Oof, that's definitely shady. A jailbreak, Shepard?"

"The only reason I agreed to it was because this scientist claimed to have found a reaper artifact. I still don't feel great about it, but…" She shrugged and looked away, unsure of how to continue.

"You're second-guessing yourself," he replied.

"You think I shouldn't be? Half the crew felt the need to tell me that I should have saved the collector base for the greater good."

"Yeah, but half the galaxy thinks the reapers aren't a credible threat, and you don't listen to those idiots."

"You would have preserved the base."

That made him take pause. "Why did you opt to destroy the base?"

"I...because...it was just too...macabre. I don't believe that the ends always justifies the means, and making all those people unwilling participants to the Illusive Man's bullshit masquerading as science was just...too much for me. Cerberus can't be trusted to act in everyone's best interests if 'everyone' includes any aliens, or especially confrontational humans."

"Like you," he teased gently.

"Like me," she agreed, the corner of her mouth twitching upward.

"Honestly, I think...I think that it's important for you to hear other people's opinions, and for you to understand where they're coming from, but you don't need to talk yourself into doing anything you don't want to do, and you definitely don't need to doubt yourself just because I think I would have done things differently." He turned to face her as he spoke, one hand coming up to cup her jaw and gently guiding her to look at him. Her heart sped up when her eyes met his, and his voice, soft and low, was making it worse. "You have some of the best instincts of anyone I've ever met. Don't let other people water you down, Anya. Not even me."

"You're getting way too good at that," she said breathlessly, trying to joke.

"Too good at what?"

"Dropping lines that leave me with absolutely no retort," she explained, and he chuckled, leaning in to touch his forehead to hers for a moment.

"Hopefully you don't mind too much."

"Not even a little. When did you get suave, though?"

"Well, I'll admit, I've never really been great at talking to women."

"I hope you've noticed by this point that I am a woman."

"I had noticed," he said dryly. "It's different with you, though."

"How so?"

"Because, you're...you. I don't have to worry about you suddenly not liking me if I don't say what I mean the way I want it to sound in my head. The lack of pressure to avoid putting my foot in my mouth makes it oddly easier to manage, and the times where I have done it, we moved past it in less than two minutes. So, with you, I can flirt to my heart's content, knowing damn well that even my worst case scenario is just making you laugh a little, and that is fine with me."

"Is it?" she asked, her mouth now feeling dry.

"Spirits, yes."

"Well, what's your best case scenario?" He leaned in close enough that she could feel his breath on her ear.

"I think you know exactly what it is," he murmured, his voice making her melt as he placed his hand on her leg, just above her knee. He slowly, carefully ran his talons up the inside of her thigh, stopping just short of where she wanted his hand to end up.

"Oh, fuck," she breathed, and he chuckled.

"Sorry, I'll behave," he said, not sounding particularly apologetic as he started to pull back. "I know we have things we wanted to get done today and-"

Anya was quick to press a kiss to his mouth, and he made a small, pleased noise. "I think we have time. It'll be a few days before we get close to where we're going."

"Mmm, I suppose we could...move some things around," he agreed with a chuckle, tugging her closer, and she responded by touching her forehead to his. Her hand found his jaw, and her thumb grazed the bottom edge of his mandible. He let out an approving rumble when she suddenly threw a leg over so she was straddling his lap.

"Mmm, what a giver," she teased before kissing him again. His tongue was quick to tangle with hers, and she rolled her hips against his. He palmed her ass, keeping her captive close enough for him to be able to grind against her in return, and she moaned softly.

"You make it easy to be generous," he panted when their kiss finally ended, and he cut her laugh short when he leaned in, his mouth ending up on her throat. He nipped at a spot on the edge of her scar, and she nearly let another noise slip.

"You love playing with my mark, don't you?" she asked breathlessly, and he chuckled.

"I do. Do you mind?"

"Not even a little," she answered, and she let out a whimper when his tongue darted out.

"Good, because you sound sexy as hell when I do it." His voice reverberated through her, and she bit her lip at the way it heated her to her core. Another nibble at her sensitive skin had her arching against him. "Spirits, I love how responsive you are."

"Well, most of it's not exactly deliberate, so I'm glad you approve," she murmured, rolling her hips against his deliberately, and he groaned.

"You can't tell me that wasn't deliberate," he muttered as his hands wandered.

"That one definitely was," she admitted with a grin, and he laughed.

"Alright, but after this, we definitely need to do something productive," he teased.

"Absolutely. Just one little quickie," she agreed.

"You're right, no more than two times," he said, feigning seriousness.

"Of course I am, who has the time for more than three rounds?" she asked, playing along.

"Anything beyond four is just excessive anyway."

"So it's settled, the armor gets cleaned by the fifth time we both finish." He made a pleased noise before he spoke.

"I love the way you haggle."


	22. Out for Blood

Chapter 22

Anya wiped at her eyes when she heard the sounds of the elevator arriving outside her door. She beelined for the bathroom before her bedroom door could open. She snagged a clean washcloth and quickly cleaned the worst of the tears from her face, wishing that she could do something about the redness around her eyes. She felt her stomach sink when she heard a soft knock, followed by Garrus speaking softly.

"Anya? Is it okay if I come in?"

She took a moment to steel herself before she answered, "Yeah. It's fine."

The door opened quietly behind her, and she kept her eyes trained on her reflection.

"Hey, sweetie," he said, moving up behind her slowly, carefully placing a hand on each of her hips. She had to repress another sob at the gentle touch. "You want to talk about what happened?"

"No," she whispered, more tears leaking out. He immediately wrapped his arms around her and it was all she could do to keep from breaking down. "This is bad, Garrus."

"I know." The words were pained.

"I'm sorry." The words tried to catch in her throat, but she forced them out.

"Don't be. You came back to me. That's all I care about."

"I killed three hundred and four thousand, nine hundred forty-two people. Why are you being nice to me?"

"I...I just...care about you, and I know you. If there had been any other way, you would have done it, wouldn't you?"

"Of course I would."

"Even though they're batarians?"

"They're just people, Garrus. Sure, I hate the terrorists and the slavers, but fucking hell, these were just...colonists. These were normal people that still answered to the Hegemony and I...I…" A sob finally escaped her, and his hold on her tightened.

"They would all be dead anyway even if you hadn't been on that rock, Anya, and the Reapers would be halfway to who knows which other inhabited worlds. You did the right thing."

"I failed. The only person that made it out of that system was me." These words were laced with venom, though she wasn't sure if her anger was targeted more at the Reapers or herself.

"Did you try to warn them? The colonists?"

"I did," she admitted, her rage crumbling as quickly as it had arisen. "It didn't matter. Kenson cut me off before I could manage it."

"Then what else could you have done, Anya? How much more do you have to do and give to the galaxy before you think it's okay to be kind to yourself for two seconds?" Garrus asked softly, his words almost a plea. "I know that this has got to be hard for you, but I wish you wouldn't treat yourself this way on top of everything else. You try so hard all the time, and you've accomplished so many incredible, impossible things. The time you bought us gives us a chance to save so many more people."

"I'm not...wired like that. Part of the reason I joined the military was the mindset. 'No man left behind.' I...I felt that on a personal level, you know? It...helped me define who I wanted to be, and who I want to be isn't a person who is okay with what happened. I understand sacrifice. I just can't imagine normalizing making the decision for someone else that they're going to have to sacrifice, and certainly not on this kind of scale. They were civilians. This shouldn't have been their fight."

"They're coming, and it's going to be everyone's fight very, very soon."

"I know, but...fuck. We're not going to be ready, Garrus. We're not. I'm about to be court-martialed, but even if I weren't, nobody would listen to me. You remember how it was."

"They're court-martialing you?"

"Between working with a human rights terrorist group and killing three hundred thousand batarians, yeah. Hackett warned me to be ready to take the hit."

"That's insane. We need you out here. I need you." The disbelief was clear in the turian's voice, and she squeezed her eyes shut.

"I know. I'm sorry." When he started to pull away, Anya steeled herself for him to leave. She wasn't expecting him to whirl her around so that she was facing him, or the way he tugged her back in to embrace her more fully, practically cradling her against his tall frame. She found herself clinging to him as the tears started to flow freely, every sob wracking her body as he held her. He started to let out a noise of his own, somewhere between a keen and a whine, and the sounds of his pain only made her cry harder.

She wasn't sure how much time passed that way, both of them wrapped up in each other as they let out their grief, but her tears slowed eventually. She pulled back enough swipe at her eyes, wishing she hadn't cried on him so much. As soon as she finished the motion, he leaned down, touching his forehead to hers gently.

He quietly asked her, "Do you want to come lie down with me?"

"Yeah. That sounds really nice right now," she whispered, another painful lump forming in her throat.

"Good, because I'm already planning on holding you as much as possible until you kick me off the ship," he said, and she couldn't help letting out a short laugh.

"I suppose I can live with that," she tried to joke weakly, before a passing thought turned her stomach to lead. "I still don't understand how you can want to be with me after what I just did."

It took a moment for him to respond, but his words were sure when he did. "Being present when something bad happens doesn't make you unworthy of people caring about you, Anya."

"But why...why be with me? I'm about to go away for what is likely a very long time. That's not…"

"Hey, stop. I understand why you're worrying, but being with you is my decision as long as being with me is yours."

"Should it be? I don't think it's fair for you to be stuck waiting for me for God knows how long. You are-"

"No."

"No?" Anya asked, perturbed.

"I don't want to end this. That's what you were building up to, wasn't it?"

"I...I guess so."

"You don't need to give me a way to bow out gracefully. I don't want out."

"I just...I know things change," she hedged.

"I'm not abandoning you like Alenko."

"I never said that you were."

"But you're already making it clear that you wouldn't hold it against me if I did." His tone made his distaste clear.

"I don't know what you want me to say, Garrus."

"Look, I don't...I wish I knew how to articulate why this bothers me. It's like...it's like you think your time and your affection and your company should be expendable, or easily replaceable, and that doesn't sit well with me."

"I just think we need to be honest with ourselves about the facts. Dr. Kenson said that destroying the relay might have bought us months or years. I am positive that they won't let me out before there are confirmed sightings of Reapers, and even then, it's iffy. You might be okay with waiting for me for a month or two, but what about a year? What if it's more?" she asked.

"I already waited two years, I don't give a damn if I need to wait more. It'll be easier to wait if I know you're coming back to me."

"I could feasibly be executed for what happened, Garrus. The Hegemony is going to be out for blood. I might not be able to come back this time."

"Don't say that."

"I just...think you should be prepared. That's why I'm saying if...if things don't work out the way we're hoping...one way or another...it's okay."

"Damn it, Anya, that is enough!" Anya finally looked up, startled by the steel in his voice. He seemed to realize how harsh he sounded, his expression shifting to something close to shame as he murmured, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have raised my voice."

"It's okay," she said quietly. "I know you're just upset."

"I'm still sorry. And they aren't going to execute you. You're the first human Spectre, the optics on you being killed by your own government would be abhorrent for the Alliance and the Council."

"Maybe," she said noncommittally.

He didn't press, opting instead to gently run his hands up and down her upper arms, tentatively asking, "So, did you still...want to come rest with me?"

She smiled weakly and turned her face up a little more to press her mouth to his once. "I would."

The pair made their way to the bed together, and Anya pulled her boots off gracelessly after sitting down on the edge. Garrus followed suit, and before long, they were lying in bed, facing each other.

After a few beats of silence, he whispered, "I don't know everything that's going to happen, but I hope you know that I will always have your six, Anya."

"I know," she murmured. "Some things never change."

He seemed content with that, one big hand coming up to cup her jaw. He shifted enough to touch his forehead to hers for a beat before he settled back, the pad of his thumb going back and forth in a gentle caress. She closed her eyes to savor the feeling for a few long moments. It was then that she felt a wave of weariness wash over her, and then there was only darkness.


	23. Isolation

Chapter 23

Anya had told herself that she wouldn't cry while she helped him pack. It felt like Garrus had barely unpacked his rucksack before it was time to drop him, along with the rest of the crew, off at the Citadel, their passages home all charted already, thanks to Liara and her new connections.

It had been hard, holding back, and she had managed to keep her expression in check until they were drawing close, until she felt like her soul was collapsing in on itself as they approached to dock the Normandy.

He had sidled up behind her, carefully taking her in his arms as she started to fall apart. Tears fell silently as she'd stood there, in front of her window, and she had let him just hold her for several minutes that felt like moments.

"We don't have to do this, Anya," he'd whispered once again, and she shook her head. Resurrecting his Archangel persona and starting a well-meaning mercenary band might have been a fun idea once, but she'd known that it couldn't last forever.

"I do," she'd murmured. "I do have to do this, honey. I'm sorry."

"I'll wait for you."

"You don't have to do that."

"I would do anything for you." The words had hung between them, his meaning clear.

"Just stay alive," she breathed. "This is going to get bad, Garrus. I don't care about anything else, just stay alive."

"I'm hard to kill. You should know that," he had quipped half-heartedly, and she'd let out a weak laugh.

"I do know. You should hurry. Your ride can't wait for long."

"They can wait one minute," he'd countered, his hold on her tightening as he buried his face in her hair. The way he had inhaled as he squeezed carefully made the lump return to her throat.

"I miss you already," she'd whispered, her voice thick.

"Me, too." He was clearly struggling to force the words out.

"Be safe."

"I will if you do," he countered.

"I will," she'd managed, and a shudder ran through his tall frame.

"Just be careful. Come back to me."

"Always. I gave you my word."

"Then just don't forget."

"I could never forget you," she said weakly. He finally pulled away, and she had turned to throw her arms around his neck. He had quickly succumbed to her embrace, and she felt herself being squeezed tightly. He pressed his mouth to hers once, and she responded to the quick contact by standing on tiptoe to touch her forehead to his. After a moment, she started to pull away for his warmth.

"If I don't go now I won't," he muttered, pain clear in his eyes.

"If you don't go I won't be able to do this," she responded.

"I know." He had taken a breath as if he were bracing to charge into battle, and he strode away, snagging his duffle bag without breaking stride. He didn't stop until he was at the top of the stairs, where he had shot her a pained, longing glance that still popped up in her dreams six months after the fact before he kept going.

She wasn't sure which nightmares were the worst anymore. Now the loss of Garrus by her side tormented her more often than visions of Elysium, and those were only slightly less frequent than the Reapers. She was pulled from her reverie by the sound of the flap in her cell door clanging open.

"Shepard," Andrews called.

"Yeah?" She didn't get up, content to sit on her bed with her feet pulled up, arms around her knees.

"You have another debrief tomorrow, ma'am. Oh nine hundred."

"Of course I do." She sighed once, exasperated by the tribunal's insistence on raking her over the coals on a regular basis. They had called her for testimony three to four times a week for the first month she'd been in this little room. That number had settled to twice a week or so since then. She tried to remember how many times she'd told them most of what had happened since she'd been brought back. Was it thirty-eight now? "What's tomorrow?"

"Monday, October the second, ma'am."

"Of course they want to interrogate me on a fucking Monday morning," she groused lamely. "Vega my escort?"

"I can't answer that, ma'am."

"Vega's always Monday, Tuesday, Friday, and Saturday morning. You don't have to confirm anything, your CO is lazy and just copies the same details for you guys every week."

"If you already know, why ask, ma'am?"

"Making small talk, I guess. Force of habit." She took a breath. None of the men assigned to babysit her had seemed pleased with the posting at first. Vega had warmed to her some, hell, he still saluted her when no one was around, but the way he watched her had her convinced that even the most sociable of her jailers would rather be somewhere else.

"Yes, ma'am."

"Why do you do that?"

"Do what, ma'am?"

"Why say anything if you're going to waste your time saying nothing?"

"I can't answer that, ma'am."

"Of course not." Anya looked up at the ugly tile ceiling. "I'm so tired."

"You can always turn in, ma'am."

"I'm choosing to believe that you're being facetious instead of dense."

"That's your call, ma'am."

She rolled her eyes. "Good night, Andrews."

"Good night, ma'am." The flap was closed with another loud clang, followed by the barely softer noises of it being secured. She took a long, shuddering breath, wishing for a long moment that she had never come back. It seemed like every day was slowly becoming harder than the last. The way her days had started blurring together after the first month made her feel listless and adrift.

"It's going to be fine," she whispered to herself softly, eyes squeezed shut. "This will end eventually. I can do this."

_(God, I feel like I'm going fucking crazy….)_

"It's going to be fine," she said a little more insistently.

_(This is not fine.)_

"I can keep it together."

_(What's the point?)_

"He needs me to keep it together."

 _(Why would he wait for_ you? _All you're doing is getting more fucked up and more crazy and more broken the longer you're here. You are going to die here, in this ugly little closet that they call a cell, and then the galaxy can move on without you, for real this time.)_

"I don't have to listen to you, even if you're me."

The pessimistic voice fell blessedly silent, and Anya took a moment to focus on her breathing. The near constant isolation was hard for her mental health, and she pondered asking to see one of the base doctors about it for a moment before dismissing the idea. It would be different if it were likely to be someone she knew and trusted, but there was almost no chance of that.

She crawled under the sheets, not even bothering to change. As she laid there, she tried to focus on falling asleep, hoping the morning came quickly. Anything was better than being alone with her thoughts, even testifying to the tribunal.

"It's going to be fine," she whispered again, though she wasn't sure if she were making a statement or trying to convince herself. She felt tears prick her eyes as she murmured once more, "It's going to be fine."


	24. Consider Us Friends

Chapter 24

Anya was thankful when her heart finally slowed a little. She took a moment to glance around her cabin, noting that Hulk was in his cage, running frantically in his wheel, and it looked like her fish were all still present and accounted for. She moved over to the hamster, trying to croon, "You're okay, little guy. We made it."

He kept running, and she sighed. She couldn't blame the tiny rodent for being anxious, not when their escape from Earth had been so close. She glanced around, wondering how much of her stuff was likely to be missing. She found her old picture of Kaidan, which she haphazardly tossed face down on the desk, making a mental note to throw it out later. The real thing was down below, still giving her the side eye and making little jabs that she was trying her best to ignore. She muttered to herself, "I need to take this shit in the compactor."

Her model ships were all gone, which was less than ideal. She was more frustrated by the loss of time than the loss of money, and she swore that she'd get more as soon as she had a moment to breathe.

Her wardrobe had been left untouched, which was surprising. She dug through her nightstand and discovered that her vibrator had also been confiscated, and she couldn't help giggling at the thought that some poor technician had likely been tasked with either blowing up the toy to make sure it wasn't a bomb or dissected to make sure that it wasn't some kind of Cerberus device.

"Someone is a very special kind of stupid," she murmured, still smiling a little, and she finally shut the drawer. She'd needed the laugh, but she wasn't looking forward to the cost of replacing the damn thing. She told herself that it didn't matter, she'd hardly used it in the last weeks of being on the Normandy anyway, but she knew that was because of Garrus and his...very enthusiastic company.

She sighed and wished he were here. Six months was apparently long enough for his scent to have faded from the sheets, and the realization only made her miss him more. She forced the thought down and away, beginning the process of mentally preparing to disembark soon on Mars. She could pine after the turian once Liara was safely on the ship.

She made her way to the bathroom next, finding towels, and most of her toiletries had been left untouched, with the sole exception of her lotion. She nearly groaned at that, knowing that some lotions were prone to providing false positives on tests for explosives, and wishing she hadn't splurged on something expensive for the Alliance to throw out for her. She wracked her brain, trying to remember how full it was when she left, before she finally gave up.

"This is why we can't have nice things," she muttered to herself absently before she left the small, white room. She plopped down in her chair, beginning to practice her breathing in preparation to land on Mars. Once they had Liara, Anya fully intended to haul ass straight for the Citadel.

God, they needed help.

She wondered for a moment if the Council would finally take her seriously. She was torn between thinking that they'd either still somehow be in denial, or that they'd all panic and start focusing on issues within their own species.

"It won't be that bad," she muttered to herself.

"Commander, I would appreciate clarification. Have you been speaking to yourself or to me?" EDI's voice startled her.

"I'm fine with either," Anya joked, not wanting to admit that she had forgotten about the AI's ability to hear her, since EDI was normally more discreet.

"Are you well, Commander?" There was no malice in the question, and Anya sighed.

"I...I don't know if I'm okay. Things have been a little rough since the last time I was…" She hesitated. "...here."

"You have been through prolonged isolation."

"For the most part, yeah."

"Prolonged isolation has been proven to have drastic negative effects on the human psyche, with studies verifying the effects as far back as almost two centuries ago. I am concerned."

"It's nice of you to worry, EDI." Silence stretched between them for a moment.

"Your nanites have dedicated thirty-one point two percent more time to maintaining your cardiovascular health since the last time you were on the Normandy. Did you want to talk about it?"

"Oh, ah...I don't know. We've got about an hour before Mars. We can talk nanites for a bit if you really want."

"I don't have a preference for the topic, I just recall your interest in them."

"That was...mostly because of Garrus. I'm not that technologically inclined," Anya admitted.

"We can discuss other topics."

"Okay. Well, how have you been? Really?"

It took a long moment for the AI to respond. "I think I have missed being myself."

"I...definitely get that. It's hard, isn't it? Being on guard all the time?" Anya asked with a sigh. "It was almost worse than those stretches of time where there was nothing going on, though that part was bad more because I felt like the whole world just kept putting me on a shelf and forgetting about me. Is that even close to how it was for you?"

"It was...similar." EDI's admission was quiet.

"Do you think things like that change us?"

"Everything changes everything."

"I suppose it does. Do you think that's a bad thing?"

"Good and bad are subjective, and relative, unfortunately."

"Don't start splitting hairs on me now, EDI. I want your honest opinion."

"I do not know if the ways we change over time are good or bad. I do know that I like feeling like a person, not a thing. I like most of the ways that I have grown since meeting you."

"I'm glad that I was a net positive for you, then," Anya murmured with a small smile.

"Have I been a net positive for you as well, Commander?"

"I believe so. You know, when two people are consistently net positives, eventually they start considering each other friends."

"Do you consider us friends?"

"I think so. What about you?" There was a pause.

"I think I like having you as a friend." EDI's response made Anya smile.

"Good."

"And Commander?"

"Yes, EDI?"

"The word you were looking for earlier was 'home.'" After a beat, she clarified, "It has been rough since the last time you were home. That sounds more accurate. Don't you agree?"

Anya nodded, a lump in her throat as she murmured, "It's good to be home."


	25. Double Tap

Chapter 25

_(God, everything about this is wrong.)_

That thought kept echoing through Anya's mind as she serviced her gear, back down in the cargo bay after making sure that Kaidan was stable. It was a good distraction, short term, and it made her feel more in control. She wondered for a moment if that were another reason Garrus had always been so anal about upkeep, then her mind slid to wondering if he was doing the same thing she was right now, trying to keep his hands busy and his mind quiet.

_(He's gotta be okay.)_

She closed her eyes for a beat, taking a deep breath, before opening them again and turning back to her work. She started with her weapon, noting that her movements were still a little jerky, her hands no longer as steady as they were half an hour before.

_(Fucking adrenaline crash.)_

Her omni-tool beeped, and she saw that it was a message from Liara.

_I'm nearly settled. You should come see my set up._

Anya wondered if her friend knew where Garrus might be, then immediately chastised herself. Liara wasn't a tool to get back to the turian's arms, no matter how much she might miss him.

_I'll be up soon._

She kept cleaning her M-27, ignoring the feeling of eyes on her back. She didn't know if it was Vega or Cortez staring, and she didn't really care which one was gawking. If someone had something to say to her, they would do it on their own time. She heard movement behind her, and she reminded herself not to groan.

"Commander?"

"Yes, lieutenant?"

"I can take care of that for you, if you'd like." She felt her eyebrows raise, and she turned. He hadn't been this friendly before their fight, and it still felt odd.

"That's...not necessary."

"Hey, I can clean a Scimitar as good as anyone else." She snorted at that.

"I have faith in your ability to strip a weapon, Vega. I just...need to stay busy right now."

"You're worried about him?"

Anya's eyes widened. There's no way he could have known. "How did you…?"

"The way the major spoke about you back there made it sound like you two were...close."

"Oh." He was talking about Kaidan. "We were, but that was a long time ago. He was part of the original Normandy crew, you know."

"Yeah, I think we both know what I mean."

"Alright, look, it's…" Anya ran a hand through her hair. "Things have changed. Major Alenko and I haven't been on great terms, even before I turned myself in."

"What happened?"

"I died, lieutenant. It was probably on the news. I haven't checked. I don't think I actually want to know." She turned back to her gun with a sigh.

"So, you aren't worried about the major at all?"

"I am, but right now, I have a lot of other things jockeying for mental real estate. Kaidan's strong. He's stable, and he's going to be fine once we get him to Huerta."

"Kaidan, huh?"

"What of it, James?" She turned to face him, arms crossed.

"Oooh, touchy, okay, okay." He put his hands up briefly.

"I just don't know what you're getting at."

"It's just...first names are very personal. I don't think I've ever heard the major call you by yours."

"He wouldn't," Anya agreed with a snort. "Things are a little different on my ship, though. My field teams run a lot of high risk missions together, and we get pretty comfortable with each other."

"Still, though, I can't imagine anyone calling you by yours."

"I can honestly count on one hand the number of people who don't dodge my first name like it's a swear word and they're in church," she joked.

"I don't think I could do it. Call you by your given name." He shook his head and she shrugged.

"Call me something else, then."

"I just might." After a beat, he asked, "So, this whole thing with Alenko, is it going to be a problem?"

"There's no...thing with the major. Not anymore. Now I just want to get him to a hospital so he can heal up. He's a good marine, and we're going to need all hands for this. I just want Earth to be safe again. Well, normal Earth safe, anyway."

"Right, you grew up on Earth, too, didn't you?"

"I did. East coast, mostly. Did a lot of city hopping when I was younger. We can swap stories some time."

"I'd like that, commander."

"Anyway, I'm going to get back to it. My shotgun won't clean itself, unfortunately."

"Ugh, you figure out how to make that happen, you let me know, alright?"

"Absolutely," she agreed amiably.

"I'm surprised you go with the Scimitar, honestly, the way you dart into the thick of things."

"Hmm? Oh, yeah, honestly, I love most shotguns, but the twenty-seven is a little on the softer side of things when it comes to raw damage. You get me a twenty-two though?" She made an approving noise. "Hands down, favorite."

"No love for the eleven?"

"Hell no, the Wraith is basically a poor man's Eviscerator anyway."

"So you're a gun snob, is what I'm hearing."

"No, I just think any weapon that has to be reloaded every other shot is just a pretty waste of time. Unless it fires rockets or black holes. Those get a pass for just being badass."

"Alright, I get it. What do you think for assault rifles?"

"The eight is a classic, but I'm going with the seven."

"Lancer over Avenger, I like it. What do you think of the Vindicator?"

"Ah, honestly, really good gun, but I don't care for burst fire."

"What? But you waste so much less ammo that way."

"Yeah, but look at how I fight. Barrier, charge, nova, now I'm in the middle of shit with no shield, and if something or someone doesn't go down with nova, I'm not waiting to see if three rounds are enough, I'm unloading until I see knees buckle. That's why I like my shotguns so much. Even krogan stagger after taking an Eviscerator round to the face, which gives me time to figure out if they need another."

"Alright, fair point. How often do they need another, though?"

"Often enough. When in doubt, double tap."

"Amen to that." He started to turn away, but hesitated.

"Something else on your mind, lieutenant?"

"Well, yeah, but…"

"Out with it, then. I can only procrastinate on doing my chores for so long."

"It's just...back on Earth, I...I know that while you were being investigated, I was...I just wanted to make sure you and me were good. I don't want any leftover hard feelings when I was just following orders."

She rubbed her eyes. "What would there even be hard feelings for, James? You were respectful and professional."

"I just know I would have been resentful as hell at everything and everybody if I were in your shoes."

"The only people I resent are the members of the tribunal who were determined to drag out the investigation rather than get us prepared for this war. You and me? There's no bad blood on my side. If you say we're good, then we're good. You'll be going on field trips with me and catching decent time for resting in between missions."

"Alright, well, then...we're good."

"I'm glad to hear it, James. Anyway, I'm going to get back to it. Don't plan to be at the Citadel long. I'm sure once we meet with the Council, we're going to have a lot of work to do."

"Yes, ma'am!" He snapped to attention, saluting her in earnest, and she snorted, shaking her head.

"Dismissed, lieutenant."


	26. Faith

Chapter 26

"Set a course for Hierarchy space, Joker. We're going to Palaven." Anya's heart hadn't stopped slamming in her chest since the turian councilor had urged her to rescue Primarch Fedorian for the war summit. She told herself that she was only going to Palaven to do her job, but she knew it was only half true. She stalked back towards the galaxy map, trying to keep an outward appearance of calm.

"Commander!" She nearly swore at the sound of Vega jogging up behind her.

"Yes, lieutenant?" Her voice was calm, but she was sure that she was failing at keeping her expression pleasant.

"Is this what you look like when you're mad at the Council?"

"No, this is what I look like when I'm disappointed in the Council. Mad at the Council normally includes yelling, or hanging up on them." He laughed at that, and she raised an eyebrow. He realized that she wasn't joking and stopped mid-chuckle.

"Wait, are you serious?"

"About which part?"

"You yell at the Council?"

"Sometimes, yes."

"And you've just...hung up on them? Like they were under the impression that the conversation was continuing, and you just...dropped the call."

"More than once."

"You've got to be shitting me."

"No, ask Joker, or EDI. I've hung up on them a lot of times. Once I hung up on them twice in one week. The silence was beautiful."

"But...wait...so...aren't they kind of your bosses?"

"They're not going to strip my Spectre status for poor video call etiquette. I get too much done."

"I mean, yeah…"

"Besides, if they don't want me to act like I'm mad, they shouldn't go out of their way to piss me off."

"So you are mad?"

"No, not this time, James. I'm not angry. Just disappointed."

"Ow."

"Can you blame me? They have done almost nothing to help me in all the time that I've known them. Hell, saving their asses when a Reaper was actively wrecking the Citadel wasn't even enough to spur them into working with me. It's bonkers."

"So, hit me, Lola. What did they say?"

"Everyone is circling the wagons, trying to get their own people secure first and foremost. The Councillor said that helping facilitate a war summit would do wonders to get turian aid for Earth, so that's what we're doing right now."

"We're helping with a war summit?"

"Yes, we are, by retrieving the Primarch from the middle of a warzone. Make sure your gear is squared away, lieutenant. Boots on the ground before you know it."

"Are Dr. T'Soni and I coming with you on this field trip, ma'am?"

"That's what it's looking like."

"Am I going to end up waiting with the shuttle again?"

"Probably not, though there are no guarantees."

"I'm just saying, I'd rather not be missing out on the action, ma'am."

"Alright, I'll keep in mind, lieutenant."

"I appreciate it."

"In any case, I should go. I need to warn Liara about Palaven."

"Are we expecting heavy resistance?"

"I think it would be prudent to be prepared for everywhere to be hit as heavily as Earth." James nodded at that, peeling off with a determined look on his face.

Anya hurried to confirm their destination in the galaxy map, then immediately bee-lined for Liara's office. The asari smiled at her when she walked in.

"Shepard! How did it go?"

"About as well as can be expected. We have to pick up a VIP from Palaven. Do you know anything about the current Primarch?"

"I can forward you the basics."

"Thank you, Liara. Is there...any chance you've been able to confirm where Garrus is?" Anya asked hesitantly.

"The last report I have has him on a shuttle to Menae, Palaven's moon."

"Is the fighting on Palaven bad yet?"

"I think we should hold off on wondering how bad things are until we get there."

"Liara, how many of your agents are currently MIA?"

"I...a lot more than I'd like," she admitted.

"I am asking this as your friend. Should I be worried?"

"I think...it's not going to be pretty, but I don't think you need to worry just yet. How long was he under siege on Omega?"

"A while."

"And that was with no backup."

"He almost died on Omega." Anya hated the way her voice cracked as she spoke.

"But he didn't. He was fine. You know he knows better than to die on you."

"Liara, stop, I don't want platitudes right now. I want you to tell me what you really think."

"Okay." After a beat, she finally spoke again. "I think that he's strong, and smart, and capable, and I genuinely think you have to have faith in him to handle himself until you get there."

"Yeah?"

Liara nodded. "I would bet my last credit that even if he's in the thick of things, he's planning three steps ahead, because he knows you're coming for him. He'd be crazy not to."

Anya chose not to comment on the asari's wistful tone. "I just...need him to be okay right now. I feel like it's all I can think about."

"Well, of course it is. You care for him."

"Of course I care. Garrus has always been...he's always had my back. Same as you, or Tali, or Wrex. How could I not care deeply for all of you?"

"I...do not feel as though I have had your back as much as you have had mine. I wasn't even able to help you with the Collector base."

"Look, if it wasn't going to throw your entire life into chaos, you would have come with me, wouldn't you?"

"I would."

"I believe you. It's fine. You don't owe me anything, Liara."

"I...don't think that is accurate."

"Why would you owe me?"

"For giving your body to Cerberus, of all people."

"I wasn't mad at you on Illium, and I'm not mad at you now. After I...after I died, I'm sure that things were very confusing, and stressful, and painful. It's okay, Liara."

"You really mean that, Shepard?"

"I do. Grief isn't kind. I get it." Anya smiled reassuringly at the other woman.

"Thank you, Commander."

"It's fine. Just...no more beating yourself up, okay? I need some biotic backup when we get to where we're going, and you're kind of my first pick."

The asari laughed. "I'm your only pick."

"Yeah, but even if I had other biotics on board, you're still my first pick."

"Well, I am flattered." Amusement was still clear in Liara's voice.

"Don't be flattered. Just be ready."


	27. Not Alone

Chapter 27

Anya started when her omni-tool beeped at her. After so long without it, she was still getting used to its presence. She chided herself for being jumpy as she checked it, her heartbeat quickening as she realized that it was a message from Garrus.

_Any chance you wanted company tonight? I can bring the bar to you if you don't feel up to meeting me down here._

She scrambled to type a response, her pulse pounding in her ears.

_You're always welcome to come up, and I am curious about the wine you bought me. I don't remember the last time I had some of the good stuff._

She hoped he'd get a laugh out of her response as she got up and started tidying up a little. While she hadn't exactly descended into being a slob, she still felt the need to straighten her desk and the pillows on her couch. She darted into the bathroom to make sure her hair looked alright when she got his next response.

_Give me a second to grab glasses and I'll be straight up._

Her heart was outright hammering now, and she reminded herself that she had no reason to be nervous about Garrus coming to her cabin. He'd as good as told her that he still had feelings for her, which meant she was working herself up over nothing.

She finished fussing over her hair and stepped out of the bathroom in time to hear the elevator whir, and she took a breath to steel herself as she leaned back against the pillar next to her desk. The door opened to reveal him, cradling the bottles and glasses in one arm, a bottle opener with a corkscrew attachment in his free hand. She found herself smiling at him as he walked in.

"Hey, Garrus," she said breathlessly.

"Hey, Anya. I'm not going to lie, I was worried that I'd put off messaging you until too late."

"Is it late?" She glanced at her omni-tool, finally realizing that it was almost ten. She admitted, "I didn't even notice. I've been reading all evening and time must have gotten away from me."

"Mmm, the same thing happened to me with the thanix cannon. The last time I looked at the time was around five hours ago. Your mechanics did a number on my girl," he teased.

"Please, I know better than to give anyone permission to touch your gun," she retorted as she started down the stairs. He followed her to the couch, and they both settled into their respective spots. She kicked off her boots and tucked her feet in so that they were on the couch.

"Well, I'm glad somebody has some sense," he pretended to grumble as he carefully placed everything on the table and sat next to her, his knee almost touching hers. "That's the last time the Alliance gets to touch our stuff."

"Ugh, seconded." She watched as he deftly opened her bottle with the corkscrew, his motions fluid as he followed by pouring her a glass. He fixed his own drink just as quickly, and she picked up her glass as he finished. She took a small sip of the wine, partly out of curiosity, partly to have something to do with her hands, and she made a pleased noise at the taste. "Okay, that had to be expensive."

"So it's good?"

"Oh, yes," she answered, taking a slightly longer drink. He seemed pleased with her response, taking a drink of his own before he settled back comfortably.

"That's good. I was a little worried that it would turn out to be terrible, but I looked it up, and a lot of people seemed to like it."

"I can definitely see why. This is definitely way nicer than anything I've bought in...God, probably five years." He laughed at that.

"You deserve nice things now and then," he reminded her, and she shook her head.

"It's easy to forget. Anyway, I'm sure you didn't come up here to show me up on alcohol," she teased.

"I just...wanted to talk for a bit, and make sure that you were okay. I know we talked about me a lot earlier. I was hoping I could talk you into telling me what all's been going on with you since the last time we were able to really spend time together."

"I mean, I spent pretty much the entire time I was on Earth confined to quarters minus an hour in the morning for PT and an hour in the evening to freely wander a fenced in section of grass. There isn't a whole lot to talk about. Most of my days were the same, depending on the weather. Occasionally they called me into meetings where they asked me a bunch of questions that I'd already answered."

"That sounds...kind of terrible."

"It wasn't intended to be fun."

"Did you...meet anyone?" She pretended not to notice him fidgeting.

"No. I mean, obviously, I met people, but it was just the people asking me questions and the same three dudes guarding me that didn't really talk to me much. I'm friendly enough with Vega now that I don't mind taking him out on missions, but we weren't exactly buddies back home. I spent a lot of time alone." She took another sip, staring at her glass pensively.

"For what it's worth, you aren't alone now," he said gently, and she glanced back at him with a small smile. She placed her glass on the table and shifted so that she was leaning back next to him.

She laid her head on his shoulder, murmuring, "I know. I'm glad you're here."

He chuckled softly at that, shifting so that he was holding his drink in his far hand. His newly open hand found one of hers. "I'm glad to be here, Shep. I...I really missed you."

"I missed you, too," she almost whispered, turning to look up at him, her heart pounding again. His gaze was intense, and she found herself closing her eyes as she pressed her mouth to his once. She felt him pull away, and her eyes flew open. She watched as he put his glass on the table, then he immediately turned back to her.

"I missed you kissing me," he said quietly as his arm slid around her carefully. He was the one who initiated the next kiss, and she shivered as his hand came up to cradle her jaw. She moved her mouth against his as her hand began to travel up his chest. Her tongue darted out as her hand trailed up the side of his neck. He made an approving noise as her hand made its way high enough to graze his fringe.

Garrus groaned when she tugged outright, and she let out a surprised noise when he pulled her into his lap. He carefully nipped her bottom lip, and she moaned softly. His hands wandered shamelessly as their tongues continued to tangle, and in what seemed like no time, she was panting as she clung to him.

"Garrus…" she whimpered as his mouth travelled downward, licking, nipping, and nuzzling his way along her jaw and the upper part of her throat. She suddenly wished that she'd thought to change into something that would give him more access to skin instead of fussing with pillows.

"Spirits, Anya," he rumbled, his breath hot. "Do you want me to slow down? Are we rushing this?"

Her retort was almost immediate. "Not even a little."


	28. Beautiful

Chapter 28 (Warning - Basically Pure Smut)

"I swear, I really only came up here to talk and make sure you were okay. I really wasn't expecting…" His voice trailed off as she leaned in, pressing her mouth to his throat. She nibbled and kissed the skin gently, and he shuddered. She let out a yelp when he suddenly wrapped an arm around her and shifted them both so that she was laying on her back, with him on top of her. Her legs were to one side, but he had a hand on one of her thighs.

"I missed having you inside me," she whispered, pulling him down for another hungry kiss, and she nearly moaned at the way his hand tightened. She wanted to protest when he pulled back, but her dismay was immediately replaced by amusement when he used the distance to make it easier to unfasten her pants. He sat back on his heels as he tugged the offending garment off, soon followed by her panties, and he was quick to unfasten his own pants. He shoved them down haphazardly and tugged her knees apart, settling between her thighs eagerly as he kept himself propped above her on one elbow.

"You sure about this, Anya?" he asked as one hand slid dangerously close to her center.

"I am. Please, Garrus. I want you." The soft words were filled with need, and he was quick to touch her, his finger carefully running up and down her slit. She tensed, muttering, "Ah, Garrus, honey, your talons…?"

"I filed them all down. I figured if there was even a slim chance of getting to touch you, it would be nice not to have to worry. Besides, it's been so long since I got into a fight where I needed them, keeping most of them sharp seemed unnecessary."

"Oh, you didn't have to do that for me," she murmured, touched by the gesture.

"I know. It's what I wanted to do." He pressed his mouth to hers briefly as his finger sank into her, and she moaned. "Spirits, I missed that sound."

He touched his forehead to hers gently as he worked the digit in and out, carefully probing her wet heat until she was practically panting. She nearly wept when he finally withdrew, shifting so that his tip was against her entrance. She urged, "Hurry, Garrus."

"Calm yourself, Anya. Remember, we have all night," he murmured as he started to press forward slowly. "I want this to last."

"I don't know if I can handle waiting much longer," she admitted as he slid deeper. "It's been forever since I...finished."

"What? You telling me that you haven't cum since I saw you last?"

"Pretty much. I was literally being watched every hour of the day that I wasn't using the bathroom in some context. Evidently, I don't get off from having an audience." He stopped moving entirely, looking puzzled.

"But you haven't been watched since you've been back on the Normandy. You still haven't…?"

"No, have you?" she asked, exasperated.

"Well, no, but you've been on the ship longer than I have."

"The Alliance confiscated and ruined my only toy for...me time, and I haven't had a chance to get another. Can we talk about this later, please? I would much rather actually cum with your dick inside me right now than debate the feasibility of orgasms I didn't feel like chasing prior to now."

"Fair enough. I didn't mean to get distracted. I suppose I could always...help you make up for lost time." He started moving his hips again, steadily thrusting himself deeper. She let out an appreciative noise, pulling him down to touch her forehead to his again as her hands started idly wandering up and down his back.

"That's much better," Anya murmured, her eyes fluttering closed. He kept rolling his hips against hers once he was hilted between her thighs, each thrust causing enough friction to leave her panting in no time.

"Spirits, Anya," he murmured, his voice low in her ear, and she felt herself clench around him. He groaned and started pumping a little faster.

"Don't stop," she practically whimpered, burying her face in his throat.

"Never," he growled, driving his cock into her harder. She could feel pressure building in her lower belly, and she bit her lip as it grew. She found herself clinging to him just before she came, uttering his name like a prayer, and he swore softly, his breath hot. He slammed his length home a few times before he stiffened, his cock deep inside her, and she felt her neck heat even more at the way he groaned as he finished.

After a few long moments, she muttered, "I may have been wrong before. I think this might be more in line with the actual protocol on reunions."

He laughed at that, and she grinned, pleased with herself. "It's probably good that I didn't know that sooner. I'd have tried to take you on Menae before we even started looking for the Primarch."

He shifted to press his forehead to hers, and she felt her breath catch. "I wouldn't have stopped you."

"Don't tell me that. You'll have me flirting in a warzone," he teased, and she kissed him once.

"I can live with that. You want to move this party to the bed?"

"I can be persuaded to stretch out more," he said agreeably, extricating himself with a huff. He managed to stand, and he offered a hand, which she took. He pulled her up, and she was quick to start unbuttoning her shirt. She glanced up to see him watching her as she worked.

"Enjoying the show?" she queried, her face hot as her shirt slid from her shoulders, and he stepped in close to press his mouth to hers.

"Well, yes, but I…" His voice tapered off as he glanced down, his eyes landing on the scar he'd left on her shoulder. After a beat, he murmured, "You still have my mark?"

"Was...was I not supposed to keep it?" she asked haltingly. "I wasn't...I hope that's not too much of a problem, I just...liked having the reminder of you."

"No!" he blurted hastily, rushing to take off his own shirt. "It's not a problem at all. Look, I still have yours!"

He was eager to show her his own skin, and she smiled at him as she reached, brushing the edge of the old wound with gentle fingertips. "It's faded a bit. I think you got me better than I got you."

"Yours still looks beautiful," he responded earnestly, and she quirked an eyebrow at that.

"Thank you?"

"Sorry, I just mean...yours still looks very...spirits, how do I explain this?"

"Humans have hyperactive scar tissue to begin with, which makes for pretty rad looking marks? Am I in the right ballpark?"

"That would-yeah. That seems pretty spot on, actually. How do you almost always understand what I mean?" he asked ruefully, and she snorted.

"I just...know you. You do the same thing with me."

"It's so nice to be appreciated," he joked, and she laughed as she finished stripping.

"Well, get ready big guy, because I plan on showing you how much I appreciate you for the next few hours."

"Mmm, tell me more."


	29. Instinct

Chapter 29

Anya jerked awake, her breathing labored as she sat bolt upright. The boy from Earth had visited her dreams again, and she hated it. She could vividly remember the way he looked at her as she struggled in vain to move, her limbs moving so sluggishly that she may as well have been trying to walk through water.

"You're safe," a voice murmured softly, and she couldn't help jumping at the sudden contact of a hand on hers. "It's just me, Anya. You're okay. We're okay. Are you here with me?"

She felt shame heat her cheeks at his tone, all gentleness and worry. Part of her was embarrassed for Garrus to see her like this, anxious after a nightmare, but she swallowed and tried to ignore it. "I'm fine."

"I know you are, sweetie. Did you want to talk?"

"No, I...not really. Can I have a sec?" She still hadn't looked at him, and she felt bad for even asking, but she couldn't help feeling vulnerable and out of sorts.

"If it will help." He pulled back his hand, and she swallowed. She reached back, twining her fingers with his silently, and he stilled. He slowly, carefully squeezed for a moment, and she felt herself relax. A few minutes passed in silence before she finally spoke, her voice a little hoarse.

"I had a bad dream," she admitted, finally meeting his gaze, studying the turian. He was propped up on his elbow, watching her in turn.

"Do you want to tell me what it was about?"

"I don't know," she answered honestly.

"Okay." He didn't press, content to wait quietly for a few moments.

"So, you were taking notes when you talked to your dad, huh?" she asked, trying to joke with him, and he chuckled.

"He's still got a thing or two to teach me, I guess. Why? Is it working?"

"I am not a suspect, and this really should not be an interrogation," she pretended to grouse. He shrugged at that, and she waited for a beat before realizing that he was doing it again, just sitting there mutely, waiting for her to either spill or tell him outright that she didn't want to talk. She warned him, "I won't crack easily."

"Well, what do you want me to say, sweetie?"

"I don't know."

"Alright, alright, here." He scooted forward and sat upright, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and leaning so that his temple touched hers. "If you want to talk, I'm all ears. If you don't want to talk, I really don't mind just being here for you."

"Okay," she murmured softly, feeling a little better. After a beat she slowly said, "I keep having bad dreams about someone who died on Earth."

"I'm sorry, Anya. Who was it?"

"It was...so, right after the attack started, there was this kid, right? And he was...things were so crazy, and he seemed scared, so I tried to get him to come with me, but he wouldn't. I saw him again as we were taking off, and it...I…"

"What happened?"

"He got on a shuttle," Anya whispered.

"Well, that's good, right?"

"The shuttle was destroyed less than ten seconds after it left the ground. A reaper just...and then they were all just gone, you know? And I feel like if I had been able to convince him to come with me to start with, he wouldn't have ended up on that shuttle and...God, I don't know. He pops up when I sleep now, though, and every time, I'm stuck in slow mo, mad as hell and feeling useless and scared but I don't even know what about it is that keeps freaking me out so much."

He squeezed her shoulders, making a sympathetic noise as he murmured "I'm sorry you have to deal with that, Shep."

"No, stop, it's fine, it's just a stupid dream."

"It's not stupid. How much have you been through in the last few days?"

"A lot," she admitted.

"It's normal to have a reaction to this kind of thing. You don't have to downplay this for my benefit. I already understand."

"I just don't know what I'm supposed to do about feeling this way, honey. It's...I can count on one hand the number of times I've felt truly powerless in my life. I can't save everyone, and I hate it."

"Every person we do save is a victory, Anya. Every person on this ship being alive is a victory. I know you want to save everyone, but you are not humanity's only champion." His words were gentle, and she felt herself leaning into him.

"I know. I know."

"You do enough. You do more than enough. I hope you try to remember that, sometimes."

"I'll try," she whispered.

"Good. Now, let's try to get some rest. We're going to have to get up once we get close to Grissom, and I know we're all going to be a little sharper if we're well rested."

"Okay." She let him tug her down with him, and she shifted to face him. He easily mirrored the gesture, and soon they were on their sides, nearly touching from chest to thighs. "Hey, Garrus?"

"Yes, Anya?"

"Do you...do you have bad dreams, too?"

"Yes," he admitted without hesitation, one hand reaching up to start gently running his blunted talons through her hair.

"Do you have a lot of them?"

"It...depends, honestly. Sometimes I go through periods of time where they're not so bad, and sometimes it's more nights than not. What about you?"

"More or less the same, I think. It's been more nights than not lately. When did you first start having trouble with them?" she asked.

"It got...noticeable after I'd been in C-Sec for a few months. You?"

"I mean, honestly, I've had them since I ran away from the orphanage, but they...started hitting harder after Elysium."

"I can't say I'm surprised. I'm sure there were a lot of parts about Elysium that were terrifying."

"Honestly, it wasn't so bad, while it was happening. I didn't have time to panic and fall apart until after the Blitz was over, and then I just needed to get it together long enough to receive my medals."

"Your medals aren't the important part," he said with a snort.

"I know. It's just...Elysium was hard, you know? It was the first time something had happened to me that was so shitty that it broke me a little."

"You aren't broken, Anya."

"Just because I've gotten good at putting myself back together doesn't mean I'm not a wreck."

"Then...lean on me when you are putting yourself back together. I want to help you any way I can." He shifted so that his hand was now cupping her jaw, and she leaned into the touch, her heart pounding.

"You do help. Just by being here, you help." Her voice wavered a little as she spoke.

"Good."

After a beat, she asked, "Hey, Garrus?"

"Yes?"

"So, you wanted to know the human protocol on reunions, right?" She smiled a little as she spoke.

"Yeah."

"What's the turian protocol?" He laughed at that.

"We've already engaged in the turian protocol twice. It's remarkably similar." He feigned seriousness, and she felt herself blushing a little.

"How are they different?"

"Nothing important."

"Garrus…" she persisted, curious.

"Well, it's...kind of common for a couple to...refresh their marks when they see each other again, but it's not like it's a requirement. I wasn't planning on asking, I'm sure the first time hurt."

"Did you want to mark me again?"

"Spirits, look, it's not a big deal, I really don't need..." he hesitated with a sigh.

"You aren't answering the question, honey. Just talk to me."

"Well...I honestly...enjoyed marking you, and I...would do it again if I wasn't worried about causing...causing you pain. You can't tell me it didn't hurt, Shep."

"Did it hurt when I marked you?" she asked.

"Well, yeah, but I liked it."

"Well, I liked you marking me, too."

"It...scares me a little, knowing that I can hurt you like that. You bled a lot more than I did, and in the moment, I just kept bouncing back and forth between wondering how much blood you were losing and what the hell was wrong with me for doing it. Marking you the way I did scared the hell out of me. There was a moment before we talked where all I could think was that you'd been hurt by so many people, and here I was, joining their ranks after mauling you with no warning. You didn't know what I was doing, or why, and...I felt like I was damn lucky that you were even willing to look at me after that. Still do, honestly." His admission shocked her, and she felt a surge of guilt that he'd probably been worrying for far too long.

"Garrus, honey, I know that you felt conflicted at the time, but I promise, I wasn't upset, and in the heat of the moment, it was...hot. I'd be willing to renew the marks with you."

"I will...think about it, okay?"

"Okay. Just keep in mind, if we ever get to the point of wanting this to be a permanent thing, you'd probably have to mark me again, anyway, right?"

"If...if we did that the turian way, yeah. We could always do the human thing instead. Don't a lot of you exchange jewelry, or something?" he asked.

"Rings, yes, but there are other options."

"You'll have to tell me about them sometime. I don't mind learning."

"Yeah. I like the turian way, too, though. You don't have to shield me from this. I want it," she said softly, hoping that telling him directly would help drive her point home.

"Okay. It's just...hard to turn off that instinct. You're my partner. I want to keep you safe."

"I know, but I don't want to think you need to protect me from you."

"I guess I'll just have to protect you from everything else, then," he murmured, and she smiled.

"You _do_ always have my six."

"Always. You know there's no Vakarian without Shepard."

"And there's no Shepard without Vakarian," she said, pleased.

"That's my girl." He pulled her in close enough to squeeze her once, and she sighed, content. The soft humming of his sub harmonics was soothing, and she finally felt a wave of weariness wash over her.

"I think I'm all talked out," she admitted, and he chuckled.

"You don't mind if I keep holding you for a while, right?"

"I will never mind you wanting to cuddle with me." He let out a satisfied noise.

"Good. Sweet dreams, Anya."

"Sweet dreams, Garrus."


	30. Quality Over Quantity

Chapter 30

Anya hurried to strip off her armor as Jack waited, placing her things with as much care as she could while rushing.

"If you want to catch up with Jack, I can take care of your gear," Garrus offered.

"I don't think the commander likes it when people touch her gear," she heard James mutter on the far side of the turian as if to warn him, and Anya snorted.

"It's fine, I'm allowed," Garrus replied quietly.

"Bullshit," James said with a laugh.

"Thank you, Garrus," Anya said earnestly, knowing that they didn't have much time before Jack and her students were offloaded.

"Woah, woah, woah. What am I, Lola? Chopped liver? How come he gets to touch your gun, but I don't?" James complained, and Anya snorted.

"If you got a problem with it, we can dance again, lieutenant. Just remember how that turned out the first time," she joke threatened, and he shook his head.

"I'm sorry, you danced with Vega?" Garrus asked.

"Wasn't pretty," James said solemnly, and Garrus choked on a laugh.

"Asses, both of you."

"For fuck's sake, Shepard, stop gossiping and let's go already!" Jack groaned.

"I'm coming, Jesus, woman," Anya shot back as she started to work on the plates on her legs.

"She always talk to the commander like that?" James asked.

"Jack talks to everyone like that. Let them get a few drinks in, Shepard gets just as rude. It's fun."

"You've been drinking with the commander?"

"Since the days of Saren," Anya answered, fingers flying.

"Oh. Shit. You guys must be pretty tight, then."

"Would you say we're tight, Shepard?" Garrus asked, his tone amused.

"I trust you more than anyone else in the galaxy. Is that tight enough for you?" Anya asked, trying to keep a grin off her face.

"I'm sure it's fucking tight enough for him, Shep, now let's get drunk," Jack butted in, and Anya felt her ears heat. She glanced at Garrus, noticing his shoulders shaking in silent laughter, with James on the other side of him, looking everywhere but the other occupants of the cargo bay, and she nearly sighed.

"See, Jack, this is why we never go anywhere nice," Anya muttered as she put away the last of her gear.

"All I'm saying is I have a very finite amount of time before I have to go back to being a relatively responsible adult, and I either need to get drunk or get laid after that bullshit," Jack declared matter-of-factly.

"I'm glad you're better at encouraging those kids than you are at encouraging me."

"Hey, my little shits are delicate. You're a big girl. You can take it."

"We're leaving before someone makes a 'that's what he said' joke," Anya muttered, grabbing Jack by the elbow and steering her towards the door. The other woman snickered as they walked, clearly pleased.

"You know I love giving you shit, Shepard."

"Yeah, yeah." They hurried onto the elevator together, and Anya pressed the button after releasing Jack's arm. A beat after the doors closed, Anya could feel Jack staring at her.

"So, jokes aside, how are things with tall, dark, and spikey? He still using you as a chew toy?"

"Oh, shut up," Anya scoffed, shaking her head.

"Oh, c'mon. Don't be a prude. I'm not asking for many details."

"Well, honestly, things are pretty good."

"Has he taken another chunk out of you?" Jack asked.

"He didn't take a chunk out of me to start with, but he doesn't...seem super comfortable with the idea of biting me again." The doors opened and the pair started towards the lounge.

"You sound...kinda disappointed."

"I mean, I am, a little. It was fun in the moment," Anya admitted.

"Please tell me you've told him this shit."

"I did, he's just...you know how he is. He always worries so much. And I get it, I know that it looked like I was bleeding a lot, from his perspective, so it makes sense for him to be anxious about it, I just...wish I could convince him." Anya knew she sounded glum as they passed through the door.

"Well...shit."

"That's pretty much my reaction, too."

"Okay, so...what are you going to fucking do about it?" Jack asked as they neared the bar.

"I don't know. I don't know if there's even anything that I can do."

"Don't you start with some defeatist bullshit now, Shepard. There's got to be something." Jack snagged a pair of glasses and placed them on the counter haphazardly.

"If you have any ideas, I am all ears."

"Alright, alright, give me a second…" The other woman started to pour them both a generous amount of whiskey.

"How drunk are you trying to get me?" Anya asked with a snort.

"I told myself that I am having one drink, I am making it count. Now shut up for a minute." Anya shook her head, smiling a little as she took a sip. After a few long moments, Jack spoke again. "I have an idea."

"What's your idea?"

"Alright, show and tell. Telling didn't work, so try showing."

"What?" Anya asked, her brow furrowed.

"I mean, initiate. Bite the shit out of him first. Words didn't do the job, but actions might."

"That's...not bad advice, actually."

"Alright, why does that surprise you? I gave you the pick-up line idea, too, and that shit turned out good, right?"

"It did."

"I still want to know what the line was," Jack said, feigning nonchalance.

"Nope."

"Shepard."

"Not happening," Anya reiterated.

"You suck."

"Still not telling you."

"I'm going to find out one day, you know that, right?" Jack persisted half-heartedly.

"We'll see."

"What if...I promise not to tease you about it?"

"You...would not be able to restrain yourself if you knew," Anya countered.

"You're killing me." Jack took a sip of her own drink.

"You're being dramatic." After a beat, Anya murmured, "Bullshitting aside, thank you, Jack. You're a good friend."

"Yeah, well." Jack shrugged, glancing down. "I don't know if you've noticed, but I don't have that many of those."

"I'm glad to be one." Anya offered her glass for a toast. "To...quality over quantity."

Jack cracked a grin as she let her whiskey tap Anya's. "You bullshit so pretty, Shepard, you know that?"


	31. Footwork

Chapter 31

Anya swayed in the elevator as it slowed, the slight vertigo combining with the alcohol still in her system to make her feel off-balance. She made her way across to her door, careful to watch her footing. She entered her room, beaming as soon as she saw Garrus at her desk.

"Hey, honey," she murmured, moving toward him and reaching out to touch his shoulder, feeling warm.

"Shepard!" He seemed happy to see her, his own hand ending up in the small of her back.

"Mmm. I missed you." She leaned down to kiss him once, and he ran his talons up and down for a beat.

"I missed you, too. How many drinks did you have?"

"Just one, technically. Why?"

"Your face is doing that thing," he said, sounding amused.

"What thing?"

"The...color thing. You look like you're embarrassed."

"Oh, my face is flushed? I'm all pink?" she asked.

"Just your cheeks, as far as I can tell."

"How bad is it?"

"It's not that noticeable," he reassured her.

"Well, that's good. Jack decided she wanted whiskey, and she put waaay more in the glass than I would."

"Well, that does explain why you're drunk off of one glass," he teased gently.

"I'm not drunk. I'm just a little tipsy. I'm fine." She knew he wasn't convinced.

"Well, I...think you might be a little past tipsy, sweetie. Do you want to lie down?"

"Nah, I'm okay. I need to shower, anyway. You could always join me," she offered with a playful smile, and he snorted.

"If I see you naked, I'm going to have trouble keeping my hands to myself."

"I'm not hearing the problem."

"You're drunk, Anya."

"I am not," she protested with a laugh.

"Fine, then you're...tipsy enough that I'd feel like I was taking advantage. It's different if we're about the same amount of inebriated, but this is…" He shook his head. "Sorry, Shep. I promise I'll make it up to you later?"

She waved off the offer. "You're fine, honey. I love having sex with you, but you really don't have to do anything, okay?"

"Well, I'm glad you enjoy it, too. It still feels bad to say no, though."

"Don't feel bad. You're trying to be responsible." She leaned down, pressing her forehead to his gently, and he let out a quiet, satisfied noise. "What are you working on?"

"Primarch wants my opinion on some potential tweaks for our supply lines, nothing too crazy. Supposed to head down for a debrief in a few hours."

"Anything you want help with?"

"It's fine, sweetie. You try to keep Hacket off our ass, and I'll help reassure the Primarch. We'll get it figured out."

"Okay. Let me know if you change your mind about the help, or the shower. I'm going to go get clean."

"Take as long as you need. I'll be here, just...trying to work and thinking about you. In the shower."

"I offered to let you join me."

"I know, I know. I'm just doing it to myself at this point."

"Mhmm." She started to unbutton her shirt, finally stepping away and towards the bathroom, pretending all the while that she didn't notice Garrus watching her drop it off to the side.

"You aren't making this easy. You know that, right?" He said dryly as she moved on to the fastenings of her pants, and she stopped in the doorway, feigning innocence.

"What? Is something getting too hard for you, honey?" The pants quickly joined the shirt.

"Something's getting hard, alright," he muttered under his breath as she shimmied out of her underwear, still ignoring his hungry gaze.

"Well, I guess I'm off to play in the water by my lonesome. Hopefully I'll find something to do while I'm in there."

"Spirits, woman," he ground out, finally turning away. Anya finally took a step so that she was all of the way in the bathroom. She thought she saw Garrus glance over his shoulder one last time, but she didn't have time to call him on it before the door slid closed. She couldn't help smiling at his reaction, though she made a mental note to do something nice for him later to make up for teasing him so blatantly.

Her omni-tool beeped as she started the water, and she read the message as she waited for it to heat up.

_I'm not going to get any work done. I hope you're happy._

She snorted before typing her reply.

_I wouldn't say happy. Flattered, maybe? A tiny bit proud, perhaps?_

She stepped into the spray slowly, letting out a vaguely pained noise at the heat. She heard another alert, and she was quick to look at his newest message.

_Smug and horny seems more accurate. Have you always been this flirty when you drink?_

She rolled her eyes at that, a smile still ghosting across her lips.

_Would you have noticed?_

She heard the next message arrive while she was wetting her hair, and she held off on checking it until it was done, wondering why the sound kept going off.

_Of course I would have._

_Probably._

_Well, maybe._

_Your guess is as good as mine, Shep._

She laughed at the back to back messages, pondering her response as she started lathering up her hair. She finally sent her retort, feeling pleased.

_At least you're a quick study when you do finally pick up on me trying to hit on you._

She rinsed the suds out quickly, rushing towards the end when the next message arrived.

_I could say the same about you. Good thing I can always count on you to be flexible when it comes to meeting my limitations._

She bit back another snort before replying.

_Bit of a reach, wasn't it? Quick question: is there any chance you want to check out my heat sink later?_

She reached for her body wash and loofah, starting the process of scrubbing herself until she felt clean. She managed to hold off on checking his next message until she was done, and she regretted holding off when she did finally open it.

_I'll do more than check it out, if you aren't careful._

Her response was almost instantaneous.

_Promises, promises._

She turned off the water at that, hurrying out of the shower and wrapping herself in a fluffy towel. She snagged her face scrub from the medicine cabinet behind the mirror, quickly and carefully moving to clean her face. Another message from Garrus made her smile, and she nearly giggled when she opened it.

_Damn it, woman. You're going to be the death of me._

She pondered how to reply for a moment before she started typing.

_I don't know that you have time for me to be the death of you. Don't you have work to do, honey?_

She started rinsing her face, careful to keep most of it out of her eyes. She started to reach for her lotion before remembering that she still needed to replace it, and she huffed in annoyance. His next message dinged, and she opened it eagerly.

_Okay, so, just to clarify, we're still joking, right? That last one could have gone either way, and I just wanted to make sure we were good._

She felt a moment of dismay before she hurried to type.

_I've been spending almost as much time trying not to laugh as I have washing up. We're good, really. I know written messages aren't great for showing tone, I just like giving you hell._

She bit her lip as she reached for her leave in conditioner, finger combing her hair before working it in. He sent her another message, and she was quick to wipe the worst of the excess off of her hands before she opened it.

_That's all I needed to hear, sweetie. You almost done? I needed to ask you about something._

She felt her brow furrow before she stepped out of the bathroom, still wrapped in her towel, though she knew she'd have to readjust it soon. She took the two steps to be closer to him, reaching to touch him as she murmured, "Everything okay?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry for being...weird just now, it's just…"

"Just what?"

"I feel like a moron for even bringing this up, because I know it's just making me look paranoid and insecure, but...something you said earlier has been...bugging me a little." He winced as he spoke, and she wondered how she'd managed to bother him.

"Which thing?"

"It's about you...dancing with Vega."

"Oh, that?" she asked, brow furrowed, wondering what was wrong with her scrapping with the lieutenant.

"I just...if you really wanted to go dancing, I could take you sometime. I know I've joked in the past, but-"

"Garrus, honey, no. It's fine. I don't need you or anyone else to take me dancing, I know I'm pretty bad at it."

"But you danced with Vega?" he asked hesitantly, and she realized that he didn't know about their fight.

"No, not literal dancing. We sparred a little, that's it."

"You...oh. So when he said it wasn't pretty…?"

"He was talking about the fact that I kicked his ass a little, not taking jabs at my other footwork," she joked.

"Well, that...does make me feel a little better."

"Only a little?"

"Well, I do feel kind of like an idiot, among other things. You may have saved me some money on human dance lessons. I think I might have time to cancel and get my credits back." He seemed to perk up at that a little, and she smiled.

"I'm glad I was able to help, then."

"You always help, Anya. Thank you for talking this out with me."

"Anytime. Is everything else okay?" she asked hopefully, and he nodded.

"Everything is great now."

"Good." She leaned down and kissed him softly once. "I think I'm going to take a nap after all. If you're still here in an hour, will you make sure I'm up? I'm going to set an alarm, too, so don't worry if you can't."

"Nah, it's fine. Primarch still isn't expecting me for nearly two hours. Get some rest." He squeezed her once, still careful of his talons, and she hugged him back for a long moment.

"Thank you."

"Whatever you need, Shep."

"You're the best, you know that?" she murmured as she pulled away.

"Mmm, tell me more after you catch some sleep. I wanna hear this."

"You tell me when and where, Vakarian." He laughed, waving her off with an adoring look, and she felt her cheeks heat a little, contentment blossoming in her chest.

"Sleep well."


	32. Insufferable

Chapter 32

Anya sat on the couch in the starboard observation room, her knees pulled up to her chest as she gazed out. The war summit could have technically gone worse, but the demand for a cure to the genophage had gone over like a ton of bricks.

She heard the door open, and she glanced over her shoulder to see a familiar body filling the doorway. He nodded to her as he stepped through.

"Shepard."

"Hey, Wrex." She didn't care for how quiet and tired her voice sounded. She tried to force a little more energy into her next words. "Here to stargaze?"

He let out a noise and shook his head, making his way over to join her. She felt the furniture shudder when he plopped down. After a moment, he rumbled, "I just wanted to make sure you knew that back there...that wasn't about you."

"I know."

"You okay, kid?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm alright. And I don't blame you for wanting a cure, or for it being your line in the sand. I get it."

"It's not that I don't trust you."

"No, no, I understand. I would probably insist on getting something out of it first if the same people had been screwing me over as much as they could for a few centuries."

He grunted in acknowledgement, and they sat in silence together for a few long moments.

"Nice in here. Quiet."

"It is. I like it. Almost nobody ever comes in here during the day, so I can just...sit and think for a few minutes."

He snorted at that. "You can't do that from your cabin?"

She shook her head with a smile. "It's not that I can't, I just...associate this room with a different kind of thinking, I guess? It's probably because Samara used to meditate right over there in between missions. She let me join her a few times."

"Mmm."

"Sorry, I know that sounds...I dunno. Stupid, I guess."

"Not really. A true warrior's mind is just as much a weapon as their gun. If this helps clean it up, it's not stupid, Shepard," he rumbled, shifting to lean back.

"I guess."

"You sure you're alright, kid? You seem...off."

"I'm...just a little tired, I think," she said quietly.

"Been sleeping?"

"Technically."

"So not well, then." He sounded sure.

"No. Not well." The admission made her look away, embarrassment coloring her features.

Wrex grunted. "You might need to sleep more."

"That's what I've been trying to do, I just…"

"Dreams, I know. Been there more than once. Maybe it's just a krogan thing, but we dream less when we sleep more. It might be different for you humans, but that's how it works for us."

"It's hard to stay asleep, though. Hell, I even woke Garrus up recently. It's shit." Her hands tightened at the memory.

"Then go to the doc."

"She'll just recommend a sleep aid, and then when I dream, the only thing that will change is that I won't be able to wake up when it turns into a nightmare."

"This happen before?" he asked, his voice almost gentle.

"Yeah. Doctor Davis. I went to see him after Elysium. It just made it worse."

"Chakwas might have other ideas. Couldn't hurt to ask, could it?"

"Maybe," she said noncommittally, and there was a long pause before he spoke again.

"I'm just saying, this is something where you either learn to live with it, or you try to fix it. You have to decide which one you're doing, kid, but from where I'm sitting, trying to live with it isn't working out so well for you at the moment."

"I know."

"What's Garrus think about all this?"

"He thinks I need to take better care of myself," she admitted softly.

"He's a smart kid sometimes. Maybe you could listen to him every now and then."

"I know, it's just...hard. I already feel like there's so much wrong with me and this is just...hell, I don't know."

"Needing a little help doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you. Is there something wrong with me for wanting help with the genophage?" he asked with a derisive snort.

"No. That's different."

"It isn't. I am asking for assistance with something that spent a lot of time hurting me, because I couldn't do this alone. I know I couldn't, you know I couldn't. It's not as different as you think."

"Uh-uh. You're the one who pointed out the danger of false equivalences to me. Your thing is important," she countered.

"Mmm. Then ask for help from someone who will think it's important. Say the word and I'll go see the doc with you. You could ask your turian. Hell, Liara would trip over herself to be there almost as much as he would. When I'm on your ship, I know I'm not alone. When we're on your ship, neither are you."

The words took Anya aback for a moment, before she replied, "I know. I...thank you, Wrex."

"For what?"

"For...a different perspective on this. I appreciate it, and you."

"Sure thing." He seemed content with that, and a companionable silence stretched between them for a long minute. "Who do you think the Council is going to send to help with what I just dropped on you?"

"No one. If they don't offer this to me, I'm taking this mission of my own accord."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I think I trust the Council about as much as you do at this point," she admitted, and he chuckled.

"Probably a good call. They have moments where I'd trust a feral band of pyjaks over them."

"I would rather strip, rub myself down in bacon grease, and jump into the varren fighting pit with no gun than lean on the Council right now." Wrex laughed outright at that.

"I'd put credits on you," he said, still amused, as he lifted himself from the couch and stretched. "I'm thinking about going to the bar. You tagging along?"

"No, I think I'm going to sit and relax here for a few more minutes, and then I might see if Garrus is free. Maybe I can steal him from the Primarch long enough to swing by the medbay with me."

"Mmm. In that case, I'm not going to the bar."

"Where are you going, then?" she asked, puzzled.

"Impromptu meeting with the new Primarch. Might strategize with him to see what he wants after we get our cure."

"You don't have to do that." He snorted and shook his head, lumbering towards the door.

"That's why I decided to volunteer." With that, he was gone, and she hurried to type out a message to Garrus.

_Hey, honey. Any chance I could ask for a favor?_

His response came quickly.

_Anything you need, just give me a few minutes to get out of this meeting._

She hurried to reply.

_I don't think you're going to need a few minutes._

About thirty seconds later he messaged back.

_You sent Wrex as a diversion?_

She snorted before replying.

_Figured he'd be too big to miss. You turians are an oblivious lot sometimes._

He responded a few moments later.

_I never miss. Where are you?_

She snorted before typing.

_Starboard ob deck. You coming?_

He walked in less than a minute later, beelining for her as soon as he caught sight of her.

"I was tempted to just say 'yes,'" he joked as he joined her on the couch, his arm snaking around her shoulders as he settled in right next to her.

"It would have been funny," she said agreeably, and he squeezed gently.

"You wanted my help with something?"

"Yeah, I was...hoping I could talk you into going with me to...see if maybe the doc has something to help me sleep," she managed haltingly, her cheeks heating.

"Absolutely," he said without missing a beat, touching his temple to hers for a moment. "When did you want to…?"

"In a minute," she clarified quickly. "I just...need to kinda...get amped up, I guess?"

"What is it about this that bothers you so much?" he asked gently, his free hand reaching for hers, and she sighed as their fingers intertwined. She looked away when she started to speak, trying to ignore the way his subharmonics made her want to relax into his embrace.

"I don't know, I guess I just...don't like acknowledging that there's something wrong with me. I'm...Commander Shepard, savior of the Citadel, hero of Elysium, but, at the same time, I'm an N-seven who can't handle a few bad dreams. It's...it's honestly embarrassing, and frustrating, and it makes me feel like I'm a lesser person than everyone in the galaxy expects me to be. I'm supposed to be a shining example of what humanity is capable of, not...this...you know?"

"Hey. Stop it."

"Stop what?"

"Stop blaming yourself for not being perfect. No one is putting this pressure on you but you, sweetie." The reverberations in his chest had shifted to an even softer rumble.

"I just...I should be stronger than this."

"No, you shouldn't be. Spirits, Anya, you're already one of the strongest people, if not _the_ strongest person I know. You don't have to be invulnerable every hour of every day, and trying to pretend you are is only causing you pain."

Part of her wanted to argue, but she pushed the urge away. Instead, she asked, "If I'm not invulnerable, what am I?"

"Human. You're just one person, Anya. The whole galaxy doesn't have to rest on your shoulders every hour of every day. Besides, since when do you need to be invulnerable if I'm on your six?"

She swallowed around the lump in her throat, then managed to murmur, "You aren't wrong."

"There you go, admitting that I'm right again. If you aren't careful, I'm going to be insufferable."

She laughed. "I'm willing to take that risk."

"Alright. Don't say I didn't warn you." He squeezed her once. After a beat, he asked, "What can I do to make this easier for you?"

"I don't know."

"Would it help if I got right with Chakwas with you?"

"Maybe?" She turned to look at him, almost hopeful. She'd wanted him to take better care of himself as well, and the offer made her almost eager to go.

"Then we'll get a handle on this, together." He leaned down to touch his forehead to hers properly, his subharmonics stronger, and she caught herself smiling a little.

"Together."


	33. Promises, Promises

Chapter 33

"So, where are we headed, Commander?" James asked as he sidled up to the table she was sitting at. She glanced up at him briefly, before turning her gaze back to the datapad she'd been reading.

"Citadel for resupply, then we have more work to do elsewhere."

"Like…? Scuttlebutt says we're going to take a crack at curing the genophage."

"You know what they say about scuttlebutt," she said with a snort.

"Ah. Right." He seemed crestfallen.

"Don't get me wrong, it's correct, this time, but you really shouldn't pay too much mind to the weird gossip mill that is the military. I swear, some adults are basically fourteen year old girls when it comes to rumors."

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Yeah, you haven't noticed? Some people blab about everything."

"We're curing the genophage?" he pressed eagerly.

"Yes, lieutenant. I thought that was kind of a given," she replied wryly.

"You...think that's a good idea?"

"Yep."

"You aren't going to elaborate," he said, clearly fishing for more.

"I can. I promised Wrex years ago that if I came across an opportunity to help cure his people, I would. I have the Council's approval, more or less, and Wrex is in charge of the strongest, largest clan on Tuchanka. I trust him to lead the krogan well. He's what they need, and I'm not going to waste this chance. Besides, we need krogan support to get turian support to help Earth. Even if I thought it was a bad idea, which I don't, I don't have other options."

"Oh. Fair enough, then. When do you need me to be ready?" he asked hopefully.

"Not for a little while."

"Ma'am, I can help, you can't just leave me on the Normandy."

"I'm not," she interrupted, glancing back up.

"But...you said…"

"To clarify, I will not need your assistance on the Citadel, or while we're on Sur'kesh. I want you to rest up for Tuchanka."

"Oh. I...can definitely do that," he seemed pleased, and she felt the need to warn him.

"Make sure your weapons and armor are up to the task. Someone always shoots at us on Tuchanka. I'm starting to think that outside of the Urdnot clan, that's how they say hello."

"Definitely sounds idiotic enough to be a Weyrloc tradition," chimed in a flanging voice, and Anya couldn't help smiling. "We both know it doesn't matter, though, you can out-headbutt a krogan."

"C'mon, Garrus, even Lola isn't that hard-headed."

"I've watched her do it. Are you Lola, Shep?" Garrus asked, sounding perturbed.

"Yeah, James thinks I seem like more of a Lola than an Anya, apparently."

"It's a compliment," the lieutenant responded defensively, and she snorted.

"I do not care what anybody calls me, as long as it's clear that I'm who they're talking to."

"I'm not so sure about that, Commander," Garrus murmured, and she shot him a questioning look.

"What?"

"I can think of a few instances off the top of my head where you'd be livid if I called you by your rank," he replied, feigning nonchalance, and she felt her ears heat.

"You're just being difficult," she muttered, and she saw one of his mandibles twitch.

"Sometimes. Teasing aside, the way you put Uvenk in his place was just...perfect."

"Who was Uvenk?" James asked.

"The krogan Shep headbutted, in front of a shaman."

"I'm sorry, that really happened?"

"He was being very mean to Grunt," Anya said, by way of explanation, "and it's not like I knocked him out. Just...dazed him and pissed him off a little."

"Oh, God, I'm taking orders from a crazy lady."

"You didn't warn him?" Garrus asked, no longer trying to keep a straight face, and she snorted.

"The best ice-breaker I could come up with was us beating each other up, I really don't think I've misrepresented what I'm all about," she replied with a shrug.

"I assumed you were just...hands on and shit. This is a whole 'nother ball game, Lola."

"I mean, if you don't think you can hang with the crazies, I'm not going to force you to stay…"

"Oh, hell no. The Normandy has the best seats in the galaxy. I ain't going nowhere."

"Good to know, lieutenant."

"Say, what happened to Clan Gatatog after that, anyway?" Garrus asked thoughtfully.

"They probably either got a new leader who was willing to fall in line with what Wrex wanted, or got absorbed into Clan Urdnot outright. I'll ask Wrex about it, if I remember the next time I see him."

"Wait, was Uvenk in charge of Gatatog?" James asked. 

"He...was," Anya said with a small nod.

"I thought you didn't headbutt him that hard?" Garrus chuckled at the question.

"He came after us after I'd headbutted him. He wanted Grunt to join his clan as a trophy after he saw us take down a maw on foot. Grunt basically told him to pound sand, and Uvenk escalated things."

"You took down a thresher maw...on foot?" James was skeptical.

"We've done it before, it's not that impressive."

"Now, hold on there, Shepard. That was the first time we started off on foot and finished the maw, still on foot. Every time before that, we used the gun on the Mako to soften it up first."

"How many maws have you guys taken down?"

"Ah...nine? I think?" Anya tried to remember.

"Mmm, no, you always forget about that one planet having two," Garrus corrected. 

"That's right, the one in the Plutus system. Ugh, what was its name?" Anya muttered.

"Now that, I don't recall. Non...something," Garrus murmured, now lost in thought. "It had a lot of volcanoes."

"Nonuel!" Anya declared triumphantly.

"Nonuel," Garrus agreed, clearly relieved that they'd figured it out. "That was gonna bug me later if we hadn't remembered."

"Right there with you. So, then, ten maws, altogether?"

"Ten maws, eight of which were at least partially on foot. The more of them you fight, the bolder you get," Garrus teased, and she snorted.

"Well, for what it's worth, I'm not planning on fooling with any maws while we've got the war to focus on. Maybe after we've kicked some Reaper ass," she said, feigning wistfulness.

"You just can't stop picking fights with things that are bigger than you," Garrus couldn't seem to help the mirth in his voice.

"Nothing my size is a challenge anymore," Anya replied primly, adjusting in her seat, and Garrus laughed.

"Is that why I keep getting dragged across the galaxy to help you? Because you aren't being challenged enough?"

"Well, I do enjoy your one-liners. Besides, you're my favorite sniper, and you're almost as good with guns as I am. You're the only person I know that's almost on my level."

"Oh, shit," James muttered, barely restraining laughter.

"Notice how you didn't even get an honorable mention, there, lieutenant?" the turian pointed out, and James pretended to be hurt for a beat, hand on his chest, before he devolved back into snickering. "And as for you, commander…"

"Yes?" she answered, her voice still a little smug.

"I'm still planning on us having it out over who has better aim. When it happens, you better be ready."

"Ready whenever you are, Vakarian." Her heart sped up at the way his expression shifted to something predatory, and the little extra rumble when he spoke made her ears heat.

"Promises, promises."


	34. Nervous

Chapter 34

Anya was curled up at Garrus's side when his omni-tool went off. He checked the message before letting out an annoyed noise.

"What is it?"

"Primarch got some more reports in."

"Please tell me he isn't dragging you out of bed for  _ another  _ goddamn meeting," she grumbled.

"Then I can't explain why I have to go now." He nudged her temple with his own before sliding out of bed, and she had to fight not to roll her eyes.

"I'm starting to feel like the other woman here," she complained, pulling a face.

"I'm sorry, sweetie. Look, I'll talk to him, okay?" He started pulling out clothes.

"And what are you going to tell him?"

"That unless it's an emergency, I need to have time to eat and rest between meetings. I mean, it's nearly eleven, and this will be our fifth meeting today, third unscheduled. I can't get any notable amount of work or sleep like this." He was dressing as he spoke, and she watched as he moved.

"I know I'm cutting into your time, too." She felt a little guilt at that, and she wondered if she was making things harder for him.

"Yeah, but I want time carved out just for me and you, Anya. I don't want time stolen for a meeting where we go over a few after action reports and confirm that we're proceeding as planned. Those meetings aren't unnecessary, but they also aren't urgent," he pointed out.

"Yeah. Hey, I'm sorry for bitching. I know that he's asking for your thoughts on a lot of important stuff, it's not…"

"Hey, stop." He made his way around to her side of the bed, sitting on the edge. He gently took her face in his hands, and pressed his mouth to hers for a beat. When their kiss ended, he murmured, "You are important, too."

"Right," she managed, her heart rate picking up, and she swallowed. "Do...do you want me to wait up for you?"

"Ah...I don't know. You should get some rest, too, sweetie. I don't know how long this is going to be dragged out for, and I know you're going to be tired soon," he said softly, and she leaned to touch her forehead to his.

"Well, I could always just read up on Sur'kesh some more. It won't hurt anything."

"Alright, how's this...wait for me for...half an hour. If I'm not back by then, try to get some sleep," he offered, and she smiled.

"Okay, honey. Try to come back soon, though. This bed gets awfully cold without you," she teased, and he laughed.

"I'm more than just a heat rock," he pretended to grouse.

"Of course you are, honey. You're a smart...sexy...strong...heat rock. You're the best heat rock I've had in my entire life." He pulled away with a snort.

"So...definitely a better heat rock than Alenko?" he joked, and she laughed.

"Absolutely. Why?"

"I just...know you've been visiting him at Huerta. Making sure I don't need to step my game up." He was avoiding her gaze now, and she wanted to swear.

"It's not like that."

"That's all I need to hear."

"Well, it's not all you're going to hear. The truth is...I feel pretty guilty about Kaidan getting hurt. Maybe if I'd been a little faster, a little better, things wouldn't have happened the way they did. I absolutely do not want to get back with him, though. The relationship wasn't terrible, but it was stressful, and I never got that...feeling of connection with him. Not like I do with you. He wanted us to keep things at arms' length so things wouldn't change, but that meant...even when I was with him, I wasn't, you know? Being with him meant being alone, even when he was in the room. My relationship with you is...I don't even have the words, honey. I feel so close to you, and the combination of intimacy, and communication, and everything else is...just perfect for me. You feel like home. Kaidan felt like the tiny apartment you settle for when you're straight out of college."

"Oh." He seemed more willing to meet her gaze now, and she thought she saw a flicker of relief in his expression. "Well, I'm not...upset that I heard more."

"Good. And you say the word, I will stop visiting him in a heartbeat if that's what you want," she offered sincerely.

"No, it's fine, I just...wanted to hear from you that I didn't have anything to worry about. That's all. Besides, I can't imagine he's getting a lot of visitors. It might be doing him some good," he said, waving it off.

"You have nothing to worry about. Now go. Have your late night meeting with the Primarch, and hurry back."

"Okay. And...I'll be  _ home _ as quickly as I can," the way he emphasized the word made her heart skip a beat.

"Good," she whispered, and he finally got up, and it took her a few long moments to stop being flustered when he left. She roused herself enough to leave the bed, wrapping herself in a dark robe before making her way over to her desk. It took her a moment to find the file on Sur'kesh, but when she did, she was quick to start skimming it, pulling snippets from it often to add to her own notes as she went.

She started when the door opened, but she smiled when he came through the door. "Hey, honey."

"You're...still up."

"Yeah. I guess so." She glanced at the datapad she'd been working from, realizing that the minutes working had slid by so quickly that it was nearly midnight. She ruefully admitted, "I think I lost track of time again.

"Right."

Anya wondered at the air of tension that practically clung to him, every line of his body seeming to border on rigidity. Even his expression seemed guarded, and she felt herself start worrying about whatever the Primarch had discussed with him.

"Everything okay, honey?" she asked gently.

"Fine." Even his voice sounded tight, and she stood, concern in her face.

"You don't seem fine. C'mon, Garrus, just talk to me. Maybe I can help."

"I don't need...I just...I need a minute. I'm not...ready to talk yet." He stepped around her and headed into the bathroom, and Anya didn't follow. Crowding him when he seemed to want space would probably just cause him more stress. Instead, she bookmarked where she had stopped reading her datapad, then she made her way to the bed. She shucked her robe and crawled in between the covers.

She had started to drowse by the time Garrus came out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist. He slowly made his way to the bed, then sat down on the edge on Anya's side. He seemed more apprehensive than irritated now, and she reached out to touch him, her fingertips ghosting up between the plates on his back.

"Are you coming to bed?" she asked, smiling gently at him.

"We need to talk," he said stiffly.

"Oof, making me nervous, here." She knew the joke fell flat.

"Well, we do. I don't know why that would make you nervous."

"Because among humans that particular combination of words normally means the start of a conversation about breaking up."

"I...didn't know that. I mean, I don't...want this to be a break up. I just...you might want to after I…" He swallowed.

"What is it, honey? It can't be that bad."

"I...the Primarch wants me to use my...my relationship with you to try to...make you work more quickly towards helping our forces," he managed haltingly. "It was...he made it sound like it was a choice between you and my people."

"He...expects you to be a honeypot?" Anya was incredulous.

"I understand if you...don't want to be with me after finding that out." He wasn't looking at her now, and Anya felt her stomach twist.

"Garrus, I'm not breaking up with you just because the Primarch was being an ass. I just wish you'd told me what he said before you had time to get so wound up."

"I told him I'd do it. He thinks that I…"

"It's fine if you need to tell him what he wants to hear. I know he's got you feeling like you're between a rock and a hard place. Just ask yourself, though, why wouldn't I work towards helping your people as quickly as possible? My people can't be helped until yours are back on their feet. I promise you, I am doing, and I will do, everything I possibly can to help, okay?"

"Yeah, okay," he said with a nod. He still seemed tense, but at least now he was leaning slightly into her touch.

"What else is bothering you?"

"I...I just feel...I feel like I'm prioritizing you over my people just by telling you what the Primarch said. I never...realized exactly how bad I was at being a turian," he answered, shoulders slumping. "I mean, I know I joke about it sometimes, but this is…"

"That's not what this means. You handled this situation in a way that is conducive to your people getting help and you maintained your girlfriend's trust in you at the same time. You aren't a bad person for doing that, and you definitely aren't a bad turian for it, either." She sat up, not caring at the way the blanket fell.

"Do you really think that?" he asked, his voice barely audible.

"I do." Without warning, he turned to face her, and wrapped his arms around her. She slid her own around his neck, and the pair stayed entwined for a few long moments. When she finally pulled back, she murmured, "Are you ready to come to bed?"

He leaned down and touched his forehead to hers. "I think I am. Thank you, Anya. I was...I needed that."

"I'm glad I was able to help." She squeezed him once more before she pulled back. "How'd he figure out that we were together, though?"

"Oh, ah...he kind of...smelled you. On me," he clarified with a wince. "I should have showered before I headed down to see him. I didn't...I wasn't thinking. We pick up...scents pretty easily."

"I do not stink." She pretended to glare at him.

"I never said you do! It's just...everyone has very...distinctive…" He faltered until her expression slipped. "Damn it, Anya. That wasn't funny."

"It was a little funny," she teased.

"It...might have been a little funny, but it was terribly timed," he conceded, one mandible twitching upward for a moment.

"Mmm, fair enough. I'm sorry. What do I even smell like, though?"

"Are...you messing with me again?"

"No. Why?"

"Okay, well, what does...an apple smell like to you?"

"I mean, it's an apple. It smells like an apple, it wouldn't make sense for it to...oh. I smell like me, which you aren't going to be able to describe well, because it's unique to me. Is that where you were going with that?"

"Pretty much."

"Alright, I get it. Dumb question. Anyway, it's late as hell."

"Mmm, it really is. If we don't go to sleep soon, there won't be a point in going to bed." He stood and made his way around to his side of the bed, dropping his towel before sliding in and under the comforter. In moments, she was letting him tug her back against him, and she savored the additional warmth as his arm wrapped around her waist. He murmured into her hair, "Good night, Anya."

"Good night, Garrus."


	35. Time

Chapter 35

Anya read the email from Victus with a growing knot of unease in her stomach. A bomb on Tuchanka was definitely going to cause trouble.

"Hey," murmured a familiar voice, and she glanced back.

"Hey. Did the Primarch give you a head's up about this yet?" she asked quietly, and she waited a beat as Garrus skimmed over her shoulder.

"I found out about ten minutes ago," he admitted.

"What the hell was the Hierarchy thinking?" she muttered, and she saw his shoulders sag in the periphery of her vision.

"I don't know, Shepard." He sounded drained.

"Damn politics and paranoia, I would bet my last credit on it. Now we get to clean up someone else's mess again."

"I'm sorry," he replied.

"For what? You didn't put this bad boy on Tuchanka while I was in holding, did you?" she asked, feigning a scrutinous glance, and he snorted.

"Of course not, but it's still my people doing...spirits."

"Hey. Everyone has things that their people do that make them uncomfortable. I am never going to judge you for what other people have done."

"I just...hate that I get why people don't trust us," he said after a beat.

"I definitely empathize. But, Garrus?"

"Yeah, Shep?"

"I trust you, for what it's worth." She bumped his shoulder with hers, and he let out a soft noise.

"That's good to hear." After a beat, he cleared his throat. "So, how are we handling this? I know you wanted to get the cure dispersed tomorrow."

"Well, our options are to hold off on taking care of the bomb until after the cure has been released, which I'm not comfortable with, push the cure back a day, which Wrex will be livid about, or take care of this before nightfall, because I am not risking us or our people in night ops on Tuchanka if there is literally any other option."

"What do you think you'll do?"

"Honestly? I think…" she gnawed on her lip for a beat before continuing, "if we can get boots on the ground in the next hour, it's doable."

"Are you pushing yourself too much if we go forward with this right now?"

"I feel fine, honey. Really," she assured him, bumping his shoulder with hers.

"Okay. Well, who is coming with us?"

"Are you sure that you're up for another mission? You know I was planning on dragging you with me tomorrow."

"I'm sure. We go together. There's no Vakarian without Shepard," he reminded her.

"And there's no Shepard without Vakarian," she answered, torn between being pleased and being worried. "I just wanted to make sure you have a chance to rest, too."

"I'll sleep when you sleep. If all goes according to plan, we might even be back in time for dinner."

"When was the last time things went according to plan?" she asked ruefully, and he laughed.

"There's a first time for everything," he murmured. "Besides, this gives us a chance to enjoy that scenic countryside that Tuchanka is known for. The semi-radioactive acid rain clouds are lovely this time of year."

She had to choke back a laugh. "Maybe we'll get to fight through something more fun than a hospital this time."

"Shepard, I swear, if you find a classy antique shop on this planet for us to fight in, I will lose my mind."

"I'll keep it in mind. We might have better luck keeping an eye out for a garden or an electronics shop, though."

"A man can dream," he said, feigning seriousness, and she nearly giggled.

"I will help you keep an eye out. Your dreams are my dreams, honey."

"In that case, I apologize."

"For what?"

"My dreams heavily feature you, and I think you know why," he teased, letting out a little rumble at the end, and she felt herself blushing.

"You're incorrigible. Also, you should tell me more, but after the mission," she murmured. "At least one of us needs to be focused on something other than getting naked."

"Does that mean I'm allowed to think about you naked while we're working?"

"First off, you're an adult, you don't need permission to think about anything," she countered. "Secondly, I think we both know that the reason that you're so eager to provide overwatch is your desire to stare at my ass between firefights."

"Of course, that goes without saying. I get to save your ass while I ogle, it's perfect," he said cooly, and she snorted. 

"Maybe you should take this time to take a cold shower," she joked.

"We both know I'm not doing that," he said, shaking his head with a grin, and she glanced back down at her console. "Wait, was there a third thing?"

"Ah...damn. I feel like there was, but I don't remember it now. You've been making me laugh too much," she accused, a mock scowl on her face.

"There are worse problems to have than your boyfriend being funny," he pointed out, looking pleased with himself.

"Like my boyfriend  _ thinking _ he's funny?" she fired back and he chuckled.

"You've been talking to Wrex too much," he said playfully.

"I dunno. I'd think you'd be a fan."

"Oh? And what makes you think that?"

"The other day when we were talking, he mentioned that he thought I should listen to you more." Garrus perked up at that.

"Did he now?"

"Mhmm. Especially about taking better care of myself."

"See! Wait, was that why you were finally willing to go to Chakwas?"

"Yep. Just shutting you all up," she muttered.

"Spirits, now I know how Vega felt when you wouldn't let him touch your gun," he dead-panned, and she snickered.

"Not even close to the same. I let you touch all of my stuff."

"I've never touched your model ships," he corrected, and she struggled not to roll her eyes.

"I mean, you could."

"No, I couldn't. You spent a lot of time on those, what if I broke one?" he asked, shaking his head.

"And that's how I know I can trust you if you ever did hold one. You appreciate and respect that time and effort that went into them," she pointed out.

"How could I not? You very clearly love those ships."

She moved her mouth as if to speak, but the first reply that came to mind made her heart start slamming in her chest. After a moment, she finally forced out, "I, uh...I get it. It'd be like if I made a mistake handling your gun. You love that gun."

He seemed to have a similar reaction, visibly floundering before he managed, "I...I do. Um, love...my gun."

"Well, there we are, then," she said, swallowing, unsure if she was more relieved or disappointed that he hadn't redirected the conversation either.

"Anya, wait, I was...I had wanted to tell you something."

"What is it, honey?"

"I was...I wanted to tell you that...I…" He seemed to struggle with his words.

"Garrus, honey, it's fine, okay?" she reassured him.

"No, look, it's...very important that I tell you what I'm feeling, right?"

"It is, but it's okay to wait until you're ready before you say or ask anything," she murmured, letting her head fall onto his shoulder. "And struggling to put something into words doesn't mean that it isn't real, or valid, okay? Sometimes the big stuff takes a little while. I absolutely get it. It's fine. We're fine."

"It's just...important for me to make sure that you know," he said softly.

"I do know," she whispered.

"And what if we don't have as much time as you think we do?" he asked.

"We'll make time," she answered, sounding sure. "Just be patient with yourself."

"I'll try," he murmured, nudging her temple with his. "I'm sorry for not…"

"Stop. I chickened out, too. We  _ will _ get there. Now, are we ready to take care of a bomb?"

"As long as you're around, I'm ready for anything," he answered.

"Good. I'm going to grab James, I told him he'd be stretching his legs at some point on Tuchanka."

"Sounds good. Try not to be too long. The sooner we're squared up and geared out, the better."

"Agreed," she murmured with a sigh before turning and starting away. "I'll see you in five."

He quickly murmured, "Don't be late."

"Of course not, I would never be late for one of our dates," she called back.

"But you're bringing Vega? This is why we need a sitter," he complained before cracking a grin, and she couldn't help laughing as she rounded the corner. She couldn't help feeling optimistic as she made her way across the ship.

_ (We've got this.) _


	36. Never Change

Chaper 36

Garrus slouched against the elevator wall with a huff, and Anya glanced at him as she hit the button.

"How are you holding up?"

"I'm fine," he mumbled. "Just tired."

"You want to talk about this?"

"I don't know. That was...a lot."

"It was. How do you think the Primarch is handling it?" she asked, her brow furrowed as the elevator doors opened, and they stepped out together.

"Not well. Better than most, but…. He's feeling a lot of heartbreak right now, and some anger that he doesn't have a target for."

"Where'd you get that?" she asked as they entered their cabin, turning to face him once they were both inside.

"It's in his subharmonics," Garrus explained with a halfhearted shrug. "A few other things, too, but even that is some pretty personal stuff. His grief was the big one."

"I'm sorry, honey."

"I didn't know Tarquin well, I'm fine."

"It's...hard not to see parallels, though," Anya pointed out gently.

"It is," he admitted after a long moment. "Tarquin was roughly our age, taking on things bigger than he should have had to on his own, because he was trying to please his father by playing the dutiful son, and now he's dead."

"Yeah."

"I think...I need to spend some time appreciating our differences, right now," he murmured, reaching for her, and she stepped into his embrace without hesitation.

"And which differences were you thinking about?" she asked as he lowered his head to press a kiss to the top of her head.

"Well, getting to a point with my dad where we can really talk sometimes. Having a girl in my life worth staying alive for, too. And even not counting our relationship, let's be real, if we're going to end this thing, you're going to need me on your six."

"You aren't wrong," she agreed, her fingers curling against his back, and she settled against him more fully.

"I know. You can even confirm it with Wrex, too," he teased, and she nearly laughed.

"Shut up."

"How are you feeling?" he murmured, and she sighed.

"I feel bad," she admitted. "We were supposed to be able to help him, and he ended up..."

"You can't blame yourself for other people's choices, Anya."

"I know. I just...wish it had gone differently, you know?"

"I know," he affirmed, squeezing her gently. "Do you want to get some sleep?"

"Ah, soon. I think we need a shower first."

"Alright, sweetie, I'm going to need you to level with me about something," he said, carefully running his talons through her hair.

"Okay…?"

"Are your people secretly much more aquatic than they let on?" he asked playfully. "I only ask because we both know you showered this morning, and we both know you're going to shower tomorrow morning, and the morning after that, and the morning after that, plus we both know you're going to shower after basically every mission that doesn't leave you absolutely dead on your feet."

She snorted. "I think it's just me, honey. I hate to disappoint."

"I'm not disappointed. Just keep me in mind if you ever want to confess to being an amphibian," he teased, and she had to fight back a smile.

"I absolutely will," she deadpanned. "Now, are you going to join me in the shower?"

"Absolutely," he agreed, letting out a soft hum, his talons now gently sliding through the hair at the nape of her neck. She nearly shivered at the way his blunted talons slid across her skin. He murmured, "That okay?"

"Oh, yes," she replied softly, tilting her head and leaning into the touch.

"You are very affectionate for a woman who regularly shoots people," he teased.

"Mmm," she acknowledged. "And you're very affectionate for a man who regularly shoots people from slightly further away than I do. Probably the duality of man at work. Some things transcend species."

"Slightly further my ass. And duality of man?"

"Mhmm. The Jungian thing."

"Jungian what?" he sounded lost.

"The Jungian thing. Duality of man. Everything good has a bad counterpart, or facet, but the same goes for the bad shit."

"Where do you pick this stuff up?" he asked, shaking his head.

"Full Metal Jacket. It's an old war flick. They did a pretty solid remake back in eighty-seven, which they released on the centennial anniversary of the first one coming out, but the original was still better."

"I'm...I'm sorry, you like war movies that are almost two hundred years old?"

"Some of them. A lot of the older flicks have more heart than the new stuff, and half of what's coming out are just remakes of old vids, anyway. Hell, they still do productions of Hamlet, and that was written like six hundred years ago. And I...know war. You know I've been in the military since I was eighteen, being engaged in some kind of conflict has been a major part of my life. I like watching what I'm familiar with. What about you?" she asked, nuzzling the base of his throat before kissing the skin there once.

"Fair enough. And I'm big on...psychological thrillers, mostly, though I do also enjoy a solid mystery vid."

"I think...we should consider starting up a movie night. Maybe each week we take turns picking a flick. What do you think?"

"I love it," he murmured into her hair with a rumble. "Should we start with the one you mentioned?"

"Sure. I'll snag a copy the next time we're at the Citadel."

"Perfect."

"I'll bet you're just glad that you have extra time to pick out your own vids," she teased.

"It definitely doesn't hurt," he admitted, finally releasing her, and she nearly scowled at the loss of contact. 

"C'mon, let's get this shower going," she murmured, and he let her tug him into the bathroom after her.

"You're eager."

"I'm tired, honey." She hurried to continue, before he could speak. "If I'm going to get some quality time with you while we're both naked, sooner is better than later, because I'm probably going to doze off as soon as we have a warm spot going in bed."

"I'm shocked, Shep. Is all this really just a ploy to get me naked?" he teased as he started working on the fastenings of his clothes.

"Guilty as charged. You're dating a fiend."

He laughed as he murmured, "Never change."


	37. All of Us

Chapter 37 (Warning - Basically Pure Smut)

Anya hurried to get the water going, intending to give it time to warm up while she joined Garrus in stripping. He was finished first, and he slipped into the shower while she was still shimmying out of her pants. He warned, "The water might be a little hot for you. Give me a head's up when you're coming in so I can turn it down."

"Will do, honey." She kicked her clothes into a small pile, then took a step towards the shower before she stopped short. She hesitated, arguing with herself for a beat, then turned to snag the medi-gel out of the medicine cabinet as quickly and quietly as she could. "I'm coming in."

"On it." She stepped into the shower after a moment, placing the medi-gel on the shelf behind her shampoo while his back was still turned. "I think we're good now. Want to check?"

She reached for the spray, pleasantly surprised. "Oooh, that's nice."

She slipped into the small gap between him and the wall, shivering at the way the heat felt on her muscles.

"Did I get close?" he asked, turning to face her.

"Mmm. This is perfect. I think I live here now." He snorted, reaching for her, and she let him pull her in even closer.

"I don't think you can sleep like this."

"I can try," she joked.

"I am not sleeping in the bathroom. Do you really want to leave me in that big bed, all alone?"

"You're just going to sprawl more, don't pretend you wouldn't like it."

"For like...ten minutes, maybe. I  _ like _ holding you, Anya," he pretended to reproach, and she smiled.

"I do love how it feels to have your arms around me," she allowed, tilting her mouth up to kiss him once.

"Mmm, see? You'd miss me, too."

"I don't think it would even take ten minutes," she agreed, feigning nonchalance, and he chuckled.

"Now that's what I like to hear," he murmured, pressing his forehead to hers.

"Never change," she all but whispered, echoing his sentiment from only a few minutes before, and she kissed him, her mouth lingering against his. In moments, she was pressed to tile, his hand coming up to frame one side of her face. She arched up into him when he carefully nipped her bottom lip, a little noise escaping her.

"Spirits, I love the sounds you make," he rumbled, both hands trailing down until he picked her up, and she wrapped her legs around his waist. Her arms encircled his neck, her fingers reaching to graze his fringe. He let his tongue tangle with hers for a few moments before pulling back, and she started pressing little kisses along his mandible until she reached his throat. He groaned when she started nibbling her way down the side of his neck, one particularly sharp nip spurring him into action.

He lifted her up a little more, until he could position her over the tip of his cock, and she was quick to arch her hips a little to help. Once he was pressed against her entrance, she murmured,"Right there."

"Yeah?" He shifted, carefully pushing into her, his hips moving at an almost agonizingly slow pace. She caught herself trying to roll her hips against his, and she let out a noise like a whine when he made her stop, one big hand stilling her.

"Fuck, honey," she panted, her hands shifting to massage and tug gently at his fringe. He let out a noise that was almost a groan.

"Spirits, if you keep rushing me, I'm going to invest in some cuffs so you have to behave," he murmured, leaning in enough that she could feel the words, hot in her ear.

"I'm...not opposed," she confessed, her voice a little uneven, and he chuckled. He started nuzzling his way down her throat, puncturing his progress with little nips and flicks of his tongue.

"Is that what you need, Anya? Do you want me to  _ make _ you be good?" She felt another rush of heat between her legs, and she knew he could tell when she clenched. He let out a pleased noise as he kept pumping his hips, finally speeding up once he'd worked himself all the way to the hilt.

"Don't stop," she whimpered, more focused on clinging to him now that he'd begun grinding at the peak of each thrust, leaving them both almost panting. She could feel the pressure building inside of her as they moved together, and she remembered the medi-gel that she'd brought into the shower. It took her a moment to get her voice to cooperate, but she managed to ask, "Do you want me to mark you?"

He seemed thrown, his hips slowing as he leaned back enough to look at her. "What?"

"I was...asking if you wanted me to mark you. You seemed...like you kind of liked it last time, even though it happened when we weren't having sex. I thought it could be hot if we…" she hesitated, now uncertain.

"Do you want to mark me?"

"Kind of, yeah," she admitted.

"I will never stop you from refreshing my mark, Anya," he reassured her gently, and she swallowed. 

"Okay, then."

"Just...keep in mind that it's...kind of expected for us to have the same number of marks. Otherwise it...looks bad. If you bite me, I'm going to have a hard time not biting you, too, especially if we're...in the middle of something," he seemed to have trouble staying focused on his words, his attention clearly split.

"But I've told you, I like it when you mark me," she reminded him, and he shook his head.

"I hurt you, Anya," he said softly, and she wished she knew how to assuage his guilt about her mark. "Encouraging me to...sink my teeth into you isn't something that you should be doing lightly."

"Sometimes I...want it to hurt. God, honey, you have...no idea how hard I came when you did it last time. I don't remember the last time I finished like I did the night you bit me," she knew her voice sounded like she was pleading, but she didn't care. "I could even do you first, if you want."

After a long moment, he nodded. "Okay."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, if you...mark me, I will mark you back. Just...spirits, you're sure you want this?" He still seemed uncertain, and his hips had slowed even further.

"I am."

"Okay...okay, so...you should bite me when you're close. I'll do you right after. We need to try to at least keep it close to the first mark, but not so close that you can't tell that they're two separate marks. Alright with that?"

"Yeah, just...fuck, hurry. You're teasing the hell out of me right now," she muttered, and he snorted.

"You keep trying to be bossy and it's going to tempt me to teach you some patience, too," he warned, his voice half-joking, and she felt torn for a moment.

Finally, she murmured a single word, her breathing unsteady, "Please."

"Anything for you," he replied, pressing his mouth to hers and shifting so that he was able to thrust faster. He let his tongue tangle with hers again, and she let out a few soft pants and moans as they moved together. His hold tightened on her almost painfully when she tore her mouth away and started pressing her lips to the scar on his shoulder. It was all she could do to cling to him as he kept sliding his length home, the friction driving her towards the edge.

"Oh, God, just like that," she whimpered, not caring if her nails were digging in a little, and she felt more than heard him let out a noise. She could feel herself drawing close to her climax, and she waited until she was on the edge to bite him, her teeth struggling to make it through his skin for a moment before it split. He groaned, then his face was buried in her shoulder.

"Last chance to stop this, Anya," he whispered hoarsely, and she responded by biting him harder. He let out a sound akin to a rumbling growl before he sank his teeth into her, and she felt her orgasm hit just before the pain in her shoulder started. Her whine was muffled as the pulses of ecstasy washed over her, heightened by the sharp sting of his teeth embedded in her flesh. She barely registered the way he stiffened against her, his cock buried deep between her thighs, as the pleasure began to ebb.

She opened her mouth to release him, her head falling back against the tile. He was a little slower to pull back, and one hand came up to cradle her jaw.

"That was fun," she mumbled, and she wondered at the concern etched on his features.

"Are you okay?"

She snorted. "Okay is putting it mildly. I feel...phenomenal. I could do without the tingling in my lips and fingertips, but it was definitely worth it."

"Tingling? Is that normal, or have you lost too much blood? Do I need to get the medi-gel?" He sounded anxious.

"Tingling is normal when I finish hard, I'm fine, honey. Medi-gel is on the shelf with the soap, right by my shampoo, though. We probably should patch each other up before we get out."

"Alright, give me a second…" He slowly lifted her until his shaft slipped out of her, and she huffed at the feeling. She was quick to stand on her own, feeling tired and pleased.

He hurried to find the medi-gel, and she tried to take it, murmuring, "Here, let me take care of you first, you've been bleeding longer."

"Not gonna happen, Anya. Tilt your head for me."

"You're being ridiculous, I am not going to bleed out in the next minute and a half."

"And neither am I, but I'm bigger than you, and I can afford to lose a little more blood. Now, we can stand here, arguing about this all night, fighting over relative blood loss, or you could just indulge me, and we can be done patching each other up in no time."

"You are so goddamn difficult sometimes," she muttered, turning her head to expose her injured shoulder more fully.

"In all fairness, I did warn you that if you admit I'm right too much, you wouldn't be able to do anything with me," he retorted, and she felt the corner of her mouth twitch upward as he began to apply the medi-gel to her wound, his hands gentle.

"Insufferable does sum it up pretty well right about now."

"It makes me feel better when you're taken care of. Can you blame me for being a little pushy?"

"Yes," she answered firmly, and he snorted.

"Look, Anya, the truth is...a lot of what we do is dangerous. That's just a fact. Sometimes we get hurt, and when I see you in pain, or bleeding, even if the cause is relatively harmless, it...gets me keyed up in a not so good way. Taking care of you when you're hurt is...soothing for me in a lot of ways. It helps me feel less helpless, and it helps me feel less guilty when I'm the reason you're bleeding. I'm sorry for being stubborn about this. I just...don't know how else to deal with it, yet. Can you forgive me for being hard-headed?" He was carefully massaging the gel into her aching shoulder as he spoke, even his voice tender, and she knew he could probably feel her leaning into the touch.

"There's nothing to forgive, honey, but keep in mind that it makes me feel better to make sure you're taken care of, too," she pointed out, and he smiled.

"Fine, next time, I promise to let you do me first. Deal?" he asked, handing her the medi-gel, and she hurried to start patching him up.

"Deal. So, how does the new mark look?"

"It matches the other one," he dead-panned, and she snorted.

"Smart ass. You know what I mean."

"I like it. Edges are nice and even, no signs of tearing. It looks good. Really good." He reached out to touch her new mark, one talon grazing the sensitive new scar, and she nearly shivered. She reminded herself to stay focused and hurried to keep working more of the medi-gel into his wounded shoulder.

"I'm glad."

"How about mine?"

"Ah, I think I did a little better this time. I'm sorry, honey, I really don't know what I should be looking for," she apologized, feeling guilty as she studied it.

"Alright, are the edges clean?"

"Pretty clean, yeah," she answered nervously.

"Clean enough that you can more or less make out the individual tooth imprints?" he clarified.

"Yes."

"And is it deep enough that it would have scarred even without the medi-gel?"

"Yes," she answered firmly, now looking to make sure she hadn't missed any spots.

"Then it's a good mark," he assured her, tugging her in and pressing his forehead to hers, and she nearly dropped the little white tube.

"I just want you to like having my mark as much as I like having yours," she murmured, sliding her arms around his neck.

"I love it. Really." She felt her breath catch at the way he wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her closer, her hips barely touching his.

"Good," she managed.

"So, how long were you planning this out?"

"Oh, well, I knew I wanted it to happen again back when you marked me the first time, but I didn't have...any actionable ideas until about forty seconds before I hopped in the shower."

"Huh. If this is what happens when you plan for forty seconds, we really should try it more often," he teased.

"Hey, I plan!"

"The plan for tomorrow is just Cortez dropping us off at the Shroud, and picking us up from the Shroud once the cure is dispersed. No additional details, just those two things. Are you sure that qualifies as a plan?"

"Look, it's simple, I know, but the simpler a plan is, the lower the chances of it going wrong on our side, and the less annoyed I am when things do go sideways," she pointed out.

"Fair enough," he said quietly.

"So, do you think we're ready?"

"To cure the genophage? Not really, but I know if there's anybody who will still somehow make it happen, it's you, Anya."

"It's us. Me, you, Wrex, Mordin, all of us."

"We have a good team," he agreed, and she smiled.

"The best."


	38. Make Them Pay

Chapter 38

Anya struggled to keep her breathing even in spite of the lump in her throat. She felt claustrophobic, trapped with everyone as they piled into the elevator, bound for the crew deck. If Garrus, James, Eve, and Wrex noticed that she was upset, they didn't comment on it, and she knew she'd be grateful for that later, but for now, all she could do was focus on the rise and fall of her chest.

_ (Mordin is dead.) _

"Did you want to stop by the med-bay?" Wrex asked Eve, and the female krogan let out a breath.

"May as well." The other woman sounded tired, and Anya made a mental note to check up on her as soon as she'd managed to get her own emotional state under control.

_ (Jesus fucking Christ, Mordin is dead.) _

"After you," Wrex rumbled when the doors opened, and the pair departed quietly, leaving her in the elevator with Garrus and James. 

"I wonder if anybody got that fight on video. Man, I can't believe we just killed a Reaper with a maw. That's insane!" James said conversationally as he hit the button for the CIC.

"It was probably the most Shepard thing I've seen in my life," Garrus agreed, his voice subdued, and James snorted.

"I can top it," Anya said absently as the doors closed.

_ (Oh, God, why did I let him go up there?) _

"Nobody can top that, Lola."

"You sound like a man who isn't going to be invited when I go hunt Kalros after this is all over," Anya forced, trying to keep it together.

"I don't know if I want to be invited, that thing scared the shit out of me. It  _ ate _ a Reaper."

"Excuses, lieutenant," Anya chided weakly.

"Please, I just don't have as much of a death wish as you," he retorted as the doors opened, and he stepped halfway out. "You guys coming? It'd be faster to find that vid with three people than one."

"Ah, I think I'm going to head up to my cabin. Need a minute, you know?"

"Yeah, I get it. You guys were close to Doctor Solus, right?"

"He was a friend," Garrus said with a nod.

"He was," Anya murmured.

_ (...and I let him die.) _

"Let me know if you guys need anything, alright? I know losing people sucks," the marine said solemnly.

"Thank you, James." Anya hit the button for her floor, and he took a step so that he was out of the way of the door.

"Wait, are you...going up to the Commander's cabin?" James seemed puzzled as he registered that Garrus was staying on the platform.

"Yep," Garrus responded as the door closed, leaving the other man looking perturbed.

"I think you broke him," Anya murmured, and Garrus snorted.

"I don't think Vega realizes that we're together."

"Really? We aren't exactly subtle."

"I know, but you can physically see him trying to put it together in his head before he mentally gets to 'but she's human and he's an alien' and the whole train of thought gets shut down," he said as the doors opened, and they stepped out together.

"Is that really what he's doing? Should we just tell him outright?"

"Nah, it's almost a game at this point." They walked through the other door in tandem.

"A game?" she echoed, disbelieving as the cabin door shut behind them.

"Yeah. I've been treating it like a swear jar. Every time Vega doesn't figure out you're my girlfriend, I'm putting aside some credits. At first, I was going to use it to take you to dinner, once we had some time."

"Were you now? What'd you spend it on? Was it a gun, or mods?" she teased, and he snorted.

"I haven't spent any of it. My problem is that this account is currently approaching 'modest vacation' size instead of 'single nice dinner.'"

"Are...are you serious?"

"Very. If James keeps being dense, we're going to end up in 'down payment on an apartment' territory." After a beat, he stammered, "Uh, not saying I'm trying to push for us looking for a place. It's...I was just...for comparison..."

"Hey, stop, it's fine. I mean, once the war is over, house-hunting is definitely an option, but there's no pressure. I get it. You're good, honey."

"Right. Spirits, I keep putting my foot in my mouth."

"It's not the end of the world. It kind of says something about our relationship, that we haven't stopped getting nervous and flustered around each other. I like it. I get to have all the perks of the relationship without having to lose the majority of those 'I have a crush on you' butterflies," she murmured, taking his hand and stepping in close.

"Well, I'm glad you're a fan," he responded, squeezing her hand for a beat, then gently asking, "So...did we want to keep stalling or did we want to talk about what happened?"

"I don't know," she answered weakly. "I don't know if I have time to fall apart right now."

"Is that what you  _ need _ right now, though?"

"I don't know if I have a choice," she whispered. "I just...I feel like if I stop moving and talking, I'm not going to have enough momentum to keep going, and then I'm just going to be stuck feeling like this for I don't know how long."

"Hey, it's okay to hurt, and it's okay to grieve, sweetie. No one is going to judge you for how you feel right now," he said softly, pulling her into his arms, and she felt the lump in her throat return with a vengeance. "It's only you and me up here."

"It shouldn't have happened like that," she all but croaked, her arms sliding around his neck as her eyes started to burn.

"I know, Anya." A sob escaped her as they stood together, and she found herself leaning on him.

"God, and he was fucking cavalier about it, even when I told him...fuck…" He seemed to understand, and his arms tightened around her as she wept.

"You couldn't lie to him, sweetie. You aren't wired like that."

"I knew that if he knew, he was going to do something stupid, and I fucking did it anyway, and then I just...didn't stop him." She drew in a shuddering breath.

"He would have figured it out, even if you hadn't said something, but he then might not have had time to fix it, then there would have been no cure, and we still would have lost him. He was going up there no matter what you said or did. All you did was let him choose whether it meant something," he responded, his voice gentle.

"I could have stopped him."

"But you shouldn't have, and you didn't. He had a choice. It is not your responsibility to feel bad for his choice. He was an adult, and he was a damn sight smarter than most. He knew what he was doing. Don't kick yourself when you're already down, Shep."

"I just want someone to blame. It's easy to be mad at me," she said softly.

"Then be mad at the dalatrass for the sabotage, or the Reapers for causing all of this to begin with. You didn't do anything wrong."

"It's not fair."

"No. No, it really isn't," he agreed, and she felt more tears leak out.

"I'm going to miss him."

"I know, sweetie. Me, too. He was a good friend."

"What the hell are we supposed to do?" she whispered with a sniff, smoothing her hands over his chest.

"We kill them, before they kill us or anyone else we care about. We show the Reapers why they never should have emerged from whatever deep space hellhole they came out of, and we stay alive. That's what we do," Garrus murmured as he pressed his forehead to hers, and she drew in a shuddering breath.

"God, we're going to make them pay." She felt a spark of anger start, deep within her, and she clung to it.

"Damn straight, we are."


	39. By Proxy

Chapter 39

Anya nearly snorted at the way Garrus bee-lined for the bed once they made it up to her cabin. He was under the covers by the time she was done checking on Hulk, and the image of the big man, huddled under the comforter made her smile. She took a moment to steady her voice before asking, "What are you doing?"

"Are you talking to me or the hamster?" came the muffled reply.

"Mostly you."

"Trying to get warm again. This is the second time I have braved that particular frozen hellscape for you," he grumbled.

"Mmm. You didn't care for Noveria the first time, either," she said conversationally as she made her way around her desk and down the stairs.

"Because Noveria is objectively terrible."

"I never thought I'd see Archangel, of all people, brought down by a little cold weather," she teased as she drew near, and he shot her a look.

"Archangel was brought down by a nice, warm bed, thank you very much. You know I was dropping Cerberus flunkies left and right when we were planetside."

"I stand corrected."

"Anyway, it's not my fault my girlfriend is absurdly comfortable in temperatures that feel like absolute zero," he continued to grouse, and she snickered.

"It's nowhere near absolute zero. I appreciate you putting up with it, though."

"You better." He drew the blankets more fully around himself, and she tried and failed to suppress a smile. "Is this funny to you?"

"A little," she admitted. "It's mostly endearing, though."

"I'm glad you find my misery so pleasing."

"Alright, I apologize. I know being cold sucks even more for you than it does for me."

"I...don't know about that. I'm sorry, am I being an ass right now?" he asked, suddenly bordering on contrite.

"If it makes you feel any better, I think you're justified in being an ass. I know how cranky you got last time we landed here, so it's not like it's a surprise that you hated it this time, too."

"I am not cranky. I'm freezing. Possibly to death."

"I know, honey. How can I help?" she tried to soothe, sitting down on the edge of his side of the bed.

"Don't let me get away with being a jerk. Just call me on it in the moment."

"I meant with the cold thing. I'm really not worried about you being irritated when it's a one-off like this. Everyone gets agitated from time to time."

"Well, I'm worried about it," he mumbled, and she nearly sighed.

"Alright, fine. Garrus Vakarian," she said firmly, placing a hand on the side of his face as she spoke, "quit being a jackass. Now that that's out of the way, will you please tell me if there's anything I can do to help you feel better?"

After a beat, he asked, "Do you want to come to bed with me?"

"Any time, honey." He hurried to scoot over, then held up the blanket for her, and she laughed as she kicked her shoes off and joined him. She slid one arm up and around his neck, and he was quick to drape one over her waist. She sighed contentedly, turning and pressing a kiss to the arm under her head, and he let out a pleased noise of his own. She couldn't help teasing, "What got you feeling so cuddly?"

"Mmm, you know me too well. I'm secretly attempting to reclaim all the body heat you've stolen from me."

"That makes sense, because you're not basically an addict when it comes to us holding each other. You're not getting any of it back, though."

"Oh? And why is that?" he asked, clearly amused, his blunted talons absently running up and down the small of her back.

"I spent it all on Noveria just now."

"Damn. I knew I should have done this sooner."

"That's what you get for putting things off for so long," she chided, glad that his mood had improved.

"I have procrastinated a lot more than I should lately," he groaned, burying his face in her hair.

"Anything I can help with?"

"Not really. It's nothing important, anyway, and it doesn't change what I have to do now."

"Oh? And what's that?" she asked, curious.

"If I can't have my body heat back, I'm commandeering yours." He slid his hand down, until he could comfortably tug her closer, and she let him guide her leg so that it was hooked over the narrowest part of his waist.

"And what authority do you have to justify it?"

"Well, my girlfriend is a Spectre, and she's saved the galaxy twice, which means she's kind of a big deal, so…"

"So you're claiming my authority by proxy just because you see me naked on a regular basis?" she asked with a snort, before tilting her head up to nuzzle the hollow of his throat.

"Yep." He slid his hand to the curve of her ass, carefully holding her hips to his.

"Alright, but I'm going to be using my boyfriend's authority as head of the turian's Reaper Response Task Force to make you cut it out. He's also one of the most famous, if not the most famous vigilante Omega's ever seen, which means he's kind of a big deal, so…" Anya arched into him a little as she spoke, and he let out an approving rumble that sent more heat rushing to her lower belly.

"Is he now?" he chuckled. "And what do you think he'd say about you coming onto me like this?"

"About damn time?" Anya guessed, and he laughed.

"I don't mind waiting, sweetie," he murmured, amused.

"Yeah, but we haven't been...super affectionate...in the last week or so."

"We've been affectionate."

"Don't play dumb, you know what I'm talking about." She shot him a reproachful look.

"Anya, you've been grieving. I'm not going to make a pass at you when you're sad like that. I can take care of myself if I get wound up."

"I mean, I guess, but at some point, I'd like us to get back into being intimate. I do like it when you fuck me," she teased softly. "I would also like to point out that I can take care of you just as well as you can take care of you."

"Well, I'm pretty sure I have the advantage on experience, but I won't stop you from trying," he said with a laugh. She grinned at that.

"Roll on your back."

"What?"

"You heard me. C'mon, honey, it's going to be fun," she said playfully.

"I'm just a little worried since we have different definitions of 'fun.'"

"Just...trust me, okay? I'm pretty sure you're going to enjoy what I have in mind."

"How sure is pretty sure?" he asked.

"Like...on a scale of one to ten? About a nine point nine."

"With ten being the good one?" he pressed.

"Yes, but this is the last time I'm going to try to talk you into trying something new tonight, so…"

"Alright, alright, I'm moving…"


	40. Irresistible

Chapter 40 (Warning - Basically Pure Smut)

Anya couldn't help grinning as Garrus rolled to his back with a huff. She shifted so that she was able to press a few kisses along his mandible.

"Alright, I'm a fan so far. What exactly are we doing, though? 'Something new' is all you've given me."

"It's a surprise. Do you trust me?" she asked.

"I do, but don't keep me in suspense for too long, alright?"

"You got it, honey. So...you should probably get naked."

"Well, I kind of figured that was going to happen sooner or later," he said with a chuckle.

"Then you should probably get to stripping," she teased, sitting up so that he was free to move.

"Any chance you're going to join me?" he asked, sitting up and starting on the fastenings of his shirt.

"Thinking about it. I might just...enjoy the show."

"Hey, I don't work for free. I don't know what my rates are as a performer, but…it's probably a lot," he warned, feigning seriousness as he shucked his clothes, and she laughed as she started peeling her own off.

"Hey, I'm not scared of shelling out the big bucks."

"As long as you're aware of what you're committing to, here."

"Oh, I'm aware, alright." He snorted at that, tossing his clothes to the side shortly after. She wasn't far behind, and as soon she was bare, she was straddling him.

"Are you sure we've never done this before?" he joked, his talons sliding lazily up and down her thighs, and she grinned.

"We're getting to the new part. I just wanted to kiss you a little, first. I hope that's not a problem?"

"Mmm, no problem at all." He seemed more than willing when she leaned down to press her lips to his mouth, and she made a pleased sound. He responded by letting his tongue dart out, and she couldn't resist letting it tangle with hers.

She kept the kiss going until he palmed her hips, grinding up against her. She matched his motion, and he groaned, the low noise reverberating through her. She finally pulled her mouth from his and shifted to turn her attention to kissing her way down his throat. She nibbled the skin where his shoulder began, and he let out another noise. She teased her way to where his marks were, and she nipped the edge of the newer one. His hips jerked against hers at the sting, and she grinned when she realized how much it seemed to be turning him on.

"I think I need to start playing with your marks as often as you get mine," she teased softly.

"Not gonna stop you," he huffed, and she bit him again. He panted, "Oh, damn it, woman."

"You gonna make it, honey?"

"I don't know." She laughed at that, sitting up and sliding back a little. She glanced to make sure that his length was fully extended.

"Are you ready for the new part?"

"Spirits, yes."

"Close your eyes and try to relax. Just lay back and take a breath."

"I don't know how relaxed I can get right about now," he muttered, closing his eyes anyway, and she moved off of him, to the side. She shifted so that she was laying the opposite direction, her head near his hips.

"I'm about to start," she warned him before taking his cock in her hand.

"Mmm, I've felt your hand on me before. Is the new part going to be you finishing me like this?" he guessed, and she snorted.

"No," she replied simply, slightly angling his shaft and leaning to let her tongue swirl over the tip before taking it in her mouth. She started bobbing her head, her lips gradually sinking lower on him while he panted.

"What the hell are you doing?" he finally ground out, and Anya lifted up.

"I'm surprised you haven't peeked," she murmured. "You can look now. Do you like it?"

"I do. What were you doing? Was that your mouth on me?" he asked, now peering down at her.

"It was. Do you want me to keep going?"

"Spirits, yes. What the hell am I supposed to do with my hands, though?"

"Whatever you want, honey," she answered, her voice full of mirth.

"Is it alright if I touch you back?"

"Always." She slid his cock back in her mouth, finding her rhythm again in no time. One hand crept up her thigh, and she parted them for him. He was quick to move his hand to her center, the tip of one finger grazing her entrance. She tried to stay focused on taking him deeper as he carefully dipped in a fingertip.

She kept moving, getting lost in the taste and feel of him in her mouth as he teased her. She moaned when he suddenly sank his wandering digit deep in her heat, and he stilled for a long moment. She was quick to press on, taking him as deep as she could, until his cock hit the curve at the back of her throat. She hummed, and his hips jerked. She struggled not to cough or gag for a split second, backing off a little before she hummed again. This time he seemed more prepared, his hips barely rocking as he swore under his breath.

"Not gonna last if you keep doing that," he managed, his voice rough, and she responded by doing it once more. He didn't protest, instead gripping the sheets with his free hand as he resumed pumping his finger in and out. They kept going, their arousal building in tandem, and Anya felt a surge of satisfaction when he gasped raggedly, "Spirits, I'm close."

She sank down on him as much as she could again, and he let out a strangled noise as he withdrew his questing digit. His groan made her clench when he came in her mouth, and she hurried to swallow. She felt him relax after a beat, and she lifted up.

"You alright, honey?" she murmured, feeling pleased, and he snorted.

"Pretty sure my heart almost gave out on me," he said ruefully.

"Well, if it's too much for you, we don't have to do it again," she offered, and he immediately shook his head.

"I did _not_ say that."

"Are you sure you're okay with doing that again?"

"You tell me you want to do _that_ again, and we can go right now. Spirits, it's no wonder your people are obsessed with oral."

"We are not obsessed," she laughed, still propped up on one elbow.

"Are you sure about that? You all have at least a dozen euphemisms for it, and half of the insults I received from hostile human suspects seem to be synonymous with 'suck it.'"

"Well, no, but still. Anyway, haven't you ever wanted to try it?"

"Not until you started doing it just now. You are my first alien girlfriend, you know," he teased.

"So you weren't even a little curious?"

"No. If a turian woman had offered to try that with me, I would have thought she was crazy. I mean, look at me, Anya." He flared his mandibles and bared his teeth at her for a beat, reminding her of how sharp they were. She nearly giggled, opting instead for a grin.

"Fair enough. I'm glad you were willing to try that, though. I had fun."

"Mmm. Not as much fun as I would have liked," he said pointedly. "I couldn't focus to save my life."

"It's fine, honey. I'm not upset. It's not like it's the end of the world if I don't finish every time we fool around."

"I'm aware. The night isn't over yet, though. I may have better luck taking care of you now that I can string two thoughts together."

"Well, I won't stop you from trying," she said lightly.

"You should come up here and get comfortable, then. I would love to return the favor." He sat up and started fiddling with his omni-tool.

"I swear to God, if you're emailing the Primarch right now, I am going to scream, and I may never stop," she warned him, complying with his request anyway. "I only just got him off the ship, he is no longer present to screw up our 'us' time."

He snorted. "I'm looking up some basic tips on how to help you finish with a combination of oral and manual stimulation, updating Victus is literally the last thing on my mind right now."

"Good. So, you're...really trying to return the favor, huh?"

"Definitely."

"And the...teeth...aren't going to be a problem?"

"I don't think so," he answered, seeming earnest. "I mean, I definitely shouldn't press my mouth right on you, but...it looks like we should be alright as long as I stick to my tongue and hands. You want to try it?"

"I'm game," she murmured, pushing away a small wave of nerves.

"Alright, so...yeah, I think I can manage this," he said quietly, looking serious as he studied the information on his omni-tool. "Now, if I start doing stuff and it doesn't seem to be helping, just let me know and I can try something else. I won't get my feelings hurt if you tell me you aren't having fun."

"I know, honey."

"Good." With that, he moved down and situated himself so that his head was between her thighs, tugging her legs until they were over his shoulders. She took a deep breath, still feeling apprehensive.

He started nuzzling his way up her thigh, his tongue darting out occasionally to taste her skin. She closed her eyes before he reached her center. The first flick of his tongue was tentative, and she made herself relax. The next stroke was a little firmer, but she had to suppress the urge to squirm.

"Maybe you could try doing it kinda like when you're using your hands on me?" she suggested in a rush, feeling self-conscious. "Going around normally works better than the up and down thing for me."

He made an acknowledging noise, and the combination of his subharmonics with the switch to his tongue gently circling the sensitive nub made her bite her lip. She had to remind herself to breathe after a moment, and she managed to murmur, "Mmm, a little more pressure than that, honey."

A soft moan escaped her when he obeyed, her back arching of its own accord. One of his hands came up, and she felt him carefully start to press a finger into her wet heat. She let out another noise at the sensation of being stretched as he slowly started to work the thick digit in and out. He kept working on driving her towards breathlessness, his tongue and hand moving in tandem until it was all she could do to pant, "Faster. Don't stop."

Her hips bucked when he sped up, and she made a needy sound when the pressure started to build. He didn't relent, his ministrations pushing her steadily towards her peak. She whimpered when she went over, her hands clutching at the sheets as her sex throbbed.

It took her a long moment to open her eyes after she came down, and she glanced at him as her breathing started to slow. He seemed pleased with himself, his expression bordering on cocky, and she laughed in spite of herself. "Not a word."

"But I know so many."

"I'm just saying, I already hear how full of yourself you're going to be for the rest of the night," she teased, and he snorted.

"Hey, I'm allowed to be a little proud of that. I wasn't entirely sure I was going to be any good."

"Oh, you were good, all right."

"To be fair, you did tell me exactly what I needed to do," he responded with a wry chuckle as he crawled upwards until he was holding himself over her.

"The ability to follow directions is not as common as you might think," she retorted drily, her arms threading themselves around his neck.

"I...believe it, actually. You can't follow directions for anything," he deadpanned before he lowered himself enough to nuzzle her throat.

"Psh. I totally can. I just...don't."

"Not a whole lot of difference there, Anya."

"Agree to disagree," she said, tilting her head away a little more.

"See, you say that, but I'd almost bet that I could ask you to do something, and within ten minutes, you'd be doing something entirely different."

"Ten minutes? Easy."

"Yeah?" he asked, pulling back and looking at her with a mischievous grin.

"Definitely."

"What about twenty?"

"I can handle twenty minutes of just about anything," she said, trying to avoid rolling her eyes.

"Prove it."

"How?"

"I think...you should put your hands up, right by your head. If you can keep them there for twenty minutes, you'll have proven your point," he suggested, his voice low.

"And what will you be doing?" she asked, her mouth suddenly dry.

"Not relevant." He seemed predatory now, with something hungry in his gaze as he nudged a knee between hers.

"Completely relevant," she argued, sure of what he intended, but wanting to give him a hard time anyway.

"Our discussion is about whether you can behave, not whether your behavior is influenced by external variables."

"I could argue that my behavior is, in and of itself a variable, though." She bit her lip as she arched up a little, not quite pressing her hips to his.

"So where does that leave us? Debating what constitutes a variable, or…?" His voice trailed off, and she smiled.

"I'm not feeling like talking much more, I think. I'd rather play with you for a bit longer. How's this? I'll try to follow the direction you gave me, if you want to try following one from me?" She pressed a few more light kisses to his mandible as he thought it over.

"Mmm. I can get behind that. What direction are you giving me, though?"

"So…" she leaned up to murmur in his ear, "I want you to put your cock in me, and once it is, I want you to fuck me like you aren't afraid to break me."

The low rumble he let out made her want to squirm. He adjusted so that he could tug her other leg to the side and she took the opportunity to arch so that his tip was almost pressed to her entrance. She bit her lip when he seemed to view it as an invitation to start pressing his way inside, starting out with careful thrusts that slowly drove his length deeper. She started moving with him, her hands gripping the pillow on either side of her.

When he'd finally worked himself to the hilt, he stopped moving as he all but panted, "Tell me if I start getting too rough."

"I think your instructions were pretty clear," she teased breathlessly, and he snorted, leaning down and nuzzling her throat for a beat.

"Just know that even if I seem really focused, I am still listening," he murmured.

"I know, honey," she practically whispered, and he made an acknowledging sound.

"Will you put your hands right above your head, nice and close, for me?"

"I can do that." Her mouth felt dry as she obeyed, and she felt her heart speed up when one big hand came up to gather both wrists so that they were pinned together. His grip tightened and she felt herself clench at the increase in pressure.

"Spirits, Anya. You already like this that much?" he asked playfully, a careful nip at her earlobe making her want to whine.

"You are the biggest tease sometimes," she pretended to grouse, and he chuckled.

"Been learning from the best," he retorted.

"I am not a tease," she protested, and he rolled his hips against hers.

"That's what you think." The words were hot in her ear, and she shuddered at the way his tongue darted out, barely grazing the rim of the sensitive shell. His other hand roamed up and down her body languidly, lingering at her breast until his fingers found her nipple. He pinched and rolled, and she whimpered at the sting, not even realizing that she was rocking her hips against his when he dragged a blunted talon around the edge of the now hard nub.

"Garrus…" He didn't respond, biting her earlobe one more time before he started nuzzling his way down her throat, and she shuddered underneath his large frame.

"Spirits, I love the way you feel," he murmured, still not moving his hips, and she let out a frustrated noise.

"You're driving me crazy," she groaned, trying to move enough to get friction where she wanted, and failing.

"I'm just doing what you asked."

"I asked you to fuck me like you weren't afraid to break me."

"Anya, I don't have to fuck you _hard_ to _break_ you," he pointed out, and she felt more heat rush between her thighs in spite of her frustration.

"You are so…" She made a noise when his attention turned to teasing her mark, though she wasn't sure if it was more arousal or agitation.

"Didn't catch that, sweetie." Amusement laced his voice.

"What will it take for you to stop teasing me?" she asked desperately. He pulled back from her throat enough to make eye contact, and she almost swore at how smug his expression seemed. The hand that had been tormenting her breast slid up to cup her cheek, and he pressed his forehead to hers.

"All you have to do is ask nicely," he murmured, his subharmonics making the ache between her thighs more intense.

"Please," she whispered. "I want you so badly, honey, please."

"That's my girl." The words were accompanied by him finally beginning to move in and out of her, and she nearly wept in relief at the sensual grind that accompanied the peak of each thrust. He released her wrists and shifted so that he could speed up, his pace and the force with which he moved gradually picking up until he was pounding her. Her arms ended up twining around his neck so that she could cling to him, each moment driving her closer to orgasm.

"Don't stop," she begged in his ear, her voice raw with need, and he let out a rumble in response that made her clench. He didn't falter, his rhythm relentlessly pushing her over the edge as she whimpered. The throbbing pleasure made her squeeze her eyes shut, her nails digging into the gaps in the plating near his shoulders. 

He kept pumping his length into her sex until her climax ended, and it wasn't long before he was arching hard against her. She bit her lip at the way he groaned as he came.

"Are you alright?" he asked after a few moments, still clearly catching his breath.

"'M okay," she mumbled.

"Are you sure that wasn't too much? I know I teased you a lot, and I was going pretty hard there at the end."

"Fine. Really. That was...fuck," she managed, trying in vain to articulate herself. He pulled out gingerly, and rolled to the side. He was quick to pull her in close, and she felt a wave of contented weariness wash over her.

"Do you need anything, sweetie?"

"No. Just...hold me for a bit?"

"You don't have to ask me twice, " he murmured agreeably, cradling her closer, and she tucked her head under his chin.

"Also, before you say anything, yes, I do realize that I moved my hands at almost my first opportunity," she murmured, pressing a kiss to the hollow of his throat, and he chuckled.

"I wasn't going to mention it, but don't pretend we didn't both know that was going to happen," he teased gently.

"No comment."

He let out a pleased hum and she sighed, a soft smile curving her lips. "Hey, Shep?"

"Yeah, hon?"

"When we make it to the Citadel, maybe we should try to squeeze in a date. Get dinner somewhere nice, then maybe back here for a movie? What do you think?"

"That sounds perfect," she murmured, feeling drowsy.

"Good. You about to doze off?"

"Getting there."

"Okay. Mind if I keep holding you for a while?" he asked.

"God, no. If you want to cuddle until we wake up, I'm on board."

"If I could stop moving in my sleep, I'd do it in a heartbeat."

"I suppose I'll just have to settle for only bogarting your attention when you're awake," she joked, suppressing a yawn.

"How you suffer."

"I do it well, too."

"Spirits, you have no idea," he groaned, burying his face in her hair for a moment.

"Oh, yeah?"

"Oh, yes. Isn't there an expression for that? Someone looks good enough to eat?"

"That would be it, yes." She felt her ears heat up.

"I feel like that applies here. Don't get me wrong, you always look beautiful, but you all wound up and needy underneath me like that was...irresistible."

"I'm glad you enjoyed the view."

"I did, but I feel like 'enjoy' isn't a strong enough word," he said, his voice low.

"Well, for what it's worth, even though it was frustrating in the moment, you looked pretty sexy yourself while you were teasing me. I adore it when you look like you're about to eat me up," she managed.

"Mmm, good. You should get some sleep, though. We can talk about me pouncing on you again after you've rested up."

"Sounds like a plan, honey. Sweet dreams."

His arms tightened around her, soft subharmonics reverberating in her chest when he tenderly murmured, "Sweet dreams, Anya."


	41. Different

Chapter 41

Anya couldn't help being so angry that she was shaking as she stalked away from her companions, off towards the cargo area beyond the gear that James had set up. She wanted to rage, against Cerberus, against the Council, against Kaidan, and she felt like she needed space to do it.

"Commander?" James called, and she pretended not to hear as she stomped away.

"Shepard?" Garrus entreated, a little louder than the lieutenant. She stopped and turned.

"I just want to be pissed off by myself for two minutes, guys, I'm fine."

"I'm staying with you," Garrus said, matter-of-factly, crossing the distance in long, sure strides. She nearly groaned when Vega followed after a beat, looking less sure than the turian.

"I genuinely don't want company right now."

"Then I'll stay off to the side. Be mad. I'm not going to try to stop you. You have every right to be angry." He pulled up his omni-tool, and she wondered what he was doing.

"That whole thing was pretty fucked up. I saw you taking aim on the major, for a second," James said quietly, and Anya swallowed, glancing at Garrus again.

"You did, lieutenant," Garrus said calmly, skimming.

"Were you going to do it?"

"If he hadn't lowered his weapon."

"You were friends." The words were more disbelieving than accusatory.

"In the days of Saren, sure we were. We all were. Then he decided his allegiances were with people who insisted that the Reapers weren't a credible threat, and he started being needlessly cruel to those of us who were trying to do something about it. I haven't considered Alenko a friend since he stopped acting like one."

"That's...a little harsh, isn't it? I mean...he didn't know for sure how things were."

"Then he could have simply said he needed to take a step back from the situation. He didn't have to accuse anyone of anything, and I'd bet my last credit that if this is how he talked to Anya now, after even more time has passed, he was probably a jerk when you all were on Mars, too. Four two six and one three nine are empty, if you're looking for something to throw around." The last sentence was directed at her, and she realized he must have been looking through their inventory manifest. She almost smiled in spite of herself as she turned, looking for the crates he'd mentioned.

"I mean, he kinda was, yeah, but it seemed like more of an...ex thing than a work thing from what I overheard."

She found one of the crates and lifted it with her biotics, the energy rolling over her easily. The warm tingle was a distraction for a beat before she focused and threw it as hard as she could at the far wall. She was fast to pull it back in, stopping it before it made impact, and she used a pull to rapidly drag it back close to her.

"Yeah, well, I think it's allowed for me to be willing to do some drastic shit when the ex pulls a gun on _her_."

She kept using her biotics, pushing and pulling the massive crate in an elongated oval.

"Better watch yourself, man. Didn't you tell me just the other day that you have a girlfriend?"

"I did mention that, lieutenant." Anya nearly snorted. "Why bring it up?"

"This poor girl is going to think you have a thing for the commander if you aren't careful."

"Oh, yeah? What do you think, Shepard? Is my girlfriend likely to be under the impression that I have feelings for you?" She glanced back at Garrus, and she nearly laughed at the sight of him struggling to keep a straight face.

"Probably. Who could blame you, though? I'm amazing." He couldn't help snickering at that, and James shook his head.

"You two are so damn weird when you're together, you know that?"

"I'm honestly not sure who the bad influence is between the two of us anymore," she admitted with a sigh, stopping the crate entirely in midair. She slowly put it back on top of the stack she'd found it on, her anger mostly gone.

"Mostly me," Garrus replied confidently. "You're already done? I honestly expected you to be more upset than that."

"Yeah, you two wouldn't stop talking, and now the moment's gone. I'm just not feeling the anger anymore. Now I'm just bummed."

"Tell me about it."

"I'm just...I'm tired of everyone doubting me so much when I've spent so much time...I don't know. It doesn't matter."

"I mean...it does matter," James said thoughtfully. "You have gotten a lot of shit done that nobody else has even gotten close to handling, Lola."

"I know."

"The truth is, there are a lot of people who would be lost or dead if we didn't have you around to keep pushing forward. It's really not fair that so much of your work is met with skepticism and fear." The way Garrus spoke, his voice as tired as she felt, made her throat tighten.

"I know."

"We're going to do this, whether they like it or not, Shep."

"Scars is right," James agreed.

"Scars?"

"I'm pretty sure that's me," Garrus said lightly.

"And you're okay with him calling you that?"

"You know, they haven't really been a sore spot for me since I got serious with my girlfriend," he said with a shrug, and she felt the corner of her mouth twitch upward.

"Alright, then."

"Wait, was that a thing for you, man? I wasn't trying to be that much of an asshole."

"It was when it first happened, but it's healed up pretty well. Hell, sometimes I think my girlfriend actively likes them. It's fine, Vega."

"Alright. Long as we're good. Let me know if I'm bugging you and I'll stop."

Garrus waved it off. "It's not a problem. It was about time I got a nickname anyway. You've been calling Shep 'Lola' forever."

"Okay. Just throwing it out there."

"We're good. Really." He turned his attention back to Anya. "So, what are you going to do now that you've calmed down a bit?"

"I...I think after I get my gear clean and check on the crew, I should go see Thane. He was...looking rough. I think he's...I don't think he's got long."

"Ditch the gear. I can handle that, and the crew. Go see him. I've got this," Garrus soothed.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

"I can help," Vega offered.

"He's not going to stop until you let him touch your gun," Garrus deadpanned, and Anya couldn't help snorting.

"Why do you want to get your hands on my weapon so badly?"

"Probably because you won't let me," he admitted, and Garrus had to stifle a laugh.

"Fine. You may help service my gear. Just keep in mind, if you mess up my gun, I may mess up your face."

"Yeah, right."

Garrus turned to the other man and tapped his scarred mandible pointedly, and the lieutenant's expression fell. "You sure about that?"

"You're messing with me." James didn't sound convinced.

"If you say so." Garrus shrugged and started walking away to stash his gear.

"You ain't fooling nobody." James turned back to Anya. "He's joking, right?"

"Only one way to find out," Anya managed levely, every fiber of her being straining to keep her face vaguely neutral.

"He wasn't...you didn't...there's no way you would ever really…" James paused. "This isn't funny, you know."

"Who said it was supposed to be?"

"Lola, level with me. What happened to Scars?"

"Rocket to the face," she answered honestly.

"Okay. Who fired the rocket?"

"It's a long story. Don't screw up, lieutenant." Anya darted around him and started walking away, determined to make it to her locker. Garrus was already there, putting away pieces of his armor.

"How long are we letting him stew?" Garrus murmured.

"No more than two minutes after I leave," Anya answered as she started yanking her own off. "Gotta be a reasonable time limit or it just becomes mean."

"Got it," he said agreeably, shifting to help her with her clasps. In no time she was making her way towards the elevator. She glanced back in time to see James finally approach the turian, and she nearly laughed aloud when Garrus offered the marine her gun. James eyed the shotgun uneasily, almost as if the weapon were capable of biting him. She couldn't hear what he said as she hit the button, and she turned to face the door before she lost her composure.

She stepped inside when the door opened, trying to smooth the worst of the wrinkles from her clothes, and she grimaced at the sensation of dirty fabric against her skin.

_(No time for a shower.)_

She made her way through the ship to the airlock, and right before the sanitation cycle was over, she heard her omni-tool beep. She looked at the message as she stepped off the ship, opening it the moment she saw it was from Garrus.

_I told him. He's being a good sport about it._

She snorted as she walked before typing a response.

_I figured he would be._

His next response made her shake her head.

_He said he's going to get us back. What do you think? Should we be worried?_

She moved through the people along the walkways until she made it to the next elevator. She replied while she was waiting.

_I don't think so. James seems like his response would be pretty proportional. It'll be fine._

She stepped onto the platform and hit the button for Huerta, and took a breath. She felt anxious as she got closer, the tightness in her chest becoming painful by the time the doors opened.

_(Oh, God, I don't know if I can do this.)_

She swallowed and stepped off anyway, determined and afraid in equal measure. How she felt about the situation she faced could wait until later, visiting Thane could not.

Her omni-tool let out a noise again as she approached the drell's room, and she slowed long enough to read her newest message.

_You're probably right._

A second one popped up, and it made her swallow.

_You've got this, sweetie. I'll be here when you get back._

She took a breath and turned back to the door, her face set grimly just before the door opened. After one more beat, she stepped through, her stomach lead as she did so. The sight of her friend lying prone, Kolyat at his side, made her mouth dry. She hitched a more pleasant expression on her face before the young man turned, every ounce of her being wishing things were different.

"Commander Shepard," he murmured. "My father mentioned you were no longer incarcerated."

She wanted to throw up as they spoke, one thought echoing through her mind often enough to drive her to distraction as she tried not to crumble on the inside.

_(Oh, God, why?)_


	42. By Inches

Chapter 42

Anya was shaking when she made it back to her cabin, and she found herself leaning against the door when it closed behind her. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to force herself to breathe evenly as she struggled against the grief welling up in her chest.

"Anya?" She didn't start at the sound of the turian's voice, even though she'd been so caught up in her sorrow that she hadn't even registered that he'd been at her desk.

"He's gone," she whispered, her eyes burning. Tears were appearing, fast and hot, and she let out a strangled sob. She opened her eyes in time to see the big man approaching her. She let him pull her into an embrace and she wept into his shoulder as he cradled her against him. Her chest ached at the soft keens that emanated from him as they stood, clinging to one another.

Several minutes passed this way, with the pair sharing their pain, before he managed to say, his voice rough, "I'm sorry, Shep."

She looked up at him, the lump in her throat agonizingly hard, and choked out, "He and Kolyat prayed for me before he went. He was just laying there, the life leaving him by inches while I watched and they...he...oh, God."

The crying began anew for her, and Garrus tightened his arms around her. He kept holding her through the pained shudders wracking her body until she managed to pull herself a little more together.

"I didn't even realize they were praying for me at first," she whispered, her voice shaking even more than her body. "They asked me to join them and it wasn't until the last line that I started to understand what was going on. I don't...why would he do that? Why would he waste his last moments on...fuck."

"Because it wasn't a waste to him," Garrus murmured, still sounding raw. "Maybe he just wanted the peace of knowing somebody or something was looking out for you."

"I'm so damn sick of our friends dying," she forced out. "I swear it hurts worse every time it happens. First Ash, then Mordin, and now Thane? I just...God I'm so tired."

She knew she sounded broken and forlorn, but she didn't care.

"I know, sweetie."

"I don't know if I can keep doing this, but I know we can't stop. I don't know how I'm supposed to make this all work. I feel like I'm losing something at every turn."

"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I don't know what to tell you, Anya."

"I'm not...asking you to spoon feed me some bullshit to make me feel better, honey. I just...don't know how much more I'm going to have to lose before this is over, and that scares me."

"Hey," he murmured, pulling back enough to touch her forehead with his, and she found herself meeting his gaze.

"What?"

"I know of one person you aren't going to have to lose."

"Can you promise that?" she whispered, and he closed his eyes for a beat.

"No," he admitted, his voice rough. "I can promise that I will do everything in my power to make it to the end of this thing with you, though. I would do anything to stay by your side."

Part of her wanted to be angry with him for not just agreeing. She knew the words would have been a lie, though, and as pretty as the lie would have been, it would have just made her feel worse. She pushed her frustration away, looking down and simply nodding.

"Look at me," he entreated gently. "Please?"

She obeyed, swallowing at the tenderness in his gaze. "Yeah?"

"I'm sorry. I know what you want to hear."

"No, it's fine, I know this is...I was asking you to promise too much, and right after I told you not to spoon feed me bullshit. That was my fault, you don't need that on your shoulders on top of-" He cut her off with a gentle kiss.

"I meant what I said. The part about doing anything to stay with you. Just...try to hold onto that?"

"I will," she managed, her throat tight.

"Good. You mean the world to me, and then some, Anya. I hope you know that."

"I do. I hope you realize that the reverse is also true. God, Garrus, I don't know what I would do if you weren't here."

"Probably the same thing you always do. Put yourself back together, get mad, then kick some ass."

"I don't know if I could manage that particular MO if I didn't have you to lean on," she admitted with a sniff and a weak smile.

"Hey, I'll be here as long as you want me to be."

"Thank you, honey. Just be prepared. I don't see myself wanting you to be anywhere else for a very long time."

He let out an approving sound, his talons now carefully sliding through her hair. "Good, because there's nowhere I would rather be."

"Good." She buried her face in his chest for a moment, taking a deep breath before she murmured, "I swear, I could sleep for a week."

"Right there with you."

"Oh, and on top of everything, guess who I spotted loitering out on the docks?"

"Not a clue," he said with a chuckle.

"Alenko. I dodged him on my way in. I was not up for dealing with him telling me everything is all my fault again."

"Not everything is not your fault."

"You're right, just most things," she grumbled.

"I'm sure he's not planning on picking a fight with you in public. Maybe he wants to clear the air. You might even get a real apology out of this."

"Fat chance. The last time we were successful in both being nice to each other was before I died. That's not great."

"I'm just saying, you never know," he murmured, his voice low.

"Alright, well, if he apologizes, how do you want me to handle it?"

"That really depends on how you want to handle it. I mean, I would definitely prefer that you didn't leave me to get back with him, but outside of that, I don't have much of a preference."

"I'm asking for your input for a reason, honey. I don't know how I want to handle it," she muttered, annoyed.

"Okay. Well, scenario one: Alenko acts like a jackass in public. How do you think you'd handle it?"

"Same way I did on Mars? Stay cordial, disengage from the conversation as soon as possible."

"Solid. Scenario two: Alenko wants to clear the air, and re-establish a professional relationship. Then what?" he asked, his voice calm.

"I mean...that would be fine, I guess. Still seems like a conversation to keep brief."

"That's fair. Three: same as two, but he's trying to go for being friends again."

"I don't...know that I'd be comfortable trying to be friends again right away. I think I would need a little time to get past all the ways he's treated me like crap since I came back," she said slowly.

"There's nothing wrong with that. Four: same as two, but he misses being your boyfriend."

"Tell him to pound sand, and leave as quickly as if it were scenario one."

"I like that. Alright, five…"

"How many of these are there?" she asked, not sure whether to laugh or be annoyed.

"I'm running out of ideas, so maybe only five."

"Fine."

"He wants to mend fences so he can come back to the Normandy." The suggestion made her take pause.

"I...don't know about that. I mean...he is a good soldier, but I feel like things would be weird since you and I are together now."

"Well, what do you think you'd do?"

"I guess...I'd have to figure out if he'd be more of an asset or a liability."

"Which way are you leaning?" he asked.

"I don't know. I'm not sure if my personal feelings would cloud my judgement on this one. What do you think?"

"I think...he's a damn good marine when he gets his head out of his ass. I could deal with a little awkwardness. Even if he's on your ship, I know he's not going to be the one holding you at night."

"Okay, so...maybe let him on the ship, on the condition that he behaves like an adult?" she suggested hesitantly.

"That seems more than fair. So, six. He's admitting that he's secretly been three pyjaks in an Alliance uniform the whole time." She laughed at that, and he squeezed her gently.

"Probably throw a handful of treats and run. I don't know if Alenko of many pyjaks has had all the appropriate shots."

"Mmm, good thinking. Besides, if you end up with many more pets, there won't be room for us."

"In my defense, the only reason I have Hulk, Urz, and an entire school's worth of fish has to do with me being a person with a lot of affection to give."

"You aren't wrong. If you had much more affection to give, we'd never get out of bed," he teased, and she snorted.

"Like you'd complain."

"Not even as a joke."

"Smart man."


	43. Need to Work

Chapter 43

Anya wanted to be anywhere else when Kaidan approached her in the kitchen as she ate, and for a brief moment she contemplated throwing the barely touched yogurt in the trash rather than risk talking to him for more than a few seconds. She decided against it, hitching a bland smile across her face and nodding her greeting before taking another bite.

"Commander." He stopped on the far side of the counter, not quite touching it.

"Major."

"I was...wondering if I could have a word with you?" She wanted to groan at the question.

"Shoot."

"I...know we didn't talk about this earlier, and I know that you might not want to have this conversation, but is...the whole thing with you and Garrus still...ongoing?"

"Yes, I am still in a relationship with Garrus. I invited you onto the ship because you made it sound like you want to be here and I know you're an asset in a fight. I wasn't trying to get into your pants. If that's a deal-breaker, you're welcome to leave, no hard feelings on my end. I'm sure Hackett would be over the moon to hear that you reconsidered," she said calmly, taking another bite.

"I see. So our situation is...we're done. Like, done, done?"

"I thought we were done, done back on Horizon, Kaidan."

"Ah. I...understand. It's not...I was kind of hoping we were past...all that." He seemed to be torn between worry and frustration.

"Look, I'm not mad about what happened anymore. I do get where you were coming from back then. I just...figured when that happened, we were over. It didn't sound like an 'I just need a little space and time' talk to me. Your email was a little bit more of a gray area, but really, me dying was the death knell for us. Horizon just...confirmed what I was already afraid of at the time."

"It just...seems like you got past it quick."

"Not really. I was a bitchy little wreck for a while there. Spent a lot of time second-guessing every other decision I made. I feel bad for everyone who had to put up with me until I got my shit together," she said with a snort.

"I don't know if that makes me feel better or worse." She didn't answer, taking another bite. "Look, I'm sorry for even bringing it up, I don't know what I was thinking."

"It's fine. All water under the bridge, right?"

"Yeah. Exactly."

"Anyway, I was actually contemplating bringing you with me for some Cerberus stomping in the near future. Would you be interested?" she offered, hoping he'd be willing to take the olive branch.

"I...would like that. Tell me about the mission."

"Some former Cerberus brains have defected, and they need an out before the Illusive Man puts them down like dogs."

"It really doesn't bother you to be fighting them now," he said, his voice holding none of the skepticism it had before.

"No, not really. Things were pretty adversarial even when we were technically working together. The Illusive Man and I never even met in person. He probably realized I'd punch him out a window if we did." Kaidan laughed at that, and she smiled for a beat.

"What's so funny?" James asked as he approached, ending up leaning on the counter next to where Kaidan stood.

"Knocking assholes out of windows," she responded cheerfully.

"I can get behind that. So, when's my next field trip?" the lieutenant asked eagerly.

"You're not going on the next one, or the one after that. Now that we're getting more bodies in here we're going to be rotating people out more often."

"C'mon, now, that's bullshit. Why am I getting cut when I actually want to be out there in the action?"

"Everybody wants in on it, James. Anyway, you need to rest occasionally or you aren't going to be worth a damn. Based on what we have going on, I need my team for the next mission to be pretty tech savvy. That makes me lean towards Garrus, Kaidan or Liara, but I want Liara fresh for that second mission." She glanced at the major. "Is that going to be a problem?"

"No, ma'am," Kaidan answered after a beat.

"Then rotate Scars out," James pressed.

"Oh, damn, James. When did you take command of the Normandy? I didn't realize you were the one giving orders now." Kaidan choked on a laugh.

"Now, c'mon, Lola. We know you're in charge, just...could you consider it? He goes on basically every mission with you, he's gotta be more tired than I am by a long shot." Anya fought to keep from rolling her eyes.

"Lola?" Kaidan seemed lost.

"James has a nicknaming problem, it's fine." She turned her attention to the lieutenant. "How about a compromise? I will rotate Garrus out for you, if you can get him to agree with it, but I really don't think he will."

"Deal. Where is he?" Anya shrugged.

"Happy hunting, lieutenant." James hurried away, and Anya was quick to pull out her omni-tool.

_ Hey, James is heading your way. He wants to switch with you so that he's going with me and Kaidan to Arrae. I warned him that you probably wouldn't go for it. _

She took another bite of her yogurt after she sent Garrus the message.

"You warn him?" Kaidan asked, one eyebrow raised.

"Yup."

"Why am I not surprised?"

"Because you've met me?" Her omni-tool beeped.

_ Yeah, that's not happening. _

She snorted before replying.

_ Figured as much. He'll learn. _

She spent a few seconds scraping the bottom of the container before tossing the small cup in the trash once the last bite was in her mouth.

"So, this is...a little weird right now. Right?"

"I'm told it goes away eventually," she said with a sympathetic look.

"I sincerely hope you're right. So, what do we do now?"

"We...keep talking. Keep working together. Maybe one day we can get back to being friends again."

"I...hope that happens. Even before...it was...nice whenever you came by to chat. We were good as friends, right?" he asked hesitantly.

"We were."

"But as a relationship, not so much?"

"Look, Kaidan...we weren't bad together. We just...wanted different things, and then the galaxy took the choice out of our hands. You wanted to focus more on your career, I wanted to share more of a connection. Eventually, you were going to feel smothered, or I was going to get tired of waiting for a commitment. It would have turned into us either drifting apart or resenting each other and one of us driving the other away. You weren't bad, but neither of us was what the other needed, not really," she said quietly.

"You're...probably right. Still, nice while it lasted."

"Yeah. But, hey. It's nice even to just...not be at each other's throats anymore. Right?"

"It definitely is. I'm sorry for...instigating. I tried really hard to pick a fight with you pretty much every time we were within spitting distance of each other. That also wasn't okay." Shame seemed to be coloring his neck, a dull red creeping upward.

"I already told you, it's fine. So, ah...on Wednesday and Saturday mornings after breakfast, Liara and I head down to the cargo hold to get some biotic practice in, if you ever wanted to join. No pressure, obviously, but...yeah. Just thought I'd offer."

"You know...once the awkward finally goes away, I think I will."

"Alright, then," she said agreeably, and he smiled.

"Okay."

"Well, I should go. Between reading up on Arrae and the after-action reports about the Citadel, I'll be lucky if I'm not stuck reading until lunch tomorrow." She glanced down when her omni-tool went off again.

"Right. Well, I need to go finish getting settled anyway. It was nice talking to you, Shepard."

"It was nice talking to you, too. And hey, not one person pulled a gun the entire time we were talking. I think we're already making progress."

He chuckled at that. "See you around, commander."

"Until then, major." He turned and started away, and she let out a long breath once he was out of earshot. She checked her message, wondering who needed her attention now.

_ I need backup in the cargo bay, sweetie. James isn't handling the 'no' well. _

She felt her brow furrow at that.

_ How so? _

She hurried to the elevator once her message was sent, hitting the button twice as if that would summon it faster.

_ He's pulling a you and internalizing things that aren't his fault. _

"Shit," she muttered as the doors opened. She stepped on, struggling not to fidget on the way down. The doors couldn't open fast enough when she made it to the cargo bay, and she hurried towards the Kodiak where the two men were talking.

"Shepard." Garrus seemed relieved as she approached.

"Look, this doesn't need to be a big thing, I just want to help," James said, agitated.

"You do help, James. What's really the problem, here?"

"I don't have any problems, Lola. I just...need to be doing something."

"Okay. Why?" she asked.

"Because."

"Because why?"

"Because I was willing to leave our home behind to fuck up the Reapers. Staying on the ship isn't fucking up the Reapers," the words coming from his mouth were clipped.

"Okay, I hear you, alright? I know it's hard to sit on your hands, but sometimes that's what needs to be done."

"Oh, yeah? When was the last time you sat on your hands while shit was going down?"

"When I was arrested," she said honestly.

"And remind me, when was the last time Scars stayed on the ship?"

"I don't remember."

"When you, Jack and Tali hit the Collector ship," Garrus murmured.

"And that was before you got locked up, right?"

"Yeah." Anya nodded.

"So what about this is fair?"

"You  _ need _ to rest, James," Anya insisted.

"The hell I do."

"If you don't recharge at some point, you're going to start making mistakes. What did I say about getting yourself killed?"

"It ain't like that, Lola," he all but scoffed.

"Then explain to me what it is like. I want to understand or I wouldn't be here."

"I just...if I'm there, I can change things. I...I like you guys. This is a good crew. I don't want to lose this because of a little fatigue."

"Oh." Realization dawned on Anya.

"I just...I keep seeing all these crazy capable people around you guys, and they aren't able to make it through this bullshit, and I can't...deal with that any other way. My entire squad is gone because we couldn't handle a problem that you and your people solved with very little outside help. What the fuck can I do when even your people are dropping like this? How long until it's one of you?"

"What do you think is going to change if you're there?" she asked gently, and his shoulders sagged.

"I don't know," he admitted, looking tired. "I really don't know. I just...if it doesn't matter if I'm there or not, what does anything I do  _ here _ matter? Why shouldn't I have just...stayed on Earth?"

"Because we do need you," Garrus said quietly. "A mission or two off doesn't mean that you aren't an asset."

"Then why do you never take missions off?"

"I…"

"That's my fault, lieutenant. I promised Garrus that we'd stick together. I also...feel better when he's around. He's kind of been my rock for almost as long as I've known him. It's...hard for me to trust people to begin with, but it's even harder for me to replicate the degree of faith I have in him to watch my back," Anya said honestly.

"Yeah, but how can I prove that you can trust me to keep the baddies off your back if I don't get the chance?"

"It's not a you thing. You don't have to prove anything to anyone. We know how capable you are," Anya assured him, but he shook his head.

"I wish you would let me prove it anyway," James said, his voice tired.

"I...I'm okay with giving up Arrae, on three conditions," Garrus said after a beat, and she looked at him, surprised.

"What are they?" James asked skeptically.

"First and foremost, no matter how crazy things get, you make sure  _ she _ ," he nodded at Anya, "comes back in one piece."

"Okay."

"Secondly, I genuinely believe you should at least try talking to Dr. Chakwas. Stressing out over not going on a mission or two to this extent is a problem, and the sooner you take care of it, the better all three of us will feel."

"I don't need to see the doc."

"Then you don't need to go to Arrae," Garrus said firmly.

"That's bullshit."

"That's your choice. I'm not going to be the only one compromising."

"What do you even want me to talk to her about?" he asked.

"Well, the anxiety seems like a good starting place," Anya pointed out.

"I'm fine, I just...I'm just a little stressed. I'll sleep better after the mission."

"So it's insomnia that's the issue?"

"It's not an issue," he snapped.

"Maybe Chakwas should be the judge of that?" Garrus suggested.

"Look, you guys, I know you mean well, but I don't need help, I just need to work. This is my job, I don't need a damn crutch."

"It's not a crutch. If you had high blood pressure, would you be so hellbent on not doing something about it? Or...or diabetes, or whatever?"

"That's different, Lola."

"No, James, it's not. Hell, even if it was, who cares?" she asked, an eyebrow raised.

"Everyone in the military cares. You know that just as well as I do."

"Well, I don't. If you need help, get help. What the fuck can I even say about it? 'Oh, no, there goes James, finally joining those of us who take care of our psyches.' It's not like you're alone in this."

"Are you...do you...take something?" the lieutenant asked haltingly.

"Sleep aid, every other night. I wish I hadn't waited so long to start."

"I never would have thought...shit. Earlier, I was...I didn't mean any harm."

"I'm not even worried about it. I just...think Garrus has a point, okay? I think talking to Chakwas could be good for you. I know it was good for me." Anya shrugged, looking away.

"I just...okay, so... _ if _ I talk to the doc, what's number three?"

"You need to come back in one piece, too. Do we have a deal, lieutenant?"

A small smile started across James's face. "I...I think we do."


	44. Barely Big Enough

Chapter 44

Anya wasn't surprised to see Garrus by the elevator, trying to look nonchalant. She smiled in spite of how tired she was, and he made his way over to her locker. She met him there in quick strides.

"Hey, honey," she murmured as she started pulling her weapons off her back and stowing them.

"Hey, sweetie. How was it?"

"It was fine. Got to bring some AA guns online, took down an Atlas. Oooh, I found a mod out there I thought you might like, it's on the shuttle. I'll go grab it in a few minutes. And you'll never believe who we ran into," she said with a grin as her armor joined the guns, piece by piece.

"Oh?" he asked.

"Jacob."

"Wait, Jacob, Jacob? Our Jacob?"

"Yep, our Jacob," she affirmed.

"How was he?"

"Well, gave me a little mini-heart attack when he got clipped at the start of everything. He'll be fine, though. Oh, he and one of the scientists, Doctor Brynn, are expecting, so that was a pleasant surprise."

"Expecting what?" he queried, seeming perturbed before realization crossed his features. "Oh, that kind of expecting?"

"Yeah, that one. She probably isn't too far along, but still. Oh, also, she's apparently considering naming the baby after me."

"To be fair, your name is rather pretty. I like saying it," he said with a grin.

"Yeah, but I don't think 'Anya' works so well for a boy. Definitely a feminine name. Jacob is trying to change her mind about it."

"Well, that's just hurtful."

"It doesn't bother me. They can name the baby what they want, it's their kid," she laughed.

James came up towards the lockers, looking pleased. "What are you doing down here, Scars? Didn't think I'd hold up my end?"

"Couldn't hold off on finding out that Jacob and Doctor Brynn are kicking around the idea of naming their kid after the commander," he retorted.

"You know there are already probably kids out there, named after you, right, Lola?" James teased, and she shook her head.

"I'm firmly in denial until I meet one."

"How much do you want to bet there was a spike right after Elysium?" Garrus added.

"Mmm, and the Citadel."

"Alright, so are we talking about a spike in the name 'Anya,' or 'Shepard?'" she asked conversationally.

"I...damn. Is both an option?" Garrus asked, and James snorted.

"It is now. I wonder if 'Lola' will get added to the mix after this is all over?"

"James, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you are literally the only person who has ever called me 'Lola.' I think it has to catch on with other people before it becomes a thing."

"Mmm, you have a point. Hey, Garrus, what would it take for you to start calling the commander 'Lola?' Maybe if I start with the rest of the crew it will spread."

"Don't do it, Garrus," she warned, feigning annoyance, and he laughed.

"C'mon, Scars, work with me here," James cajoled.

"I'm far more likely to call her 'Anya' than 'Lola', lieutenant. Sorry."

"Smart man."

"No," Vega groaned. "You're killing me, man."

"It is what it is. I'm not crossing the commander for something that ridiculous."

"Ha!" Anya was smug.

"Don't be a sore winner, you have an unfair advantage when it comes to persuading the big guy."

"Oh?" She glanced at Garrus, wondering if the lieutenant had finally caught on about the extent of their relationship.

"Yeah, like I'm going to be able to compete with you guys being buddy-buddy for the last three years after only being around for as long as I have. Hell, commander, you drink with Garrus more in a week than you have with me the entire time you've known me. I've never hung out with Scars solo for more than twenty minutes. I'm growing on you two, though, I can tell."

Anya bit back a laugh. "We are becoming rather fond of you."

"Agreed," Garrus said with a chuckle. "If you want, we can even hang out for a little bit if you wanted to break a record."

"Hell, yeah. I'm game. What did you want to do?"

"Nothing crazy, I'm sure you guys are tired. Maybe just relax and swap some stories or something."

"Sounds like a plan. You going to be alright flying solo for a bit, commander?" James asked, grinning.

"I'm sure I can entertain myself for a few hours. You boys have fun."

"Boys?" Vega challenged.

"I don't remember the last time someone other than my father called me a boy," Garrus agreed, pretending to glare at Anya.

"Fine, you...grown ass men have fun. Is that better? Did I protect your delicate feelings enough?"

"I'll accept it," Garrus said solemnly.

"The nerve on this lady," James muttered before grinning.

"No ladies in here but you, lieutenant," she fired back as she shut the locker.

"At least he's a lady who does his chores. Not going to clean your gear, Shep?" Garrus teased.

"You know where I'm going first," she retorted.

"And where's that?" James asked.

"Fifty credits say she's about to take a shower."

"Uh-uh, I ain't betting against you when it comes to the commander. I learned my lesson."

"I am about to go get cleaned up, but what did you even bet on?" she asked, eyebrow raised.

"Okay, so...don't get mad," James started.

"No promises."

"I...may have lost some credits over you and the major."

"What?"

"Vega bet that you were going to get back with Kaidan. He paid up pretty quick when I explained that you were seeing someone else," Garrus explained, trying to keep a straight face.

"Is that so?" Anya said, fighting back a laugh.

"What? I didn't know you had a boyfriend, so sue me." Vega's neck had a little red creeping up the sides and back.

"Well, you could have saved some money if you'd asked," she said with a shrug.

"Well, now I know. Anyway, tell me about this guy. Garrus was pretty tight-lipped about him."

"Oh, well…" She glanced at Garrus. "He's definitely a smartass. It's normally funny, though, so I don't mind. He's been in the military before, and he's honestly kind of a badass. He likes teasing me about liking his battle scars too much."

"Oh, shit, how bad did he get hit?"

"It's not that bad, honestly, plus that man's got gorgeous eyes, so I don't really care about it much on two fronts." Garrus seemed to be torn now between being pleased and being embarrassed, and she smiled as she spoke.

"Well, I'm happy for you Lola. Just remember that if he does you dirty, me and Scars can always handle your light work," James joked, and she laughed.

"I appreciate your intent, James, but I have faith in his ability to continue treat me well, or I wouldn't be with him."

"Just saying."

"I don't know that you could go toe to toe with her boyfriend and win, lieutenant," Garrus interjected, and Anya snorted.

"Hey, even if I tote an ass whooping, I can make sure the dude works for it. I'm good for that much. No shame in putting up a good fight on behalf of a friend, right?"

"Fair enough."

"Although, between you and me, I'm almost surprised that Scars didn't take a crack at the major, after what I've heard," James said quietly, glancing back to make sure Kaidan wasn't approaching from the shuttle.

"Thought about it," Garrus admitted, "but Shep said she wanted it to be water under the bridge, so I left it alone. Though, if he pops off again, I don't know how long I'll be minding my manners."

"Wait, what all did you hear?" Anya asked, her brow furrowed.

"Oh, Jack had plenty to say about the major after you two hung out."

"Did she now?"

"I don't think I've ever heard so many expletives strung together before. It was kinda beautiful."

"That's Jack alright," Garrus murmured.

"I mean...yeah, but if we're being fair, I think Jack was more mad at Kaidan after Horizon than I was," Anya pointed out.

"It wasn't just her," the turian muttered darkly, and Anya snorted.

"It's over and done with. No sense in anybody getting worked up about it. The major has been adult about this so far, and that's all that concerns me at this point."

"Fair enough," James said with a shrug.

"Where is Kaidan, anyway?"

"He stayed back with Steve to help him through the post-flight checklist," Anya answered brightly.

"Huh. That was nice of him."

"Yeah, but just about everybody is nice to Steve. He's a pretty cool dude," James reasoned.

"True. Wish we'd had him on the first Normandy," Garrus said with a smile.

"If this leads to another commentary about my driving, I swear I will shoot someone."

"That...doesn't narrow it down much," Garrus joked, and James glanced back and forth between the two of them.

"Is there something wrong with the commander's driving? Now I feel like I have to know."

"Goddamnit," Anya groaned.

"It was...fine."

"That doesn't sound fine. C'mon, Lola,how bad could it be?"

"Well, for starters, I was stuck with the Mako," she began, and James pulled a face. 

"That already sounds like a bad time." He brightened. "Hell of a gun on it, though."

"See? Vega knows the Mako is a bitch to drive," Anya grumbled.

"I feel like, even taking that into account, that I may have spent a disproportionate amount of my time fixing the end results of your excursions," Garrus said carefully.

"How much time are we talking?" James asked.

Garrus looked at Anya, his expression bland as he asked, "How many hours a week do  _ you _ think I spent on the Mako?"

"You're an ass."

"Oh, Shepard, no," James groaned, laughter in his voice.

"What did she do now?" Kaidan asked as he walked up.

"Nothing," she muttered, only half-feigning irritation.

"We were talking about the commander's relationship with the Mako," James volunteered.

"Is that...a  _ good _ idea?" Kaidan asked slowly, and James nearly choked on a laugh.

"No. No it is not. I should go. You're all asses."

"Asses who have your six," Garrus offered, and she shook her head.

"Asses who better hope they don't need help with anything for the next six hours."

"Hold up, I didn't even do anything," Kaidan protested.

"Fine. You two are still asses. Kaidan, you just have terrible timing," she decided, starting towards the elevator.

"That's fair."

"Aww, Lola, don't be like that."

"Shepard…" Garrus called.

"Nope. Not fooling with you two for a little bit. Enjoy your dude time," she said, hitting the button to summon the platform.

"We will!" James declared, and Anya snorted.

"Good."

"Good!" James exclaimed.

"Good," she answered.

"Good!" The doors opened and she stepped inside. She hit the button to head up to her cabin, and she didn't have to wait long for the doors to close. She was entering her room when her omni-tool beeped. She opened the message Garrus had sent her.

_ How annoyed are you right now? _

She sighed before typing a response.

_ On a scale of one to ten? Like a four, but it goes up every time the next round of Mako jokes starts. _

She headed for the bathroom, peeling off clothes as she went. She was down to her underwear when his reply arrived.

_ Is a four enough for me to be stuck sleeping on the couch? _

She snorted.

_ No. Also, you have your own bed, why would you sleep on the couch? _

She finished stripping around the time his next message came.

_ It's a cot, and, as you pointed out, it is barely big enough for me. I'm sorry for teasing you, and for egging Vega on. _

She let out another breath.

_ It's fine, but as a head's up, I'm not sure if he actually hasn't caught on about us. He may just be playing dumb. _

She started the water, waiting for it to warm.

_ You really think so? _

She could almost hear the disappointment in his voice.

_ I think it's just as likely as him not noticing, I mean, you were there. You saw how transparent we were being, right in front of him. You know my bathing habits, and I described you when asked about my boyfriend. If we were any more obvious, I'd have to do you in front of him. _

She plunged into the heated spray, almost shivering at how good it felt on her aching muscles.

_ Well, damn. Still, we could go about a week somewhere nice with where the fund is at, even stopping it now. It was fun while it lasted. _

She snorted.

_ Thank you, Vega. _


	45. Ruined

Chapter 45

Anya had stopped shaking by the time she made it out of the bathroom, wrapped in a pale gray robe, toweling her hair dry as the door opened to her cabin. Garrus was at the desk, waiting for her, and she was quick to slide into his lap. He wrapped his arms around her tightly, and she nearly shuddered at the way his embrace steadied her.

"You okay, sweetie?"

"Not really," she admitted softly, and she swallowed, closing her eyes for a beat.

"How can I help?" he asked, his voice concerned.

"You're already helping, I just...need a minute. I don't know how to handle what almost happened."

"Samara is fine," he reminded her gently.

"I know, but that doesn't get rid of the image of her about to blow her brains out in front of us," she whispered, her hands tightening on the fabric of his shirt. "That was...God, that was too close. If I'd been a half second slower…"

He buried his face in her hair and inhaled. "I know."

"I don't think I can handle many more of our friends dying."

"I know." She took a breath before responding.

"How was Liara when you checked on her?"

"A little shaken, but you know her. She's resilient. Stubborn like you."

"That's good. I'll follow up and make sure she's okay in a little bit," she murmured.

"I'm sure she'd like that," he said agreeably, his talons sliding up and down between her shoulder blades.

"Are  _ you _ okay, honey?"

"I will be. It might hit me harder later, but I'm mostly good right now. More relieved than anything."

"I get that," she all but whispered, touching her temple to his gently.

"You know we did good today, right?" he assured her, his voice low and comforting.

"I do."

"Okay. So, what's our next move?"

"I think...I need to stop putting off Eden Prime," she admitted, and he made an acknowledging noise.

"Can't say I blame you for not wanting to go there."

"It doesn't help that everyone seems to think whatever they're dumping into my lap is the most important thing in the galaxy."

"It's not the end of the world if you let someone else handle it," he reminded her, and she shook her head with a wry smile.

"Please, I'm Commander Shepard. I can do this."

"You absolutely can," he agreed, nuzzling the side of her throat.

"Especially when I have you on my six," she murmured, settling against him more fully and tilting her head to encourage him.

"Damn right." He let out a pleased hum as he adjusted, the arm around her waist tightening. His free hand roamed so that he was gently running his talons up and down the outside of her thigh, the careful caresses stopping before he reached the curve of her ass.

"I'm going to fall asleep right here if you aren't careful," she warned with a small smile, and he chuckled.

"Be my guest, sweetie."

"You're going to be stuck at the desk all night," she teased.

"Nah, I'll just pick you up and carry you to bed when I'm ready to get up."

"Are you going to be able to carry me that far without hurting yourself?"

"I have firmly established the ease with which I can lift you," he said dryly, and she felt her ears heat.

"Keeping me pinned to a wall isn't the same thing," she argued, and he snorted.

"I'm confident in my ability to get you to the bed, as long as I move you before my legs start falling asleep," he said, mirth in his voice.

"Alright," she conceded.

"You don't sound convinced," 

"You don't have a monopoly on being a worrier," she said, pulling back to narrow her eyes at him.

"And what are you worried about? That I'll pull something?"

"Maybe I don't like the idea of you ending up in the medbay because you didn't want to wake me up."

"Alright, just put your arms around my neck," he said, his mandibles flared in a grin.

"Fine, but please be careful." She complied as he adjusted his hold on her, so that he had one arm under her knees, the other still wrapped around the top part of her waist. In one smooth motion, he rose, and she couldn't help tensing for a beat.

"Relax, sweetie, I've got you. Now do you see? You were worried about nothing."

"It only takes doing it wrong once," she reminded him. "Anyway, it's not like I'm light, it's a legitimate concern."

"Your concerns  _ are _ valid, but you really aren't heavy. I'm hoping that I'm not going to get myself in too much trouble for saying this, but you don't really compare to say, a turian woman when it comes to the...weight thing."

"What?"

"I mean...all the plating we have has a pretty noticeable mass. You don't have any of that," he explained.

"Is that...a good thing...or…?" she asked hesitantly.

"Oh, I love it. Touching you is almost as good as you touching me since you're so soft all over, and the weight differential means you're light enough that I can just...throw you around when we get naked together. It's sexy."

"Damn, I didn't mean to ruin you for turian women," she teased, and he laughed.

"I mean, it might be more accurate to say you've ruined me for every woman," he murmured, pressing her forehead to his, and she felt her cheeks heat.

"Is that so?"

"Oh, yes. Where else am I going to find another woman who is so strong, and smart, and gorgeous, and terrifying, and a thousand other things all at the same time like you, Anya?" The words were soft and low, and she could feel her heart beating faster.

"I'm sure they're out there," she managed, trying to play along, but he shook his head.

"I don't know that there's anyone in the galaxy like you. Every time you've found me, and you  _ always _ find me, you turn my life upside down in the best, most insane ways possible, and honestly, I...I don't know if asking the spirits for things actually works, but if it does, I'm grateful to them that we always find our way back to each other. I feel...beyond lucky to have you in my life."

"Oh," she whispered, her chest feeling tight. "Oh, Garrus, honey…"

"Look, I'm not...asking you to say anything like that back. I know it was kind of a lot. I just...I've been trying to come up with ways to make sure you know how I feel without using the small handful of words that I'm having trouble with, and those ones...seemed to fit pretty well." She cut him off with a gentle, lingering kiss, one hand smoothing it's way up and down his chest.

"I feel like you are everything I never knew I needed in my life," she said, her voice thick as she kept going. "I felt like I was missing a part of myself the last time we weren't together. There is no one I trust more than you."

"Anya…"

She pressed her mouth to his again, before murmuring, "Do you want to take me to bed?"

"Yes." He was striding for the bed as soon as the word left his mouth, and she clung to him when he reached the stairs. He reassured her, "I've still got you."

"I know. You always do." He initiated the next kiss, his mouth gentle even when their tongues tangled. She pulled away long enough to mumble, "You should at least consider putting me down at some point, though."

He barely managed to bite back a laugh as he complied, and she was quick to shuck her robe. He started pulling his own clothes off, though his progress was frequently interrupted by his clear desire to keep stealing more tender kisses. Once he was bare, she hurried onto the bed, biting her lip and reaching for him as soon as she was settled, not caring that they were about to be laying sideways across the mattress.

He followed her lead wordlessly, crawling onto the bed until he was all but on top of her on all fours. Her breath caught at the sight of the big man above her, lust and something loving in his gaze. He leaned down, his mouth finding hers again before his attention led him to nuzzle and lick his way along her jawline to her ear. When he spoke, his voice sounded raw, the reverberations he let off heating her to her core.

"Spirits, you always look so beautiful."

She swallowed at the words, feeling vulnerable and turned on in equal measure. She kissed his throat, managing to ask, "Make love to me?"

He let out a rumble, the primal noise making her clench. His hand came up to cradle the far side of her face as he nipped the sensitive skin once.

"Anything for you."


	46. Danger Zone

Chapter 46 (Warning - Basically Pure Smut)

Anya could hear her heart pounding in her ears as his talons grazed her jawline as his hand began to trail downward. He gently drug a blunted claw along her collarbone, then downward, between her breasts. She nearly shivered when he took the pale mound in his hand, kneading it briefly before letting his thumb graze the edge of her nipple. She arched into the touch, and he responded by rolling the sensitive nub between his fingers.

He started licking and nuzzling his way to her other breast. She bit her lip when his tongue darted out, and she struggled not to squirm when his attention turned to her nipple. He carefully took it between his teeth, and she barely suppressed a moan at the sting. He kept teasing her with his mouth as his hand made its way down between her thighs.

"Hurry," she urged him softly, her hands creeping up over his shoulders, and he chuckled.

"Always so impatient," he teased as he pressed the tip of one thick digit into her sex.

"Can you blame me?" she managed as he started moving slowly his finger in and out.

"I mean...technically." He shifted enough to start working his way back up to her throat, and she moaned when he nipped her once, his finger suddenly sinking deep. It took her a moment to realize that her nails were digging into a spot between his plates, and she tried to make herself relax.

"You...fuck," she panted.

"Want to try that again?" He started pumping a little faster, and she started moving her hips in tandem with his motions.

"You're a tease, you know that?" she muttered, her cheeks heating.

"Maybe a little." He sounded pleased with himself.

"Garrus…" she managed breathlessly.

His finger slid out of her slick heat, and she wanted to protest until he started to tug her legs apart to settle between them more comfortably. She was quick to help, angling her hips to meet him in the middle when he pressed the tip of his length against her. He slid in slowly, and she found herself whining at the tantalizing feeling.

Her hands made their way up to graze his fringe, and he stilled for a beat before he caught both of her hands and pinned them just above her head, his fingers laced through hers.

"Just this once," he murmured, "you are not going to rush me. I want to savor every moment of being inside you."

The words, hot and low in her ear, made her clench, and he let out a noise. She felt her breathing hitch and he returned to teasing her throat and shoulder with his mouth. She couldn't help the soft moans that escaped her as he kept going, his thrusts bordering on languid.

"Oh, God, honey," she whimpered, feeling like she was burning from the inside out.

"What do you want, Anya?" he all but growled, and she felt another wave of heat rush between her thighs.

"I don't know," she mumbled, and he responded by adjusting his angle and rhythm, so that he was grinding against her, every roll of his hips feeding into the pressure slowly building inside her. She found herself panting, her body arching to meet his. Abruptly, he stopped, and she had to choke back a whine.

"What do you want, Anya?" he repeated, and she shuddered.

"Fuck me," she begged, her face hot. "Please, Garrus, I want you so damn bad."

"Attagirl," he managed, his motions starting up again, and she shuddered. "Why do you want me to fuck you?"

"I...I…" She mentally scrambled for a beat before she said, "Because I trust you, and because all I can think about is cumming once your cock is in me."

"Oh, spirits, that's perfect. Tell me more," he rumbled, and she felt the words heat her to her core. His movements against her sped up, and it took her a brief moment to gather herself enough to string together a response.

"Once you start fucking me, I can't think of anything else," she whispered, swallowing once. "Between that and wanting you to finish, too, I feel like I'm going to go crazy if you stop. I crave the way you feel when you're plates deep inside me like other people crave water."

He groaned at that, and she let out a noise of her own when he started pounding her, every thrust driving her relentlessly towards her peak. "Tell me you want it."

"I want this," she panted. "Oh, God, don't stop."

She went over with a whimper, and his hands tightened on hers. He kept moving, burying himself to the hilt while she endured the pleasurable throbbing emanating from her core. His breath was coming in ragged gasps when he stiffened, and he ended up with his face buried in her throat as he came a few moments after her orgasm ended. He released her hands as she tried to slow her breathing, and she laced her arms around his neck.

"Spirits, that was nice," he murmured finally, and she snorted, lifting up to look at him.

"You tease the hell out of me before fucking my brains out, and the best description you can come up with is 'nice?'"

He laughed at that. "In my defense, I think it takes more than twelve seconds for the blood to return to my brain."

"Fair," she said with a contented noise, her head falling back against the mattress.

"Are you okay?"

"Oh, yes."

"Are you sure I wasn't holding you down too hard?" he pressed.

"Definitely not." The surety in her voice made him chuckle.

"You like it when I pin you."

"Very much."

"We're going to have to play with that more later," he said as he gingerly pulled out.

"Please, feel free."

He rolled off of her, settling on his side, looking at her. She shifted so that they were face to face, and she was quick to press her forehead to his. His hand came up to cup her cheek again, and she sighed at the gentle touch.

"How did I ever get so lucky?" he asked softly.

"You didn't," she deadpanned, and he chuckled.

"Oh? And how do you figure that?"

"If memory serves, I had to drag you, kicking and screaming, into this," she teased, stealing a kiss.

"It wasn't that dramatic."

"You protested at almost every turn."

"You say that like I didn't almost take you in public spaces on two separate occasions," he reminded her playfully, and she grinned.

"Missed opportunities, right there," she joked, and he smiled.

"You say the word, and we can go to the bar or mess right now. I'm not above making up for lost time."

"Mmm, don't tempt me." She ducked her head so that she was tucked under his chin, and he pulled her in closer with a pleased hum.

"But you're fun when I tempt you," he teased, his talons trailing up and down between her shoulder blades.

"I'm starting to think you're right about being the bad influence," she pretended to complain.

"You had doubts? That's just hurtful, Shep." He squeezed her once, and she returned the gentle embrace.

"I'm not a nice lady."

"Agree to disagree?" he offered, and she shook her head.

"You're crazy."

"No comment."

"Alright, don't defend yourself. We should probably move though," she murmured, pressing a single kiss to the skin at the base of his throat.

"Why? This is perfect."

"Well, we're the wrong way across the bed, for one."

"That did not matter five minutes ago," he countered, and she smiled.

"You were...enthusiastically distracting me five minutes ago."

"You seemed pretty eager to be distracted, too. This is only half my fault."

She snorted. "Fine, I'll claim fifty percent, but I'm serious. We can't get under the comforter if we're laying like this. You're the best heat rock, but you can still only keep about half of me warm at a time."

He feigned an exasperated noise, pulling away and moving up the bed. He started tugging the heavy blanket back, and she hurried to help him. In a few moments, they were wrapped up under the comforter, and she let him pull her against him so that they were spooning.

"I better not hear any more nonsense from you the next time I complain about being cold after we get back from somewhere like Noveria," he warned with a chuckle, and she shook her head.

"Not the same," she said primly.

"Alright, if me not wanting to freeze to death is fair game, so is the Mako," he teased.

"And now we're at a five," she muttered, and she could feel him shake with silent laughter.

"Alright, where is the danger zone for me on this? I don't want to get kicked out of bed."

"I'm thinking, about an eight. Beyond that, you're probably going to end up in trouble."

"Okay. Okay. Quick question: how often does this reset? Monthly? Yearly? Does it not restart for the duration of the relationship? I need to know," he said, mirth in his voice.

"Ass." She turned just enough to playfully slap his shoulder, the impact barely making a noise.

"That doesn't answer the question."

"And I don't intend to answer it, either," she groused, pretending to be annoyed. "You're just going to have to find out for yourself."

"Mmm. I may need to rethink some things. These last few jokes may need to count more than I originally anticipated."

"You're going to regret this eventually."

"Promises, promises," he teased, nuzzling her hair from behind, and she struggled not to laugh.

"Just hush and go to sleep already."

"Yes, commander."

"You…" she growled threateningly, turning to mock scowl at him, and he laughed before stealing a quick kiss.

"Sweet dreams, Anya," he murmured earnestly, pulling her in closer. She smiled and rested against him, her head falling back onto the pillow.

"Sweet dreams, Garrus."


	47. Irked

Chapter 47

"Holy shit," Anya murmured to herself as she entered the lounge.

"Seconded," Kaidan agreed, looking up from his drink. "You joining me, commander?"

"May as well. I don't know if I'm in shock or celebrating, though."

"You can figure it out later. What're you having?"

"I don't know. What says, 'I can't believe we found a living, breathing prothean?'" she asked with a grin.

"Something...strong, probably. I went with bourbon."

"Mmm, then whiskey for me." She hurried to grab herself a glass, then snagged the bottle she needed.

"That still blows my mind," he said conversationally as she poured herself a little.

"That I drink whiskey?"

"That you settle for anything less than Kentucky bourbon if you're drinking whiskey. Absolute madness."

She snorted. "I'm just not a snob."

"You mean you just don't have standards."

"I mean that if it has a lower alcohol content and a higher price point, I'm not buying it unless it tastes marvelous, and let's be real, even really good bourbon doesn't taste great." She took a quick drink.

"So now you're willing to admit that you're just uncultured?" he teased.

"I was basically raised by wolves and hobos, you're all lucky I keep my damn elbows off the table."

He laughed at that. "Fair enough."

Silence stretched between them for a long moment before it began to become uncomfortable. She managed, "I think Liara is still in shock."

He seemed more than willing to jump on the topic, immediately saying, "Oh, man, I'll bet. How crazy must this be for her right now?"

"Absolutely insane. I don't know if this is a nightmare for her or a dream come true."

"My money is on both. Possibly at the same time."

"Poor Liara," she said quietly before taking a sip.

"She'll be alright. She's almost as tough as she is smart," Kaidan reminded her, and she nodded.

"And I'll be damned if that woman isn't smart."

"I'll drink to that," Kaidan said, taking a drink of his own. The lull in conversation made Anya want to grimace, before Kaidan volunteered, "So, this is still kind of awkward, right?"

"Oh, thank God, it isn't just me," she murmured, relieved.

"I'm not a complete idiot, believe it or not."

"I never said you were."

"I'm just saying. So...why is this still weird?" he asked, exasperated.

"I don't know! It shouldn't be. I mean, we've talked all this out, I know I'm good from a closure perspective. What else is there for us to even clear the air about?" she groaned.

"I...might not be...sitting quite as pretty as you on the closure front," Kaidan admitted, looking pained.

"Fucking hell."

"I know, I know...I just...damn it, I shouldn't have said anything."

"I...appreciate your candor," she managed with a wince.

"This is...worse."

"So much worse."

"I am so sorry," he said, burying his face in his hands for a beat.

"I believe you. Okay. Okay. So, what is messing up the closure department on your end?"

"If the last thirty seconds have taught me anything, it's that silence is golden."

"Just rip the damn band-aid off," she pressed, and he nodded after a beat.

"I think...we had...different ideas of when our relationship ended, and I still have some...unresolved feelings on top of that, and it's...not great."

"What are you holding onto?" she asked quietly, her brow furrowed.

"I...I loved you. You died. It...was a lot, even with just that. I grieved, and I put myself back together, and then there you were, invalidating all of what I went through, just by being there, and everything in me just became this awful, angry mess. Hell, I know I was an asshole for a while there, too, which helped absolutely nothing. It just made you feel bad. I'm still sorry for that. It's just a lot more to unpack than I originally thought it was going to be."

"So...what do we do about this?"

"I really dunno, Shep." He cleared his throat before asking, "Do you want me to leave the Normandy?"

"I don't know. You can't just...fucking hell."

"Yeah."

"You understand that I'm not leaving Garrus, right?" she queried after a beat, and he nodded.

"Kinda figured. I'm not asking for you to do anything, this is...I know this is my thing to handle. You can't process my emotions for me, commander."

"Would leaving make it easier to deal with?"

"I don't think so." His voice was quiet.

"Then what's the best course of action to get us where we need to be?"

"I think...maybe we need to take a step back for a little bit. I know it's tempting to try to get back to...normal, I guess, as quickly as possible, but seeing you, talking with you, drinking with you, it's...I feel like I keep crossing my wires every time."

"So...we need to cut back on the friendly for a while."

He swallowed. "I...think so. I'm sorry for even asking for this after everything else you've done and been through for me. I know that asking you for anything is too much, I just...don't know what else to do."

"No, no, it's fine. I get it. I'll...finish this and head out, okay?"

"Don't. Don't let me run you out of the bar, I'll go. I'm the one with the hangups, I should be the one making concessions, here. Hell, this is your ship."

"That doesn't mean that I get to be a jerk to everyone trapped onboard with me," she said, exasperated.

"I know, I just…"

"Look, I have work that needs to get done anyway, one more or less celebratory drink was already my limit, okay? It's fine."

"I still feel like an ass right now," he said with a slight wince.

"I'm telling you not to worry about it, major." She drained the last of her drink and hurried to clean up after herself.

"Right. Well, I hope you and the big guy have a nice evening, commander."

"We're going to try. Take it easy."

"You, too."

Anya left without a glance back, wondering if Garrus was likely to have gone up to the cabin already. She headed towards the elevator, eager to see the turian again, all but bouncing on the balls of her feet as she waited for the doors to open. She stepped inside as soon as they did, and waited impatiently as the platform rose. The moment she was off the elevator, she crossed to her door, and she grinned to see him at her desk once she was in the room.

"Hey, honey. What are you up to?"

"Updating the Primarch. Not a very good...what did you call it? Honeypot? If he hears about our new friend too late."

Anya laughed at that. "You're definitely a good honeypot."

"I'm good at a lot of things," he said with a quick grin, and she couldn't help smiling herself.

"You really are."

"What were you up to?"

"Well, I was planning on getting us set up to celebrate finding Javik, but Kaidan was already at the bar. That was a weird ten minutes," she grumbled, and he chuckled.

"Oh?"

"Apparently he still has feelings for me. We talked about that, and decided that we probably shouldn't hang out for a bit."

"Mmm. If that's what you think is best, sweetie. I wasn't planning on forcing you two to spend time together anyway," he murmured as he typed.

"Oh, yeah?"

"I could tell he still isn't over you. Hell, even James noticed. That's just...sad, honestly."

"How did I not pick up on it until now?" she asked, annoyed.

"Maybe you didn't want to, or maybe you have been and didn't realize that's what you were noticing? You've talked about how weird and tense things are between you two more than once."

"Well...still. I'm irked."

"I'm sorry, Anya. How can I help?" he asked, turning to face her more fully.

"You can't. Not really. This is a time thing, and a him thing. Hands off seems like the best approach from where I'm sitting."

"I definitely don't disagree, just be careful. I'm worried that he's in a place where encouraging him even a little is going to put the whole awkward thing back at square one."

"I definitely wasn't planning on it," she assured him.

"Just warning you. He'll be writing you love notes within ten minutes if you invite him up here and he sees that." He jerked a thumb at the down-turned photograph that kept getting shuffled around on the desk.

"Does it bother you? I swear, I'm just being lazy. I will walk it down there and trash it right now if that's what you want," Anya said seriously.

"I don't care about a photo, Shep. Keep it up here forever, for all it matters, in the grand scheme of things. You aren't waltzing around, wearing Kaidan's marks, last time I checked," Garrus retorted with a snort.

"I'm just saying that if-"

"Anya, stop worrying about it. It really isn't an issue. Now, if it were a racy picture, I'd probably be a little uncomfortable, but it's not. I don't think you're secretly pining for Alenko right now. Spirits, I had love letters from my early school days scattered around my old room up until I joined C-Sec. I still find them every now and then. It's not because I'm still holding a candle for a girl I knew when I was nine, I just often have more important things to do than detail clean my old room. You definitely have more important things to do than stress over a photo. It's fine." Garrus waved a hand as he spoke, and Anya smiled.

"You're amazing, you know that?"

"Mmm, I like where this is going. Tell me more," he teased, and she laughed outright. He stretched a hand out toward her languidly, and she immediately moved to slide hers into his. He gently pulled her closer and wrapped an arm around her, pulling her in for a hug with his head on the level of her waist.

"Let's see, you're sweet, and smart, and funny, and sometimes you're just so sexy that I can barely stand it," she murmured and he let out a pleased noise.

"Is that so?"

"Oh, definitely." She let her fingertips trail down his shoulder, along his arm.

"Anything I can do to make it easier for you to handle?"

"I'm not sure. All I know is there are times that I can't help feeling like I need to touch you."

"You don't say?" he rumbled, and she felt her cheeks heat.

"Mhmm."

"Does it bother you when you can't touch me?"

"Of course it does. I love touching you."

"No, what I mean is...if we were in a situation where you were trapped, and couldn't touch me back, but I could still touch you, would you be good bothered or bad bothered?"

She stilled for a beat. "Are you asking if I want you to tie me up?"

"I'm asking if you're interested, yes. You like it when I pin you, maybe you'll enjoy it if we take it a little further."

She thought for a moment before she answered. "Why not? It could be fun."

"Not quite the response I was expecting," he said with a chuckle. "Is that something you've already tried before?"

"Once," she answered honestly. "It was fine. I think it would be better with you, though."

"Oh? And why is that?"

"I feel like most kinky things are better with someone who you can trust."

"And you trust me." It wasn't a question.

"Implicitly," she answered softly anyway, and she felt his hand tighten for a beat before he tugged her into his lap outright.

"I trust you, too," he murmured, enveloping her in his arms. 

"And now we have circled right back to you being amazing," she said with a kiss. He seemed pleased with her words, letting out a little hum.

"We have the best conversations…"


	48. Priorities

Chapter 48

Anya flopped onto her bed unceremoniously, all but glaring at her ceiling. She took a few moments to focus on her breathing, trying to rein in her frustrations with how the day had gone. Minutes ticked by as she slowly let the anger subside, until she finally felt like she had a chance of being able to interact with people.

Once she had more or less centered herself, she opened up her omni-tool and began to type out a message for Garrus.

_Honey, I'm home!_

She took a breath and let her head roll to the side so she was looking at her fish tank. She watched her koi and the Khar'shan circle each other, and she hurried to get up and make sure the fish were fed. The alien eel was prone to being aggressive when it was feeling peckish, and Anya was keen to keep all of her fish intact.

Her omni-tool beeped as the flakes descended and she opened the message quickly.

_Nearly done, I'll be back in less than 20 minutes._

She smiled at that, her fingers flying to respond.

_Don't hurry on my account. I may hop in the shower to kill some time._

She glanced back to the tank, searching for the dartfish. She let out a relieved breath to see them eating with what appeared to be as much zeal as a fish could muster. She wondered at the sound of her omni-tool going off again, and she looked to see the newest message from the turian.

_Make that 10 minutes._

She laughed aloud, shaking her head.

_I can hold off on the shower if you're trying to get here in time for it. We can get naked whenever. Take your time, honey._

She glanced at the tank one last time before she walked away, heading up the stairs to her desk. The hours she'd spent away from the Normandy had been busy, working on cleaning up the last of the problems that had started after the attack by Cerberus, and she was sure that she had messages.

She checked her computer to find a confirmation that the batarian fleet would be coordinating with the Alliance for the foreseeable future. She couldn't help her frown at the recent memory of Balak's pistol in the small of her back, the batarian's sneer etched in her mind. She closed the message, ready to move to the next one.

This message was a reminder that a shipment of dextro-friendly medi-gel would be leaving tomorrow for turian space, and she smiled a little at that one.

She hurried to begin writing a message to the Primarch, but stopped, unsure if she should wait for Garrus to send him a head's up first. She finally settled for typing out a rough outline of what she wanted to say, then saving the message as a draft. She leaned back as she contemplated the situation, wishing in vain that Victus hadn't complicated things.

She jumped when she felt arms wrap around her shoulders from behind, though she was quick to relax at the words, "It's just me, sweetie. I didn't realize that you didn't hear the door open. You okay?"

"It's fine, I'm just being twitchy," she murmured, her hand coming up to cover his big one for a moment and squeezing for a beat. He released her after she let go, his hands traveling up to her shoulders. She groaned at the way his thumbs felt as he started to carefully rub her aching muscles.

"Why are you being twitchy?" he asked.

"It's been a long day," she said ruefully.

"It has, but that doesn't tell me what's wrong."

"Well, I started out my day running into my number one fan," she started, and he laughed.

"We started off the day in bed together, of course you ran into me," he chided, and she snorted.

"My crazy number one fan," she clarified.

"Again, we started off the day in bed together."

"I'm talking about Conrad." That made him take pause.

"Verner? The guy who pretended to be you?"

"Yep. That crazy superfan."

"How'd that go?" He started up his careful massage again, and she sighed.

"He apologized for claiming I aimed a gun at him. Ran into Jenna, from Chora's Den, too. Between the two of them, I didn't get shot, so that was pretty good. Now we've got a surplus of medi-gel bound for the turian fleet, so it seems like a solid win."

"I'm sorry, what? You almost got shot?"

"Yeah. Conrad tried to dive in front of the bullet, but Jenna had sabotaged the gun, so he didn't get shot, either. It was a weird morning."

"Sounds like. Should I start tailing you when you go out? This is not the kind of day I thought you were going to have." He sounded anxious now, and she winced.

"You're not going to like hearing about my afternoon, then."

"Oh, spirits. What else happened?"

"I ran into Zaeed while taking care of a mole for the Primarch," she said slowly.

"Is Zaeed still alive?"

"He is!"

"I don't know whether to be relieved or concerned," he muttered.

"That's fair, but that was honestly the errand I ran that had me in the least amount of danger. Zaeed shot the baddies before they even got close to getting me, and we saved a colony, on top of getting some bombers for the war, so it was honestly a lot smoother than I thought it would be there at the tail end." He was silent for a beat, and when he spoke again, it was clear that he was trying to choose his words carefully.

"Do you understand why I'm worried that hanging out with Zaeed is the safest that you have been since I saw you last?"

"I do," she admitted.

"Well, at least today is over." She grimaced at his words before speaking.

"It is, but I didn't get around to the last thing that happened before I came home."

"I already regret asking, but what else did I miss?"

"I accidentally had a meeting with Ka'hairal Balak, at gunpoint. I would like to point out that I also did not get shot during that," she managed, and he stilled again.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Yeah, the human hating terrorist did not shoot me. I'm...just as surprised as you are on that one. We got the remainder of the batarian fleet on our side, though."

"You are going to give me a heart attack. I am not krogan, I don't have an extra. Please be more careful," he said, the words clearly unhappy, and she sighed.

"I'm genuinely sorry, honey. None of this stuff was actually supposed to be all that dangerous or I promise that I would have called you."

"I really wish you had, anyway." He restarted his careful ministrations, and she leaned into his touch.

"Me, too, in retrospect. I just kept thinking, 'Well, he's busy, and this next thing should be fast and easy,' and I was wrong every. Single. Time."

"I am never too busy to come help you. Maybe we need to start doing regular check-ins when you're out of my sight. You get into so much trouble when you're by yourself," he grumbled.

"I'd be on board for that. I do love hearing your voice," she joked, glancing up in time to see one of his mandibles twitch, though most of his expression stayed serious.

"This isn't funny, Anya."

"I know," she said quietly, looking back down and feeling guilty. "I really didn't mean for things to happen the way they did today. I feel terrible."

He let out a breath, and she nearly started at how quick he was to lean down and wrap his arms around her. She returned the embrace as well as she could, a lump starting in her throat.

"I've complained more than enough, I think," he murmured, nuzzling her hair for a beat. "I'm just...glad you didn't get injured. How are you feeling?"

"Tired," she admitted, her breathing shaky for a moment, "but better now. It's been a long day and I needed to come home."

"I understand."

"How was your day, though?"

"Well, nobody even almost shot me today, so relatively uneventful," he said drily, and she snorted in spite of herself.

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah. I made us a reservation for lunch at that steak place you like for tomorrow. Figured it would be nice to get a little us time in before someone else tries to destroy the Citadel or something. We should be done right before it's time for us to leave for the Far Rim. It's not quite what I was hoping for when it comes to a date, but it's better than not getting one at all. Unless you already had plans to flirt with getting shot at again?"

"I do not," she assured him, a smile starting on her face.

"Did you want to get lunch with me, then? I can cancel the reservation in less than two minutes if you don't think you'll feel up to it."

"No, it sounds lovely. I will definitely be there."

"I'm glad." He finally straightened, putting his hands back to work on her shoulders. She made an appreciative noise and let her head fall forward a little, enjoying the firm circles his thumbs were kneading into her aching flesh.

"You are way too good at this," she mumbled, and he laughed.

"It's not a big deal. Just got better at watching the vids," he said, clearly amused.

"So you'll watch the back rub videos but not the porn?" she teased. "Not that I'm questioning your priorities right now…"

"It's a little easier to watch vids when I spend the majority of my downtime in a room with more privacy than the dorms or battery," he pointed out, and she snorted at the thought. "It's probably better that I've only gotten around to...certain material recently. I could have ended up very discouraged by your lack of screeching in ecstasy every time I touched you."

She had to bite back a giggle. "Well, we did it the way that worked best for us, and I'm not mad about it."

"It worked out perfectly," he said confidently. She groaned softly when he shifted to the base of her neck.

"Perfect might be an understatement right about now."


	49. Judgement

Chapter 49

Anya felt giddy when she and Tali made it to Liara's room, the asari nearly bowling them both over when she went to hug the younger woman.

"It's so good to see you, Tali!" Liara said earnestly, and Tali laughed.

"Keelah, you're squeezing too hard!" The quarian made no move to extricate herself from the enthusiastic embrace.

"This is the third time I've seen you in two years, I suspect you'll live," Liara teased, finally letting go. "Now, how is my favorite admiral?"

"Do you have a least favorite admiral?" Anya asked mirthfully, and Liara nodded.

"I do! Admiral Koris, though Hackett is a very close second."

"I get Koris, but why Hackett?" the human asked, an eyebrow raised, and Liara returned the expression.

"I'm sorry, I know that one hundred and eight may seem old to you two, but my memory is good. Just for argument's sake, though, whose fault was it that you were on Aratoht?"

"That one...is a pretty even split between me and Hackett," Anya admitted.

"But, you aren't an admiral," Tali pointed out.

"Yet," Liara agreed.

"Maybe never, being an admiral in the Alliance is crap. I don't think I'm shooting for anything above captain. Beyond that it's all...being a bitch and paperwork. At least as a commander or captain I could be out in the field," Anya said, shaking her head.

"Being safe behind a desk might start sounding good by the time this is all over," Tali pointed out, and Anya shrugged.

"You're probably right. I don't know how well I would function as a chairborn ranger, though."

"You'd go crazy within a year," Liara said solemnly before grinning. "Maybe you could go for another promotion right before you get out. You're well over halfway through, aren't you?"

"I mean...kind of? I don't know if the brass has figured out if my time KIA counts towards my twenty. I'm a bit past ten if it doesn't, but I'm nearly at thirteen if it does."

"I think it should," Tali muttered.

"So do I! I mean, I know I wasn't doing anything for the Alliance while I was gone, but neither are POWs while they're incarcerated, so...I dunno. Might be something for me to press with either Anderson, or Liara's almost least favorite admiral."

"I'd be willing to bump him up in the rankings if he came through for you," Liara said, feigning seriousness for a beat.

"Can I tell him that? Bet it'd light a fire under his ass." The asari laughed at that and nodded.

"Be my guest."

"Captain Shepard doesn't sound bad, either," Tali said thoughtfully.

"I don't think it hits as well as commander, but it's hard to say no to half of what an O-six makes for life."

"Why not go for captain soon, then go for admiral right before you get out? Then you get the best of both worlds, and...we could both be admirals."

"I've thought about that, too, but even captains get pulled from their ships, though. Look what happened to Anderson during Saren," Anya said somberly.

"How is captain Anderson?" Tali asked.

"Still on Earth," Anya said with a sad smile. "Still alive, though, last I heard."

"Well...keelah. I'm glad he's alright," Tali said softly.

"Me, too." Silence stretched between the three for a long moment.

"So, have you had a chance to see everyone, yet?" Liara asked, her smile a little forced.

"Not yet! I've seen you two and Joker, but I haven't had much of an opportunity to go around the ship."

"Well, let's make the rounds!" Anya said with a grin of her own. "Or we can invite people to swing by, if you're feeling worn out."

"Perhaps the lounge, for location?" Liara suggested, and Anya nodded.

"It'd be perfect. Room to spread out, little social lubricant flowing. Almost no chance of everybody being super cramped in here or falling into the engine if somebody has one too many. What do you guys think?"

"I'm on board," Tali agreed.

"Sounds good to me," Liara said, clearly pleased.

"Alright, I'm going to send out a message to the whole field team. I'm sure Garrus will come by, and probably James. I swear, he feels like he has to be in the middle of everything. Kaidan's kind of iffy."

"Are we talking to Kaidan again?" Tali asked carefully, and Anya snorted.

"Yes, I am fine with you being friendly with Kaidan."

"Are you sure? He was being a bosh'tet last I heard."

"He's stopped since the last time I almost shot him. We're good now, more or less."

"More or less?" Tali asked.

"The major seems like he still has some...unresolved emotions in regard to Shepard," Liara said slowly.

"As long as he keeps them to himself, I'm fine with it."

"We know." Liara sounded sad now, and Anya realized how callous the words sounded.

"I'm sorry, that came out badly. I wasn't trying to make a jab or cause any kind of pain, and I wasn't trying to be insensitive."

"No, no it is...it's fine. Really," Liara assured her, looking mortified.

"You know that I care, right, it's just…"

"No, I know, I do, I didn't mean to say that out loud. By the goddess, I feel foolish," Liara murmured, her cheeks darkening.

"You don't need to feel foolish for having feelings."

"I think you trying to make her feel better is making her feel worse, Shepard," Tali said quietly.

"I just don't know what else to say."

Liara took a deep breath before finally making eye contact with Anya. "Nothing, commander. I know that...it is no one's fault that you do not love me the way I used to wish you did. I will not torment you for your lack of romantic feelings, any more than you would torment me for the presence of mine."

"Are we good?" Anya asked, concern still etched in her features.

"We are good."

"Should I talk about Garrus less? I'm not trying to make you uncomfortable, I swear I'm just an idiot."

"It's fine, Shepard," Liara insisted. "I would speak up if I were unhappy. Truthfully, I like seeing the two of you together. I am...glad that you are content with someone who treats you with the kindness you deserve. Talk about him as much as you like. Reminding me that you are taken care of brings me far more joy than sorrow. I mean it."

"Yeah?"

"Definitely."

"Okay. Look, if you ever need-"

"That's enough, Shepard," Liara said gently.

"Alright. I will...shut up now."

"Please do," Tali volunteered earnestly, and the tension in the room crumbled. Anya shot the quarian woman a feigned glare as Liara choked on a laugh, trying to disguise the sound as a cough.

"I wonder who the bosh'tet is now?" Anya asked pointedly, and Tali snickered.

"Still Kaidan, you love me far too much for it to be me." Anya snorted at the younger woman's sure reply.

"Like I said, he's been pretty reasonable so far, lingering crush aside. As long as he can be civil, he doesn't seem like much of an ass to me."

"That's got to be weird, though. How is Garrus handling it?" Tali inquired.

"So far, so good. According to him, the major seems to be avoiding him whenever we aren't all out in the field together. It's not ideal, but…" Anya shrugged.

"That's...good, sort of. It's kind of a shame, though. I know they were kind of close on the first Normandy."

"I think Kaidan resents Garrus a little," Liara volunteered quietly. "I think he knows he shouldn't, so he's avoiding talking to him, just like he's avoiding you."

"Thank you, Liara, I needed a gut punch right now." Anya felt a surge of guilt at the words.

"I am not saying this to make you feel bad, commander, just...saying that I can empathize. I behaved similarly for a while, if you remember," Liara reminded her. "I just have the advantage of time when it comes to...getting over it."

"Well, I wish I knew how to help," Anya murmured.

"Well, seeing you with Kaidan a few times helped cement it for me. It made it more real, and that made it easier for making the transition into beginning to move on. That and seeing how many times you gave the major a heart attack."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, what's that supposed to mean?" Anya asked with a laugh.

"I'll put it this way: if I were the major and I saw how much worse you had gotten about scaring the life out of the people you care about, I would consider that a…'deal-breaker'...all by itself," Liara teased.

"Well, that's because you're no fun," Anya retorted, and the asari grinned.

"For the record, I'm also alright with less fun," Tali said pointedly. "We've all seen how you are, Shepard."

"See, this is why I miss Jack. No judgment for my bad decisions."

"If Jack is your only defense, that speaks for itself, no?"

"Jack's cleaned up since you saw her last, Tali," Anya argued.

"Not her language, so much, but she hasn't engaged in any vandalism in a long time," Liara agreed with a grin.

"The hanar must have really loved that moon," Anya said seriously before smiling herself.

"Mmm, tell me everything. I joke, but I do miss her," Tali said with a sigh. "She's a little on the crazy side, even for us, but she really is a good friend once she warms up to you."

"Agreed. Well, guess what she's doing for a living now?" Anya asked.

"What?"

"Teaching," Liara answered.

"She's...what?"

"She's a biotics instructor at Grissom. Her kids love her. Girl was killing it, too," Anya said, feeling a surge of pride in her friend. "Those students were on cloud nine when they got to see the psychotic biotic in action."

Tali let out a pleased sound. "You're going to have to start at the top, I want to hear all about it."


	50. Research

Chapter 50

Anya knew she was frowning as she steadily put away her gear, taking care not to slam anything into its place. She was annoyed, though she knew it was ridiculous to be upset. Legion was still on the shuttle, running some last minute diagnostics to make sure he could still integrate with EDI, and everyone had returned from the dreadnought intact, but the revelation about Dr. Michel's interest in Garrus was trying its hardest to worm its way under her skin. Between that and the leftover adrenaline in her system after fighting so many of the geth, she was having to actively focus on keeping her cool.

"Still mad at me for the chocolates?" Garrus asked as he stepped in next to her, and she fought the urge to roll her eyes.

"Firstly, I'm not mad. Secondly, if I were, it would mostly be at Dr. Michel."

"I just don't know why you're upset over candy. I want to understand."

"Because gifting someone food, specifically chocolates, not chocolate as in a single candy bar, but chocolates as in an assortment in a red box with a ribbon, is considered a romantic gift," Anya explained, trying to keep her voice level as Tali approached.

"That's very...specific."

"Not helpful."

"I'm sorry, Anya. How can I help?" he attempted to sooth, and she sighed.

"Maybe not accepting romantic gifts from other women?" Tali suggested and Anya made an aggravated noise.

"Can we just change the subject? I'm not mad at Garrus, and I'd rather not be mad at Dr. Michel the next time I see her, which is exactly what is going to happen if I keep being reminded about the stupid candy."

"Okay, so...what else is off limits, if someone else is trying to give me things? I don't want to screw up twice," Garrus reasoned.

"You didn't screw up, you just didn't know that was likely her making it clear that she likes you," Anya said with a sigh, resisting the temptation to rub her eyes. She nearly groaned when Vega began to approach from where he'd been lurking, likely somewhere near his workout gear, a towel over the back of his neck.

"I'd still like to know."

"Well, chocolates is a given at this point. There's also flowers, jewelry. Homemade food is iffy, unless you know they have a history of cooking for friends," Anya listed off tiredly.

"I'm sorry, so accessories, plants, and food? Those are the big ones?"

"It's not just any accessories, or any plants, or any food, though, honey. It's very specific."

"What the hell are you guys even talking about?" James asked, glancing around.

"Dr. Michel gave Garrus chocolates, he didn't realize that meant she probably liked him," Tali volunteered, and James whistled.

"Yeah, no. Bad move, man. You better hope your girlfriend doesn't hear about it, she's going to be super pissed."

"I noticed," Garrus retorted drily.

"Oh, shit, she knows?"

"Yes, James. Yes, I know," Anya said tightly.

"But, wait, I thought...oh. Oh. Oh, damn. I didn't...so you two are...damn." Realization and embarrassment crossed his face in waves. "I am...so dumb for not picking that up sooner. No wonder you and Lola get so weird when you're together."

"I told you he hadn't realized!" Garrus declared triumphantly.

"Wait, you didn't know that Garrus and Shepard were a thing?" Tali asked, perturbed.

"I just acknowledged how blind I am, let's not do the whole salt in the wound thing. And it ain't fair for you to bet on a rigged game!" James punched Garrus in the shoulder with a scowl.

"Blind or not, lieutenant, you are currently my favorite crayon-eater," Anya joked, glad to have something else to talk about, and he snorted.

"You do know they don't make crayons anymore, right?"

"Not out of paraffin, but you can still find them," she argued. "Mostly in higher end art supply places, but they're there."

"Why do you know that?" James asked, his arms crossed.

"I'm...also curious about that one." Garrus seemed surprised.

"I may or may not have attempted some art therapy after Elysium," she admitted wryly, and Garrus grinned.

"Why is this the first I'm hearing about this?"

"Ah, wait, were you any good?" James asked, looking sly.

"God, no. I'm nearly as bad at making art as I am dancing. Ask them." She gestured at Garrus and Tali.

"That's why." Amusement was clear in Tali's voice.

"It can't be that bad, Shep," Garrus said surely, and Anya raised a brow.

"I feel like you're implying something, Garrus."

"Oh, spirits, why does it feel like that was a trap?"

"Probably because that was a trap, bud," said James with a grin.

"I desperately want to stop being in trouble today. Just tell me what to do," he entreated playfully, and Anya shook her head.

"Just leave it alone," she said with a laugh.

"Alright, well, if there's anything I can do to make it up to you, just say the word."

"Just don't give her Dr. Michel's chocolates," Tali teased.

"I am not that oblivious," Garrus pretended to grouse. "Do you want them? They're dextro and I don't think I could finish them off in good conscience."

"Oooh, yes please," Tali said gleefully.

"You don't have to give them away, honey."

"I genuinely do not want them anymore," he replied, shaking his head.

"Good man," James said, clapping a hand on the turian's shoulder. "You should be glad Lola has a laid-back streak. Some ladies would have flipped out over this."

"I am glad. Still feel like I need to make it up to you, though." His gaze was searching.

"Just...take me somewhere nice for my birthday when it comes around and we'll call it a day? I really don't want this to be a big thing."

"I can do that," Garrus said with a nod, and she smiled.

"Now that that's settled-"

"Wait, when is your birthday, again?" Garrus seemed puzzled. "Did I miss your birthday? I could have sworn we got together before it should have passed."

"Oh, no," Tali muttered.

"You did, but that was because I had just gotten arrested like...two-ish weeks before. It's the eleventh of April, though."

"I am so sorry, Anya," he started, looking stricken.

"It's not your fault. Hell, even if you'd tried to send me something, the Alliance would have wrecked it to make sure it wasn't going to lead to a jailbreak. It's fine," she said, waving it off.

"I feel like a terrible boyfriend right now. What do you want as a...disappointingly late birthday gift?" he pressed.

"I don't want things, honey. Not really. I just want to spend time with you. Okay?"

"Okay. Just...tell me if you change your mind? Because I don't mind doing both. I can actually afford to get you nice things if you want them."

"I'm fine. Really," she said, torn between irritation and being glad that he wanted to even offer.

"Would you be upset if I got you something anyway? Even if it's something small?" he asked.

"If you see something, I'm not going to refuse it, but I don't want you going through a lot of trouble over this, okay?"

"Okay."

"You're lucky she's not in a mood," Tali teased, and Garrus smiled.

"I think I'm lucky for a lot of other reasons, too," he murmured, and Anya felt her ears heat up.

"On that note, I should go. And, for the record, you two are meddling too much today," she reproached, glancing at James and Tali in turn as she shut the locker.

"Aww, we don't mean any harm, Lola."

"We really don't," Tali agreed, taking the other woman's arm in hers.

"I'm just saying, you know Garrus worries. What good does getting him wound up when I'm not even mad do?"

"Sorry, Garrus," Tali said earnestly.

"I'm not apologizing until I get my money back."

"James!" Tali seemed scandalized.

"No, that's fair," Garrus said with a grin. "I'll have your money back by dinner. Fair?"

"I can live with that. Sorry for poking at you, Scars."

"I'll live."

"There, see? Everybody is happy," Tali said brightly, and Anya let the younger woman tug her away.

"You guys are a mess. Are we going somewhere?"

"We are."

"Apparently I'm needed elsewhere. I'll see you later, honey," she called over her shoulder.

"You ladies have fun. Try to stay out of trouble," Garrus replied.

"No promises!" Tali retorted.

"Tali," he warned, and she laughed.

"We'll stay out of big trouble," Anya promised with a grin.

"I'll settle for that for now, but we're talking about this later!" She laughed at the turian's parting words as they neared the elevator.

"So, how are you? Really?" Tali murmured quietly, hitting the button. Anya glanced back to her.

"I'm...okay. I won't pretend I'm super happy about the chocolates thing, but it's not the end of the galaxy. I can't bring myself to be mad at him for something he didn't know about."

"Still, I could understand you being frustrated." The door opened.

"I feel like...annoyed is closer. A little guilty, too, if I'm being honest," Anya admitted softly as they stepped in together. "Dr. Michel is apparently better at giving my boyfriend romantic gifts than I am."

"Oh, Shepard, I'm sure it's not that bad." Tali hit a button, and Anya sighed.

"I've gotten him a bunch of shit for his guns, but I have never given him anything like those chocolates."

"Well, has he ever asked?"

"No. I haven't either, but still. Maybe I should up the ante on the romance. Show the big guy I appreciate him, you know? He at least tries to do stuff for me." The door opened and the pair stepped out and Anya took a breath.

"You'll feel better once you have some food in you. What kinds of things has he been doing?" Tali asked as they made their way over to the mess area.

"He tried to plan a really nice date night for us the day Cerberus wanted to hit the Citadel. We had a little make-up lunch that was sweet, but he genuinely wanted to do the whole dinner by candlelight thing when he was getting it set up the first time. He's way better at the romantic side of things than I am. Maybe if I tried to get better at the lovey-dovey stuff, I'd have actually gotten flowers or something once in my life."

"I mean, I'm sure you've gotten something," Tali ventured.

"Practical stuff, like what I've been doing with him. I think I need to do some homework."

"Oh?"

"Well, he only accepted the sweets because it didn't even occur to him that there were social implications. What kinds of gifts would he probably think are romantic?" Anya mused.

"Oooh, that's a good point."

"So, I'm going to research a few things, and hopefully get some ideas. Wanna help me plan later?" Anya asked with a grin. 

"Keelah, yes. I'm in."


	51. Need to Know

Chapter 51

Anya felt her heartbeat quicken when her omni-tool beeped. She saw that it was a message from Garrus and opened it quickly.

_ Are you going to be out and about much longer? _

She shook her head at that, stepping forward with Tali when the line they were in moved forward a few paces.

_ I'm not planning on running into Zaeed again, I promise. _

"Is he getting impatient?" Tali asked, and Anya snorted.

"In his defense, I did almost get shot the last time we were here...a couple of times."

"Kee'lah, when did this happen?"

"That's not important right now," Anya joked, and the other woman laughed.

"You're insane, Shepard."

"Only a little." She heard the sound of another message as the line advanced again.

_ You're never planning on trouble. _

"Was he upset that we didn't invite him?"

"No, not really. He just told me to have fun and message him if I got back to the ship first. He said he had a few errands he needed to take care of, so I asked him to tell his other girlfriend that I send my regards. He told me that was no way to refer to the Primarch where other people could hear," Anya said quietly as she typed, and Tali laughed.

_ I'm planning on getting in trouble when I get home. Does that count? _

"How may I help you?" The salarian clerk said as the last of the customers in front of the pair moved off to the side, and the women stepped up together.

"Just getting these bad boys," Anya murmured, placing her items on the counter.

"Yes, ma'am." After a beat, he hesitated. "I hope this doesn't come off as rude, but are you aware that you're purchasing a product from our dextro line?"

"I am, I'm planning for it to be used on someone else, no worries," Anya assured him, and his gaze darted to Tali.

"But of course. My apologies." Tali started snickering at that, and Anya blushed.

"Not what I...oh, whatever. Keep the change." Anya placed the credits in his hand and snagged the bag. Tali's shoulders were still shaking with laughter as they walked out of the store together, and they started down the wide walkway towards the elevator that would take them to the docks.

"Keelah, that was funny," Tali said, and Anya snorted.

"I feel like we have different definitions of funny. That was just awkward."

"Please, that was absolutely funny. We'd make a cute couple, Shepard," Tali insisted, and Anya felt her own laugh bubble up.

"Yeah, like I need to be not the pretty one in two different interspecies relationships."

Tali giggled outright. "To be fair, Garrus is fairly cute, no?"

"Lord, don't say that."

"I didn't mean anything by it. I promise I don't want to steal your man," Tali blurted, sounding worried.

"No, I mean if he hears you call him cute, he's going to protest and grumble about 'rugged' or 'handsome' or something. If you want to annoy him, you may as well tell him he's very pretty," Anya advised, and Tali devolved into laughter again, though another beep from her omni-tool drew her attention downward.

_ Now I'm antsy about you getting home for a different reason. _

She snorted before responding.

_ You should take a shower. _

"I don't know what I'm going to do with him," Anya murmured fondly as they made it to the elevator and hit the button.

"You two kill me sometimes," Tali said happily.

"Ugh, I know. He's almost nauseatingly perfect for me." She knew she was still smiling as the doors opened and they stepped inside. Tali hit the button for the docks and they waited as the doors closed. The next message that chimed made Anya grin.

_ I am not taking a cold shower. _

She was quick to respond.

_ I never said a cold shower. Also, you shouldn't get dressed when you're done getting clean. I may be back before you're finished. _

"Do I even want to know?" Tali asked playfully.

"That depends. How much information is too much, again?"

"Then no, no I do not." Anya snickered. Her omni-tool went off again.

_ I can be out of the shower in two minutes, don't trifle with me, woman. _

The doors opened and the pair stepped out, Anya typing as they stepped off to the side.

_ We're at the docks, you should hurry up and start. _

"You're going to give him a heart attack," Tali warned with another laugh.

"He's a resilient young man, I think he'll pull through," Anya joked as they started towards the Normandy. "Besides, I need to give him a heart attack in a good way every once in a while."

"I hope he appreciates it."

"Fingers crossed. God, I hope he likes this."

"What are you even worried about?" Tali asked.

"What if this isn't his thing, or what if I suck at it? What if he likes the idea, and I do okay, but he hates this scent?"

"Don't be a bosh'tet, you're overthinking this. Your relationship isn't going to end just because you maybe picked the wrong massage oil."

"I just want to make sure I'm actually doing something nice for him, not just doing something to make me feel good that I tried," Anya murmured as they approached the ship.

"Look, you said he does it for you, right?"

"Yeah."

"And we both know he's just going to be happy you were thinking about him, right?" Tali pressed as the door opened and they stepped inside.

"I mean, yeah, but-"

"No. Stop it. Bad Shepard." Tali sounded severe.

"I am not a misbehaving pet," Anya said, annoyed as they waited for the decontamination cycle to finish.

"If Garrus wanted to put a collar on you, you'd let him, but I digress." Tali waved it off as Anya's ears heated. "Look, sometimes things go wrong, but what normally happens when things go wrong with you two?"

"I mean...not much. We talk about it, if it's a between us thing. We figure something else out if it's an everything else thing."

"Exactly! Like when your dinner fell through, I'm sure you were a little disappointed, but…"

"We made something else work," Anya admitted as they finally passed through, making their way to the elevator.

"And were you upset with him?"

"No, it wasn't like it was his fault."

"How did you feel about it, while you were at lunch?" Tali asked, sounding pleased.

"I just felt...glad we could do something normal for an hour, and glad that I could steal him away from all the people and pressure and work. Glad to have him all to myself for a bit."

"Now, I don't know about you, but don't you think he's going to be just as glad that you want to have him all to yourself again?"

"You...have a point. Thank you, Tali," Anya said sincerely, hitting the button to summon the platform.

"You are welcome. You should take the first one, I'm sure he's about to lose his mind waiting for you."

"Are you sure?" The doors opened.

"Keelah, yes. Go," Tali insisted, and Anya stepped inside. "Oh, and Shepard?"

"Yes?" Anya hit the button.

"Just remember, I always meddle the perfect amount."

"What did you do?" Anya's voice was accusatory, but all Tali did was wave as the doors closed, and Anya felt her heart start racing as she ascended. She pushed her nerves away as she passed through both doors, and she stopped dead in her tracks.

Lying on her desk was a vibrant bouquet, the stems wrapped carefully in white paper. She hesitated before putting her bag down and reaching out, picking the flowers up almost reverently. She inhaled the heady aroma, still carefully cradling the blooms, just before the bathroom door opened and Garrus stepped out, towel around his hips.

"Hey, sweetie," he murmured, reaching for her. She let him pull her in, careful to keep the bouquet off to the side a little so they didn't get crushed.

"You got me flowers," she managed, and he chuckled.

"I did. I hope these are okay, I didn't realize how...into plants your people are. I had no idea that basically all of them have meaning, or that the meaning could change just by going with a slightly different color. I'm pretty sure I learned more about the botany on Earth in an hour than most turians learn in a lifetime," he joked, and she nodded.

"Thank you," she whispered thickly, and he pulled back to look at her, concern in his gaze.

"Are these...alright? I didn't mean to upset you, sweetie. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I just...this is the first time someone's ever...these are perfect. I love them."

"Are you sure they're okay? You look like you're going to cry," he said softly, and she nodded.

"I'm sure. I'm just getting emotional because this is really sweet. These are wonderful, I promise."

"Okay. Good. Is there...anything I can do to help?"

"Not really," she said with a laugh. "But, I would love for you to educate me."

"Oh?"

"Unfortunately, I do not have the meanings or names of most flowers memorized. I know the roses, but what about these?"

"Mmm, delphiniums. They mean protection, encouragement, and joy. These blue ones also mean...dignity, I think? Hang on." He carefully reached for the small card that was hidden towards the back of the bouquet, plucking it out with ease and peering at it. "Yes, dignity. That part might be a bit of a stretch for us, but I liked the color, and the rest of it fit pretty well."

She laughed at that. "I'm sorry, even the flowers you give me want me to stay out of trouble?"

"Yes. If you won't do it for me, do it for the pretty plants."

"I'll think about it. For the flowers." He chuckled at that before handing her the little piece of paper.

"I haven't even told you what the roses mean yet."

She glanced at the card, reading the small neat script on the top half with her head resting on his shoulder.

_ Red roses - Beauty, Courage, Passion, Respect, True Love _

She could hear her heart pounding in her ears, and it was all she could do to say, "Oh."

"Now, I know how much you like red, but the symbolism was spot on for the roses, I think." She nodded, tears now burning her eyes. "I know waiting for the words has to be getting old, I just...hope that the things I do reassure you that just because I haven't said it, doesn't mean I don't feel it."

"I know," she croaked. "Your actions tell me everything I need to know."

"Good." He sounded almost relieved as he squeezed her, and she drew in a shuddering breath. He pulled back and gently nudged her temple with his forehead. "You do like the flowers, though?"

"I love them," she affirmed, turning and standing on tiptoe to press her forehead to his more firmly, and he let out a pleased hum.

"I'm glad." A quiet moment passed before he cleared his throat. "So, did you and Tali have fun?"

"We did. I...I got something I wanted to show you, but don't get too excited. I can already tell you that your present was better."

"I'll be the judge of that."

"Here." She pulled away and offered the bag that she'd discarded before, and he took it, peering inside.

"What are these?" he asked, pulling out a plastic box that contained four items that resembled heavy thimbles.

"Well, you know how you've started rubbing me down on a pretty regular basis?" she asked, her voice light.

"Yes. I love how you make it sound like I'm minding livestock," he deadpanned.

"Oh, hush, don't be difficult. Anyway, I can put these bad boys over my fingertips and maybe see if I could return the favor. Even picked up some oil for in between the plates."

"Oh, hell, yes. When did you want to start?"


	52. Do Your Worst

Chapter 52

"Well, you are already dressed for it," she said lightly, pulling away a little, and he chuckled.

"Now is good," he agreed, starting towards the bed, and she placed the flowers on the desk before she followed, feeling nervous.

"Just remember, I've never done this before," she warned, and he laughed.

"We'll get it figured out, sweetie. Worst comes to worst, I can use that oil for something else." He turned enough to shoot her a quick wink, and she smiled in spite of herself.

"Ever the optimist," she teased, and he laughed as he sat on the edge of the bed.

"I don't think I have ever been described as optimistic," he said drily, and she grinned at him.

"But you're so positive!" He shook his head at that, and after a beat, she asked, "So, how do we want to go about this?"

"Ah, if you give me a second to move the pillows, I could lay on my stomach. Do you think you could work with that?"

"Have at it, honey." She waited as the big man adjusted things, trying to push down her nerves.

"Ready when you are," he murmured as he finished getting settled, and she climbed onto the bed, bag still in hand, opting to straddle his lower back so that her knees were on either side of his waist.

"Give me a second," she muttered as she dug out the box of weighted fingertip coverings. She fumbled with the container for a moment before getting it open, the metallic pieces popping out easily. Once she had them on all the fingers of her right hand, she looked down at the carapace beneath her. "So, where should I start?"

"Ah, about three quarters of the way up?" he suggested. "A little off center. You don't want to put direct pressure on the spine, even on plates. It would be right around where you'd expect...shoulder blades? I think?"

"Okay, I think I can do that. How hard should I be doing this?"

"I prefer more pressure to less, but I'm not going to complain either way, sweetie. You aren't going to hurt me unless you literally throw all of your body weight into it."

"Alright. So...here? Give or take?" She drummed her fingers firmly in the spot she thought he meant, the metal clinking quietly against his plating.

"Mmm, up a bit?" She complied, smiling when he seemed to arch into the careful motion. "Right there."

She did it again, and he let out a content noise. 

"Kind of high for shoulder blades," she teased, and he chuckled as she started up a steady rhythm, the soft sounds of her fingertips on his back almost sounding musical.

"Lucky for us I'm not the ship's doctor."

"You're smart enough that you could be if you wanted to pursue it."

"Maybe. People aren't so much my forte. I would rather fix the thanix cannons than nurse somebody back to health." After a beat, he continued, "Unless it's you, of course. I'll play doctor with you anytime."

She snorted. "Hopefully you'll never have to, but that's good to know."

"Oh, I understand the difference between having to and wanting to, don't worry."

"Not what I meant."

"Exactly what I meant, though. Jokes aside, if anything ever happened and you got hurt, I'd rather be actively involved in helping you heal, as long as you were comfortable with it."

"It's a bit late for me to be getting uncomfortable, honey." She started to relax, putting a little more force into the motion of her fingertips on his back, and he groaned, one hand gripping the pillow.

"Oh, spirits, don't stop," he huffed, and she grinned.

"I like the sound of that," she teased, and he laughed, the sound still a little strained.

"I can't help it, it just feels really good right now. Nobody has done this for me in...literal years."

"What does this even feel like for you?" she asked, curious.

"It's...I don't even know where to start. Okay, so...every time you make contact, the impact sends a little...vibration, sort of? You're hitting me hard enough to stimulate the muscle groups located under my carapace, so this is...honestly really helpful for getting my back to feel less tight."

"I didn't even realize your back gave you trouble. I wish I would have known sooner, then I could have been doing this for longer."

"I wouldn't call it trouble, just my body throwing a hissy fit when I've done too much in one day," he murmured soothingly.

"Did the florist make you dig up the rose bushes yourself?" she joked, and she thought she felt him tense underneath her for a beat.

"Thankfully, no," he answered. "One of my other errands got me. The florist was incredible, honestly. I'm probably going there the next time I get you a bouquet."

"You don't have to get me flowers anytime soon, honey," she murmured.

"You held those flowers like they were a brand new shotgun."

"That is an exaggeration." She suddenly switched to the same spot on the other side of his back and he groaned.

"It is, but I do not regret it right now," he managed, and she laughed.

"Me, either. Is it weird that I'm loving making you squirm?"

"Well, I love making you squirm, so I don't think I'm in any position to judge."

"Maybe after this it can be my turn," she said playfully.

"This day just keeps getting better," he said agreeably, and Anya snorted.

"Anything for you, big guy."

"You're an incredible woman, Anya."

"I haven't done anything crazy," she reminded him. "This is only a...what would you call this? I don't think 'back rub' applies so far."

"Percussive massage," he said helpfully. "So far, though?"

"Well, yeah. I was going to offer to do your lower back, too. What did you think the oil was for?"

"Is that...the best idea? I'm already getting riled up as it is."

"I can handle you being excited, honey," she said gently, and she felt him take a deep breath.

"Okay. I'm good with it as long as you are. Do your worst." She reached for the bottle of oil poking out of the bag, snagging it and quickly going through the motions to get some into her hand. She put the bottle down, rubbing the thick fluid between her palms to warm it. Once she was satisfied, she gently dragged her nails down the unarmored portion of his back on either side of the plates that followed his spine, and he took a deep breath.

"Am I making you nervous, honey?"

"You're making me something, alright," he muttered, and she felt the corner of her mouth twitch upward. 

"Just breathe."

She pressed her palms firmly into his lower back, beginning the process of kneading the tight muscles under his skin. He moaned, and she bit her lip as she tried to ignore the sounds he was making as she touched him. By the time her hands and forearms started to tire, Garrus was all but panting beneath her.

"I don't know how much more teasing I can handle," he said raggedly, and she cocked her head to the side.

"What?"

"You coy little…" She let out a surprised noise when he twisted, one arm snaking out and wrapping halfway around her waist. He yanked her down and shifted so that she was all but trapped beneath him, his hand immediately sliding upward and fisting in her hair, tugging her head to expose the side of her throat. His mouth was there in an instant, his teeth and tongue roughly teasing the sensitive skin.

"I don't want this to sound like I don't like what you're doing, but I have no idea how we transitioned into this," she managed, her voice breathy. He stopped, lifting his head up and looking at her, disbelief clear on his face.

"So...you didn't realize that you've been teasing me for the better part of the last twenty minutes?"

"I...realize it now. Wait, is your back like one of your spots or something?" He laughed at that and shook his head.

"It's not my whole back, it's just...everywhere that doesn't have plating. The shell doesn't have a whole lot of nerve endings. That means that everywhere that's just skin seems very sensitive by comparison," he explained.

"That...actually makes a lot of sense."

"Yeah. Look, I'm sorry, I didn't realize we were doing two different things there, and I'm sure I came on way too strong just now. I hope I didn't make you too uncomfortable. I just...it seemed like whenever I gave you a massage, it seemed to make you pretty receptive to other forms of physical affection, so I didn't realize that I needed to warn you about that being a thing for me. I won't make that mistake again."

"I mean...have I ever not been receptive to physical affection, even before you started giving me backrubs?" she asked, her brow furrowed.

"No, you've almost always been onboard," he admitted. "I can never claim we don't have an active sex life. I apologize for assuming."

"It's fine, honey. I'm not mad. This was just a silly misunderstanding. We're good." She pulled him down for a quick kiss, and when he raised up again, she was glad to see one of his mandibles quirk upward.

"I think we should probably move soon, my towel is about to fall right off."

"Oh, no, that didn't matter two minutes ago," she argued playfully, and he chuckled.

"Two minutes ago, I thought you wanted me so turned on I could barely stand it."

"Just because I was a little confused doesn't mean it wasn't sexy. You know I like you being aggressive."

"Yeah, but...are you sure that you want to fool around? You don't have to do anything just because you got me going. It's not like it's going to kill me not to get off."

"I'm aware, and the offer stands. I do love how you fuck me," she reminded him. He still seemed uncertain, so she added, "I think it'll be fun. You could always get me back."

"Oh?"

"I teased the hell out of you. Maybe you could tease me for a little while?"

"I...can definitely do that," he said, slowly, clearly thinking now.

"So, what do you have in mind?"

"I think...you should strip and lay on your stomach."

"Oh, yeah?" she asked as he pushed himself up and off of her, sitting back on his heels, and she raised up herself.

"Yeah. Think about it, this started with a massage, we can restart it with another one," he reasoned, and she snorted.

"Alright, whatever you want, honey."

"Which lotion do you want me to use?"

"Ah, probably the cinnamon," she answered after a beat, starting the process of tugging her clothes off.

"Red lid?"

"One of the red ones, yeah."

"Not the dark red, that one is...some kind of fruit. What was it?" he asked absently.

"Pomegranate."

"That's it. Ah, here we go." He pulled out the container, and she hurried to finish getting undressed. He waited while she got comfortable, and once she was settled, he joined her on the bed. Once he was next to her, he said, "Are you ready?"

She could almost feel the words, rough and low, and her hands tightened.

"Do your worst."


	53. Long Night

Chapter 53 (Warning - Basically Pure Smut)

Anya couldn't help jumping when she felt his hands on her lower back, the lotion cool on his palms.

"Too cold?"

"No, it's fine. Just surprised me a little. I think I'll live."

He responded by beginning to carefully apply pressure and she let out a contented noise. She closed her eyes, savoring the way his big hands felt as he massaged her muscles, slowly working his way up to shoulders.

"Spirits, I love how soft you are," he murmured, almost to himself, and she laughed, though it was cut short by the way his thumbs started to knead gentle circles into the base of her neck.

"Oh, God, this is even better when I'm not sore," she mumbled with a sigh.

"Mmm, I'm sure. Say the word and I'll happily do this whenever you want."

"I know you would, honey, but I also know that you're as busy as I am, or close to it. I don't like bothering you."

"You aren't bothering me, Anya," he reproached gently. "I always have time for you."

"With how much you have to get done between me running you ragged on missions, and the Primarch, and keeping our weapons running their best, and staying in contact with your family, and four trillion other things, I don't know how."

"There are secretly six of me. Didn't I tell you?"

"You must have forgotten," she said with a laugh, and he chuckled.

"Honestly, the Primarch has other people to bother now that he's been established for a little while, so I don't hear from him nearly as often, and keeping up with my family is a lot easier now that they're off Palaven. That mostly just leaves you and the big guns, sweetie. I can handle that much on my plate." His hands started making their way back to her shoulders.

"I can't help worrying about burning you out. I know I lean on you for a lot."

"Not as much as I wish you would. I'm not saying that I'm upset with you being independant, I just...feel like asking me for help with things shouldn't be your last resort."

"I'm sorry, honey, I'm not trying to make you feel like I don't need you. I promise that I do," she murmured.

"Don't apologize, you haven't done anything wrong."

"But I make you worry on a very regular basis, and I am guilty of not asking for help, even when I probably should."

"While technically true, it isn't something that I want you to feel bad about. I have known how capable you are for pretty much as long as I've known you. You shouldn't feel like you need to apologize for self-reliance," he responded softly, dragging his talons lightly down her skin until he reached the small of her back. She couldn't help the moan that escaped her when he started applying pressure there again. It took her a moment to gather herself enough to speak.

"I guess...I don't know. I think being on the street so much as a kid left me with a weird combination of coping strategies when it comes to dangerous situations. If you're in trouble, calling for help just distracts your allies and makes you more of a target. I guess it's hard to turn off that mindset sometimes. A little part of me is always going to worry that if I distract you too much, something bad could happen to you, and I don't think I could handle it if you got hurt, or worse, because you were trying to save me."

"Do you think I could handle it if you got killed because you were afraid of asking me for some backup?" She swallowed at his words.

"I'm going to try to do better."

"I'm not asking you to do or change anything, Anya, I just...hope you take what I've said into consideration. Okay?"

"Okay," she answered with a small nod.

"I'm sorry if I'm being overly protective. I know that you're a strong woman. It's one of the many things I admire about you. I just wanted to remind you that your strength, both real and perceived, isn't the only thing about you that matters."

"Thank you, honey. And you shouldn't apologize, either. All you've ever done is tell me that you care."

"I really do." The words were tender, and the tone, low and loving, made Anya smile.

"You're amazing, you know that?"

"Of course I do," he answered, now smug, and she laughed. "Feel free to keep going, though."

His hands worked their way lower, so that he was massaging the cheek of her ass with one hand, the claws on the other trailing down the back of her thigh. His hand reversed its direction about halfway down, slowly moving upward and inward so that his talons teased her inner thigh. He stopped short of her center and she let out a shaky breath. He repeated the motion, toying with her deliberately, and she had to bite her lip to keep from letting out a whine.

"Hard to keep going when you're being a tease," she muttered hotly, and he laughed, the sound reverberating through her and making her clench.

"We've barely started," he chided, doing it again, one finger barely grazing her sex, and she let out a frustrated noise.

"You're being a lot more direct about the teasing than I was." He switched which side his hands were tormenting, and she squirmed.

"I've seen you take a bullet and barely miss a step, how is this getting under your skin so well?" This time, when his hand reached the juncture of her thighs, he started as if to sink in a fingertip, but stopped short, his hand moving away from where she wanted it.

"Probably helps that I don't want a bullet in me," she managed, her voice strained at the way his talons glided down, and then started towards her center again. She whimpered when his next touch had him rubbing her slit, her hips rocking involuntarily.

"Spirits, you're getting so wet." She felt her face heat, and she glanced back over her shoulder at him. He seemed enthralled, hunger in his gaze as he watched her in turn.

"Garrus," she all but whispered, not caring about the need in her voice.

"Yes?"

She swallowed, and in that moment of hesitation, he started to move his hand away. She blurted, "Please, honey. I want to feel you inside me so goddamn bad. Please."

He seemed pleased, and she nearly wept with relief when he responded, "You want to push yourself up on your knees for me?"

She hurried to shift as he directed, elated when she felt his hand on her hip. She stilled when she felt his tip press against her. He started to press forward, slowly and carefully, and she tried to lean into it, impatient, but he pulled back.

She whimpered his name, and he only responded by murmuring, "Eventually, you're going to learn not to rush me. If you want me to do this, you need to behave."

She swallowed and nodded, her hands fisting in the blanket while she waited, the ache almost torturous. He started to nudge forward with his cock after a moment, the slow press of his length making her eyes squeeze shut. It took everything in her to stay still as he thrusted, each languid motion driving him a little deeper than the one before. She moaned in spite of her frustration, her sex throbbing, when he'd finally burried himself to the hilt.

She felt him shift so that he was on all fours above her, covering her back with his front, and she wondered what he had in mind just before he started nuzzling and nipping the nape of her neck. His hand moved so that he was touching her where they were joined, and she felt herself clench when he used her fluids to moisten the pad of one finger before he started gently rubbing circles around her clit. Her hips bucked, and she had to force herself to be still, panting.

"You can move now," he murmured, his voice rough, and she let herself rock her hips in time with the motions of his hand. His own hips stayed still, letting her alternate between chasing the feeling of his shaft deep with her, and more pressure on her clit. She felt the tension building in her lower belly as she moved, his breath hot on the back of her neck.

"I'm getting close," she managed, unsure if the words were a plea or a warning.

"Then make yourself finish. I want to feel you fall apart," he practically growled, and she let out a needy noise as she continued to chase her peak. Her movements quickened, and she felt him let out a shuddering breath right before she came, the pulses of ecstasy tearing his name from her lips again. She hadn't yet caught her breath when he pulled out, flipping her onto her back and tugging her knees apart again.

"Hurry," she begged, reaching for him, and he complied, settling easily between her thighs and pressing his mouth to hers. She let her tongue tangle with his, hungry for more of him, and he groaned at the way she pressed herself against him as they kissed.

"Oh, spirits, I hope you weren't planning on doing a lot of walking tomorrow," he rumbled, lining his tip up with her entrance again.

"Fuck everything I had planned for tomorrow, I need you, now," she panted, lust clear in her voice.

"Whatever you need," he agreed, his voice still husky and raw. "Are you ready?"

"Yes. Please, honey. I'll do whatever you want, just hurry." She felt a wave of triumph when he started to sink into her again, and she bit her lip at the familiar stretch. He groaned when he was plates deep in her again, and she whimpered. 

He looked down at her, looking almost feral, and he murmured the words that made her belly twist, "I hope you're ready for it to be a long, _long_ night, Anya."

She swallowed, and her voice was breathy when she managed to reply, "Promises, promises."


	54. Lifespan

Chapter 54 (Warning - Basically Pure Smut)

Anya's eyes squeezed shut of their own volition when the turian began to move, each languid thrust driving him deep. She pulled him down to press her mouth to his, and he groaned when their tongues tangled. She felt him tug her thigh, and she helped him wrap her legs around his waist. He made a pleased sound before he pulled away to start nuzzling the side of her throat.

She whimpered when he started nibbling at the sensitive skin, tilting her head to make it easier for him to access. One sharp nip had her clenching around him, and it seemed to encourage him. He settled into a rhythm where every third or fourth sharp-toothed bite would be harder and more aggressive than the others, just in time for her to tighten as he started another inward thrust. He kept going until she was all but trembling beneath him.

"Don't stop," she pleaded, her arms threading themselves around his neck, one hand barely grazing his fringe, and he let out a low, rumbling sound. He raised up enough for his eyes to meet hers, arousal and need in his gaze.

"Spirits, you feel so good," he managed, his voice ragged.

"So do you," she all but whispered, and she pulled him back down, turning her head to expose the other side of her throat to his attentions, and he let out an approving noise. He seemed to understand what she wanted of him, immediately starting again with licks and rough nibbles that drove rational thought from her mind.

He started grinding as he fucked her, and she gave up on keeping her eyes open altogether. She just let the sensations wash over her as he moved, clinging to him as best she could as the heat and tension built in her lower belly.

She could feel her nails digging in as she approached her peak, and she let out whine when he lifted up and slowed his hips, keeping her on the edge.

"Garrus," she whimpered, her eyes finally opening to meet his.

"I'm just trying to decide if I'm going to let you cum now, or if I'm going to make you wait," he practically growled, and she felt her belly twist.

"Please," she managed, not caring how needy she sounded. "Oh, God, honey, I'm begging you."

He seemed pleased with her words, one big hand coming up to fist in her hair, keeping her head still. He sped back up, his pace relentlessly pushing her toward her climax once more. He pressed his forehead to hers a beat before the pleasurable pulsing started, and she moaned his name as the ecstasy washed over her.

His pace became a little more erratic as the feelings in her abdomen began to lessen, and she tightened her legs around his waist. He let out ragged noise and stiffened, buried deep inside her.

It took a long moment for either of them to move. He carefully removed his hand from her dark tresses, and she let out a contented noise when her head fell back.

"I don't want to alarm you, but I think you've gone mad with power," she mumbled, trying to tease, and he snorted.

"What makes you say that?"

"Not letting me get off when I'm that close. You've turned into a monster."

"Please, that threat was empty and you know it," he responded with a laugh.

"I knew no such thing." She tried her best to sound scandalized.

"Well, for future reference, if I'm ever plates deep inside you, and you look up at me like that again, you're getting everything you want. I'm also done for if you start throwing in my name."

"You're also a sucker for me when I start begging," she added slyly, and he nodded, feigning seriousness.

"It's true. I become a weak man very quickly when you start begging. You start mixing and matching my weaknesses like you were just now and you're left with me pretending I have enough self control to keep you from finishing for more than nine seconds." She laughed at that, and he grinned before resting his forehead against hers for a beat.

"Mmm. For what it's worth, you're very convincing."

"Well, it's supposed to be." He pulled out gingerly, and she let out a displeased noise.

"I might still want to use that later," she warned him.

"I'll let you borrow it anytime." He rolled off her her and she smiled. "After I cool down a little, I'm going to try to talk you into letting me hold you. Just be ready."

"I think you can twist my arm into that," she murmured, reaching out and threading her fingers through his. He let out a pleased hum, squeezing gently.

"I always worry that I'm going to end up being too hot for you to rest comfortably."

"Oh, never. I sleep way better warm."

"Good." He seemed content with that, and she scooted a little closer so that she could lean her head against his shoulder. He turned enough to nuzzle the top of her head affectionately, and she kissed his shoulder.

"Is it weird that I've never had a relationship go this well for this long before you?" she asked quietly.

"No," he said thoughtfully. "I don't think so. Figuring out what you don't want in a partner is almost as important as figuring out what you do want, I think."

"That's fair."

"If it makes you feel better, you're the only woman who's been able to put up with me for more than a few months," he said with a chuckle.

"Your taste in partners must be nearly as bad as mine."

"Most of that was my fault," he admitted ruefully.

"How? I love dating you."

"Honestly, I know you probably thought my temper was bad when we met, but it used to be worse. C-Sec even made me go through anger management twice. I was pretty hard to get along with. You might not have liked me if we'd met five years sooner."

"Pft. Please. You'd have been my inner fixer's wet dream," she said lightly.

"If you say so, sweetie," he laughed. "What about you?"

"Emotionally unavailable was very much my type for an embarrassingly long time."

"Well, you definitely don't have to worry about that now." He tugged his hand from hers and wrapped an arm around her to pull her in close.

"Very true, and it's amazing," she agreed, her own hand coming up so that her fingertips could lazily follow the seams between the plates of his chest.

"Good. I want you to make you happy, Anya."

"Happy is far too mild. I mean, it's in there, but that's not all."

"I'd love for you to enlighten me."

"I also feel...cared for, and safe, and...I feel like this is where I'm supposed to be. You?"

"I feel...whole." His arm tightened around her and she lifted enough to look up at him. Her throat tightened at the adoration in his eyes, and she shifted so she could press her mouth to his. He moved with her, his far hand coming up to cup her jaw as they kissed.

She sighed contentedly as their mouths continued to meld, each motion unhurried and gentle. She finally pulled back and murmured, "So, I may have a feeling to add to the list."

"Oh?"

"Kinda turned on." He laughed at that, his hand trailing down almost to her knee.

"Is that so?"

"Mhmm. I think you being sweet does it for me."

"That...explains so much," he joked, tugging her on top of him, and she grinned.

"Hopefully you don't mind too much."

"Spirits, no. How crazy do you think I am?"

"Oh, hush, you." She leaned down and pressed her forehead to his, and he let out a pleased sound.

"Mmm, I'll think about it."

"I have an idea of something else you could do with your mouth," she teased, moving so that she was sitting up and grinding against him in the process.

"I'm already intrigued."

"Then come here," she murmured, crooking her finger at him, and he sat up, his arm sliding around her waist comfortably.

"So, what do you want me to do to you, Anya?" The words were low and smooth, and it made her belly twist.

"I want you to kiss me," she answered honestly, "and I really want you inside of me again."

"Mmm. I suppose this does technically qualify as 'later,' doesn't it?" he murmured, and the pair moved together until his tip was pressed against her entrance. She started rolling her hips to work him in, and he made a satisfied noise.

"Oh, God," she managed when she finally took him to the hilt. His hands framed her face as he kissed her, his tongue caressing hers gently, and she started rocking against him. His hands started wandering downward, one lingering at her breast to tease a hard nipple while the other roamed. He dragged a blunted talon around the edge of the sensitive nub before pinching it carefully. She arched into the sensation, and he did it again, a little harder, making her whimper.

He pulled back enough to growl, "Spirits, I love the sounds that you make."

His mouth was on her throat immediately after, and both his hands ended up on her waist. He guided her hips up and down, and she started riding him in earnest as he teased the spots he'd bitten earlier. The skin felt hot and tender, and each flick and stroke of his tongue caused another wave of heat between her thighs. The pain and pleasure were a heady mix, and before long, she was moving mindlessly against him. 

He seemed enthralled by the noises his ministrations elicited from her, and each moan and whine only seemed to encourage him to continue. She found herself approaching another peak, and she shuddered when he dared another careful nip.

"I'm getting close, honey," she panted, though she wasn't sure if the words were a warning or a plea.

"Good," he rumbled, his hands tightening on her hip as his motions quickened. She clung to him as she went over, and his groan, deep and reverberating through them both, only intensified the ecstatic throbbing. She felt her breath catch when he ground himself up into her, holding her to him hard as he found his own end.

They sat there for several long moments, just catching their breath when she managed to utter, "You have no idea how hot you look when you cum."

He snorted weakly at that and lifted his head to look at her. "Right back at you, sweetie."

"We're going to die in bed like this, aren't we?"

"Maybe. I can think of worse ways to go."

"Mmm. You aren't wrong," she said agreeably, her arms threading themselves around his neck.

"I rarely am," he said smugly, and she smacked his chest plate playfully.

"Don't be an ass."

"But I like picking on you. You're adorable when you're trying to stay annoyed with me," he teased, and she scowled.

"It's easier than you think," she said, feigning irritation, and his expression faltered.

"Wait, really?" She felt the corner of her mouth twitch upward.

"God, no. I just like giving you a hard time, too." He chuckled and shook his head.

"Not funny, Shep."

"Then you shouldn't laugh. Anyway, we both know I'm hilarious."

"Spirits, is this what I sound like when I'm trying to make jokes?" he asked, pretending to be concerned.

"What did I literally just say about being an ass?" she groused with a mock glare.

"You're funny. I promise," he soothed, touching his temple to hers in a gentle nudge.

"You're just biased because you see me naked on a regular basis," she teased.

"That doesn't hurt, but I thought you were funny before, too," he reminded her.

"Yeah, but you probably still wanted to see me naked."

"Not...at first. I don't know. I mean, I noticed that you were attractive, but I started appreciating your sense of humor before I wanted to do anything about it," he said thoughtfully.

"So, the way to your heart was through alternating bad jokes and sarcasm?"

"That...well, yeah. Maybe."

"You're hopeless," she teased affectionately.

"I'm okay with that if you are."

"If it keeps you here, I'm on board."

"Like I'm going anywhere. You're stuck with me until you ask me to go," he said, squeezing her gently.

"Mmm. That may be a while. What's a turian lifespan look like? Hundred and fifty or so?"

"Yeah. About the same as a human's, if I recall correctly."

"And we're pretty close in age," she mused, her hands smoothing down his chest.

"We are. This could be a very time consuming relationship, if you aren't careful."

"I like to live dangerously."

"Ugh, don't remind me."


	55. Skipping to Seven

Chapter 55

"Commander?" EDI's voice made Anya look up from the report she was writing about her time within the geth consensus, the headache starting at the base of her skull making her want to sigh.

"What is it, EDI?"

"Officer Vakarian and Major Alenko appear to be having a dispute. It seemed like something you would want to know about."

"Goddamnit, what are they fighting about?" Anya pinched the bridge of her nose.

"They appear to be in disagreement over your choice of romantic partners," said the AI, and she fought back a groan.

"Are you kidding me?" she groaned. "Does it sound like it's going to get physical?"

"I cannot determine that at this time. Would you like me to patch through the audio from the lounge?"

"Yeah, go ahead. Hopefully I don't have to break those knuckleheads up," Anya groused. The next thing she heard was Kaiden's voice.

"You just don't seem to realize what the hell you're doing. She can never have her own kids with you. Are you really going to keep her from having the option of a family just because you were lucky enough to swoop in while-"

"While you were busy making her out to be the worst kind of traitor, because hurting her was more important than being sure she was okay?"

"You know how it looked! She was gone for two years, then she popped up with Cerberus in tow. What was I supposed to think?"

"That some heavy shit must have happened to keep her away! I know how it looked! And you know what? It's not my fault that you thought it was more likely that her caring about all of us was something she could just drop to hang out with a terrorist group of her own accord. If you'd used your brain for more than ten seconds, you'd have realized that she wouldn't just abandon all of us," Garrus all but snarled.

"I'm not debating that I made a mistake, but I loved her. I still love her!"

"And you loving her means I don't? If she loved you, does that mean she can never love me?"

"That's not what I'm saying, and you know it," Kaidan argued.

"Really? Because it sounds like you're making your ego more important than her feelings."

"I'm just not making my feelings a priority over her future."

"Exactly, her future. She's the one who gets to decide who is in it, not me, and not you. And you know who she's decided to stay cuddled up to at night? Not you, Alenko," the turian reminded him.

"Yeah, for how long, though? Has she even told you she loves you?"

"She ever tell you?" Silence stretched for a beat when Anya darted out of her chair, straight for the door. The elevator took what felt like an agonisingly long time to arrive, but was likely less than half a minute, and the ride passed similarly. 

Once the doors opened, she darted out, beelining for the bar, and she tried to school her expression into something neutral in the moment before the door opened, but it only lasted for a moment before shock eclipsed everything else when she heard the last part of what Kaiden yelled.

"-and can you even really fuck her?!"

Both men looked at her, anger and surprise warring in their faces and body language, and Anya froze for a second.

"What the hell did I just walk into?" she asked cooly when she found her voice.

"Nothing, commander," Kaiden responded tightly.

"It was...a minor disagreement. There are far more important things on your plate, Anya," Garrus said after a moment, looking away.

"That didn't sound minor. It sounded like I have a problem on my ship, and I don't care for it. Either of you care to explain?"

"Shepard, it's not...you aren't…" Kaiden fumbled.

"It was a stupid argument. It won't happen again," Garrus's voice was quiet.

"It shouldn't have happened to begin with. Kaiden, I thought you understood back in the hospital how close Garrus and I had gotten. We've talked about it since then, too. Were you dense enough to think that I was going to end my relationship with him just because you were around, or are you just fishing for details about my sex life? I'm happy to give you a play by play of how Garrus fucks me, if that's all you're after."

"N-no, ma'am. That won't be necessary," Kaiden stammered.

"Good. I hope you understand that if we have to have this conversation again, it will be very, very unpleasant."

"Yes, commander."

"Good. Now, Garrus, why? Why do you feel the need to justify us to anybody? The only people in this relationship that matter are you and me. Everyone else is background noise," Anya murmured, and he looked away, clearly ashamed.

"I'm sorry, Anya."

"I'm not fishing for an apology. I just don't understand why you would engage him on this."

"Because it beats running away from Alenko every time he gets worked up about you and me. The Normandy is just as much my home as his right now. I'm not going to be an ass on purpose, but I shouldn't have to tiptoe around my home, either," Garrus said morosely.

"That's a good point," she admitted softly, her anger now turning inward. This wouldn't be happening if she hadn't let Kaiden back on her ship. She cut her eyes at the major, glaring at him for a beat before turning her attention back to Garrus. "I'm sorry for jumping on you about this whole thing."

"It's fine, Anya. Did you need one of us?" He seemed to be trying to turn the mood around, and she smiled weakly at him.

"Well, I do have another brief with the Primarch coming up tomorrow about my findings from being inside the consensus. I was hoping to steal you away some time soon to assist me in getting ready."

"Whatever you need," he said without hesitation, and she felt her heart speed up. He was always so quick to help her.

"Alright. Well, I'm going to grab a snack first, so you've got a little bit. Just...head on up whenever you're ready, okay? I'm going to be in my cabin for the next few hours."

"Yeah. I'll be there. I need to go touch base with Cortez about the Kodiak. One of the thrusters is misbehaving. Still operating within specs, but it's better to troubleshoot early if we have the time."

"Fair enough. Any idea why it's acting up?"

"My gut says faulty sensor, but Steve swears it's a coil. We'll figure it out. Whole thing shouldn't take more than twenty minutes if I'm right."

"And if you're wrong?"

"Then Steve's going to have to test all those coils solo for up to an hour."

"Oh?"

"Well, I can't very well stay too long. I'm supposed to help Commander Shepard prepare for her next meeting with the Primarch," he said with a wink, and she laughed.

"Alright, just try not to abandon him too quickly. I can handle waiting a little longer if I have to."

"I'll stick around long enough to make sure the Kodiak isn't going to kill us on re-entry, don't worry."

"Hey, Steve takes almost as much care of the shuttle as you did the Mako."

"He...doesn't have to service the Kodiak nearly as much as I had to service the Mako."

"Because Shepard finally learned to let someone else drive," Kaiden muttered, and Garrus choked on a laugh.

"You insinuating something, Major?" Anya asked, eyebrow raised.

"No, ma'am. Wouldn't dream of implying that you're responsible for a dozen heart attacks."

"To be fair, the Alliance really should have field tested the suspension on the Mako more before they started mass producing…" Garrus hedged.

"Uh-uh, heard the laugh. Too little, too late, mister." Anya shot the turian a mock scowl, and his face fell. She shook her head and turned on her heel, heading for the door. She headed for the mess area, intent on grabbing food, and her omni-tool beeped as she scrounged up a cup of imitation yogurt. She glanced down, and sighed when she saw that she now had a message from Garrus.

_Are you real mad or play mad?_

She snorted at that, putting her food down to type a response.

_Are you afraid of asking me in person?_

She snatched up the yogurt again and found a spoon, opening it and taking a few bites before another message appeared.

_Maybe. You didn't answer the question. Should I be worried? Are we at a six?_

She was quick to reply.

_Mostly play mad. I just get a little tired of people bringing up the Mako sometimes. How many times do I need to save the galaxy before everyone stops taking pot shots at my driving? I'm thinking about skipping to seven._

She took another bite, taking a breath after she swallowed.

_I didn't mean to laugh. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, sweetie._

She smiled at that. He was trying so hard to make amends when most of her irritation was aimed at Kaiden.

_I'm not hurt. I'm annoyed. And you don't need to worry. I'm just being pissy._

She continued eating as she waited for him to reply. 

_You know you don't have to downplay your feelings if you're upset, right?_

She took a moment to respond this time, trying to put him a little more at ease.

_I do. And I'm really not upset. I can be made angry if I'm asked repeatedly if I'm mad, though, so keep that in mind._

She figured he'd appreciate the warning.

_Duly noted. Is it okay for me to come to you?_

She laughed at that, typing rapidly.

_Were...were you afraid of being near me?_

She waited for his reply this time, now grinning.

_I feel like apprehensive is a better word. I mostly just wanted to know if I needed to grovel a lot the moment I saw you or not._

She smiled as she tapped out her answer. 

_No groveling, but I am accepting any and all forms of physical affection._

She heard a ding from the direction of the lounge, and she felt her grin widen when she saw him round the corner towards her, reading her last message as he walked. He closed it about halfway across the space, and she put her nearly empty cup down a beat before he reached her. She made a surprised noise when he tugged her in and pressed his mouth to hers hard. Her knees nearly buckled at the way he pulled her hips up to his and cradled her against him as he kissed her.

"Hoo boy, where can I get some more of that?" she murmured breathlessly, and he chuckled, touching his forehead to hers for a moment.

"Your room, in a little less than an hour, maybe?" he offered tentatively.

"Okay. I'll come if you do," she teased, and he seemed to relax more, his mandible twitching upward.

"Promises, promises," he said softly, and she could feel his subharmonics rumble as he spoke. She pressed herself against him as her mouth met his again.

"You should hurry and help Steve get the Kodiak sorted. Once that's done…" She let her voice trail off suggestively as she pulled back. "You should hurry and get started. We'll only have about three hours to ourselves before we're back on Rannoch saving Liara's least favorite admiral."

He chuckled. "I can do that."

"Just don't pop my heat sink when you come on up, big guy."

"Oh, you're going to pay for that, later," he growled playfully.

"Promises, promises…"


	56. Close

Chapter 56

Anya could feel herself on the brink of drowsing as she laid next to Garrus in bed, tired after rescuing Admiral Koris. She was enjoying just being curled up at his side when she felt him tense, and she waited, sure that he would let her know what was bothering him soon.

"Hey, Anya?" Garrus asked softly after a few moments.

"Yeah, honey?"

"Do you...do you ever think about the future?" he asked, feigning nonchalance.

"Sometimes. Why?"

"It's just...something that's been on my mind recently."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah, and I...was wondering what kinds of things cross your mind." She felt her stomach drop, unsure how to reassure him after overhearing his argument with Alenko.

"In regard to the future?"

"Yeah." She mentally scrambled for a beat.

"Well...I guess...the first thing that comes to mind is a house."

"A house?"

"Yeah, I want to live in a house. A real house, not an apartment. Something with a big yard, a little room to breathe, you know? Growing up in cities, it always felt so...busy, and claustrophobic, and...hostile. I think it would be nice to just...have a house with some space."

"Okay. I get that." She reached out to brush her fingers against his.

"Maybe...even find a place that has enough land to safely have my own gun range. A big enough one for a sniper to practice on. Maybe turn the bonus room into an unofficial armory, if I happened to end up in a situation where I had too many weapons and too much armor for one person to reasonably have on hand." He seemed to realize her meaning, taking her hand in his more fully.

"Mmm. Not too much for...two people, maybe?"

"I mean...not too many for...say us, if we were the two people. Two normal, boring people, maybe, but not us."

"Alright. I like your house. What else?"

"Room for my fish, and my models, and Hulk. If I have a house with a yard, I definitely need to get Urz. He's been stuck on Tuchanka forever."

"I mean it, I'm already sold on the house," he said with a snort.

"Well, I don't know. What other stuff in the future comes to mind?"

"I don't know. What would we do for a living in this hypothetical house?"

"Maybe...investigative work, or start up a little militia, if it's a planet out in the boonies. I may sell my life story and just live off the royalties from that. Who knows?" He snorted, and shook his head.

"Okay. What about...family? That ever come up?"

"If...if I'm being perfectly honest, I've never really thought about having my own kids much. I don't know if there's anything nasty that runs in my family that I could pass on. I mean, I guess I could go for some genetic screening to find out but...I don't know. It's stupid."

"Talk to me."

"I guess...part of me kinda thought that if I did want to do the family thing, adoption was a viable option. Maybe help some kid or kids the way I wish I'd been helped. Do some good that didn't involve a gun for once. Shake things up." He turned to look at her.

"So...you aren't worried about biological children at all?" She pretended not to notice the weight behind the question. 

"I mean...not really. Human pregnancy is kind of a bitch anyway, from what I understand. Do you ever worry about having genetically related kids?"

"I...don't, really. I mean...I never...thought I would end up with someone long enough for it to be an option. I had a pretty bad temper when I was younger, so any girls I did have a chance with were scared off within a few months, and I'm pretty much a lost cause when it comes to trying to flirt, so between that and...not being great as a C-Sec officer, I don't think I'd have been a catch for anyone. Turian society is a meritocracy on pretty much every level, so after a few years of stacking the deck against myself and somehow being surprised that it ended up with me being alone a lot, I just...didn't think about it much anymore." His voice was soft and low as he spoke.

"Well, we've been together for a little while. Maybe it's something that you're going to want to think about eventually. It's a good idea for you to know sooner rather than later what you want, long term."

"I...I kind of expected this to be a bigger concern for you, honestly."

"Why?"

"Ah...no reason." He looked away, embarrassment in his features.

"You're not good at lying, honey."

"Not to you, maybe," he grumbled.

"So talk to me."

"It's just...something that's crossed my mind before, and somebody said something that reminded me. I really don't want to talk about that part, sweetie."

"I'm going to kill Alenko," she muttered. 

"It's not just your ex saying it, Anya. I don't want you to do anything."

"Fine. I'm going to fantasize about shooting him, though, and you can't stop me."

"Fair enough," he said with a chuckle. 

"Who else has been running their mouth?"

"It's not like people are gossiping. It was...it was something my dad talked to me about."

"You told your dad about me?" she asked, her heart pounding at the implication.

"Ah, not...exactly. Sol saw my mark, and she told dad. He sat me down, thinking I was getting close to settling down with a quarian girl, at first. We made it halfway through the conversation before I realized, and that's when I went out of my way to mention your name. It took him maybe three seconds to realize that Anya isn't a quarian name."

"How bad was it?"

"Not bad, actually."

"Was he more unhappy about the human part or the Spectre part?"

"Oh, Spectre, easily," he answered immediately. "He muttered something about having to figure out what the hell to feed you for holidays once you were out of custody, and that was it for the human thing. The last time we talked, he mentioned that he wants to meet you."

"What did he say about me being a Spectre?"

"He felt the need to compare Spectres to your people's cowboys, with all the snap calls, general disrespect for the law, and over-use of weapons. After that, we got back on track, but it wasn't a terrible metaphor, for the most part."

"That is...completely unfair," Anya groused.

"I know, sweetie."

"You are way more of a cowboy than I have ever thought of being."

"I'm sorry, that's your issue?" he asked with a laugh.

"Well...yeah. Watch a John Wayne movie, you'll see what I mean."

"Am I supposed to be flattered or insulted right now?"

"John Wayne was the badass cowboy, so I'm leaning towards flattered, honestly," she said matter-of-factly.

"Well, we may need to do another movie night in, just the two of us, and you can educate me on him."

"Mmm. It's a date. Remind me to download a copy of 'True Grit' or 'Rio Bravo' the next time we resupply."

"I'll try. What are they even about?"

"'True Grit' is about John Wayne's character helping a young girl get vengeance against the bandits that killed her father. 'Rio Bravo' is about a local sheriff fighting off some outlaws with the help of the townspeople."

"I'm...I'm sorry, but he stars in movies where he's basically a vigilante with a funny hat? Is that what your people think of when they're talking about cowboys?" He was clearly amused.

"Well, yeah."

"Spirits, maybe I am a cowboy."

"You don't have the hat, you're safe," she reassured him, grinning.

"I can buy a hat."

"Do you want to feel like a cowboy?"

"I'm not sure yet. Maybe I just want at least one of us to...go for a ride?" His voice went low, and she felt her face heat.

"You're always ready to go, aren't you?" she teased, and he snorted.

"Honestly, it has a lot to do with how you sleep."

"I'm sorry, what?" she asked, not following.

"I mean...you sleep naked, or close to it, very often. And even though the overhead lights are off, there's always a little starlight coming in, and...I can see you."

"Okay…"

"What I mean by that is...I see the lines of your body, the curves and dips, the shadows playing across your skin, and you...you look like something out of a dream, and it hits me all over how beautiful you are. I just end up looking at you, feeling like the luckiest man in the galaxy, and just...wanting to be close to you, and it doesn't get much closer than being inside you." Between his words and his tone, low and soft, she could feel heat starting to coil in her lower belly.

"Oh."

"Was...was that too weird?"

"What? No. God, no, that was super sweet, I loved it," she assured him.

"Yeah?"

"Absolutely, honey. If...I'm being perfectly honest, that's the kind of thing that gets a girl in the mood to get real close." She looked up at him and he grinned at her words.

"I like where this is going."


	57. Threat

Chapter 57 (Warning - Basically Pure Smut)

"And where do you think this is going?" she asked, pressing a few playful kisses to his mandible in between words.

"If you don't know, I have suggestions," he murmured, pulling her closer and pressing his mouth to hers.

"Oh?"

"Do you actually need ideas or do you just want to hear me say sexual things out loud?" he asked with a chuckle.

"The second one. I already know that you want me on top. You just have a sexy voice."

"Do I?"

"Oh, God, yes. Have you ever heard yourself?" she teased.

"I guess my voice just isn't my type."

"It's definitely mine. Good thing it's attached to a man who is also my type."

"Mmm, a very good thing," he agreed, mirth in his voice as she gently pushed his shoulder to encourage him to roll on his back. He didn't fight it, going so far as to tug her with him by one knee so that she was already halfway to straddling him. She nearly giggled at the gesture as she finished getting settled on top of him, and he ran his talons up and down her thighs lightly. He almost seemed to be talking to himself when he murmured, "Spirits, how did I end up with the most beautiful girl in the galaxy?"

She felt her ears heat. "Well, the most beautiful thing might be debatable, but I'm glad you're a fan."

"Are you getting bashful on me, sweetie?" he asked, his hands settling on her hips. "I'm starting to think you have a praise thing."

"A praise thing?"

"I'll be testing that in a minute. Gives me something to focus on until we hit the Citadel again."

"Testing what exactly? And what's got you wanting to hit the Citadel?" She pushed herself up, eyes narrowed at the man beneath her.

"I think if I say nice things to you while we're fooling around, you're going to react pretty strongly. As for the Citadel: rope. Everything we have in the cargo hold that would be strong enough to hold you is so rough that it'll shred your wrists, and the cords we have that are smooth enough not to rub you raw in four seconds are so thin that I'm afraid that they'll dig in and cut off blood flow the moment you pull on them." He sounded disappointed.

"That does sound unappealing," she admitted. "Does it necessarily have to be rope, though?"

"I mean, if you can think of something else, I'm willing to listen."

"I think I may have an old scarf in the top of my cabinet. If the aesthetic isn't super important, maybe that could work?"

His mandibles twitched upward and she felt a smile of her own starting. "Anya, my darling, I never thought I would ever say this, but will you please get off me?"

"Want me to look for it?" she asked with a laugh, and he shrugged.

"If you want to stay in bed, I'm also happy to look. Just let me know what color it is."

"I got it, honey. That top shelf is organized by feel, you'll ruin it if you try to put everything back neatly."

"Organized by feel?"

"I can't see the back of the shelf up there, what do you think?" she joked as she hurried off of the turian and made her way to the compartment.

"Mmm, I forget how short you are," he teased, and she pretended to glare at him.

"I am not short, you're just gigantic."

"Five minutes ago, tall was sexy, don't backtrack on me now," he chided, and she snorted as she felt around the upper cubby of her cabinet on tip toe.

"You're still sexy, you're just also an ass." She managed to snag what felt like the fringe at the end of the scarf and carefully pulled it out, holding the deep green strip of fabric up triumphantly once she had it loose. She turned to face him as he stretched and sat up, swinging his legs to the side to face her.

"Maybe, but I'm an ass who plans on tying you up in the next few minutes, so you may want to play nice."

"Oh? Is that a threat, Vakarian?" she challenged, and she nearly let out a surprised sound when he was suddenly out of the bed, so close that he was almost touching her. She managed to back away all of six inches before her back was to the cabinet, and he immediately followed, his arms going up on either side of her to cage her in. He looked powerful and predatory when she looked up at him, and it made her heart slam in her chest.

"Why don't you give me the scarf and we'll find out?" he rumbled, and she felt herself clench.

"I can do that," she managed, offering it to him almost immediately, and he chuckled, taking the strip of fabric in his hands.

"Spirits, this is going to be fun." The delight in his voice was clear. She laughed and pushed his chest. He let her move him, stepping back enough to let her walk away and start towards the bed.

"So, how do you want to do this?"

"How would you feel about you on your knees, using your mouth on me, then we'll see what happens?"

"Changed your mind about me on top?" she teased, and he snorted.

"Plans change when the circumstances do. Think you're up for it?"

"I guess the real question is, are you?"

"Me being up will not be a problem. Turn around for me?"

She complied, biting her lip when she felt his hands gently position her forearms so that they overlapped, one on top of the other. The feeling of him wrapping her arms in the soft cloth made her breathing hitch, and she swallowed when he finally finished tying it off.

"Are we good?" she asked breathily.

"You tell me. Is it too tight?"

"No," she answered. "I'm good like this."

"Okay. If it starts to get uncomfortable, tell me and I'll get you loose." He watched her as she turned around to face him.

"Okay."

"Do you want some help getting down?"

"That'd be nice." He reached out and steadied her as she sank to her knees.

"Do you need something to kneel on? I can grab you a pillow."

"I'm fine, honey. You should get settled if you want to get started."

"Alright, alright. I just wanted to make sure you were good." He sat down on the edge of the bed and scooted sideways until he was directly in front of her.

"I think we're both about to be better," she teased breathlessly.

"You're probably right. Alright, you're not going to be able to say much once we get started on this part, so just remember that if you start to pull back, I'll be taking it as a sign to let go, okay?"

"Okay."

"Roughly how...far down...are you comfortable going?" he asked haltingly.

"Ah, well, honestly, that last inch and a half probably isn't going to happen, but we'll see. Just trust me, okay? I'll be fine."

"I just worry about hurting you, sweetie."

"I'm more durable than I look," she reminded him as she carefully scooted close enough that she was sure he could feel her breath on him. She leaned forward, her tongue darting out and swirling over his tip. She glanced up, meeting his gaze, and grinning when she realized how enthralled he looked. "Enjoying the view?"

"Oh, spirits, yes." She took him in her mouth again, teasing him carefully. She kept ghosting her lips up and down his length, and she wondered how long she'd be able to torment him.

She could tell when he began to get frustrated, the little noises he made starting to reverberate through her in time with her motions. She felt like grinning when his hand finally tangled in her hair, guiding her to take him deeper. She started sucking when he started to slowly thrust into her mouth, and he groaned in response.

The hand in her hair tightened when he sped up, and she couldn't resist humming whenever his tip came close to the back of her throat. The minute vibrations left him panting as they moved together, until he finally tensed, holding her in place as he finished in her mouth. She swallowed around him a few times, and he shuddered, swearing under his breath, his grip almost painfully tight.

He was quick to let her go, and she sat back on her heels. She looked up and shot him an impish smile.

"You enjoying yourself, honey?" she all but purred.

"You were egging me on," he accused playfully.

"Maybe."

"Maybe, my ass," he growled, leaning down just enough to scoop her up and pull her into his lap so that she was sitting sideways across it. She let out a surprised noise that turned into a laugh when he nuzzled the side of her throat.

"You liked it."

"That goes without saying." He nibbled her earlobe and she couldn't help squirming a little.

"But I like it when it's said anyway," she pretended to complain.

"In that case...you have no idea how good you feel," he rumbled softly, "and I don't remember the last time I saw anything half as sexy as you on your knees with your mouth on me."

She bit her lip at that and his hand started tracing lazy swirls up and down the inside of her thigh. "You're being a tease again."

"I am."

"Garrus…" she breathed, parting her thighs for him a little more, and he chuckled.

"Oh, no, Anya. That only works when I'm already inside you."

"Well, you could be inside me," she offered hopefully.

"So needy," he teased.

"I can't help it. I love how you touch me."

"And I do love touching you. The noises you make are perfect."

"Then why not touch me?" she pressed.

"Hmmm." He seemed to ponder it for a moment. "I have a proposition."

"I'm interested."

One of his arms wrapped around her waist, holding her hips completely still while his hand finally grazed her center.

"So, maybe I can touch and fuck you until you fall apart, and you can be nice and loud for me? I want to hear every moan and whimper and everything else without you holding back."

She swallowed, her ears heating, and nodded. "I can give it a shot."

"That's fair." He started pressing a fingertip into her sex carefully, and she felt her breath catch. She tried to roll her hips to take him deeper but he held her fast. She let out a whine, and he rewarded the sound by sinking the digit deeper. He growled, "Just like that, sweetie."

She felt herself clench as he stroked her inner walls, and she found herself panting before long. She moaned when he sped up, and she managed to say, "Oh, God, honey, don't stop."

"I could touch you like this all night," he rumbled, and she shuddered when she felt the finger inside her curl once. The sudden burst of pleasure made her whimper, and he murmured, "That's my girl. You like that?"

"Y-yes," she stammered, her thighs parting a little more. He did it again, his finger carefully pressing against the same spot and she let out another noise.

"Spirits, you sound so sexy when I touch you," he growled in her ear, and she felt herself clench around the digit buried inside her. "You keep doing that and you're going to end up with something else inside you. Or is that what you want?"

"Garrus…" She wasn't sure how she wanted to answer, but it didn't matter once she felt him brush her clit. He started circling the sensitive nub with the pad of his thumb in time with his other motions, and her hips bucked into his hand, a needy noise tearing itself from her throat.

"Just relax, I've got you, gorgeous," he rasped in her ear, his other arm tightening around her to keep her still as he continued to touch her. She let out a frustrated whine before she settled against him, and he sped up a little more. "Do you want to cum for me?"

She swallowed before answering, her voice raw, "Yes. God, I'm so fucking close, honey."

"I know. Spirits, I love how you finish." The low words reverberated through her, and she whimpered as she approached her peak. She was all but trembling when he drove her over the edge, his voice in her ear making the throbbing ecstasy more intense as he murmured, "I'm going to enjoy fucking you."

She barely had time to catch her breath when he pulled his hand away, and she let out a soft noise of protest. He ignored it in favor placing a hand on either side of her waist, easily lifting and turning her, and she felt the tip of his length pressed almost to her center, and she arched her hips to help him to her entrance.

"There," she said, her voice breathy. He immediately started to lower her on his shaft and she stilled, panting at the familiar feeling of him stretching her.

"You gonna make it, sweetie?" He stopped, gently checking in with her.

"I swear, if you stop fucking me now, I will flip the hell out," she managed, and he chuckled.

"I've got you. Just wanted to make sure I wasn't hurting you." He started nuzzling the back and side of her neck as he pressed deeper into her. She let her head fall to the side, and he swept her hair off the skin he wanted exposed. He nibbled at the side of her throat as he ground himself up into her.

"It all feels good, honey," she murmured weakly.

"I'm glad. I like making you feel good," he said huskily, and she shuddered when she felt him shift. He kept rolling his hips as one arm encircled her waist, holding her in place easily. His now free hand made its way between her thighs. She moaned when he started to rub her just above where they were joined, and she felt her back arch.

"Garrus…"

"What do you want, Anya?"

"Just don't stop," she whimpered.

"I won't," he promised, his voice low as he kept touching her and she started rocking back against him as well as she could. She felt the heat and tension building again as they moved together. She was panting as he steadily drove her closer, every motion and thrust full of need.

"God, I love how you fuck me," she whispered, her eyes squeezed shut, and he let out a noise that was closer to a growl than anything. She felt herself clench right before the pleasurable pulsing started, and he groaned into her shoulder. A few moments after she finished, she felt the arm around her tighten, and he held her tightly to him as he came deep between her thighs.

The pair spent several long minutes just catching their breath before Garrus started working on untying her. He fumbled for a beat before she felt it start to give. She let out a noise of discontent at how stiff her shoulders felt once she was loose, and he hugged her gently from behind.

"Are you okay?"

"Mmm. Yeah. Joints just don't want to cooperate. I'm...way better than okay, though." She leaned back against him a little more as she spoke, feeling another wave of weariness wash over her.

"Are you sure? I don't mind starting a hot shower for you, if you're hurting."

"I'm fine, honey. I'm just ready to lie down, I think. You wore me out."

"Hopefully you still enjoyed yourself, though?" he asked, moving so that he could run his talons gently up and down her upper arms, and she let out a pleased hum.

"Thoroughly. You?"

"Absolutely. You're always perfect when we're in bed together," he said, his voice holding an adoring note.

"You bring out the best in me, even when we're naked," she teased, turning enough to press an affectionate kiss to his mandible, and he chuckled.

"I could say the same about you," he said softly.

"We're just straight up good together," she mused, and he let out an agreeable noise.

"Why do you think there's no Vakarian without Shepard?"

"Same reason there's no Shepard without Vakarian. And for the record, you're welcome to threaten me with my scarf again, anytime." He laughed outright at that.

"Well, I do already have some ideas for another night…"


	58. Loss

Chapter 58

Anya was all but shaking when she entered her cabin, the adrenaline still coursing through her veins. She barely had time to step through the door before a blue blur yanked her in close, and she realized that Garrus must have been waiting for her. She clung to him as he embraced her.

"I don't know if I'm more frustrated or impressed," he said after a long moment, and she laughed weakly.

"I'm torn between terrified and impressed, so I get it."

"On foot, though, Anya?" he pressed anyway, sounding worried. "That thing was way too close for you to continue calling in orbital strikes."

"It was either having faith in the quarian fleet not killing me or trying to run from a reaper on foot. It was only a matter of time before it got even closer and then I wouldn't have even been able to dodge the laser."

"Still, that was too close." His hands tightened on her, and she felt a lump start in her throat.

"I'm sorry," she managed. "I just...I didn't know what else I was supposed to do."

"I know. I know. I'm not mad at you, I just...I don't like being scared like this. I don't know what I would do if something happened to you."

The words made her chest tighten and she found herself pressing herself to him more tightly. She whispered, "I hate that these things keep happening to me."

"At least you have a little good to balance out some of the bad," he reminded her, gently dragging his talons up and down her back. "Not everyone follows up a near death experience with ending a three hundred year old fight."

She snorted at that, shaking her head and looking down. "I still think I'd like to skip the reaper trying to squash me like a bug next time. Probably the time after that, too."

"Beyond that, we'll play it by ear?" he suggested, trying to joke, and she laughed outright.

"Yeah. Yeah." She smoothed her hands up his chest before admitting, "I'm going to miss Legion, though."

"Legion was creepy."

"Just because he's geth doesn't mean-"

"He welded a chunk of your old armor to his body, that was way more off putting than him being a geth," Garrus argued, and Anya shook her head.

"I got over it."

"That doesn't stop it from being weird."

"Alright, well, weird or not, I'm going to miss him. He was a friend, and I learned a lot from him. He learned a lot from us, too," Anya said quietly, and the look on the turian's face softened.

"Maybe once all this is over, we can ask the geth if the programs that made up Legion can get back together and visit us sometime for a little bit. It's not like he's dead, he's just...everywhere."

"I don't know if that would work, honey. He had to be scattered like that so that his programs could work with and change other programs. I doubt that's a one way street. Those other programs are likely to be changing him back some, so even if those programs were pulled back into the same unit again…"

"...he wouldn't be the same," Garrus finished quietly, and Anya nodded, looking down. Her eyes were starting to burn now, and she tried to steady her breathing. "To be fair, most of us aren't going to be exactly the same after this, sweetie. War is...a very big catalyst for change."

"You haven't changed much," she pointed out, and he laughed.

"That's because you help keep me in one piece," he murmured, leaning down to touch his forehead to hers, "and in one place. Relatively speaking, anyway."

She snorted and closed her eyes. "I try. I was...wondering, though. Do you think it would be okay if we put him on the wall, with...with Mordin and Thane and...everybody else? I mean, I know he isn't exactly dead, but...but I don't think we're going to be able to see him ever again, and even Tali seemed to think…"

He squeezed her when she hesitated. "I think we should. He may not have been organic, but he was still one of us. I think Tali will want to be there when we put it up."

"Yeah?"

"Definitely." She nodded at that and sniffed. "You okay, Shep?"

"I don't know. I kind of want to cry, but I don't know if it's weird to cry over somebody who isn't even really dead."

"It's not weird. People grieve for all kinds of reasons, sweetie. Just because it isn't death doesn't mean it isn't loss."

"Do you mean that, or are you just saying that because you're trying to be a good boyfriend?" she asked with a weak smile.

"I feel like they can both apply pretty equally in this instance. I do genuinely mean it, though. I wasn't very close to Legion, but I know you were."

"As close as he let any of us be, outside of maybe Tali, I guess. Do you...do you think the geth have souls?"

"I...don't know," he started slowly. "Truthfully, it's hard to tell what constitutes a soul, even in organic life. We all run off of electricity, though, synthetic and organic alike. In beings like us, the source is just...grown, not manufactured. That's the only real difference, which makes me think that if we have souls, they probably do, too, but it's hard to be sure. What do you think?"

"I think...they're sentient like us, and self-aware like us. They have hopes and goals, and they form relationships that have meaning like we do. If they're made in the image of their creators, and those creators have souls, the potential is there, at the very least. After meeting Legion, and getting to know him...I think they already do, and that makes me think that all synthetic life might."

"I don't know about the Reapers," he interjected.

"I mean...maybe not anymore, but...did they, at one point? Before they became weapons devoted to annihilation? I don't know. It's a lot to think about."

"Especially after fighting one."

"After killing one," she corrected with a sad smile.

"I think...that this is a situation where we should try to remember what happened with the protheans. I think that...while we can agree that Javik is kind of an ass, he definitely has a soul, if we're assuming the existence of souls, don't you think?"

"Yeah."

"And...what did the Reapers do to turn them into the collectors? They stripped everything from them, even their souls, because they have no intrinsic value to the Reapers, because they likely have none left of their own," he reasoned, pensive.

"Do you think that they did, though?"

"I don't know. Synthetic life seems to grow more advanced and complicated over time, a lot like organic life does, but...I feel like if they were capable of having or developing them, they would have done it by now."

"Sometimes things happen, though. There could have been a cataclysm that...moved them back. It would have had to be on a massive scale, but it's possible," she murmured.

"The truth is, we don't know. We can put some feelers out, try to find out if there are any leads, but we may never be certain. Either way, they want to exterminate us, and I don't know that there's anything we can do but fight until they're dead, or they run. They don't seem to want to give us the chance to talk this out, and we know what they'll do to organic life if we try to surrender. After a certain point, we may as well be fighting gigantic mercs. They've made it us or them, and I'm not giving an inch to anybody or anything that wants to kill me or take the people I care about from me," he said solemnly.

"That's fair." She looked up at him. "I'd call in orbital strikes a thousand times over before I'd let them get to you."

"I'd really rather you didn't fight anymore Reapers on foot," he complained playfully. "Just because we got away with it on Tuchanka doesn't mean that I'm comfortable with you treating them like they're just maws, you know."

She smiled at that. "So, does this mean I'm allowed to fight maws on foot without you complaining?"

"I never said that," he replied quickly with a laugh.

"But Garrus, honey, you know I can handle it. I'm Commander fucking Shepard. Have you seen how badass I've been lately?"

"I've seen you scare us both shitless," he reproached gently. "I don't want you thinking I'm perfectly okay with how many risks you're taking. I don't know how many ways I can ask for you to be more careful."

"Okay. You're right. I'm sorry. I will be more careful," she said contritely, raising on tip-toe to kiss his cheek.

"Good. I don't want to resort to begging, but I will."

"Mmm, there's a thought…"


	59. Play Rough

Chapter 59

Anya reached for him, and it shocked her when he pulled away.

"Garrus?" she entreated, hurt.

"I...I need a little space after that."

"I'm sorry," she started, and he shook his head.

"You always say you're sorry. I don't...look, we can talk in a few minutes. I need to take a bit and calm down," he said, stepping back and looking away, but not before she recognized the fury in his gaze for what it was.

"We can talk this out."

"Not this second, we can't. If we try to do this now, I'm just going to be mad, and I'm going to end up yelling, and it's just going to make things worse."

She wanted to press, but stopped short. "I...okay. I understand. Do you want me to steer clear of the cabin for a bit?"

He shook his head. "I'll be in the battery."

"Okay. I guess...just let me know when...yeah." She felt a lump start in her throat when he strode away, and she turned back towards the Kodiak as she tried to swallow it down. James emerged from the shuttle, looking drained, and his pace slowed when he saw her. He glanced past her, likely noting Garrus on his way to the elevator.

"So, Scars is pissed?"

"Yeah. Yeah. Not that I can blame him," Anya murmured.

"You gonna be okay?" he asked, wincing in sympathy.

"I don't know."

"I'm sure it's going to be fine. Guy's nuts about you," the marine assured her, reaching out and squeezing her shoulder for a beat.

"I hope you're right. God, I fucked up."

"Hey, you didn't have much of a choice back there with Leviathan. I'm sure he knows that."

"He and I were just talking about me being more careful not even a week ago, though. It was...fuck." She felt tears prick her eyelids and she took a breath.

"Do you want me to see if he'll come back and talk to you?"

"Absolutely not," she said firmly. "He knows I prefer talking stuff out right away, and we normally do that, even though he's more of a fan of taking a step back and getting himself sorted. If he asks for time and space, it's because he genuinely needs time and space. I'm not going to bulldoze him after he's done things my way so many times with literally zero complaining."

"How often does he ask?"

"Ah...this is like the third or fourth time in a little over two years, I think."

"Damn." James sounded surprised.

"Exactly."

"So, what are you going to do?"

"I don't know. Grovel?" she suggested with a sniff.

"Hang on, Lola. You did almost...you know. I don't know if it would be fair to you to just start off begging for forgiveness. I'm sure you were just as scared shitless as he was."

"I know, but I'm definitely going to be doing a lot of apologizing by the end of it. He probably will, too, even though he didn't do anything wrong."

"I mean...neither did you. Not really," he said, shaking his head.

"Not...exactly. I mostly mean apologizing for scaring him."

"I dunno, Lola."

"Look, these moments where we almost end up dying...hit a little differently with us than I think you realize. I mean...we were really good friends when I died. I know he's terrified of losing me a second time. I don't even know what it's like for him, knowing already how much that grief would hurt if I died. It'd probably be even worse now than it was then," she murmured quietly, and James winced.

"That's...a fair point. That doesn't make what happened down there anybody's fault, though."

"That doesn't make it okay, either. Look, he and I, we'll talk. It...will be fine. It's not like he's going to start out yelling that I'm an asshole or anything. Whenever we do get into it, it's honestly pretty healthy."

"Do you guys fight a lot?" he asked, looking sympathetic.

"No, but I don't know that I'd even call it fighting. We don't get loud, or mean. We just kind of talk about how things made us feel and how we wish they'd gone differently, or how we'd like them to go in the future."

"So, even your arguments are lame?"

Anya cocked her head at that, asking flatly, "You've been talking to Jack, haven't you?"

"I...never said that," he muttered unconvincingly, and Anya raised an eyebrow. "If...if I had been, though, what would you say to that?"

"Remember, lieutenant, she may have mellowed out some, but she's fully capable of killing you with her brain, and she can do it even faster than I can. Don't forget your anniversary," she teased.

"Yeah, right. Your girl won't even let me take her out for a drink," James said, now glum.

"I don't know what to tell you. She's got a mind of her own," she said with a shrug. 

"Well...there is...one thing you can tell me."

"Oh?" Anya asked, skeptical.

"She said she'd buy me a drink if I can find out what 'the line' was. Any chance you could help me out here?"

"Oh, hell, no." The answer was swift and sure.

"Can I at least get the context? I don't even know exactly what I'm asking about."

"Okay. That...I will tell you. Garrus had a bit of a thing for me a while back, and I developed a thing for him, but he wasn't making a move, so I powwowed with Jack and Tali about it. Jack suggested using whatever painfully dumb, super obvious pickup line I could come up with, because if Garrus still had a thing for me, he'd be into it, and if he wasn't, then I could pretend it was a joke, because nobody expects bad lines to land well. The rest is kinda history."

"Now I'm kind of curious," James admitted.

"Nope. Ain't happening."

"Aww, c'mon, Lola. I'm no snitch."

"Absolutely not," Anya said, shaking her head.

"You know, secretive isn't a good look on you."

"Oh, no, I guess I'll just have to stay in a relationship with a wonderful man who isn't afraid of my actual name," she retorted, turning and walking away.

"Hey, I'm not afraid."

"Uh huh."

"I'm not," he argued with a laugh as he followed.

"Okay, James. Whatever you say."

"You're a rude lady."

"And you're a gigantic scaredy cat, so…" She shrugged nonchalantly before she started to stow her gear in her locker.

"Remember, I am not afraid to hit a woman."

"And I'm not afraid to stomp a jarhead again."

"Uh-uh, Lola. I know how you fight now. The rematch ain't gonna be quite as good for you as you think," he challenged, arms wide, his offer clear.

"Yeah, but I know how you fight now, too. If you're really in the mood to tote an ass whooping, though, I'll be your Huckleberry."

"The fuck does that even mean?" he asked, clearly confused.

"I'll be your Huckleberry? You've never seen Tombstone? It's a classic."

"No?"

"How is my alien boyfriend more aware of Earth cinema than you are?" she groused as she pulled off her chest piece. "It's literally part of the culture of our home planet."

"Probably because it's in his best interest as your boyfriend to at least pretend to like the stuff you like?"

"You know, he actually seemed to enjoy a lot of those."

"What did he not like?" James asked.

"Movie called Reefer Madness from way back in the early twentieth century."

"Good lord. Is it about what I think it is?"

"Yes, and I warned him that it was going to be terrible before it started. We spent the whole time laughing at how bad it was," she said with a small smile at the memory.

"Was it at least a comedy?"

"God, no. That was the best part."

"You guys are so weird," he said with a snort.

"We just do what works for us. Ever think you might be the weird one?"

"Eh, maybe. So you guys are seriously like...together? Like together, together?"

"Yes, James," she said, rolling her eyes.

"And Scars isn't going to tell me that you guys are just fucking with me like a week from now? Because I honestly cannot read when he's just messing with me."

"Does this look like a prank to you?" She yanked the collar of her shirt to the side in order to expose her marks. He looked at her scars appraisingly and whistled.

"Goddamn, Lola." He seemed surprised. "You play rough with everybody, don't you?"

She snorted as she readjusted her shirt. "I may or may not have been properly socialized as a child. Don't worry about it."

"Is that why Jack called you a chew toy?"

"That seems like a safe guess." She kicked off her boots and swapped them for the shoes in the bottom of her locker. "Jack is hilarious, but she's also kind of an asshole."

"That's true. At least you know where you stand with her, though."

"Oh, absolutely. It's one of my favorite things about her. Well, that, and she's a badass."

"She really is. I've read a few of those after action reports. Seems like we're lucky she's on our side," he said somberly.

"We really are." Anya tugged on her laces one more time for good measure. "Anyway, I'm about to hit the bar. If you wanted to hang out, I'll be there for a little bit, if not, I'm sure I'll see you around."

"Alright, Lola. If I don't see you soon, try to get some rest, okay?"

"Okay." She started for the elevator, still feeling drained. 

The trip up was uneventful, and in minutes, she was pouring herself a glass of whiskey. She took a seat with a sigh, looking out the window for a long moment before taking a sip. She spent a while, sitting there pensively as she nursed her drink, when the door opened.

She glanced back, feeling a wave of annoyance when she saw Kaidan.

"Major," she said, her voice flat.

"Hey, Shep. Can we talk?"


	60. By the Way He Talks

Chapter 60

"Free galaxy." Anya's words were clipped. He took a seat, leaving some space between them.

"So, I was...I ran into the big guy. We ended up talking a little bit."

"I swear to fucking God, Kaidan, if you picked another fight with him-" she started to snarl, her nerves already too frayed to handle more bad news.

"No, it wasn't like that," he volunteered quickly. "I...I was actually looking for him to tell him I was sorry for how I acted. I know I was being an ass. I owe you an apology, too, but I wanted to tell you about what Garrus and I talked about first, if that's okay?"

"Fine. Is...is he okay?" she asked haltingly, feeling worried and guilty.

"He's...better than when I first bumped into him, I think. He started out pretty upset. After I'd said my piece, he asked me how I did it."

"Did what?"

"How I...how I handled watching you put yourself in danger so often. I told him the truth," Kaidan said quietly.

"Which was?"

"That I handled my fears and anxieties by hiding most of what I was feeling from you, the bad and the good. I tried to be so hands off that it made you unhappy. I don't...I don't think I hardly ever even hinted to you how much I cared until after you were back from the dead. I tried so hard to keep you at arms' length that when I finally told you I loved you, you just seemed surprised. Like it had never even occurred to you that you meant that much to me. I told him that I didn't know what he should do, but completely shutting down on you was one of the worst mistakes he could make, because that's basically what I did for months, and look how that turned out."

"Oh." Anya took a moment to process that before asking, "You really said all that?"

"Yeah. I think I was rambling even more when I told him, though, believe it or not." He smiled halfheartedly and she returned it with one of her own.

"If...if you were in his position right now, how would you want me to act in response to what happened?"

"Well...there's nothing you can do to change how he's feeling," Kaidan started slowly, "but I think it would help him feel like at least he's not alone if you tell him how what happened hit for you. He's...he's dealing with a lot of fear and anger that he can't aim at anybody or anything, and I think he's feeling really raw and overwhelmed right now, and if you felt, or still feel, any of those things, it will...end up comforting him more than you realize to hear it from you. Just...don't do that thing."

"What thing?"

"That thing where you start opening up and then backpedal and turn your feelings into a goddamn joke. It's okay sometimes, but I don't think that this is going to be one of those times. Trying to use humor to deflect is going to bite you in the ass."

"I...right." She swallowed. Part of her wanted to argue, but she knew he had a point. "You're...being very helpful."

"Yeah. I guess so."

"Why?"

"Because I...feel bad. I lost you because I messed up, in a lot of ways for a long time. And I...I think you're honestly pretty happy with him. It's not fair for me to try to...ruin that for you, or for him. I still care about you, and that means putting you first. When Garrus and I were going at it the other day, he pointed out that I wasn't doing that, and...it hurt because it was true. On top of that he...he was always a good friend to me, and I stopped returning the favor because I wanted to lash out because I was hurting as a result of my own actions and choices."

"I'm...glad that you came to that conclusion on your own."

"I...honestly didn't," he admitted. "I...I actually ended up talking to Chakwas about the whole thing a bit. I asked her for a rec and she put me in touch with a really nice therapist who kinda nudged me until I got there."

"Well, I'm proud of you for taking the first steps, anyway," Anya offered, and he shrugged.

"Just gotta keep taking them, right?"

"Right. Do you feel like it's going well so far?"

"It's kind of early to tell for sure, since we've only spoken twice, but...yeah, I think so. I expected it to take a little longer to get used to being in therapy again, but the doc seems pretty good," he said quietly.

"You've been in therapy before?"

"Ah, yeah. After everything that happened back at Brain Camp, my parents were pretty worried. It took a lot longer to find a doctor I liked back then, but I ended up going for...about a year and a half, I think? I don't remember exactly, but it definitely helped, even without me going into...some of the specifics I told you about. I'd...rather you didn't mention this stuff to anybody, though, you know? Not saying that I think you would, but…"

"Better safe than sorry?" she offered, and he nodded.

"Basically." Silence stretched between them for a long moment before he cleared his throat. "Listen, I still owe you that apology. A couple of them, really."

"It's fine, Kaidan."

"No, it's not. I'm sorry for being so distant when we were together. I'm sorry for not trusting you when I saw you again. I'm sorry for being terrible to you pretty much every time you so much as looked at me after you came back. I'm sorry for ever pointing a gun at you. I'm sorry for coming on board without having myself handled. I'm sorry for lashing out at you and the person you care about. I'm sorry for making the Normandy feel less like home. I'm...basically sorry for the last two and a half years. If you want me to leave, I won't argue. I'd deserve it after the way I've acted."

"If you keep acting like this, you can stay," she answered after a beat.

"Like...what, exactly?"

"Like a friend. I don't have it in me to handle anymore jealous ex bullshit. If you want to stay, that's what it'll take. Do we have a deal?"

"I...just have one thing to ask before I answer. It's going to be an uncomfortable question, though." He swallowed.

"Shoot."

"You said you weren't going to leave Garrus the other day. That...helped me more than I think you realize. I would...like to hear from you directly...why you don't want to be with me."

"Kaidan…" she said softly.

"I know."

"If I answer, it's going to hurt you badly."

"Then rip the damned band-aid off, Shep," he pleaded. "I just...I need this to be over with so I can stop picking at it."

She took a breath and nodded, downing the rest of her drink. She turned to look at him. "The truth is...I know that Horizon was terrifying and overwhelming, but the thing that I remember most about it...is the way you looked at me when the shock wore off. From where I stood, you looked like...you were disgusted by me even standing there, and while I don't blame you for it anymore, it still pops into my head sometimes. I don't think I could ever feel...safe with you again after that, and there's no point in trying to be with someone who doesn't make me feel safe."

"Okay. Okay. I...understand." Kaidan leaned back in his seat, his eyes closed and his jaw tight. A few beats passed before he asked, "Do you feel safe with him?"

"I do."

"That's good. He...he loves you, you know. You can tell by the way he talks about you, and the way he looks at you."

"I know he does," she whispered.

"Good. You...you deserve to be with someone who makes you feel loved. I'm going to head out, I just...I hope you guys are happy. I really mean that."

"Are you going to be okay?"

"I...will be. It's my job to get me there. You have a galaxy to save, I don't need you to save me from me. Really, Shep," he said tightly.

"I'm sorry, Kaidan."

"Don't be. You gave me everything I needed. I'd like to stay on the Normandy, as long as you're okay with it. I can be a good friend, to both of you. You have my word."

"Then...we're more than glad to have you," she answered.

"Thank you, commander. I'll see you around." He opened his eyes and rose from his seat, starting towards the door. She let out a breath when the door closed behind him, and she ran her free hand over her face roughly. 

She rose and cleaned up her glass and the bottle she'd left out, feeling even more exhausted than she had before, and started towards the elevator. The platform took what felt like an eternity to arrive, and she leaned against the wall the whole ride up when it finally did.

She didn't even really remember the journey from the elevator itself to her desk, but when she found herself sitting there, she felt tears pricking her eyelids. She buried her face in her arms when she started to weep, unsure if the tears she shed were for her near death after seeing the Leviathan, or the turmoil Garrus was in, or the pain she'd deliberately inflicted upon Kaidan, or the sheer exhaustion that she felt in every fiber of her being, but it didn't really seem to matter.

When the sobs finally stopped wracking her body, she started focusing on trying to control her breathing. She nearly had it when she heard her omni-tool go off. She rushed to open the message from Garrus.

_Are you in the cabin?_

She typed back quickly.

_Yeah. You coming up?_

She heard the elevator descending.

_I am. That okay?_

Her response was easy.

_Of course, honey._

After that, all she could do was wait.


	61. Choice

Chapter 61

The turian still looked agitated and anxious when he entered the cabin. Anya swallowed before she dared to speak.

"Hey, honey." The words were tentative and soft.

"Hey." 

She waited for a few moments, hoping he would say something. When he didn't, she asked, "Did you want to talk tonight or do you still need time? Either is fine. I don't want you to feel rushed."

"I...I think we should get it over with," he answered.

"Okay. Did you want to go first or do you want me to?"

"I will. I don't...I don't know how much longer I can do this...like this. I know that sometimes, these crazy risks are the only option we have, but I just...I get tired of being so damn scared for you all the time. What are you planning on doing once the war is over, Anya? I just...is there any chance we're ever going to at least take a little break from all this? A vacation? Something?" His voice held a pleading note, and she felt a lump start in her throat.

"I, uh...I've been playing with the idea of retiring once my contract was up," she said shakily. "I know I joked about it with you before, but I also mentioned it in passing to Liara and Tali. I'm getting burnt out on this shit, too, honey."

"Are you serious about that?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I am. I mean, I haven't made any concrete decisions yet, but...I'm not happy doing all this like I used to be, you know? The crash hits harder than the rush at this point."

"Please don't just say that if you're only saying it because you think that's what I want to hear," he said, shaking his head.

"I'm not. I promise." She wanted to reach out and touch him, but she was afraid he'd pull away again.

"I don't...want you to decide to change your life for my benefit. I'd settle for a leave of absence if you want to stay in. I know how hard it is to leave the service."

"Maybe...maybe meet in the middle? I do have almost two months of vacation I've never taken. I've just been cashing days out every year to keep from going over the max. Maybe this time...we use those days up, and go somewhere nice and warm, so we can lounge on a beach. If at the end, I don't want to go back, just...ride out my last few weeks on a desk or something. Fourteen years is still a pretty impressive career, right?" she entreated, taking a small step closer, hoping he'd do the same.

"It is," he agreed, his body language softening and his voice gentle. "Hell, I only managed nine, including my time at C-Sec."

"That's still almost a decade, and it isn't like you haven't been serving in other ways," she reminded him, and he snorted.

"That's technically true. Look, I...I'm sorry for jumping on you over all of this. I just...there was a moment earlier, where you were laying there, and you weren't breathing, and I...I've been freaking out since then. You scared the hell out of me."

"For what it's worth, that scared the hell out of me, too. I know you get tired of hearing it, but I really am sorry, honey."

"I know you are. I'm sorry for taking how I feel out on you. I was being pushy, and an ass, and I shouldn't have run off after what you just went through. That wasn't alright," he managed, and she thought he sounded ashamed. 

"Garrus, you already grieved for me once, remember? I think cutting you some slack is kind of warranted, don't you?"

"No, it's not. What you physically went through was worse than how I felt spectating it, and-"

"Stop," she interrupted gently, taking another step towards him, and this time he mimicked the gesture. She slid into his arms when he reached for her, and she murmured, "Comparative suffering doesn't work here or anywhere else, honey. We were both terrified, and we both care. It's okay to leave it at that."

"You are too patient with me," he said quietly, his forehead touching hers tenderly.

"I just want to be as good to you as you are to me," she replied, her lips starting to curve upwards.

"Spirits, I must be amazing." He seemed pleased when she laughed.

"You really are," she agreed mirthfully.

"I have to ask, though, are you okay? You said what happened frightened you, too."

She nodded. "I'm okay. More okay. Hell, I feel a lot better now than I did five minutes ago."

"Me, too. What can I do to help you?"

"You're already doing it. Just holding me is...it's really comforting for me. I always feel safer after being in your arms for a bit."

"Good. I'll hold you for as long as you want," he murmured, pulling her in closer, and she rested her head against him.

"You're going to be standing here a very long time, then, honey."

"I can live with that." He nuzzled the top of her head for a moment but stopped short. "Were you crying?"

"What?"

"You...you smell like salt a little bit. Have you been crying?"

He pulled back enough to look down at her, concern in his eyes. She nodded her head and admitted, "Earlier, before you messaged me. I was...feeling really overwhelmed and guilty, and after my adrenaline levels dropped I don't think I really had the energy to let out how I was feeling any other way."

"I'll be here the next time," he promised softly, his arms tightening around her.

"Don't feel bad about this, honey. The only difference was that I cried on my desk instead of crying on you."

"That's not the point. I still think I should have been here."

"How many times have you been here for me, though? I'll bet it's been so many that you've stopped counting. I'm not going to blame you for the one time you weren't," she said, smoothing her hands up his chest.

"I blame me." She could hear the anger in those words.

"I wish you wouldn't." She said softly, her brow furrowing as she tried to recall something that he'd said. "No one is putting this pressure on you but you."

He recognized the words. "This is different."

"Not as different as you seem to think. I don't expect you to be perfect every hour of every day. You aren't magically a bad boyfriend now."

"You deserve better."

"I deserve someone who cares about and understands me, someone who...makes me feel safe, and...and loved, and I already have that with you. I'm serious, honey. We're going to be okay," she insisted, her face hot.

"You...do feel loved?" He asked, his voice raw. "Even after all this?

"I do, now, and every day that I'm with you, and...I hope you…feel it, too."

"I feel loved," he assured her immediately, pulling her in again. She thought she felt him tremble before she felt more tears start to form.

"Good," she whispered, burying her face in his chest. "That's all I want. I would do anything to make you happy."

"I know you would. I...I...spirits, Anya." There was a tenderness to the way he cradled her against him, and the gentleness with which he held her seemed to make her eyes burn more. She felt the tears start to fall and she sniffed once. He pulled back, realizing what was happening in an instant. "Did I do something to make it worse or is it just...today?

"It's mostly just today," she answered swiftly, wiping at her eyes. "Between that and just...being relieved that you're here, I guess I had a few more in me."

"It's okay to let them out, sweetie. And I promise, I'm not going anywhere."

"That's good to hear," she whispered. "You know, there was a moment earlier where I thought that maybe...after this you wouldn't want to stay."

"I knew who you were when I chose to get involved with you, Anya. I made my choice the first time that you marked me back."

"I just...I would get it, if you ever decided to choose differently. I can't blame you for ever getting tired of...all this."

"That's enough, Anya," he said, shaking his head. "We talked about having a future together, and that's still what I want. Besides, how are you ever going to keep up with all of those animals if you don't have help?"

The last words were soft and teasing, and she couldn't help smiling through her tears.

"Knowing you, you already have a feeding schedule or something," she said weakly, and he grinned.

"Do you want to see it?" She laughed at that and shook her head.

"Tomorrow, maybe. Right now I just want you to come to bed with me." 

"I can do that."


	62. General Consensus

Chapter 62

Anya pulled away and slid her hand in his, linking their fingers as she led him down the steps. They didn't speak as they made their way to the bed together, and when they reached it, she turned and started helping him with the clasps that held his armor in place.

"Don't you get hot, wearing this for so long?" she murmured absently, and he shook his head.

"Not really. The airflow is pretty decent as long as my helmet is off and it's properly fitted." His words were quiet as he dropped the next piece off to the side.

"That's good." Her hands kept moving, following the familiar paths as she moved from piece to piece.

"Are you sure that you're feeling better?"

"I am, I just...still feel kind of fragile, I guess, and tense, like...I don't know. It just feels weird in here now and I wish I knew...fuck."

"Look, Anya, we...we don't fight. Ever. It's okay if you're still feeling out of sorts after all of that," he soothed gently.

"I don't know I'd call that a fight, honey."

"Then...we don't get upset like that when we talk to each other. Today has been really emotional for both of us, and that's okay."

"What do we do about it, though? I feel like acknowledging it is a good first step in moving past it, but beyond that, I'm at a loss and I don't like it," she murmured, frowning a little now.

"We may just have to be patient, sweetie. It could be a time thing. Or do you want me to go for a bit? It's okay if you need space sometimes, too," he offered, understanding in his gaze.

"Nothing sounds less appealing than you leaving right now," she said flatly as she kneeled to start on the armor on his legs.

"Well, the offer is there. You don't have to do that, you know."

"It's fine, we both know you would do it for me, and I'm already down here, anyway. I'll be done in a second." She hurried to pop off the last few pieces until the only things left were his boots.

He offered her a hand and she took it, letting him tug her to her feet again. He leaned down to nudge her temple with his gently, and she smiled. She started shedding her clothes, and he followed her lead until they were both bare. Once she was naked, she got into the bed and slid under the comforter. He joined her, gathering her close and she kissed him once he was settled with one of her legs overlapping his.

"What can I do to help you relax?" he asked quietly, concern still lurking in his gaze.

"This is a good start," she murmured, smiling up at him, and one of his mandibles twitched upward.

"Am I being demoted back to stress relief, Shep?" he teased, and she laughed.

"Never," she promised, her fingers lazily tracing patterns up his arm to his shoulder.

"Good."

"I just...really want to hold you, and be held by you right now. I feel like I need to stay close to you. Am I being too clingy?"

"Yeah, I'm totally the person to ask about how much is too much when it comes to acting on my affections," he said drily, and she snorted. "I don't know how you don't think I'm overbearing."

"Because you're not, honey. Just because you aren't shy about being sweet to me doesn't mean you're overdoing it. I love always knowing exactly where I stand with you, and it honestly...it makes me feel like maybe I'm worthy of somebody caring, because I know you wouldn't spend so much time on me if I weren't. You're too smart for that."

"Anya…" She wasn't quite meeting his gaze now, and she swallowed. "Why would you ever feel like you aren't worthy of anything? You're brilliant, and funny, and kind, and beautiful, and you're tougher than nails."

"I guess...it's just some lingering past shit. I just...growing up in the orphanage was hard, because every time I didn't get adopted, it felt like it was my fault for not being good enough. Then, once I'd left, growing up on the streets was hard, because sometimes surviving meant lying, or stealing, or hurting someone else, and everybody who isn't part of that lifestyle treats you like you're a terrible person, and...and even then, I couldn't blame them. Then once I was in the Alliance, I had value as a weapon, but...they don't actually care if you're a good person, either. I've seen some real assholes flourish in the military because they care about results over morality ten times out of ten, so I just...I keep trying so hard to prove that I could be more than what I was, and that I'm not...not a bad person anymore, but I don't even know who the hell I'm trying to prove it to at this point. It's just...how could somebody who did the things that I've done be worthy of anything? Then the guys I dated before you, they were...nice enough, I guess, but there was always this distance that I could never close, and after a while, it's easy to give up, because it's better than nothing, and even then, it was better than I figured I deserve," she rambled, tears stinging her eyes as she spoke.

"Oh, sweetie, no. No, no, no," he said, sounding stricken and squeezing her closer. "You were just a scared kid, and people do things that they aren't proud of when they're afraid, but that doesn't define who you are for your entire life. As an adult, you have tried to save damn near everyone whose lives you touch, and that's a lot of people. You were never a bad person for surviving, and you dated men who needed help because you probably wanted to save them, too, and that isn't how a relationship works but that doesn't mean that wanting to help was wrong or that there was something wrong with wanting that. I mean, look at you and me. I know that...I'm still a work in progress, but part of the reason that we work so well together is that we're ready and willing to help and be helped. You can't force somebody to that point, they have to get there themselves. You don't have to prove that you're good to me because I already know that you're good, and on top of that, I don't care who you were, I care about who you are."

She sniffed. "I hurt a lot of people, Garrus, and I've failed a lot of people. How can you care about me knowing that?"

"The same way you can care about me, even knowing about my...actions as Archangel. I know who you really are. You know who I really am."

"You're someone who cares, even when it hurts you."

"And who are you?"

"Someone who cares, even when it hurts me," she answered with a weak smile.

"Yeah. We're not perfect, but we're...good. We just need to shrink our bubble a bit. Let someone else be the hero for everyone else once this is done. I mean, this will arguably be the third time you've saved the galaxy. You can stop hogging it any time." She laughed at that and took a breath.

"You're right."

"You're just making this worse for yourself at this point."

"I can live with that."

"Good." He started to gently run his talons through her hair, and she closed her eyes at the feeling. After a few beats, he teased, "Don't tell me you're falling asleep on me."

"No promises," she murmured with a smile, and she felt him press his forehead to hers.

"This is nice, isn't it?" he said, and she made an agreeable noise.

"It's perfect."

"You know, it's times like this that make me wonder about the future a little more."

"Yeah?"

"Our future."

"And?"

"I'm just saying, I might be...asking you something in the near future that has to do with that. One of those...big questions," he hedged.

"Mmm, good."

"Yeah?"

"Definitely," she said, smiling now.

"But you don't even know which big question it is."

"As long as it isn't, 'Do you think we should see other people?'"

"No, I'm definitely not asking that," he said with a laugh.

"Then it doesn't matter. Whichever big question is rattling around in there, you're going to get a good answer. I love being with you." She turned her head up to press her mouth to his once.

"Good."

"Why bring it up again, though?"

"Because this is one of those times where the general consensus is that when I'm asking should be the surprise, but the fact that I'm planning on asking should not be."

"Mmm, so it's _that_ big question." She could feel herself grinning.

"Yeah. _That_ one."

"So, when you ask, are we leaning towards the turian way of tying the knot, or the human?"

"Whatever makes you happy," he answered immediately.

"Well, tell me about the turian way."

"There's more biting," he said truthfully, and she snorted.

"I kind of figured, smartass."

"We mark each other on the opposite shoulder. That's a mark that's normally only left once in a bonding. After the marks heal, we go down to fill out some paperwork. They take some pictures, we sign affidavits where we state that we are the ones who marked each other, and that's it for the bonding itself."

"Okay. Well, the human has paperwork, too, so I'm not worried about that," she said, waving it off.

"Well, after the bonding, there's normally the announcements."

"And what do those entail?"

"They're basically parties where we show each other off. One for my friends and family, one for yours, and then a big one for everybody on both sides."

"Why do they call them announcements?"

"I mean, the bonding has already happened by the time the party happens. We're just doing the courtesy of informing our loved ones. It's not like we need anybody's permission to continue already being bonded," he said with a snort. "Anyone who has a problem with it can leave."

"Mmm, I think I'm leaning towards the turian way, then. The human traditions that I'm familiar with involve a ceremony where we ask if anybody objects to the union. I've only ever seen somebody object once, but it was super uncomfortable. I can't imagine how bad it would have been to be the bride or groom that day."

"That...does sound terrible. I'm sure there are upsides to the human way, though."

"Well, I'd get a pretty dress, and there's basically always cake at the party, but we could always just...do those things for the announcements, couldn't we?" she asked.

"We could. I could get you a...ring, too, if you want. It was a ring, wasn't it?" he queried, clearly trying to remember.

"It was. So, we're just going to mash the good parts of both traditions together? It's okay if we don't. I genuinely don't need a ring."

"I don't know, I mean, my ring would look as good on you as my mark. I'm on board with both if you are."

"Okay. I'm on board," she said after a beat.

"Well, there we go, then."

"We're really going to do this, aren't we?" she asked, smiling again.

"We are. Just give me some time for the planning and set up. I want it to be special for you."

"I mean, it's you asking. How could it not be?"

"Let me rephrase, then. I want this to be perfect for you." His arms tightened around her for a beat.

"It's you asking, honey. It's already perfect."


	63. Subtle

Chapter 63

Anya only hesitated for a moment before she answered the vid-call that Garrus had warned her about.

"Mister Vakarian, it's nice to finally meet you."

"The same to you, Miss Shepard. My son tells me you're a nice girl."

"Anya, please."

"Then you should probably get used to calling me Castis."

"Castis, then. I...don't actually know if I'm that nice, if I'm being perfectly honest. Your son might be a little biased," Anya joked, trying to be friendly.

"I agree, and that worries me."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm going to be blunt with you, Anya. I am concerned that you may be a bad influence on my son," Castis said flatly.

"On what grounds?"

"You're a Spectre."

"And?" she asked, bordering on irritation.

"Spectres are a danger to themselves and everyone around them. Their methods encourage disregard for the law, and the degree of freedom they have to operate as they see fit is appalling."

"Mmm. I see your point. That said, I've always felt that Spectres were the exception that proves the rule."

"There shouldn't be exceptions to the rule, that's why there are rules," he argued.

"I disagree. The galaxy is a vast and varied place. If...everyone were the same species, with the same customs, and the same values, I'd probably be on your side, but that's not the reality we live in. That means our galaxy is unlikely to ever have a situation where anything can ever be categorized into simple right and wrong. As much as we might wish it, dividing things like that just isn't feasible, we can't just split things into black and white when our worlds are all filled with shades of gray, not to mention every color imaginable."

"That's all well and good, but that doesn't mean that Spectres are the way to solve the problem."

"Well, if you come up with a better solution, I'm all ears, though getting the Council to listen has been more like pulling teeth than having a conversation, in my personal experience." He snorted at that, and the way he shook his head a little when he did reminded her of Garrus.

"The Council is a separate issue."

"Agreed." She didn't try to hide her distaste.

"You really believe that Spectres are necessary?" He seemed to be studying her now.

"I believe...that we are a solution. I don't know that we are the best solution. I also believe that the Council should do a better job of vetting the people that they choose, not from a combat training perspective, but a psychological one."

"Oh?" That seemed to pique his interest.

"Oh, absolutely. I spent two of the last four years dead, and I have yet to have my first psych eval or mandatory check up on the Council's behalf. I've had two on the Alliance navy's, one roughly every six months minus...the time I was out. I think implementing more proactive mental health screenings and checkups would do the Spectre program a world of good," she said thoughtfully.

"Hmm. I...can't say I disagree with you."

"You sound surprised."

"I was...not expecting your attitude, given your recent attempt at encouraging my son to pursue becoming a Spectre himself." The displeasure was clear in his voice.

"I didn't tell him to rejoin the Spectre program. I told him that there was nothing wrong with making his own choices."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I mean...Garrus has spent a lot of time trying to be just like you, Mister Va...Castis," she corrected herself.

"I don't see the relevance."

"He tried to use your metrics for success for a long time. Even when you guys have had periods of time where you didn't talk much, he spent a lot of time trying to follow in your footsteps, because he looks up to you. All I did was show him that he could walk other paths if that was what he really wanted."

"I...wasn't trying to make him into me," he said quietly.

"I know."

"I just...wanted him to do better than being a Spectre."

"I know," she said with an understanding look.

"He's not suited for that kind of work."

"That I don't agree with."

"He'd get hurt, or someone else would, and he'd blame himself. He gets so hot under the collar sometimes, I just…" Castis shook his head, his concern clear in his expression.

"You have to have a little more faith in your son," she said gently. "He's grown a lot, even in just the time I've known him. He's a good soldier, and a good leader. You raised a good man, Castis. And once all this is over, maybe he'll pursue the Spectre thing, maybe he won't, but either way, now is a good time for you to be there for him."

"I am on the cusp of losing too much to risk losing him, too."

"I'll take care of him."

"Your word," he managed.

"What?"

"I want your word that my child is not going to die, following you into the spirits know what. Your word."

"I...promise that I will do everything in my power to make sure you see your son, alive and well again."

"That is...enough." After a moment he cleared his throat. "Well, with that out of the way, tell me about yourself."

"Well...I...like building model ships, and I always seem to end up with entirely too many pets. I...prefer warm weather to cold. My favorite color is red. I am...absolutely crazy about your son."

"That's...good to know. Tell me about your family."

"I...don't have any relatives that I know about. Kind of a street kid," she said with a half-hearted shrug.

"Oh."

"Is that a problem?"

"Ah, not...exactly. I'm just concerned that I may have pressed on a sore spot. It wasn't something that came up when I talked to Garrus. I apologize if I've caused offense," he said seriously.

"You're fine. I know you didn't mean any harm."

"That's...good, then. What do you want to do once the war is over?"

"Sleep," Anya answered truthfully, and he let out a laugh.

"After that."

"Well, Garrus and I have tossed around the idea of buying a little house. Somewhere quiet, with a big yard."

"There are worse dreams to have. Will you stay with the Alliance, or the Spectres?" he asked, clearly curious.

"I don't know yet. I'm...getting very tired of my life being one crisis after another, if I'm being perfectly honest. I used to hang on to the idea that I could make it the full twenty and then retire, but...I've been wondering if getting out once this is over is a better option."

"The Alliance military is based on volunteers, correct?"

"Yes," she said with a nod.

"Have you considered going into recruitment? I'm sure there are plenty of young men and women that would love to brag that the Commander Shepard was the one who got them in. I doubt you'd have trouble making your quotas, and you could still hit your twenty."

"I...had not thought of that. Huh. I may need to look into recruitment. Thank you for the idea."

"I'm glad to help." He seemed pleased.

"Dad! Dinner is ready!"

"Oh, one minute, Sol!"

"I'll let you go, Castis. You guys enjoy your dinner," Anya suggested.

"I hope you enjoy yours whenever you have it."

"Thank you. Take care. I look forward to speaking with you again."

"The same to you. Good night." With that, he bowed his head briefly.

"Good night."

The feed cut and she sighed, rubbing her face before typing out a message to Garrus.

_Just got done talking to your dad._

She stood and stretched, her back popping almost painfully.

_How was it?_

She hesitated before she replied, unsure of how to answer.

_I honestly don't know._

She hoped he wouldn't be too disappointed.

_Can't say I'm surprised._

She felt her face fall. She was sure that he wasn't upset, but she still wished she'd had better news for him. She felt surprised when another message popped up.

_Couldn't have gone too bad._

She cocked an eyebrow at that as she replied.

_What makes you say that?_

She sat back down as she waited for his reply, curious.

_He just sent a message saying he likes you. He also loves me. What the hell did you two talk about?_

She snorted at that before responding.

_Spectres, mostly. He gave me a little advice. It was actually pretty solid. I'll tell you about it later._

She wondered if that would encourage him to finish his calibrations sooner so that she could bother him in person.

_How does that turn into my dad being affectionate?_

She snorted.

_We ended up touching on him caring about you after the Spectre thing. Also, your father is way harder for me to read than you are._

That had definitely made talking to him a little more challenging than she would have liked. She glanced at her computer and sighed.

_I get that. He's never been that easy to talk to. Between his poker face and how much he tones down his subharmonics, you never know what he thinks of something until he tells you outright._

She wondered if Garrus would have ended up like that if he'd stayed with C-Sec as she replied.

_I could definitely see that. I'm surprised that he likes me. He seemed pretty on the fence about me when we were talking._

She was less worried about the admission now that she knew where he stood.

_Dad's always like that. Sometimes I think he's still deciding if he likes me._

She laughed at that before she responded.

_Well, he told me that he likes you, and I know I like you, for what it's worth._

A little shameless flirting never hurt.

_I kinda figured. You aren't very subtle, Shep._

She knew he was teasing, and it made her smile.

_When you come up, I can be even less subtle._

That would get his attention.

_Give me half an hour._


	64. Specific

Chapter 64 (Warning - Basically Pure Smut)

Anya grinned when the door finally opened and Garrus hurried through. She stood and stretched languidly, feeling pleased with how eager he was to tug her in close.

"Since when does half an hour only take twenty two minutes?" she teased, rising on tiptoe and pulling him down enough for their foreheads to touch.

"Since you clearly missed me so much that I couldn't stay away for long. It would have been needlessly cruel," he deadpanned before his own smile started.

"You might be onto something."

"So, what got you all riled up?"

"Nothing much," she murmured, beginning to press soft kisses along his mandible.

"Nothing much isn't nothing."

"I was talking to your dad. We talked about you, then Spectres, which turned back into talking about you, and I just wasn't able to shake thinking about you, even after he gave me career advice, so I just...figured I'd bother you to see if you'd be free soon, and here you are."

"Here I am," he agreed, his hands wandering downward shamelessly.

"Should we see about going from here to over there?" she asked lightly, jerking her head in the direction of the bed, and he shook his own.

"I had something else in mind."

"Oh?"

"You should take...at least your pants off," he urged, looking sly.

"I feel like this is a trap," she grumbled as she stepped back, and he watched her as she stripped.

"Maybe it is. Maybe it isn't."

"The fact that you're keeping your clothes on makes me skeptical."

"Just trust me. You'll enjoy this," he soothed, still ogling her, and she snorted.

"If I don't, it's your ass," she pretended to threaten, and he put his hands up in mock surrender.

"I won't fight back, I promise."

"Now there's a thought…" She tossed the last article of her clothing off to the side before looking at him expectantly.

"Mmm, you trying to mix things up on me, Shep? I thought you liked me being aggressive," he rumbled, pulling her back in hard and pinning her hips to his with one strong arm wrapped around her waist.

"I do," she said, a little breathless.

"Do you ever want to try being more assertive in bed?" he asked, and she shook her head.

"Not saying I'll never want to try it, but not today."

"Alright, well, just let me know if it's something you want to try. I'll give just about anything a shot as long as I get to touch you while you're naked," he joked, and she smiled.

"I know you would. I'm still curious about what you had in mind, though. There was something you said about me enjoying it…" she reminded him, and he grinned.

"That does ring a bell, now that you mention it…"

"Does it?"

"I...yeah, yeah, I think it does. I think it was something to do with you over here…" he murmured, steering her so that she was slowly backing her way towards the door.

"That metal is going to be cold," she warned, shooting him a look.

"I'll help you warm up." The offer was low and serious, and she felt her heart start to speed up.

"Better get to it, then," she dared him, a thrill going through her at the way he looked down at her once her back was pressed to the cool door.

"You know how I feel about you rushing me," he pretended to grouse, leaning down enough to nuzzle just below her jaw, and she tilted her head to make it easier.

"I'm not rushing, you're just a tease."

"I'm not a tease for wanting to savor every moment I get to have my hands on every inch of you." The words were hot in her ear, and she shivered at the way they made her belly twist.

"I can't help wanting you to touch me sooner," she protested before biting her lip as his tongue darted out. He started working his way lower, lingering when he reached her marks, a few sharp nips pulling whimpers from her.

"You want so much all the time," he murmured, distracted. "I love turning you into a needy little mess. The sounds you start making are just...spirits…"

One of his hands came up to cup her breast, kneading and squeezing the soft mound, and she arched into the touch. He carefully pinched her nipple, and she barely repressed a breathy whine. His mouth moved lower, until his tongue was teasing the other peak, and she felt more heat start gathering between her thighs. She moaned at the sting of his teeth as he started delivering gentle nibbles to the underside of her breasts.

"Fuck…" she panted, and she almost wanted to hit him when he chuckled at her reaction.

"Having fun yet, sweetie?" he teased as he sank to his knees in front of her, and she felt her mouth go dry.

"I haven't decided to leave this party just yet," she replied, trying to sound nonchalant and failing.

"Mmm, I would hope not. We're just starting to get to the good part, don't you think?" His hands were now on one of her thighs, running up and down her skin as he massaged the muscle. She felt her breath catch when he tugged that leg up and over his shoulder.

"You may be right," she managed weakly. He started to lick and nuzzle his way from near her knee upwards slowly, and she shuddered when she finally felt the heat from his breath directly on her center. His tongue started to tease her clit, each gentle stroke and flick making it hard not to squirm.

Her hands traveled up to his fringe and he immediately caught her wrists and pinned them, one on either side of her. She let out a frustrated noise, and he chuckled again.

"See this? This is me being a tease," he said, his voice low just before he continued to touch her gently with his tongue, the pressure too light to drive her near orgasm. She felt him press a fingertip inside her, each stroke slow and shallow, and she felt her now free hand clench in an effort not to reach for him again. She wasn't sure how long she endured the torment of his barely there ministrations, before she spoke, her voice shaking with need.

"Honey," she whimpered softly, trying to rock her hips in time with his motions.

"All you have to do is ask nicely," he said, clearly pleased with her desperation. She swallowed before she started speaking.

"Please, Garrus. Oh, God, please. I'm so close," she begged, and he let out a low rumble. That was the only warning she got before his finger started sinking deep. A beat later, his tongue was circling her clit firmly, and her hips tried to buck. Words fell from her mouth without thought as she felt her peak drawing closer, "Just like that, don't stop…"

He didn't let up, his pace becoming relentless until she whimpered his name, clenching around the finger he had buried in her. She forgot to breathe for a moment when the throbs of pleasure started. Once it was over, she sucked in a breath, one trembling hand reaching out to touch him, her fingers grazing his mandible.

"You are an ass," she managed, her voice not communicating her prior frustration.

"You seemed pretty pleased with me a minute ago," he countered, looking smug as he let her leg down and rose to his feet.

"Just so you're aware, torture is against the Geneva Convention," she informed him, trying to look serious, but knowing she was likely unsuccessful.

"I'm pretty sure the Geneva Convention only applies to Alliance space." He leaned down, his forehead almost touching hers, and she glared at him for a beat before nudging his temple with her own.

"Such a smartass," she muttered, tilting her head so that she could press her mouth to his. She could just barely taste herself on his tongue when he deepened the kiss, stepping in close enough to touch her from the chest down, one knee firmly situated between both of hers. His hand ended up back between her legs, and she shuddered when his finger started to slip back inside her aching sex.

"Just keeping you on your toes, sweetie," he managed, and she let her head fall back, her hands clenching at the careful glide of the digit he kept working in and out of her.

"I think I'd rather you kept me on something else," she rasped, her voice raw.

"Is that so? Care to enlighten me, Anya?" His thumb started pressing firm circles against her clit.

"Oh, fuck…" she panted.

"Focus, sweetie. Tell me exactly what you want, the more specific, the better."

It took her a moment to gather herself enough to string words together. "Jesus, honey, I just want you to fuck me."

"Where do you want me to fuck you?"

"Right here, against the door," she managed, pulling him down for another searing kiss, and the feeling of the low rumble emanating from him made more heat rush between her thighs.

"Oh, spirits, yes. How do you want me to do it?" He seemed almost entranced, and she licked her lips before answering.

"I want to feel you, slow and deep inside me, until your cock is the only thing I can think about," she murmured, arching against him as well as she could without disturbing his hand. "Please, Garrus, I _need_ you."

With that, he withdrew his hand, and she briefly wondered if it would be inappropriate to cheer when he started unfastening his pants. She was brought back into the moment by his words, low and hungry, "I need you, too, sweetie."

She swallowed, her hands smoothing up his chest, wishing for a beat that he was bare, before she simply urged him, "Hurry."

"Are you ready?" he asked, leaning back in and reaching, clearly intending to lift her. She replied as she wrapped her legs around his waist, her voice all but shaking.

"God, you have no idea."


	65. Lead the Way

Chapter 65 (Warning - Basically Pure Smut)

Anya bit her lip when he started to slide in, her arms around his neck and her forehead pressed to his. He started thrusting in order to work himself deeper, and the noise that slipped out of her mouth sounded needy.

"Are we good, sweetie?" he managed, sounding strained, and she barely managed to mumble something that sounded vaguely positive before she started pressing weak kisses along his mandible. 

She bit her lip and let one of her hands just barely graze his fringe as she adjusted her hold on him, hoping it would seem enough like an accident that he'd let her get away with it. He let out a soft groan at the fleeting contact, but made no attempt to pin her, and she hid her grin by kissing her way down the side of his throat. She started kissing and nipping his unmarked shoulder, and he shuddered.

"What are you doing?" he said, his voice strained as he continued to roll his hips against hers.

"I'm not going to bite you," she promised between pants. "I know we're holding off for now. I just...wanted to think about how my mark is going to look over here a bit. Is that okay?"

"Spirits, yes. I think about it." The words were low, and she swallowed at the desire that was clear in his voice.

"As long as it's not just me," she murmured, and he chuckled. She felt him shake his head.

"It's definitely not just you," he rumbled, and she returned to teasing his shoulder. Another tremor ran through him, and he started grinding against her at the peak of each thrust.

He began nuzzling her neck and she bit her lip when she felt his tongue dart out. He worked his way lower slowly, and she whimpered when he nibbled the sensitive skin at the base of her throat. His mouth continued along her shoulder, his breath hot as he peppered her unmarked shoulder with sharp-toothed nips that made her clench around him.

"Oh, fuck," she panted as he kept it up, pressing weak kisses to his flesh and clinging to him.

"It's going to be so damn good when we finally do this," he rasped, his hold on her almost painfully tight.

"I know. God, I want it," she all but moaned, daring to graze his fringe again as she pretended to need to adjust her grip.

"I want it, too. Spirits, I want you, Anya." The longing in his voice made her heart slam in her chest even harder.

"And soon you'll have me, every day for the rest of our lives," she murmured, pulling back. He followed suit, looking uncertain for a beat, and she pressed her mouth to his, her tongue tangling with his in moments. The motion of his hips slowed just a little, and one of his hands came up to cradle her face as they kissed. Her chest felt tight at the shift from frenzied and hungry to tender and sensual.

"You're all I've ever wanted," he said softly when his mouth finally left hers, and she swallowed, a lump starting in her throat.

"And you're my everything," she managed to reply, eyes burning as she pulled him down so that his forehead touched hers. She closed her eyes against the sting and held onto him more tightly as his hand slid to the nape of her neck.

"I would do anything for you," he whispered, pulling her back in close and burying his face in her throat again. She reciprocated the gesture, feeling both vulnerable and protected as he cradled her against him.

"I know. I'd do anything for you, too," she breathed, the tension in her lower belly building steadily.

"I know. Spirits, Anya…" The reverberations coming from him made more heat rush between her thighs, and she found herself gripping him as her peak approached.

"I'm getting close," she warned him, her voice shaking and her nails digging in.

"Good," he panted, his thrusts speeding up, slowly but steadily. "So am I."

"Good. You know I love it when you cum," she said, wanting to spur him on, and he groaned her name. The sound was what pushed her over the edge, and she whimpered at the pulses of ecstasy emanating from her core. She felt his rhythm falter, and he stiffened against her a few moments after her orgasm started to ebb, one hand fisted in her hair, the other almost painfully tight on her flesh.

The pair stayed like that for several long moments, holding each other and trying to slow their breathing. He seemed tired but content when he started to pull back, both of his hands sliding down to cup her ass. She watched him grimace when he started to lift her up and off of his shaft, and she was quick to stand, resting back against the door to steady herself.

He leaned down, his hands finding hers as their foreheads touched. She closed her eyes at the gentle contact, wanting the moment to last an eternity.

"Are you alright?" he asked gently.

"Yeah. I'm okay. Better than okay."

"Are you sure? It looked like you were getting choked up there at the end for a minute." She opened her eyes, meeting his gaze to find only tenderness and concern, and she swallowed before she spoke.

"Yeah, no, it's...I just...I care about you so much, and in the moment...my feelings kind of got away with me for a minute. It was the good kind of choked up, I promise," she assured him, and he let out a breath.

"Okay." He seemed to hesitate for a beat. "I hope...I hope you know that if you're ever feeling overwhelmed, it's okay to ask me to give you a minute. I know I probably seem like I'm pretty into...literally everything we're doing, but-"

"Hush. I know, honey, and I didn't want you to stop. I just wanted to keep enjoying what was happening. It seemed...really intimate and I honestly...felt even more connected with you than I normally do, which is saying something. It was good. _We're_ good. Okay?"

He started smiling as she spoke, and he nodded at the end. "Okay. I just wanted to be sure. And I completely understand what you mean, that was…"

"Intense, in the best way possible?" she supplied helpfully, and he chuckled.

"Absolutely." His hand came up to cup her cheek, and she leaned into the touch, her own smile growing. She glanced up at him, and she felt her breath catch at the adoration in his gaze. "So, I was...hoping to take you out at some point after we get docked at the Citadel for the repairs and retrofits that Hackett wanted. I know you have sushi with Joker today, but I was thinking, tomorrow, maybe?"

"Mmm. What's the occasion?"

"No occasion. I just...wanted to blow off some steam and treat you. I had an idea and figured you'd think it was fun."

"Who're we fighting?" she joked, and he laughed, shaking his head.

"Not a single person. No animals, either. Just you and me."

"Okay. I can deal with that. Something nice and quiet, with just us sounds pretty amazing."

"Ah, I don't know if 'quiet' is the word I would use. And remind me how you are with heights?" he teased, and she snorted.

"You know I'm fine with heights."

"I know you're fine with heights if people are shooting at you, it's not necessarily the same if you aren't in danger. I wasn't planning on a single gun being pointed at you when we go out."

She wondered at his phrasing for a beat before she shrugged. "I think I'll manage. Are you going to tell me what we're doing?"

"Not yet."

"Mmm. Well, I'll be there. Just let me know when you wanted to do it."

"I will. I'll shoot you a message to remind you, too," he said helpfully, and she laughed.

"Okay, honey. Sounds like a plan. Do I need to wear anything in particular?"

"Whatever is comfortable. We're not going anywhere fancy."

"Okay. That narrows it down some," she said with a playful smile.

"That's all the information you're getting. It's not much of a surprise if you can guess it that easily." He nudged her temple with his and she pretended to be put out for a few moments.

"Well, now you're just being difficult," she grumbled before her expression slipped.

"I'm...surprised it took you this long to say that," he joked, and she snorted.

"You're my favorite pain in the ass," she promised.

"High praise, indeed, coming from you," he teased. "You know so many."

"I really do. I'm kind of one of them." He seemed amused, and she stood on tiptoe to kiss him once. "Anyway, I think I'm about to get cleaned up and take a short nap. Any chance you wanted to join me?"

"That sounds amazing," he said agreeably, and she beamed at him. "I always love to spend time with you. It doesn't matter what we're doing, as long as we're together."

"Agreed."

"So, what's first? Shower or resting?"

"My vote is shower. Is that okay with you?" she asked.

"Mmm, you know I'd follow you anywhere. Lead the way."

"You just like watching my ass."

"I do, but no. Definitely a solid fringe benefit, though," he said thoughtfully, and she laughed.

"You're incorrigible." His expression finally slipped and he grinned.

"I like giving you a hard time."

"I had noticed," she said with a wink, and he chuckled.

"What time do you need to start getting ready to go out?"

"Like five minutes before I need to leave. I'm going to throw a clean crew uniform on, it's just Joker." She shrugged.

"Okay. Do you want me to make sure you're up?"

"You can. I have an alarm, too, so I'll be fine if you forget."

"I won't forget," he promised. "Any chance you're going to stay out of trouble for once?"

"I...intend to," she said, and he groaned.

"You hesitated. This week is doomed."


	66. No Comment

Chapter 66

Anya sighed as she looked at the mirror, feeling drained. She could see Garrus drying off in the reflection, his movements quick and sure. He hadn't really spoken much about the ambush beyond making sure that she wasn't injured, and she couldn't help worrying that he was upset. She bit her lip as she pondered broaching the topic, and he glanced up, evidently feeling her gaze.

"You're staring, sweetie. Everything okay?"

"I...just wanted to make sure we were good. I know you don't care for it when I get shot at."

"I would hope you wouldn't be a fan either," he said, shaking his head, and she snorted.

"I'm not. Did you want to talk about what happened, though?"

"We can. How are you holding up?"

"I'm kinda pissed off," she admitted, and he nodded.

"I could definitely understand that. How unfair is it that with all that, you didn't even get your sushi?"

"That...does also suck."

"What else is bothering you?" he asked, coming up behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist.

"I don't know, I guess I expected you to be more upset?" she said with a wince, her head falling back onto his shoulder.

"That's...fair. I don't know, maybe...being able to be there and do something about it made it easier to manage. I mean, I'm definitely not pleased about the whole thing, but it's...a lot less overwhelming this time, probably I wasn't stuck feeling helpless when things went wrong." He nuzzled her hair at the end, and she finally felt herself start to relax.

"Good."

"I have to admit, there is a small part of me that's kind of looking forward to this."

"Is that so?" she asked with a laugh, and he shot her reflection a grin.

"Oh, yes. You should definitely keep that outfit ready when this is all said and done."

"Are you wanting to fuck me in my little black dress, honey?" she teased, and he nodded almost immediately.

"That's exactly what I was hoping for. Do you have any idea how sexy you look when you dress up?"

"Mmm, I'm glad you're a fan. This is going to be the first time I've seen you all decked out, though."

"Is it?" he asked thoughtfully.

"It's always either been armor or your old C-Sec uniform. You've never been in actual formal wear in front of me before tonight."

"To be fair, you aren’t missing much. Turian formal wear for men isn't anything to write home about. It's basically just regular clothes in black, white, or gray. The only other noticeable difference is the fabric itself."

"Mmm, I'm sure it looks good on you," she murmured.

"It looks better on your floor," he replied immediately, and she laughed.

"I could say the same thing about my dress."

"That is true. I do enjoy the way it basically clings to you, though, and seeing your legs like that?" He made an approving noise. "I'm going to end up thinking about them wrapped around my waist all night."

"Oh, God, yes. The moment we're back here after arresting Kahn," she said dreamily, and he hummed in agreement.

"You have the best plans when you actually bother making them for a change," he teased, and she twisted in his arms to shoot him a mock scowl.

"Ass," she grumbled, and he nudged her temple with his, causing her expression to slip.

"Anya, sweetie, darling, love of my life, why would you say something so callous?" He feigned being scandalized, and she laughed, trying to ignore the way her face heated.

"Don't you dare!" She smacked his shoulder lightly and turned back away, but she could tell by her reflection that the blush spreading across her face was already painfully obvious.

"Hold up, is this good embarrassed or bad embarrassed?" he asked, his hold tightening on her for a beat.

"Good. I think."

"Was it the pet names?"

"I believe it was," she acknowledged.

"Mmm. Is it okay for me to keep using those?"

"It is. I liked both." The admission made her ears start to turn pink as well, but she tried to ignore it.

"Good." He squeezed her again before releasing her. "I'm going to go ahead and get dressed. I'll just be in the next room if you need anything, okay?"

"Okay. You should pop back in here when you're done."

"If it makes you happy," he said amiably, wrapping the towel around his waist before he stepped out. She watched him go for a beat before her attention turned back to her reflection. She sighed as she reached for her brush, carefully tugging it through her hair. She deftly removed the small snags that had appeared in the last six hours, and she ran her hand through the dark tresses once she was certain she'd successfully detangled it.

She reached into the bag she'd left on the counter before she and Garrus had hopped into the large tub. She dug out her concealer, dabbing a little under her eyes to hide the echo of shadows that had started. When she was content with her efforts, she glanced at the bag again, arguing with herself about whether or not the occasion warranted more make-up.

 _(This_ is _a black tie event.)_

_(Ugh, who actually cares? I'm just going there to sneak into Kahn's panic room and kick his ass until my foot is tired.)_

_(But I also kinda want to look pretty. It's just so much work…)_

_(You know what? Fuck that. Garrus doesn't care about whether I'm wearing it, and this is business, not pleasure.)_

"I'm not doing a full face for work," she finally muttered to herself when she decided, reaching for her mascara. After she had applied it, she took a breath, second guessing her decision for a beat before she started to put her things back in the bag anyway.

"Anya? Is it alright if I come back in?" Garrus called, and she felt herself start to smile.

"Of course, honey." She was almost giddy when he entered the room, dressed in black and white. She couldn't help teasing, "Mmm, I thought you said this was nothing to write home about?"

"I'm not seeing anything extraordinary," he said with a laugh, and she shook her head as she approached him, smoothing her hands up his chest when she got close. His palms ended up on her hips, using that to gently pull her in closer.

"Mmm, agree to disagree. These draw attention to your shoulders and waist in a way that's really flattering. I think you look sexy." He seemed to perk up at that.

"You've never mentioned being a fan of either of those," he said, his interest clearly piqued.

"Well, I am. Lots of women are into broad shoulders and a narrower waist. Also, this has nothing to do with your outfit, but I also love your hands."

"I don't understand that one either, but I'll take it."

"I'll get into why I love your hands when we're done working," she said with a wink. "Maybe afterwards, I remind you why I like the shoulders and waist."

"See, this? This is why I say you have the best plans." He sounded pleased now, and she laughed.

"You're ridiculous," she said, smiling.

"Only sometimes." She shook her head at that, sliding out of his arms and moving to go around him into the bedroom.

"Most of the time." She could feel him watching her walk away.

"There you go, saying hurtful things again."

"You like me when I'm mean," she retorted over her shoulder, shooting him a mischievous grin,and he snorted.

"I like getting back at you for being mean," he corrected lightly as she made it to the closet. "You're the one giving me plenty to work with."

"Is that why you're such a tease?"

"No comment." She laughed at that as she shucked her robe, hanging it up and pretending she was oblivious to his scrutiny.

"I may have to re-evaluate how I handle a few things," she said, steadfast in her determination not to make eye contact as she carefully pulled her dress off the hanger. She unzipped it and stepped into the garment, pulling it up and into place with ease. She finally looked back at him, feigning innocence when she asked, "Any chance you could give me a hand, honey?"

"Yeah. Yeah. What do you need?" His eyes jerked up so that he was meeting her gaze.

"When you're done staring, I need a hand with the zipper," she said, mirth in her voice.

"You may be standing there for a while, then," he said with an unashamed chuckle, stepping forward anyway. She swept her hair to the side and off her neck to make it easier for him. She swallowed when she felt his hand on her lower back, pinning the fabric against her skin gently. She heard the slide of the zipper before she felt it, and she let out a breath when his other hand reached the top. 

"Thank you," she murmured, and she shivered when she felt his breath on her shoulder when he leaned down to nuzzle her briefly.

"You're welcome. Now, let's go show Kahn exactly how much he screwed up when he decided to mess with Commander Shepard," he said, his voice calm and low.

"And then…?" She turned to look at him, biting her lip, and he grinned.

"We celebrate. What else?"


	67. The Beauty of It

Chapter 67

Anya sat on the edge of the bed, trying to calm herself. She forced her breathing to stay even and low, but it did almost nothing to quell the fury she felt in her chest. She turned her head when she heard someone knocking on the doorway, and she tried to force a smile when she saw Garrus standing there.

"Hey, honey."

"Hey, sweetie. Mind if I come in?"

"Go ahead. You know you're always welcome."

"I also know that sometimes you like to be alone when you're angry. I just wanted to be sure," he said quietly as he padded over to sit next to her, his shoulder all but touching hers.

"I feel like 'angry' is a very mild description for exactly how furious I am with this asshole," she said slowly.

"Did you want to talk about it?"

"We can. I just...don't understand why someone has picked now of all times to mess with my friends and my life. And the fact that this motherfucker wants to take everything from me? What kind of weird, sociopathic bullshit is going on? Why do they have this...personal vendetta against me? And let's be real, it has to be at least somewhat personal, because who says that kind of shit if it were only business?"

"You have a point," he agreed, his hand on her lower back, rubbing small, gentle circles in the muscles as he spoke. She couldn't help leaning into the touch, and she sighed.

"For once, I didn't even do anything, and these jackasses want to hunt me down during the first real downtime we've had in literal months and just…" She stopped to take another breath, knowing she was running the risk of rambling.

"I know, sweetie. Don't worry, though. We're going to find the person responsible for this."

"When I find them, I have decided that I'm going to let them have one thing."

"And what's that?" he asked, looking at her, and she met his gaze.

"My unyielding rage, via my foot directly up their ass." He tried to cover a snort with a cough but failed.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to laugh. I promise you I do not want a taste of the unyielding rage," he said earnestly, and she felt the corner of her mouth quirk upward in spite of herself.

"Too late. You're on the list now. I'm going to have to figure out how to get you, though, since you're expecting the foot to come flying at you."

"Oh, spirits, what am I in for?"

"I'm not sure yet. I'll figure out something," she said, leaning down and unfastening the straps that held her shoes on. She lifted her feet up and out of the heels, and she sighed as she wiggled her feet once they were flat on the floor.

"Are you sore?"

"Ah, only a little. These ones didn't start giving me trouble until we were on our way back from the Casino, which is actually pretty impressive since we were there forever. They might not look like much, but they're actually pretty comfortable for heels. It's hard to find a good pair."

"Well, for what it's worth, either they look good on you, or you make them look amazing. Between those and this dress, you had me all kinds of distracted tonight," he said seriously, and she laughed.

"Flatterer."

"Only when it's also true. Lie back on the bed for me?"

"We should...not be 'celebrating' right now," she reminded him as she complied anyway, starting to scoot towards the head of the bed, and he chuckled.

"Mmm, that's a shame. I suppose I'll just have to settle for something else." He moved closer to the foot of the bed but stopped a little short. "Just throw your feet up here whenever you're ready, we're going to make sure you're fully prepared to dispense some fury when the time comes."

She grinned at that and obeyed, getting settled so that her feet were in his lap. He took one in his hands, and she let out a soft groan when he started applying pressure to the underside. She let her head fall back as she absently mumbled, "Holy hell, how are you always so good at this?"

"I take it you're enjoying yourself?" he teased, one thumb pressing into the arch of her foot carefully, and she had to suppress another noise.

"There are no words for exactly how much," she said after a beat.

"Good." She sighed and let herself relax as he touched her, her prior frustration finally starting to bleed away. Minutes slid by, and she found herself marveling at the careful attention the man showed with every movement as he rubbed her feet.

"You really are the best," she murmured with a small smile, and he chuckled.

"Does this mean I might be eligible to appeal the decision to aim that unstoppable fury at me?" She laughed outright at that and looked away, still smiling.

"Maybe. I suppose it depends on whether you make amends before it's your turn," she said playfully.

"Mmm, okay. Okay. What are some things I can do to make amends?"

"I'm sure you'll come up with something. I think I'm fairly easy to please." Her voice was breathy now, and he seemed to notice, shooting her a predatory grin.

"And you know I do like pleasing you," he all but growled, his hand going up to her knee before lightly dragging his blunted talons down the inside of the calf closest to him. She bit her lip at the sensation for a beat.

"I had noticed." She watched him start to slide his hand back up her leg, kneading the muscle as he went. "I like pleasing you, too."

"And spirits, are you good at it," he rumbled, and she felt her heart speed up.

"Right back at you, big guy," she managed as his hand started up her thigh.

"I'm glad the effort doesn't go unappreciated," he said when his hand slid under the edge of her dress.

"The enthusiasm goes a long way." She swallowed when his hand kept going, and she felt him squeeze about halfway up her thigh.

"Mmm, I don't think either of us are lacking there," he murmured huskily.

"Definitely not."

They both froze when they heard voices nearby, and Anya wanted to swear when Garrus turned back to look at her. "I'm not sure how long we have before someone comes looking for you."

He sounded apologetic, and she sighed before nodding. She knew she sounded glum when she replied, "I know. It's only a matter of time."

"At least we know our friends care," he tried to sooth, and she snorted.

"They do. Doesn't mean I have to be happy about being cock blocked." He chuckled at that, withdrawing his hand from between her legs.

"As soon as we're alone…"

"I'd settle for 'as soon as we have five minutes,'" she said wryly.

"You need more than five minutes," he teased gently. "Not much more, but still."

"I don't know. You work well under pressure. I'm confident in your ability to make something happen."

"Is that a challenge?"

"And if it is?"

"I...may have an idea of how to handle it," he said slowly, clearly lost in thought. Anya sat up, torn between apprehension and curiosity.

"What are you going to do?"

"You'll find out."

"Garrus," she warned, and he grinned.

"I'm almost certain that you're going to like it, don't worry."

"That's just making me worry more," she pretended to grumble, swinging her legs to the side.

"The last time I told you I had an idea worked out pretty well, didn't it?" he asked as he scooted closer.

"It did," she admitted.

"Then trust me." He gently bumped her shoulder with his.

"Trust is not the issue."

"Then what is?"

"Sheer nosiness," she said seriously, and he laughed.

"Alright, I'll tell you a little bit, but you aren't getting all the details until it's happening. Can you live with that?"

"I believe I can."

"Well, while we're here, I was thinking about swinging by and going through my safe deposit box. Any chance you remember what I told you was inside?"

"Hmm." She thought for a moment, speaking slowly when she finally started. "I doubt you're talking about the pistol your dad gave you, or the brandy I gave you after we beat Saren. Did you get to keep those cuffs?"

"I did," he said, clearly pleased. "C-Sec only asked for one pair back, and somehow I ended up with a total of three. Guy at the desk said he didn't want to do the paperwork on random handcuffs since those two extra pairs had already been replaced by the officers who lost them."

"Was it Bailey?"

"It may or may not have been him."

"It was Bailey," she said more surely, and he laughed.

"It was Bailey, but I did strongly imply to him that I would keep that quiet." She nodded her understanding. 

"I won't say a word. So, are you going to arrest me, officer?" she teased, and he grinned.

"If that's how you want me to play it. I'm not opposed to a little roleplay."

"You're going to make me suffer for giving you more ideas, aren't you?"

He paused before he responded, "Suffer is...such a strong word..."

"Now I'm wondering if I'm lucky or unlucky that we're pressed for time."

"I know which one I'm leaning towards." She laughed at his feigned regretful tone and he grinned at her. "So...even though we're holding off on...you not quite suffering, do you feel a little better?"

"I...actually do," she admitted. "Thank you, honey."

"Anything for you, Anya." He nudged her temple with his and her smile grew.

"Even if...I wanted to know the other parts of your little plan?"

"Spirits, no. How's this? If you guess any parts of it right, I'll tell you those bits."

"See, here's the thing, though, if I'm right, I'll have a better idea of what to expect, but if I guess wrong, there's nothing stopping you from filing that away and using my guesses as fodder to tease me later," she reasoned, and he winked at her.

"That's the beauty of it."

"You are...such an ass," she said affectionately, and he shrugged, still clearly pleased with himself.

"Still an ass that will always have your six."

"I wouldn't have it any other way."


	68. More Important Things

Chapter 68

Anya sat with her back to the wall of the vault, staring at her boots as she waited for Glyph to finish working his magic.

"It's fine, sweetie," Garrus said quietly. "Nobody is bothered by how you say anything."

She snorted at that. "Not what I'm upset about, though I reserve the right to have an existential crisis about the way I talk at a later point in time."

"Well, talk to me," he said, crossing the small space to sit down next to her.

"Cerberus...cloned me. That’s...I don't even know."

"It's a lot to take in," he agreed, his arm going around her shoulders.

"She's way meaner than you are, Lola," James said, sounding glum.

"I'm not mean," she retorted immediately.

"You're a little mean," he argued.

"I swear to God, lieutenant…" she grumbled.

"Maybe...feisty is a better term than mean?" Garrus suggested, shooting James a meaningful look.

"You know what? It doesn't even matter." She let out a breath and leaned her head on the turian's shoulder.

"What's bothering you?"

"I just...I almost feel bad for her. Knowing that you're just around to be spare parts must be a pretty invalidating experience, as a person, and...hell, how can we be sure that I'm not a clone, too? Cerberus could have..." She stopped and shook her head.

"You're too laid back to be a murderous clone," James said pragmatically, shaking his head.

"Vega's right," Garrus agreed. "There's also some pretty solid evidence that you're the real deal."

"Like?"

"Why didn't the Illusive Man agree to planting a chip in you?" he asked pointedly.

"He didn't want to throw off how I was supposed to be."

"Because you were already how you were supposed to be. You're the original Commander Shepard. On top of that, if you were just a clone, all those cybernetic enhancements and replacements, they'd probably be more or less symmetrical, wouldn't they?"

"Maybe. You're taking a lot of liberties with assuming their motivations," she said, unconvinced.

"But let's face it, with Miranda the perfectionist in charge of the Lazarus Project, do you really think she'd settle for something sloppy or half-assed? They only replaced and shored up the parts of you that genuinely needed it, right?"

"Allegedly."

"Why would they do that if they weren't trying to keep you as intact as possible? Structural integrity doesn't really matter for just a copy," he said pointedly.

"Scars might be onto something. It's like...ah, what was it?" James rubbed his face with a hand. "I know I know this."

"What is he going on about?" Garrus asked quietly.

"The boat...thing."

"Still not following, bud," Anya said, confused.

"The ship of Theseus shit!" he declared triumphantly.

"What...about it?" Anya asked, her brow furrowed.

"The ship of Theseus! C'mon, man, you know way more ancient history than I do, there's no way you've never heard of the ship of Theseus."

"Just...enlighten us and get it over with," she said.

"Okay, so, way back, there was this mythical hero, right? Theseus. He has this ship, and after this big battle, there were these Greek dudes who basically made it into a museum piece, but it gets old, starts rotting, the whole thing. So, what do they do?" he asked, clearly excited.

"Fix it?"

"Yes, but this is a wooden ship. That means replacing the timbers, and panels, and all the other pieces that just aren't cutting it."

"Okay, I...understand that point."

"No, Lola, you don't, because think about it: how much of the ship can they get away with replacing before it isn't even the ship of fucking Theseus anymore?" He spread his arms wide with a grin.

"I...huh." Anya rocked back a little.

"That's not a bad analogy," Garrus said thoughtfully. "It doesn't help at all, but it does fit."

"How the hell does that not help?" James sounded offended.

"Because there's more than one answer. Seems like a question of shifting identity over time. I could see the argument that it stops being the same ship once any of it has changed, but I could also agree with it being the same ship indefinitely as long as all the changes aren't happening at once, since it's the whole of the ship that makes up its identity. What do you think, sweetie?"

"I think…" She took a moment to gather her thoughts before she continued, "...it's kind of both? It depends on how much it changed over time. If the majority of the ship is still original parts, I'd be leaning toward it being the ship of Theseus. Once more than half has been replaced, I'd probably say it's more like a replica with original pieces."

"Alright, Lola. So, are you more original pieces, or more new hardware?"

"I mean...I think EDI said that twelve point eight percent of my biomass was replaced outright, and another ten and a half percent are patches and augmentations to parts that were salvageable but not fully functional."

"So like...a quarter of you? Give or take?" James asked thoughtfully.

"Twenty three point three percent, depending on how they did their rounding," Garrus agreed with a nod. "That puts you at less than half what you said was your threshold for being the real deal."

"Told you I helped," James muttered under his breath, sounding smug. Anya spoke up before Garrus could retort.

"Thank you, both of you," she said earnestly. A small part of her was still not quite convinced, but she knew it was pointless to keep worrying for the time being.

"Any time, Lola."

"We've always got your back, sweetie."

"I'm lucky to have you assholes," she joked, and Garrus chuckled.

"All that trouble to make you feel better, and that's what you say to us?"

"I told you, just because she ain't the evil twin doesn't mean Lola's not mean," James teased, and she snorted.

"You might be right. Maybe feisty isn't the right word after all," Garrus said, feigning seriousness.

"C'mon, guys. Our crew is basically my family. Who can I give hell, if not family? Like you, James," she said brightly, hoping he'd take the bait.

"Like me?" he seemed surprised.

"Yeah, like you."

"Am I your favorite brother from another mother?" he asked, sounding sure.

"More like the shitty little cousin I never knew I didn't want, but sure, we'll say you're the favorite." She grinned as she spoke, and Garrus started shaking with silent laughter, his face buried in his free hand.

"Lola!" James clapped a hand to his chest as if wounded, sounding affronted before he devolved into snickering himself. 

"Definitely not the right word," Garrus finally managed once he raised back up, and she pretended to glare up at him.

"Keep going and I'm going to show you mean," she threatened, a mock scowl still on her face.

"Just not the face," he said lightly. "I don't know if I can afford for it to get much rougher than it already is."

"You're both impossible. Why did I choose to get locked in a vault with you two?" she groaned.

"C'mon, even you admit that we're the favorites," James joked.

"Well, she said you were a favorite, she never said anything about me."

"If you weren't my favorite person in the entire galaxy, I wouldn't be dating you," Anya said, resting her head on his shoulder for a beat.

"You're my favorite person, too, sweetie," he said, fondness clear in his voice as he squeezed her shoulders briefly.

"Am I at least top ten?" James asked lightly, and Garrus snorted.

"Spirits, no." Anya choked on a laugh at the turian's words and James feigned being hurt.

"You know what? You two deserve each other. I'm glad you have a mean girlfriend."

"Aww, James…" she teased.

"I don't even want to hear it. Don't ever ask me to get trapped in one of these suckers with either of you ever again."

"We didn't exactly invite you this time," Garrus retorted.

"Alright, I have a question."

"Go for it," Garrus said with a nod.

"Uh-uh, I ain't even talking to you right now, Scars. This one is for Lola."

"Go ahead." She was barely containing her laughter.

"Does your boy _ever_ quit talking shit?"

"Honestly, I don't really have this problem with him, I think you're just special, lieutenant."

"Don't tell him that," Garrus joked. "You're going to make him think I like him after all."

"All I'm saying is I see you and Wrex doing the same contrary shit," she deadpanned, trying her hardest to appear serious.

"Oh ho! And I know you like Wrex," James but crowed, grinning.

"Fine. Top twenty. Best I can do," Garrus offered, one hand raised briefly as if in surrender.

"I'll take it!" James exclaimed, pumping his fist as if it were a victory, and Anya snorted.

"I'm glad you two got that settled. Now we can focus on more important things."

"Like getting pumped for when we get out of here?" James supplied helpfully.

"That, too," she evaded, looking away.

"You have something else in mind, sweetie?"

"Yes. Just...I need you two to level with me about something. Can you do that for me?" she asked, looking serious.

"Anything," Garrus replied almost immediately.

"You know we got you, Lola."

"Be honest. Do I _really_ sound like her?"


	69. Luxury

Chapter 69

Anya sighed as she stepped into the tub and got settled, drained after the death of her clone. The fight had been brutal, and the look in the other woman's eyes kept flashing through her mind. The way she had shifted from hatred to self loathing, and then to something else made her heart break for her doppelganger.

"Hey, sweetie. Mind if I come in?" The words shook her from her reverie, and she blinked before looking over to the doorway.

"Come on in, honey." She smiled at Garrus as she spoke, sure she looked tired, but not really caring.

"Any chance there's room for one more?" he asked as he poked his head further in, and she grinned.

"If you're the one? Absolutely. You know I like having an excuse to peek at you when you're naked just as much as you like looking at me," she teased, and he laughed as he entered the room properly, a spare towel in his arms.

"If you aren't careful, you're going to turn me into a nudist," he joked as he placed his terrycloth bundle next to hers, and she laughed.

"Mmm, maybe we should add that to our dream home wish list: somewhere with weather comfortable enough that we can walk around the house naked without having the power bill going nuts."

"I love your ideas," he said playfully, and she smiled again, leaning back.

"That's because I'm brilliant."

"Modest, too."

"You know it, honey." He snickered at that as he started tugging his clothes off, tossing them into the hamper as he went. She watched him strip, enjoying the play of muscles between plates.

"Enjoying the show?" He joked when glanced over and caught her staring, and she let out a pleased sound.

"God, so much. I need to record you just...existing with your shirt off at some point."

"Oooh, there's a thought…" he said, winking at her, and she felt her face heat.

"Oh, Lord, are we talking about me recording you, or you now wanting to record me?" she asked as he slowly stepped into the tub and got comfortable next to her.

"I feel like 'yes' is a viable answer to that one. Also, what about recording us together?"

"And what would you want that vid for?" she asked, shoving her embarrassment down.

"I think...it could be fun for us to record ourselves in bed, then put it up on that big screen in the living room, and just...spend an afternoon watching it and...what is that thing that your people do?" he muttered, distracted.

"Which thing?"

"With like...ships and champagne bottles?"

"Christening?" she offered 

"Mmm, yes, that! We could christen every piece of furniture we land on."

She knew her face was very pink, but she couldn't resist asking, "So, were you wanting to do a room by room sweep at some point, or are you going for something a little more organic?"

"Organic first, then a sweep for anything we missed?" he suggested hopefully and she snorted.

"Typical," she said, feigning exasperation for a beat before she scooted closer and laid her head on his shoulder.

"That didn't sound like an objection," he pointed out, and she let out a contented hum.

"That's because it's not."

"Is this something you might be interested in? Watching yourself while I fuck you?" he said, his voice roughening a little, and she felt her belly twist.

"Believe it or not, I've never done that before," she admitted, and he let out a surprised noise.

"Do you think you might want to try it?"

"It sounds like it could be fun."

"Mmm, we could always start with something a little...milder, if you like?" he said thoughtfully.

"What did you have in mind?"

"Well...this is...a very nice bathroom."

"It is. Roomier than the one back on the Normandy," she agreed.

"You know what part of the room is really catching my eye, though?"

"Enlighten me."

"That nice big mirror over the sink. Can you imagine being able to watch me slide inside you?" he rumbled, and she swallowed.

"After...much...careful, deliberate consideration, I am on board with this plan." He chuckled at that, his arm sliding around her.

"That's my girl." He sounded pleased.

"You just like that I keep helping you add to the list of things you want to do to me," she pretended to complain, and he grinned.

"Please, we both know you're just as much a figurative horny monster as I am a literal one," he joked, and she laughed.

"Horny? Sort of. Monster? You're anything but that, honey," she said, tilting her head up to press a few light kisses to his mandible.

"I'm not so sure about that," he growled, pulling her into his lap with ease, and she let out a surprised noise that turned into a laugh when he nuzzled the side of her throat.

"We are not having sex in the tub," she warned him, sure her voice lacked conviction.

"I know, I know. I'm mostly here as a distraction."

"Distraction from what?"

"I just...noticed that you've been kind of pensive since...you know. I figured this would make you stop before you started beating yourself up, or at least...give you a break," he said quietly, the laughter in his voice gone.

"Oh. Well...in my defense, I wasn't beating myself up," she hedged.

"Yet. If you can empathize with Morinth, you can empathize with damn near anyone, sweetie, and once that happens...it's only a matter of time until you start wondering, and...it's heartbreaking to watch you put yourself through that." He sounded sad outright now.

"I wasn't...necessarily going to get to that point."

"Anya, darling…"

"It's...okay, I could see where...I could have been heading that direction," she allowed, her arms sliding around his neck, and he squeezed her gently.

"I just...kind of figured that even if it didn't lead into anything happening, it would be better for you to take a breather from all that worry and negativity, even if it was only for a few minutes. Besides, I do like flirting with you, and this plan did end up with you naked in my lap, so...that part's a win."

"You aren't wrong. It's just...what happened to her wasn't fair."

"She imprisoned us, attacked us, then threw Hulk in the compactor and you still offered her a way out. She decided not to take it. It's the Illusive Man's fault she was made like that, and Brooks fault she was let out without getting her help. You did everything you could for her. The galaxy isn't a fair place, sweetie, but you're not the one making it that way," Garrus murmured, his hand coming up to cradle her jaw and tilting her head so that she was looking at him.

After a beat, she nodded, pressing her forehead to his. "Thank you, honey."

"Whatever you need. You know I will always be here for you."

"I know. I don't know what I would do without you."

"Mope and wish you had a turian bad boy to cheer you up?" he suggested, clearly trying to inject some levity, and she smiled at the effort.

"Mmm, a _sexy_ turian bad boy with a good sense of humor and brains to go with it," she corrected before feigning surprise. "What do you know? I've got one of those right here…"

She kissed him lightly and he chuckled. "Do you? I hadn't realized."

"Mmm. I'll show him to you later. We're meeting by the mirror after I get out of the tub."

"Are you now? I hadn't realized that had actually become the plan."

"I decided it, maybe six seconds ago?" She laid her head on his shoulder and he let out a pleased sound. "Unless you object?"

"I absolutely do not. How are you, though? Really?"

"I think...after the last twenty-four hours, I am just...too emotionally drained to stick with anything too heavy for long. I don't know if I'll be in a worse place tomorrow after I've had time to rest and process things, but...right now, I'm okay. You being here helps a lot more than you might realize."

"I'm glad," he said, his talons running along her skin gently.

"Me, too. So...for the rest of tonight, I think the only things on the itinerary should be us relaxing and enjoying each other's company. I just...need a night off from the bullshit."

"Right there with you, sweetie." She could feel his subharmonics as she rested against him, and she closed her eyes for a few beats, just enjoying the peaceful moment.

"We should get out soon," she murmured.

"Visiting the mirror will keep." He adjusted so that he was cradling her.

"Better watch out. I'm going to start thinking you don't want to watch us after all." He laughed at that.

"Honestly, it's just...we can always find time to squeeze in sex, even when things are crazy, but...we don't always have the luxury of...this, you know?" She felt her chest tighten at the tenderness in his voice, and her hand slid up his chest as she nodded her agreement.

"You're right. The mirror will keep."


	70. Aces

Chapter 70 (Warning - Basically Pure Smut)

Anya sighed with contentment as Garrus sidled up behind her, his arms going around her easily. She leaned back into his embrace, savoring the heat of him pressed against her bare back, her arms covering his as she met his gaze in the reflection in front of them.

"You always look so beautiful," he murmured adoringly, and she smiled.

"I was about to say the same thing about you," she said lightly, and he laughed.

"I think we can both agree who the pretty one is in this relationship," he countered, mirth in his voice, and she nodded, pretending to be solemn.

"I already know, honey, and it's fine. I accepted a long time ago that I'm never going to be able to compete with those eyes."

He snorted and shook his head. "Maybe we don't agree, then."

"Well, that's fine, too. If we agreed on everything, all the time, things might get dull."

"I don't know, it's not really a hot button topic for both of us to find the other attractive."

"Maybe not. Damn if we don't look good together, though," she pointed out, one hand traveling up and back so that it ended up on his shoulder.

"Mmm, that we definitely agree on."

"You know...I'm not tired from soaking in that tub."

"Oh?" The interest in his voice was clear, and she grinned.

"Yeah. I don't know if I'll be able to sleep if something doesn't happen to wear me out…" She leaned against him a little more fully, and his grip on her tightened. She felt her breath catch when he leaned down to nuzzle her shoulder, finding herself entranced by watching his reflection when he nipped her once.

"I think I could oblige," he murmured, glancing up again in time to catch her staring. He maintained eye contact as his tongue darted out for a beat and she had to remind herself to breathe.

"I have a feeling I'm going to be into the watching," she said, her voice a little uneven.

"Mmm, good. I'm not going to be alone, then." One of his hands started to venture lower, and her breath caught right before he started gently teasing her clit. She watched his movements as the pad of his fingertip barely grazed the sensitive nub.

"You're going to make this a long night, aren't you?" she managed.

"Probably. It's hard to resist when I see you getting keyed up before I even really get started." She let out a noise when she saw him move, knowing what he intended before he started to slide the strong digit in and out of her. He was going slowly, and her mouth felt dry by the time his finger slid all the way inside. She was distracted from watching it disappear when he spoke again, his voice low. "It's kind of intoxicating, isn't it?"

"Yeah," she agreed weakly, her eyes finally coming up to meet his, and she realized that he'd been watching her face just as intently as she'd been watching his hand. She felt her face heat but didn't look away as he kept steadily stroking her inner walls.

"It's even better when it's something else," he rumbled, and she felt herself clench as heat rushed to her lower belly. "There are few things I love more than watching you take every inch of me."

"Garrus…" Her voice sounded like a plea, and the arm that was still around her waist tightened.

"Do you want me to fuck you, Anya?" Her hand was gripping the back of his arm as she nodded, and he started to smile, looking smug when she spoke.

"Yes. Please. I need you inside me, honey."

"Spirits, I could listen to you talk like that all night," he growled, finally breaking eye contact with her. He leaned down enough for his tongue to dart up the side of her throat, and she whimpered when he delivered a few sharp-toothed nips to her ear. Her knees felt weak whenever a nibble coincided with his finger pressing deep, and she braced herself against the wall next to the mirror.

"Oh, God, please," she begged, trying her damnedest not to tremble.

"Do you like watching me bite you?" She felt his voice reverberate through her, and she swallowed.

"I think I'd like watching you mark me while you fuck me even more," she dared to utter, both to urge him to hurry and because she wanted him to do it.

"Is that so? You think that's what you want?"

"I know it's what we both want." He didn't answer, instead withdrawing the strong digit and she swallowed. She let him guide her hips back until his tip was touching her, and she leaned forward to brace herself, her other hand gripping the edge of the counter when he started to nudge his way forward carefully.

"Spirits, you're wet," he muttered, almost to himself, and she couldn't resist teasing him.

"I wonder whose fault that is?" He snorted at that and she moaned when he pushed in, suddenly half-buried in her aching sex. Her eyes screwed themselves shut of their own accord at the familiar stretch. The next thrust drove him even deeper, and she found herself panting by the time he was plates deep, moving back to meet every rough push of his hips against her ass. He leaned forward, his chest to her back, his hands now firmly on either side of her waist, and she shuddered to feel his breath, hot against the back of her neck as he worked his way up to pounding her.

"I don't know, Anya. Who?" he rumbled, and her eyes fluttered open. She knew she looked flustered and desperate, but it didn't matter.

"You," she whispered, her voice weak and uneven as he moved. "Oh, God, Garrus, it's always you."

"Tell me what you want." His voice, low and rough, made more tension gather in her lower belly.

"I want you to touch me," she panted, "and I want you to sink your teeth into me. God, I'm so close. Please, honey…"

His hand was immediately sliding down and around to just above where they were joined, and her hips tried to buck when he started pressing firm circles around her clit. She had to force her eyes to stay open when his mouth returned to her shoulder, and he locked eyes with her for a split second before he bit her. The sight of him leaving another mark on her pale shoulder pushed her over the edge, and she cried out when the throbbing started.

She wasn't sure how long it lasted before he released her, and she moaned when he pulled out. He whirled her around and lifted her easily as she ended up perched on the edge of the counter, his length in his hand as he hurried to slide back between her thighs. She wrapped her legs around his waist, reaching for him as he hilted himself in one rough thrust, and she whimpered when he rolled his hips against hers hard.

"Hurry," he panted, baring his skin to her. "I'm so damn close."

She didn’t hesitate, kissing his shoulder twice before biting down hard enough to break the skin, and he groaned, his arms tightening around her. A few erratic thrusts later, he stiffened, his breathing ragged as he stayed buried deep inside her.

She pulled back from the fresh wound on his shoulder, still trying to get her breathing under control. He immediately nudged her temple with his, and she smiled at him.

"You okay?" she asked quietly, pleased and tired now.

"I'm fine. Are you okay?"

"I'm way better than okay." He snorted at that.

"Good. C'mon, let's get you patched up."

"Oh, no you don't," she countered, hopping off the counter anyway.

"No I don't what? We have to get some medi-gel, Anya. You can't just let that keep bleeding." She shook her head as she started rummaging around, looking for the familiar white tube. 

"No, you don't patch me up first. You promised last time."

"No, I...wait, did I?" He seemed thoughtful for a beat before realization crossed his face. "Damn, I think you're right. Well, we still need to find it. The sooner we find it, the better."

"Agreed. Wait...here we go." She managed to fish it out from the back of a drawer, holding it up triumphantly.

"Hurry and get me so I can get you."

"Look who the impatient one is now," she teased as she unscrewed the lid, squeezing out a generous glob on two fingers and turning to the new mark.

"I'm worried about your physical health and well-being, not exactly the same thing."

"Isn't it?" she countered as she carefully applied it to the injured skin and started rubbing it in. "Not getting off for five minutes isn't going to kill me, and neither is leaving my mark alone for two."

"It could get infected. Turian mouths aren't any cleaner than human ones."

"Then between the medi-gel in a few minutes and my nanites now, I'll still be fine."

"I'm starting to think you're just determined to argue," he grumbled, and she snorted.

"Maybe. Then again, maybe you're just determined to worry. I think I got it all." She took a half step back and offered him the tube, and he took it eagerly.

"Thank you, and at least one of us has to worry." In moments he was gently massaging the gel into her shoulder.

"You definitely have that covered," she teased, watching his face while he worked. While his eyes were firmly focused on the wound on her shoulder, the rest of his expression was decidedly fond, and she felt her smile growing.

"You're crazy, woman."

"A little. I'm sorry, honey."

"I wouldn't change a thing," he countered, his gaze meeting hers for a beat before his attention returned to his ministrations.

"Mmm, I don't know. I think a lot of things are going to change once the war is over."

"That isn't going to change who you are, though. Even when we have kids, I'm one hundred percent sure you're going to find plenty of ways to keep me on my toes."

"Mmm. I like the sound of that," she said, clearly pleased.

"Which part?"

" _When_ we have kids. Not _if_ we have kids."

"Our future is...almost an inevitability, if you ask me. And honestly...the more I think about it...the more sure I am that that's what I want," he said, studying his handiwork before meeting her gaze.

"And you're sure that you don't mind adopting?"

"I'm positive. Mind you, that isn't going to stop me from trying to make one with you the old-fashioned way," he joked, winking at her, and she laughed with a shake of her head. 

"I certainly won't stop you from trying."

He seemed content with that, placing the tube of medi-gel back on the counter and tugging her in close. "That's what I like to hear. Oh, before I forget, did you get my message?"

"Mmm, I did. You trying to wine and dine me, Vakarian?" she teased.

"Pretty much. While we were there at the casino, we were pretty busy working, but...I got a look at their wine list."

"Oh?"

"Mhmm. And I noticed something. You remember that bottle I brought when I came on after Menae?" he asked, clearly pleased with himself.

"They carry it?" she guessed with a grin.

"They do. So, what do you say? You, me, tomorrow night? Maybe you back in that little black dress?"

She pretended to ponder it for a beat. "Alright, but...only if you look nice, too. If I'm in heels, you don't get to dress down."

"Deal," he agreed immediately. "You have no idea how much I'm looking forward to this. We've never had a date somewhere this nice before."

"I know. In our defense, though, we rarely have time to go on dates anywhere."

"All the more reason to savor this one. Our first upscale date."

"It's also like...our fourth date ever, if we're not counting movie nights," she reminded him with a laugh.

"I know. We should start doing them every week, once this is all over. Maybe alternate movie nights and me taking you out."

"I could get behind that. You know, it's funny, we never had any first date jitters."

"Well, it helps that we'd already been together for a while before we went on the first one. Can you imagine how much I would have struggled otherwise?" he asked lightly.

"Well, I think it's endearing when you get flustered, but you have to admit, it's a funny thought. Maybe we're just lucky that our relationship wasn't dependent on your ability to talk me out of my pants," she teased.

"Hey, I can be smooth."

"Occasionally."

"Oh, so that's how you're going to act?" he asked, pretending to be affronted.

"That's just how it is, honey."

"Alright. I'll prove it. Tomorrow when we go on our date, I'm going to pick you up at the bar. By the time we leave, I'll have either talked you into dinner, or talked you into coming back here."

"Is that what's going to happen?" she challenged, and he grinned.

"That's exactly what's going to happen," he said surely.

"Wanna bet?" she all but dared.

"What are the stakes?"

"Winner...gets to go first the next time we're doing backrubs?" she suggested.

"Done."

"Alright. Just remember, I'm not planning on making it easy for you. Be ready."

"You can make it as hard as you want to, sweetie. You know I won't fight it," he joked, and she snickered.

"You're going down."

He looked her up and down for a beat and she felt her ears heat. "That _is_ part of the idea, Shep."

"You're incorrigible. C'mon, let's go get cleaned up and get some sleep. You can practice your one-liners tomorrow."

"Good idea. I can't be using up all my best material tonight."

"Is that what this is?" she said, feigning surprise and concern.

"Not yet. I was getting into that headspace, though. Also, not to brag, but I may also have one or two aces up my sleeve," he said slyly.

"Like what?"

"That's a surprise," he said, shaking his head with a grin.

"Garrus…" she warned, and he snorted.

"You'll like it."

"You probably aren't wrong, but damn if you aren't driving me nuts with the secrecy lately."

"Only because I know I'm going to be telling or showing you whatever it is, I promise I would never keep anything bad or important from you," he murmured earnestly.

"I trust you," she said, looking up at him. "You're still an ass, though."

"Still an ass that always has your six, though."

"I know. And, honey?"

"Yeah?" he asked.

"You aren't the only one who wouldn't change a thing."


	71. Too Early

Chapter 71

"Alright, when did you have time to learn that?" Anya asked as they got settled at a table, still a little flushed.

"Well, you remember me running errands whenever we'd come by the Citadel?"

"Yes."

"The dance lessons were...roughly a third of that. Had one right before I went to get you flowers that one time," he said with a grin.

"I thought you cancelled those, though. Did you change your mind?"

"Not...exactly."

"Oh, lord, what happened?" she asked.

"Well, the first time, I tried doing it through the extranet, and it just...would not connect, so I figured I'd try later."

"Okay, I follow so far."

"At that point...I completely forgot about it for...about three weeks or so."

"Mmm. The glory of procrastination," she murmured, realization dawning on her.

"We were so busy on Sur'kesh and Tuchanka, and then there was...the Primarch's request pulling my attention elsewhere, so that made it pretty easy to put off. But yes, basically. Then I was going to do it in person the next time we were here, but that happened to be when Cerberus decided to redecorate, and, not surprisingly, no one was there any of the days we were here, and by the time they opened back up and responded, it was well past the thirty day mark they normally are willing to issue refunds in, but they were very respectful."

"Well, that's good."

"Very. The young lady offered to escalate it to her manager, who had more freedom to do that sort of thing, but then I started thinking about it…" He shrugged. "I figured it could come in handy. Maybe wow you for our anniversary or something. I never thought I'd have to break out the big guns to get my own girlfriend to have dinner with me."

One mandible twitched as he spoke, and she shook her head, smiling. "Well, you definitely impressed me. The only time you move like that, we're normally already in bed."

His solemn expression slipped at that and he laughed. "Mmm, give me a few weeks. I'm going to be switching to another class soon."

"Tell me more."

"Well, there's a few skill tiers above mine, I'm just getting bumped up. Means lessons that are thirty minutes longer and slightly fancier footwork."

"You gonna show me your new moves when you get them?" she asked, watching him fondly.

"Only if you'll do them with me after I get them down," he offered.

"If you're willing to be patient. Hopefully I won't end up stumbling over my own feet at the start so much next time," she joked, and he snorted.

"I have faith in you, sweetie. Besides, we learned something important tonight," he said, leaning in.

"What?"

"You  _ can _ dance, you just can't  _ lead _ when you do." She laughed at that and he grinned.

"You may be onto something," she admitted, still smiling as a pair of servers approached, wordlessly placing glasses and pouring their drinks. She felt her eyebrows rise in surprise, but before they departed, she managed to murmur, "Thank you."

"Our pleasure, madame. Your starters will be out momentarily," the human said quietly.

"We appreciate it," Garrus agreed, and the pair nodded, retreating as quietly as they appeared.

"What was that?" Anya asked, a little bewildered as she lifted her glass to her lips to take a sip.

"I...may have already ordered for us. Is that okay? We can call them back if I've overstepped," he offered.

"We'll see. What am I eating tonight?"

"Starting off with a watercress salad, then a medium rare steak with a side of mushroom risotto and tiramisu for dessert."

"Good lord, honey," she managed.

"Damn, was I that far off?" he asked, clearly dismayed.

"No, that all sounds delicious, I just don't know how I'm going to finish it all," she said, waving it off, and she couldn't help noticing the relief on his face. "We may have to nix dessert."

"I mean...we can always take the leftovers back with us, if you want," he suggested, taking a drink.

"Mmm, that's true. Do you think the tiramisu would keep?"

"Probably. As long as we keep it covered, right?"

"If we don't, it'll definitely dry out," she agreed before she shrugged, realizing that she was likely overthinking it. "What the hell? Why not?"

"I'm glad that's settled, then. Was me ordering ahead too much, though? It's occurring to me now that I may have been a little...overzealous...in preparing for tonight."

"I wouldn't do this all the time," she warned before cracking a smile. "As a once in a while thing, though? I'm on board."

"Okay, good." The last of the tension left his shoulders. After a beat, he said, "You look even more beautiful than normal tonight, by the way. I don't know if I mentioned that yet."

"On the ride over, but I'm not upset to hear it again," she said affectionately.

"Mmm. I think I may have ended up a little more flustered than I originally anticipated," he admitted with a wry grin.

"Is it the dress or the playing hard to get that tripped you up?"

"Both, I think."

"Don't stress, honey. You know exactly where I'm going at the end of tonight, and you know you're coming with me," she reminded him, and he laughed as she took another draught from her glass.

"That's true. Possibly in more ways than one."

"I  do like the sound of that…" She feigned sounding pensive.

"Is it too early to ask for the check now, then?" he asked with a wink, and she snorted.

"Maybe a little. I need to fuel up on something if you're trying to keep me up all night."

"Valid point. I don't want you tapping out too early."

"Like you could get me to tap," she joked, and he shot her a look.

"Oh, yeah, absolutely, just like I couldn't get you to stay for dinner," he retorted drily. She grinned impishly at him.

"You  _ do _ know that I only say things like that because I like what happens when you prove me wrong, right?"

"I had my suspicions, but this is the first time you've admitted it." His expression was bordering on cocky now, and she looked him up and down before she spoke.

"So, now that I've admitted it, what are you going to do about it?"

"Well...I have some thoughts."

"Do tell."

"My big problem is deciding on which idea to move forward with," he said, eyeing her in turn.

"I'd be lying if I said I wasn't curious."

"That leaves me with another conundrum."

"Does it, now?" She could feel her heart start to pound when he spoke again.

"It does. Do I tell you and let the anticipation for  _ exactly _ what I plan to do to you build, or do I let your imagination run wild until I get you alone?" The rumble at the end made her swallow, and she took a moment before she spoke.

"I'm always partial to knowing, but I can't make you tell me anything."

"Perhaps...I could tell you something if you tell me something," he offered, his voice still low and hungry.

"A trade? Okay. Maybe. What do you want me to tell you?"

"What is something you've fantasized about us doing, or doing again? The more detail you give me, the more details I'll give you."

She felt her face heat and she bit her bottom lip for a beat. "Honestly, I think about you tying me up again pretty often, but I never remember to buy rope when we're here, and I don't want to ruin my scarf, so I haven't brought it up again."

"Do you, now?" He was watching her intently now, and she nodded. He broke eye contact to start fiddling with his omni-tool.

"What are you doing?"

"Setting...three reminders to go shopping tomorrow. I'm not letting the rope turn into my dance lessons."

"Just don't get too carried away," she said with a snort, and he grinned.

"You like it when I get carried away."

"I wish I could argue, but you aren't wrong," she agreed. "Your turn to share."

"I remembered to stop by my safe deposit box, and I'm planning on teasing you some while my cuffs make it so that you can't do anything about it."

"That's unfair, you barely told me anything," she pretended to grumble.

"If you want details, you have to give me details," he reminded her.

"Fine, be difficult." After a beat, she murmured, "I think about my hands tied above my head…"

"Together or spread apart?" he asked, watching her again and she smiled slowly.

"Normally together, but both have crossed my mind. My scarf is over my eyes, so I can't see what you're doing, but I keep feeling your hands and mouth on my throat, and they keep going lower and lower while you tease me."

"And what do I do to you then?"

"You end up with your head between my legs, and between the teasing getting me wound up, and your tongue, I end up getting off. Then, you seem to pull away, but really it's just you getting situated so that you can fuck me."

"And what have my hands been doing while I do all this?"

"Nothing but holding me still. In this...fantasy...the first time anything goes inside me is your cock when you decide you've tormented me enough."

"Spirits, woman…" he all but growled, and she grinned, taking another sip of her wine.

"Before you ask," she drawled, "yes, it's still too early to ask for the check. Your turn, Vakarian."


	72. Payback

Chapter 72 (Warning - Basically Pure Smut)

Anya was quick to step inside the apartment the moment the door opened, Garrus on her heels. She heard him drop the bag of their food just inside the door as it closed behind him and he promptly spun her around and tugged her back in close. She laughed and pulled him down to kiss him, her heart pounding as their tongues tangled.

"God, I'm so glad to finally have you alone," she whispered before kissing him again, and he let out a noise that she took as agreement. His hands were firmly on her ass, holding her hips to his as their kiss continued.

"You've been driving me so damn crazy all night," he growled when he finally lifted up.

"Maybe you should do something about it," she dared. "Where'd you put those cuffs?"

"My bag. Pick a chair. I'll be back." He released her and strode away. She grinned and glanced around before starting towards the fireplace, already sure of where she wanted to be. She looked to see if he was on his way yet, taking his absence as an opportunity to slide her panties down and off. She hurried to toss them to the side and got settled in the chair.

"I'm by the fireplace in the sitting area, honey!" she called, already fighting down a surge of impatience.

"Coming!" She bit back a reply, opting instead to adjust her dress as she waited. She heard him before she saw him, his steps hurried as he rushed to get to her with both sets of handcuffs dangling from one hand.

"There you are," she murmured, trying to pretend her heart wasn't pounding.

"I'm sorry for keeping you waiting," he said as he approached, kneeling in front of her. His free hand came up to cradle her jaw as his forehead touched hers, and she let out a contented sound.

"It's fine. It's been less than a minute. I can handle that."

"I love how you say that like I haven't watched you get wound up in less than that," he teased, and she snorted.

"Then you should hurry up before I get started, shouldn't you?" He chuckled at that and started attaching the shackles to the arms of the chair, his movements quick and sure. She shifted to make it easy for him, and soon she could feel the cool of the metal on her skin. Her heart sped up when she felt the cuffs close on her wrists, and she swallowed when he checked them.

"Are these too tight?"

"No," she breathed, and he leaned back to make eye contact with her.

"Are we okay? You're looking a little flushed, sweetie. You don't have to go along with this if you're getting nervous."

"Trust me, honey. I'm excited, not scared."

"Okay. You say the word and I'll go for the keys in a heartbeat. You know that, right?" he asked gently, and she snorted.

"You can keep them close by if it makes you feel better, but I trust you, Garrus. Always have, always will."

"I...don't think I can ever express how much that means to me."

"You should get used to it at some point, big guy," she teased lovingly, and he shook his head.

"I'd rather not. I'd prefer to spend every day for the rest of our lives earning it than take your faith in me for granted for one minute."

"Honey…" She was torn between arousal and the tenderness of the moment when he pressed his mouth to hers tenderly.

"Don't worry, I'll keep going with that once we're done. For now, though…" His hands travelled to her knees and tugged them apart. His talons skimmed her skin as his palms travelled upward, under her dress, and she almost laughed at the perplexion that crossed his expression as his hands made it all the way to her hips.

"Something wrong, honey?" She feigned innocence as he paused.

"You're not wearing underwear." He still seemed to be at a loss.

"I am not."

"I...spirits, I should have just thrown you on the table and had you for dessert," he muttered, and she laughed.

"As hot as the _idea_ is, I'm going to go ahead and admit that I took them off while you were grabbing the cuffs. Please don't try to fuck me in the middle of a crowded restaurant."

"Okay. That's fair. I'm going to think about it later, though, and you can't stop me."

"That's fair." She couldn't help the mirth in her voice just before he pushed her dress up, and she arched her hips to help. "So, I'm dying to know, honey. You told me about all of this, but said you wanted to keep one thing a surprise. When am I going to find out what it is?"

"You're going to love it, but...you're also definitely going to be mad at me."

"Oh, lord, what?"

"Well, do you remember the other night? You said something about us just needing five minutes?" He was grinning as he spoke.

"It gave you an idea," she said, her stomach twisting.

"It did." She watched him fiddle with his omni-tool, and she felt her brow furrow when he brought up the timer. He made a point of showing her that it was set for five minutes. "So, let's see if five minutes is really all we need."

"What's going to happen if it reaches zero?"

"That's the part you're going to get frustrated with."

"Garrus…" she warned, realization dawning on her.

"Remember, if you get too wound up, I will let you loose. Or do you want me to uncuff you now?"

"You...fuck. No, I'm okay. I swear, though, I am getting you back for this later, and I don't want to hear anymore arguments that you aren't a tease."

"I can live with that. Do you want me to start?" he asked, his finger hovering over the button.

"Do it." He didn't hesitate, and she felt her breath catch when he immediately went to pull her closer to the edge of her seat. The fingers on one hand immediately went to spread her a little more to make it easier for his tongue to tease her clit, and her eyes closed at the sudden sensation. 

He started off with every stroke of his tongue being slow and gentle, and it wasn’t long before she rocked her hips with a whine. He seemed to take the hint, the speed and pressure building until she was panting. She felt another fingertip touch her, carefully pressing into her sex, and she moaned. The digit slid in easily, and the feeling of being stretched made her clench. She felt the pressure start in her lower belly at the combined stimulation, and she murmured his name.

Dimly, she heard something beep and she nearly swore when he lifted his head, though his finger continued to glide in and out of her wet heat. He was watching her when her eyes opened.

"Time's up. Did you want to try again?" he rumbled, and she found herself nodding, eager to have his head between her thighs again. He hit the reset button with his free hand and she nearly yelped when he tilted her chair back a little, her stomach jumping just before his mouth was on her. His tongue resumed teasing the sensitive nub, and his finger started probing deeper, each stroke driving the breath from her lungs.

After a few minutes, the heat and tension in her abdomen began to build again and she let out a whimper. The finger inside her began to curl periodically, and each motion made her legs twitch at the little burst of pleasure, her hands gripping the armrests on the chair almost painfully hard. She heard the timer go off again, and she felt a wave of dismay when he raised up again.

"Please, honey, don't stop," she begged, the ache almost unbearable, and she felt a surge of relief when he rushed to hit the button again and went straight back to what he'd been doing, hunger clear in his gaze in the moment before his tongue was on her clit again. The build up started almost immediately this time, and she whimpered when she finally felt herself on the edge of her peak. He let out a noise that almost sounded like a growl, and she went over, clenching hard around the finger buried inside her as the pulses of ecstasy emanated from her core.

She tried to slow her breathing for a moment before giving up, opting instead to glare down at the turian.

"Uncuff me," she demanded, and his expression fell as he rushed to comply.

"Was that too much? Did I hurt you?" He seemed anxious as the second cuff released her and she shoved him hard so that he ended up on his back, practically jumping on the big man so that she was straddling him there on the floor. His concern had shifted to a mix of arousal and curiosity by the time she settled on top of him.

"You didn't hurt me, I just think it's already time for that payback," she said lightly.

"If that's what we're doing…" He started to shift, and she knew he was about to try to flip them both. She used her biotics to pin his hands, and he looked to either side, dumbfounded for a beat before he grinned. "You had something else in mind, then?"

"Oh, honey, you have no idea…"


	73. Payback

Chapter 73

"Then give me an idea," he dared, and she laughed as she leaned down to press kisses along his mandible.

"Now you're the nosy one," she teased, her hands sliding up his chest slowly.

"Can you blame me right now?"

"Yes."

"Well...damn." He tilted his head away and she took it as an opportunity for her lips to tease their way down the side of his throat. He made an approving noise, and she nipped him once before she spoke.

"Just so we're clear, you _did_ start this."

"And now you're going to finish it?" he guessed, clearly amused.

"Well...I'm going to finish something," she said lightly, and he chuckled.

"Well, I'm enjoying it so far. Is competitive foreplay a thing? It feels like a thing."

"If it wasn't before, it is now." She cut his laugh short with another bite, and she ground her hips down against his. He let out a low rumble when he groaned, and she grinned.

"Woman…"

"What? You don't like teasing so much when it's you on the receiving end?" She sat up and shifted her weight back to make it easier to unfasten his pants.

"Trust me, not liking it is not my problem," he said darkly.

"Oh, yeah? Then what is?" she asked as she finished freeing his length from his pants.

"The problem is what I'm going to do to you when you let me up," he said, his words lacking conviction as her fingers wrapped around him lightly.

"What are you going to do to me, big guy?" She began to stroke him slowly and he let out a huff.

"Don't know yet," he muttered, arching into the touch a little, and she grinned.

"Aww, you can do better than that, honey. Don't you want to get me back for this?"

"Oh, damn it, Anya," he growled, and she paused, concerned that she may have pushed him too much.

"Do you want me to stop?"

"Don't you dare, just...touch me. You're driving me crazy. It's just dinner all over again. I'm fine." She tightened her hand around him as she continued to pump her hand up and down, and he moaned.

"God, watching you like this is so sexy," she murmured, enthralled. "No wonder you get off on this when I'm the one who can't move."

"I get off on a lot of things," he mumbled, not quite arguing.

"Like what?"

"I don't know. Spirits, everything. I like it when you're helpless. I like the way your breathing changes when I'm in control. I love how wet you get when I touch you. I love the way you say my name like it's one of the only words in the entire galaxy that matters," he rambled mindlessly, not quite thrusting into her hand. "All of it."

"Mmm, that's much better," she said, pleased. She shifted forward again and adjusted so that his tip was pressed to her entrance. "I feel like honesty deserves a reward, don't you?"

"Anya, please," he rasped, clearly at least trying to be still for her, and she bit her lip as she started to sink down on him, slowly but steadily. She felt her breath catch for a beat when he was finally hilted in her, and he let out a noise that made heat rush between her thighs again. She started to roll her hips against his, her pace almost leisurely as she rode him, and she grinned how quick he was to start moving with her.

"God, I could stay on you like this all night," she mused breathlessly, and he groaned.

"I wouldn't stop you," he panted after a beat. "Not that I could right now."

"Mmm, I don't plan on keeping you pinned forever. I love how you touch me. I think I cum harder when your hands are on me."

"If you let me loose, I'll touch you anywhere you want." She grinned at the strained offer.

"Is that what you want?"

"Spirits, yes. You're so soft and perfect." His voice was raw as she started to move faster. She leaned forward a little more, so it was easier to grind against him as she rode him, and she felt the tension in her lower belly start to build with each roll of her hips.

His breathing was ragged by the time she found her release, her eyes screwed shut as each wave of pleasure made her clench around him. She dimly registered the feeling of his hands on either of her hips, and she realized that her focus had likely slipped when her orgasm started. She found herself panting as she adjusted to his rhythm, his thrusts hard and fast. It wasn't long before he stiffened, arching into her hard as his hands tightened almost painfully on her flesh.

When he finally relaxed, she smoothed her hands down his front, looking down at him fondly. He met her gaze and chuckled ruefully.

"Something funny?"

"You're adorable when you're power-tripping," he said, and she feigned being scandalized.

"Power-tripping? That's what you think that was?"

"Oh, definitely. What else would you call it when you're picking on somebody with no biotics?" he teased as he sat up, pulling her in close.

"Then what do you call it when you pick on me?"

"Ah...damn. Also power-tripping, I guess." She snorted at that.

"At least you're honest."

"One of my many charms."

"You are such an ass," she said, shaking her head.

"Hey, you pinned me this time, I don't know what you want from me."

"Mmm, I already got what I wanted from you."

"Is that so?" He was grinning now.

"Mhmm. You were there."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah," she was struggling not to laugh.

"Well, what if I didn't get everything I wanted from you?" he growled.

"I suppose that depends on what you plan to do about it," she dared, and he kissed her once.

"I have half a mind to give you a taste of your own medicine," he threatened, and she laughed.

"Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no. This was payback for what you started by being a tease. You can't get payback for something that only happened as a result of what you did," she argued good-naturedly, and he chuckled, kissing her once. "Seriously, though, was that okay? I know I'm not normally...like that when we fool around. Did I overdo it?"

"Spirits, no. It was a nice change of pace. Maybe warn me a little ahead of time if you want to be the dominant one again, but outside of that? Perfect. I enjoyed it. You're more than welcome to do it again."

"Okay, good. I was worried I was pushing too much, especially at the beginning," she confessed, and he shook his head.

"You didn't overdo anything, sweetie. I thought it was sexy. I didn't realize you had that much control over your biotics."

"Oh, that part is easy. I could keep you pinned all night without hurting you as long as I stayed awake. Little fields like that don't require a lot of focus or power."

"That explains why you slipped there at the end," he murmured thoughtfully, and she felt her cheeks heat.

"Pretty much. Even that little bit of focus goes out the window eventually when it comes to you."

"I'm not complaining. I still plan on getting you back for that."

She pretended to scowl at him and he grinned, unfazed. "You can't get payback for payback."

"Watch me," he rumbled playfully, glancing at the coffee table next to them, and she couldn't resist snorting.

"I don't know if that'll hold my weight, honey."

"Nothing in this apartment is cheap, I'd put money on it being more than sturdy enough. You're nowhere near as heavy as you seem to think you are."

"I'm still heavier than I look, though. Cerberus's repairs added nearly twenty pounds," she reminded him, and he shrugged.

"It doesn't show, and I honestly can't tell. Do you want to try? If it seems like it can't handle it, you can get off right away."

"Alright, I will try. You're paying for it if it breaks, though."

"Deal," he agreed immediately, and she laughed at his enthusiasm. She slowly lifted herself up and off of him, offering a hand to help him up. He took it, though he didn't seem to pull hard as he rose to his feet easily.

"So, what did you have in mind?"

"Well, first…" He pulled her in for a kiss. His arms encircled her easily, and she found herself smiling against his mouth when she felt his hands on her back, one hand pinching the fabric of her dress to hold it in place, the other carefully pulling her zipper down. She slid the wide straps to the side and let her dress fall to the ground.

"Need help with the next part?" she murmured and he shook his head.

"I think I've got it, just give me a second." She could feel him almost get it before she spoke up.

"Same motion, about three quarters of an inch to my left."

"Thank you." She felt the clasp give this time, and she nearly laughed at how pleased he seemed with himself.

"You're welcome. So, now what?"

"You want to lay on the table while I get mine off?"

"Alright, but hurry. I'll end up playing by myself if you aren't quick," she warned, and he paused at that.

"If that's your idea of a threat...it's perfect. I am just...so intimidated. The only thing that could make it better is if you followed through while I watched."

"Mmm, now you're giving me ideas."

"Oh?" he asked as he dropped his shirt to the floor.

"Just imagine, you pinned again while I touch myself right in front of you…. I think it could be hot."

"I...am willing to make that sacrifice. For your benefit. Should I put it in my calendar? I'll do it now. I don't mind."

"Mmm, I'll warn you beforehand, but please don't put me touching myself in your calendar. Ever," she said as she sat on the edge of the table, careful to put her weight on it gradually. She laid back once she was sure it wouldn't buckle. It felt cool against her skin, and she glanced at him as he slid his pants the rest of the way down and stepped out of them. He sank to his knees and tugged hers apart, shifting until he was between her thighs.

"Just don't forget. I know I won't."

"I won't," she promised with a laugh. "For now, though…" 

She scooted down a little more so that he was pressed against her entrance again and he arched so that he started to slide in. She let out a contented sigh at the familiar feeling as he hilted himself in her easily.

"Spirits, yes," he muttered, almost as if to himself, just before he started to move. His thrusts were slow but deep, and she let her eyes drift shut for a few long moments. When she roused herself enough to look up again, she smiled at the adoring expression on the turian's face. She reached for him and he leaned down, his weight now resting on an elbow while his other hand lingered at her waist. She kissed him, her lips unhurried as he kept steadily pumping his hips.

"Is this your idea of payback?" she couldn't resist teasing, and he chuckled.

"No. I need more time to plan. This is just...enjoying being inside you."

"It does feel pretty incredible," she whispered softly, her mouth meeting his again, and this time, he started grinding at the peak of each thrust as they moved together. She moaned, and she felt her nails dig into his shoulders when his tongue darted out to tangle with hers.

"Every time with you is incredible," he murmured, and she let out a hum of agreement before pulling his forehead down to meet hers. His free hand slowly ran up her body until his hand reached the nape of her neck, holding her in place gently.

"Every moment with you is incredible," she breathed as the pressure started to build.

"That's because we're incredible together. I called you the love of my life because it's true, Anya. You are...beyond perfect for me," he managed, his pace picking up a little.

"Oh, God, don't stop," she panted, clinging to him. He kept moving, the timing of his thrusts steady.

"I feel at peace when I'm with you," he ground out, "and I feel like I can always be myself. I know my heart is safe with you, and I would do anything to protect yours."

"Garrus…" she whimpered, teetering on the edge.

"Spirits, I love it when you say my name," he rumbled, and she let out a desperate sound as the ecstatic throbbing started. He groaned and buried his face in her throat, his thrusts becoming erratic as her orgasm faded.

"God, honey, I want you to cum so badly," she whispered in his ear, and he made a muffled noise.

"I'm close," he panted, and her hands found their way to his fringe. He let out a sound that was almost a growl as he his length slid home a few more times before he went rigid, clearly reaching his end. They both stayed like that for a long moment, waiting for their breathing to slow before he lifted himself up a little, affectionately murmuring, "You're going to be the death of me."

"Mmm, in my defense, we've already accepted that we're going to die in bed together," she joked, and he laughed.

"I remember." His hand shifted so that he was cradling her cheek, and she felt her heart speed up again at the adoring look in his eyes.

"Tonight's been amazing."

"It has," he agreed as she turned her head enough to kiss his palm.

"Are you ready to go to bed?"

"If that's what you want. I love being close to you."

"Are you not tired?" she asked breathlessly.

"Oh, trust me, between all that food and the last hour? Absolutely. You have successfully worn me out." He pulled out gingerly.

"Do I get a prize for that?"

"Do...you consider me holding you until we fall asleep a prize?"

"As a matter of fact, yes, I do," she murmured.

"Then do I have the perfect prize in mind…"


	74. Joyride

Chapter 74

Anya fell backwards onto the couch gracelessly with a huff and a grimace. Garrus poked his head around the corner, clearly pleased to see her.

"Hey, sweetie. Everything okay?"

"'M fine," she grumbled tiredly. "When did you get back in?"

"I think you were finishing up in the shower when I got back. Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'll live. Just overdid it today."

"What happened?" he asked, taking a few steps closer, concern still clear on his face.

"Started out my day talking C-Sec out of putting Grunt lock-up. Public intoxication and destruction of...lots of property, if you're wondering."

"Oh, spirits, what happened? I thought he was still healing up from everything that happened on Utukku?"

"Yeah, he got tired of it," Anya supplied, as if that explained everything.

"He...got tired of healing?"

"Well, he got tired of lounging around the hospital. So, apparently somebody had the bright idea to break him out."

"It's...a hospital. Why didn't he just...sign himself out?" Garrus seemed bewildered.

"Hell if I know."

"How did that turn into...that?"

"Well, the...sort of jailbreak failed, hard. They tried to lower him down out of a  _ window _ by a  _ rope _ like a bunch of morons and...the rope...broke," she explained, trying not to laugh.

"How...far did he fall?"

"That part is unclear, but Grunt said it was only a couple of stories, so he's fine."

"Nothing about that sounds fine," Garrus said with a chuckle.

"Oh, it's not over."

"Oh, no…"

"Oh, yeah. So, he and his boys were having themselves a good old time partying it up at the krogan statue, I assume celebrating Grunt's liberation, which is where the situation became infused with copious amounts of ryncol," she continued.

"How much worse is this going to get?"

"You'll find out. So, C-Sec shows up to give them a warning and make them disperse, and Grunt has the bright idea to lob one of his evidently numerous bottles at the shuttle that C-Sec brought. Then, he set. It. On. Fire."

"Please tell me that's the end of the story." Disbelief was clear on the turian's face.

"It's not. The pilot jumped out-"

"Someone was still inside the shuttle?!"

"He emerged uninjured, thankfully, but yes. I assume at this point that the other officer or officers were busy checking on the pilot when Grunt then stole the shuttle he'd literally just set on fire and took it for a joyride," Anya said with a laugh.

"He didn't."

"But he did. Made it far just enough to crash this stolen, burning shuttle into a food stand, where C-Sec finally caught up to him  _ while he was buying noodles. _ "

"Why was he buying noodles?" Garrus asked, incredulous.

"Says he was hungry, and the place he crashed into sold noodles."

"Of course."

"After he was arrested, he dropped my name to avoid being sent to the brig, so now I'm paying for a percentage of the damages until he sobers up enough to remember how to log into his account to pay me back and pay off the rest," she said with a scowl.

"How much money are we talking about?"

"Enough that if I don't see a pending transfer by the end of tomorrow, I'm calling Wrex so that he can beat Grunt's ass for me."

"If it's that much, would it have been better to let him get arrested so that he could sober up somewhere that he couldn't do anymore damage?" he hedged with a wince.

"Probably," she admitted. "I couldn't do that, though. I am technically his battlemaster, so his...absolute idiocy is partly my responsibility, and he did show up to help when we were dealing with the insanity with my clone. Whether we like it or not, he's one of ours."

"Well, I can't argue with that part. If he didn't hate turians so much, I'd say he was an alright kid."

"I mean, he likes you?" she offered hesitantly, and he scoffed.

"He tolerates me, and only because I'm a good shot who happens to be close to you."

"I'm sorry, honey."

"It's fine, sweetie. At least he hasn't tried to spoon feed me any nonsense about how he hates my people, but I'm 'one of the good ones.'" She groaned at the motion that accompanied his words.

"That's true, but please, no air quotes. You're going to give me flashbacks to all the times I wish I'd decked the turian Councilor," she grumbled, and he snickered before feigning seriousness.

"Ah, 'Reapers,' we have dismissed that claim." He did his best impression of the older man, and she let out an aggravated noise.

"You are such an ass."

"If it makes you feel better, my parents say that Sparatus was a conniving, naysaying jackass when he was younger, too."

"Why am I not surprised?" She let her head fall back and her eyes closed for a beat. She heard footsteps, and she peeked just long enough to see him making his way over to the couch. She didn't start when he settled next to her, instead opting to let him pull her in close and leaning against his shoulder.

"Because some people are born asholes, and they're meant to die assholes?" he offered helpfully, and she snorted.

"Fair enough."

"So, what else did you do today?"

"Well, after all that mess was over, I hit the combat simulator with Jack," she murmured, pulling her legs up to curl up more fully at his side, and he shifted so that he was all but cradling her against him.

"You guys stay in there too long?"

"No, that part was more or less fine. It was fun. She  _ still _ wants to know what the line was that got you into bed with me," she said with a sigh.

"And I assume we're still not telling her?"

"That is correct."

"How long are you keeping it up?" he asked with a chuckle.

"I dunno. At least another day. Anyway, after that was done, James came by. That was where I really fucked up. Ended up doing pull-ups until I couldn't, and now my arms feel like the limpest, most overcooked noodles I've ever had the displeasure of dealing with."

"Why so many?"

"Well, Vega said his record was one eighty-three, so of course I said I could beat it," she groaned.

"Did you?"

"What kind of question is that? Of course I did. Only one eighty-five, but still. Mind you, I was struggling to lift my shampoo bottle in the shower after he left, so it came with a price, but I don't lose often, and I'm sure as hell not losing to the lieutenant."

"That's my girl. He's got to remember his place," Garrus agreed, his shoulders shaking with silent laughter.

"Oh, hush, I heard you two swapping stories. I'm sure as hell not the only one with a competitive streak."

"He brings it out in us. We're never like that if he's not around," he said blithely.

"That's not even close to accurate," she argued with a grin, "I haven't forgotten last night."

"Are you really in the best shape to be debating with me right now?" he teased.

"Please, I'll take you."

"If you were in less pain I'd be willing to take you up on it. Think you'll be healed up by tomorrow?"

"Probably. These nanites are kind of amazing at upping how fast I heal," she murmured. "Why?"

"Well, I did still want to do that thing that I was planning before...the fish tank incident happened."

"You fall through some shit one time…" she muttered with a scowl.

"I know, sweetie," he said with a chuckle. "So, still game for the less formal surprise?"

"Absolutely. Is there anything you need me to do to help?" she offered.

"Not a thing. Just...we need to sleep here tonight. Away from the Normandy."

"Do we, now?" She raised up to look at him, an eyebrow raised, and he looked away.

"Yep."

"Why do we need to sleep here, honey?"

"No reason," he said, a little too quickly.

"Uh-huh. You're lucky I'm too tired to walk up there today. Or early tomorrow. Or maybe late tomorrow. How long do I need to avoid going on the ship?"

"Thank you, and did we want to meet up around ten? We can go to the ship afterwards."

"Ooh, I can sleep in a little? I do like the sound of that..." she mused, and he laughed.

"You absolutely can. Barring Grunt getting arrested again. I don't know what to tell you if he gets into a few bottles of ryncol again."

"If he gets in trouble tomorrow, I'm letting him sober up in the drunk tank for a few hours. Once is an accident, twice is trying to set a precedent."

"I don't...think you...can accidentally set fire to a C-Sec shuttle, then joyride it, while it's still on fire, into a noodle stand," he reasoned.

"I meant getting that drunk. The rest of it is just...terrible decision making."

"And that's coming from  _ you _ ."

"Ass," she said with a laugh.

"Still an ass that always has your six."

"You can't keep saying that like it pardons you being an ass. It's not a get out of jail free card."

He made an incredulous sound. "Since when?"


End file.
